I'd like to feel it.
I'd like to feel the pain.
I'd like to feel the sharp pain of the knife piercing thru my chest.
The satisfaction of knowing I'll never have to see your face again.
Never have to see the pain and disgusted expressions I caused you.
Words cannot describe how sorry I am.
If only I hadn't told you know I'd felt…then maybe you'd still be here.
I never got to feel your gentle and calming embrace.
I never got to even feel the happiness and joy of requited love.
All I wanted was for you to hold me tight and tell me it will all be alright.
But…You love her…
She got to feel the warmth in her chest as you told her you loved her a thousand times.
What do I get?
Nothing but a cold stare.
I feel no hatred towards you…
No, I could never.
I don't blame you for picking her instead of me…
She was smarter.
Prettier.
More Confident.
Better.
She is everything I wanted to be.
Finally, my escape is near.
I can finally feel.
Finally I know that it's real.
As I sit on the cold bathroom floor all alone and bled out.
I feel a small shimmer of hope that you will come as my knight in shining armor but I know it will never happen.
You're with her right now…she's more important anyway.
I wonder how you'll feel when you see my dead lifeless body on the floor…
Will you mourn my death? Probably not
Will you be angry? I'm not worth the effort
Will you be overjoyed to find I'm gone and never coming back? You should be I've taken out the trash for you.
Will you even care? Why would you….?
I turn my head to gaze at your picture in the shattered frame on the floor next to me.
As I heaved my last breath I felt my heart fill to the brim with happiness because this is the end.
No more sorrow.
No more pain.
Just an endless dream where you and I can be together forever.
You and I for all eternity.
I shall love you forever and never forget you.
I love you Sesshomaru, forever and always