A/N So basically I got the idea for this story after seeing a picture on tumblr of The Avengers turned into babies.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, I don't own (which is practically everything).
Avenger Babies
The Avengers were currently in the meeting room discussing the capture of Loki and the tesseract. Ideas were thrown back and forth but each was dismissed by Thor who claimed to have a better understanding of Loki than anyone in the room. (Although Natasha Romanoff had rebutted this idea by pointing out that they weren't actually brothers)
"The point still stands that we have no idea what Loki is planning. He won't tell us anything." Steve Rogers said.
"I could always persuade him." Natasha said darkly, cracking her knuckles.
Bruce Banner, ever the voice of reason, was quick to intervene. "Maybe we should give him some time. He might feel like spilling the beans another day."
Steve stared blankly at him. "What beans?"
Tony Stark snorted whilst Bruce gently explained the expression he had used to the clueless Captain America who didn't understand. He wasn't exactly familiar with the language of the present day, considering not a long while ago he had been frozen in ice from the war.
Tony downed another scotch whilst Steve shook his head and sighed in contempt. Tony turned to face him. "Do you have a problem?"
Steve held his hands up in a mock surrender. "Of course not." But for good measure under his breath he muttered, "Ass."
Tony slammed his drink onto the table and stood abruptly. Natasha followed suit and ordered him back into his seat, not wanting yet another fight to break out between the Captain and Iron Man.
"Why don't you just take your shield and stick it up your-" But Tony was cut off by Nick Fury entering the room with Clint Barton.
"Hey Baldy." Tony greeted Fury who glared at him with his one eye, the other obscured by the dark patch as usual.
"Uh oh." Tony muttered. "He's giving me the evil eye. Get it? Not eyes. Just eye. Cause he only has one." He looked around hoping to get a laugh out of someone but everyone just shook their heads or raised their eyes to the heavens.
Fury forced a smile. "Very funny Mr Stark," He said in a tone that made it clear that Tony should shut up or face the consequences."With the info Barton has supplied us with, we have begun to make sense of Loki's plan but we still need to get him to spill."
"The beans." Steve said, quite proudly as he had grasped the expression after a small explanation from Bruce.
Fury raised an eyebrow and swept out of the room, with a sign saying 'kick me' on his back, curtesy of Loki and his mischievous ways.
XxxxxX
Later that day, the avengers sat in the small games room in the west wing of S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters in New York.
After a long, tiring day featuring the pointless interrogation of the arrogant god of mischief and lies it was pretty obvious they were not going to receive any new information so they retired for the evening; opting to occupy the games room and relax.
"Do you realise how many people kicked Director Fury today?" Natasha mused whilst bashing Clint to a pulp at super mario brothers wii.
"You gotta admit that was pretty funny Nat." Tony chuckled, reclining in his seat with a beer.
Natasha scowled at his nickname for her and continued punching buttons into the remote at a frankly alarming speed, leaving Clint puzzled at how he ended up in the lava at Bowser's Castle for the twelfth time in a row.
Steve was sitting slightly lonely in the corner so Thor staggered over to him and slapped him on the shoulder, nearly knocking him to the floor.
"Say Rogers. Fancy a drinking contest? I must warn you though, I am a god."
Steve smiled politely. "I'm afraid I can't get drunk. It's part of the experiment on me and the whole super-human thing."
Thor stared at him in wonder. "Well now we must hold the contest after such interesting information." He walked over to the bar and grabbed a very large handful of drinks.
Steve was about to decline but hesitated when he saw everyone staring at him in interest. "Alright fine."
Tony clapped his hands in glee and poured the drinks into large beer mugs. "Three. Two. One. Go!"
The two men instantly chugged down their drinks and when they finished them, Tony was quick to refill their glasses.
Soon enough, it got a little boring. Thor was handling his liquor well whilst it seemed Steve was right. He simply couldn't get drunk.
Everyone gradually lost interest and continued what they were doing before their attention was turned to the drinking contest.
Bruce shook his head slightly and continued reading but looked up as he heard a distant thud. His ears pricked up but when no other sound reached them, he quickly relaxed again.
Clint groaned and threw down his remote in protest at his death in the mario game. "How do you keep doing this?"
Natasha grinned and tapped her nose. "Secrets."
Clint huffed and left to check on Thor and Steve. They were still drinking and Tony looked like he was about to collapse in exhaustion.
Natasha peered closely at Thor. "He's drunk. You can see it in his eyes."
Thor turned his gaze to her and glared slightly, still gulping down large amounts of alcohol. Steve looked no different than he normally did. Still sober. Still bored.
After a few minutes trickled by Thor suddenly threw his mug to the floor. "You win." He slurred and promptly fell into Bruce's arms who had come to see the outcome of the contest.
He quickly pushed the god onto the sofa and brushed invisible specks of dust off his suit.
Natasha yawned slightly. "Time to turn in wouldn't you say?"
Everyone agreed (except Tony who tried to rally up another drinking contest).
They prepared to leave and return to their rooms but stopped quickly as Natasha and Clint suddenly doubled over and began coughing violently.
Everyone ran to them and helped them onto the sofa where Thor had just woken up-newly sober.
Just as Natasha slumped down onto Clint and fell into an unconscious slumber, Tony started coughing too.
"Whats happening?" Asked Thor worriedly.
Bruce shook his head. "I think it's a gas that's been released in the room. Probably to knock us out."
"But why are we not affected?" Steve wondered.
"Because none of us are really human. Think about it. The god, the superhuman and... the hulk." Bruce whispered.
The three men glanced at Natasha, Clint and Tony who were resting peacefully on the couch.
Steve grimaced. "Uh oh."
"What?" Thor asked.
Steve started to speak but burst into a coughing fit. Thor and Bruce stared at him and realised the gas would soon take them too.
Steve collapsed onto the floor and made no indication of movement other than the slow rise and fall of his chest.
"How long have we got?" Thor said.
Bruce thought for a moment. "I don't know."
They remained in silence, waiting for the inevitable and soon enough, Thor gave a small cough. Unlike the others, he was a god and it took a long time for him to fall asleep.
Bruce was quite the same. As soon as he felt his eyelids drooping, he tried in vain to stay awake. But soon he succumbed to sleep but not before he caught a glimpse of Loki's face, grinning in the darkness.
XxxxxX
Nick Fury stomped along the corridors to the games room after tearing that wretched note off his back.
Agent Coulson hurried along behind him, struggling to keep up with the older man's pace.
Fury threw the door to the games room open to be greeted by silence. He frowned and crossed his arms tightly.
"Where are they sir?" Coulson asked, glancing around curiously.
"Do you think I know?" Fury snapped. He skirted round the room, searching for any indication as to where the superheroes had got to. When he found none he decided to search their rooms and made to leave but jumped at a sudden pressure on his leg.
He looked down to see a very young girl clinging onto him. She looked up and smiled, flashing her teeth. Fury's eyes widened as he realised he was staring at Natasha, but just a few decades younger.
Baby Natasha gurgled and kicked his leg slightly. She giggled and crawled off to go to the window. There, chewing the curtain, was Baby Bruce, peering around worriedly as if something might happen.
Fury and Coulson blinked and decided that it must be a dream. But when a tiny arrow hit him, he realised that Baby Clint had shot at him and it was no mirage.
Suddenly Baby Tony strutted in, stumbling over his feet slightly, followed by a small, hunched Baby Steve. "Where's Thwor? I wanna fight him." Tony asked.
Right on cue, Baby Thor stomped in, clutching a small plastic hammer in his hands. "Hungryyyyyyyyyyy!" He bellowed, whacking Bruce over the head with his weapon.
Bruce burst into tears and started to turn green.
"Uh oh." Natasha whispered, kicking Clint repeatedly in the shin.
Bruce's skin transformed into a darkish green and he stood up to full height (not very tall) and roared pathetically.
Thor tilted his head. "Foooooood." He whined.
Tony pushed him. "Shut up Thwor. Too loud!"
Steve sucked his thumb and tried to toddle off but Clint grabbed him. "Playtime!"
They all turned to Fury and Coulson who were as still as statues. "Play." Tony said and the two men ran out of the room, pinching themselves in an attempt to 'wake up'.
Natasha whimpered and pulled out her my little pony doll from under the sofa. "My wittle pony!" She sang whilst dancing with the doll, dragging Clint along with her.
Tony and Thor pushed each other around whilst Steve sat hunched in a corner, watching the scene with sorrow.
And Bruce? He ran around the room, destroying everything in his way.
Thor started bashing Tony's head with his hammer whilst Clint fired arrows at him with his tiny quiver.
Steve sulked and moped around but soon cheered up when Natasha invited him to her tea party. He got to dress up after all!
Soon, the baby avengers became sleepy but as there was no-one to put them to bed, they had a little problem.
"Who smelly?" Thor asked, pinching his nose.
Tony pointed to Steve. "Him. Wet himself."
They all burst out laughing but Steve started to cry. Tony jeered at him and cried out, "Baby!" at every chance he got.
Meanwhile, Natasha had dragged out some pillows and blankets to sleep on. Everyone made themselves comfy but Tony hogged a bunch of pillows and used them as a fortress.
Natasha quickly punched him and took back his 'castle'.
Soon, they started to drift off when they started coughing. First Clint, then Natasha, then Tony, then Steve, then Thor and finally Bruce.
XxxxxX
"What happened?" groaned Steve, clutching at his head like if he held it hard enough his headache would stop.
Natasha picked herself up off the floor and stumbled slightly, into Clint's arms.
Tony groaned and held out a hand to help Bruce up. Thor looked around, slightly dazed but looking better than the others.
Bruce told everyone to sit down as it would make them feel better. "Loki."
"Shock." Tony said flatly, pouring himself a drink.
"But why would he change us all into babies?" Natasha asked, massaging a small bruise on her head, courtesy of Steve whacking her with a my little pony doll whilst they were in their infant forms.
"For fun Miss Romanoff." A voice whispered in her ear. Everyone gasped and stared at Loki reproachfully.
The God of Mischief took a small bow and disappeared.
The Avengers sighed and readied themselves for the task of explaining the situation to Fury. The baby bit and how Loki had escaped once more.
They all traipsed out of the room, deciding not to tell Steve he still had makeup on his face from his tea session with Natasha.