Lying is kind of like telling the truth

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

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"So let me get this straight… you're telling me, to go out there" whilst saying this, pointing occurs, "and talk some sense into those?" a confident nod is my answer.

"And why can't anyone else do it?"

"Are you questioning your Brigade leader's command?"

"No, I'm wondering what your reasoning is for choosing me for such an obviously important mission?"

"Despite your lack of previously successful results, I have decided that you should be given a second chance, now get your ass moving Kyon!"

"Although I appreciate the offer I'm going to have to decline, since I'm unsure of whether or not I'll be able to succeed and the potential risk this failure might lead to for the Brigade."

"What are you talking about? Even if you fail the rest of the SOS Brigade will still be safe in here, while providing you moral support."

"So you're saying you're just going to stay in here," – once more pointing occurs – "while I go out there?"

"Yup!" there comes that million watt smile again, I wonder how she's able to smile like that considering the situation, as I reluctantly – very much so – begin to move away from the window and towards the very – I can't stress this enough – foreboding door.

"Suzumiya seems quite confident with your ability to solve the situation." Koizumi, your face is to close, get lost!

"Really? I'm pretty sure she just enjoys seeing me in pain."

"I don't believe she would give you such a task without having faith in your success."

"Why the hell would she have faith in me in this situation, I'm certain you're the one most suited for it, you go out and talk with them."

"Unfortunately I can not, since Suzumiya has already appointed you to this task." You never stop smiling do you? "Good luck."

Despite knowing the pointlessness of such an act, I turn to the rest of the clubroom searching for some sort of escape route from Haruhi's orders.

Nagato is reading, in a way that makes me a bit calmer – if she was reading it meant that the world probably wouldn't end, for at least a couple more hours.

Asahina was fidgeting with her back against the wall looking like she was still uncertain about what was happening, which is not really unlikely considering her usual state of ignorance in matters like these.

Of course Koizumi's just smiling, making me feel the need to punch him in the face, and Haruhi is glaring at me.

"Get moving already!" I wonder if I can place a complaint to some sort of workers association about this? I doubt it.

I sigh. I guess there's no escape from this.

I open the door.

"Umm… what seems to be the problem?" the cold eyes of adults greet me. Well I guess I should bend the truth a little – actually a lot – to make it seem like this was not at all a club that blackmailed their children into giving us computers, that the girls dressing up in bunny costume and handing out flyers was a severe misunderstanding, and that if all of this failed – which was likely to happen – to tell them to look at the UFO and then run in the opposite direction, hoping that the head start was enough and that they were to old to be able to keep up.

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Alternative ending:

I open the door.

"Umm… could you guys… not eat our brains?" the zombies didn't really listen. Figures. Well, I guess it was worth a shot.