I thought we were the same.
I remember when I saw you talking with Gaius, after your nightmares started getting worse, and the sleeping mixture stopped working. I stood at the door, peeking through the cracks, and heard one phrase louder than the others. "I think it's magic." And then that night, again, after you couldn't sleep; "I think it's magic." I didn't think. I knew. And I longed to tell you that I understood, that I could help you, but Gaius told me not to. As I look back now, I wonder if maybe I had ignored his advice and told you about my magic, if things would have been… If I could have stopped...
I thought we were two of a kind.
Once I knew, for certain, that you had magic, I rejoiced! I figured that you felt the same as I did: honor-bound to do all I could for the good of the kingdom, to protect those you love. Obviously I was wrong. And while I do understand that, in many ways, we drove you to it, I don't believe that you have any excuse to do what you did. We are –were- you friends, Morgana! More than friends; we were your family! No matter what we did, we loved you, and we thought you felt the same. I would never be able to hurt my family for my own gain. I guess we're not as alike as I thought.
I thought I could save you.
Or maybe I wished I could. I had to believe that somewhere, under that cold, hardened exterior, was the Morgana who had been close to Gwen, a sister to Arthur, a… friend… to me. The Morgana who rode to my home to help save the ones I loved, even though she had no obligation to do so. And I still believe that she is in you, somewhere. The thing is, she is buried to deep under your hate and anger that I can't find her, and bring her out. I'm not sure anyone can.
I thought I could love you.
You were beautiful. And smart. And funny. And loved, fiercely. You didn't stand for injustice, and were willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. And, on top of it all, you had magic. If anyone could understand me, I was sure it was you. I won't go so far to say that I was in love with you; I mean, sure, I loved you, as one loves a good friend, but you were Morgana, the king's ward, and besides obvious status problems, you were far out of my league. I was just… Merlin. But I won't lie; near the end, before everything crumbled, I allowed myself to see just a glimmer of hope. That maybe, someday, we could be in love.
I thought so many things.
I was wrong about so many things.