A/N: I'm so sorry. I couldn't resist. I don't own anything. Have a good day!

The Adventures Of The Doctor, As Written By Someone Who Has Never Seen The Show

by MiscellaneousSoup

Majestically, the Tardis flew around the cosmos, randomly teleporting across time and space. The Doctor sat in a chair, accompanied by his companion, Clara. Companions are people who travel with the Doctor for some reason.

"So, Doctor," Clara said, "What should we do today?"

The Doctor grinned. "What we do every day, Clara! Travel through time and space!" He activated a set of controls on the Tardis, sending them to a crime-ridden New York, right during a nasty gang war. Smiling, the two adventurers exited the Tardis.

"Hey, who's this guy?" One of the mobsters said. "Jimmy, Matthias! Plug him!"

The criminals immediately started firing machine guns at them, only for the Doctor and Clara to teleport away. Five minutes ago, the Doctor returned, randomly with a police officer.

"You're under arrest, I guess." The police officer procured several handcuffs.

"HA!" The Doctor yelled. "I can time travel, so you can't hurt me! EAT IT!" He walked back to the Tardis, and immediately tripped over a corpse. "OW, I got a paper cut!"

Clara ran into the Tardis, pressing a button. "Quick, get in!"

The Doctor stumbled in, his leg twitching. "How did I even get a paper cut? There was no paper around! Wait, I'm regenerating!" He fell to the ground, twitching and groaning. As Clara helped him into the Tardis, a cocoon of glowing energy surrounded him.

As soon as the cocoon slowly faded, the Doctor looked completely different. He was wearing a green suit and a bowler hat, with red hair and question marks covering his clothing. "What's this? I look like a stupid villain!" Grumbling, he whacked himself in the knee with a random plank of wood. "OW! Regenerating again…"

After several more attempts, the Doctor was now a toddler. He shrugged his tiny shoulders. "Eh, good enough. I can't lift my sonic screwdriver, sadly. Say, why do I still have the voice of an adult?"

Clara looked through a manual. "No idea! Hey, look! It's a dinosaur rampaging through New Jersey!"

Nibbling on his pacifier, the Doctor rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's New Jersey. Who cares?"

Clara searched through a list of various time emergencies. "A tornado's wreaking havoc in Kansas. How about that?" He nodded, so they went to Kansas, circa 1939.

The Doctor lazily flicked his sonic screwdriver, immediately making the tornado go away. "That was too easy. We can travel through time, let's organize the world's most impressive party!"

ONE IMPRESSIVE PARTY LATER

The Doctor, now a wizened man in his nineties, groaned. "Wow, that was one great party! I've never seen William Taft that drunk!"

Clara sipped a martini. "Wasn't it exciting when Genghis Khan and the Master invaded the party? We stopped them with the combined forces of Batman, Sherlock Holmes, Jim Henson, Billy West, and an inanimate carbon rod!"

The Doctor nodded. "It was so hard to regenerate seventeen times over. Hey, wait, a moment! Batman is a fictional character! How could we meet him?"

"Well, we did meet Satan." Claire said. "A simple Google search found that out."

Suddenly, a Dalek burst into the room. "Exterminate. Exterminate."

With one flick of the screwdriver, it burst into flame, destroying half of the Tardis. The Doctor examined the destruction with watery, crusty eyes. "Well, poop. Claire, could you- CLAIRE!" Claire was dead, impaled by a portion of the Dalek's shattered body.

Quickly, the Doctor went back in time. "Hi, Claire!"

Claire waved. "Hi, Doctor!"

"Listen, Claire, you get a day off. I'll drop you off in some other galaxy for a fun vacation."

Claire immediately started searching through brochures. "Thanks! Have a great day!"

The Doctor beamed. "Isn't time travel awesome? Hey, wait a minute. I don't think I'm supposed to be able to regenerate over a certain number of times. ACK-" The Doctor died of a heart attack.

Claire would move to Alabama and live a long and happy life. The Doctor's corpse was spit upon and kicked by the other Doctors. William Taft continued to get drunk, until he got stuck in a bathtub. MiscellaneousSoup received 1,000,000,000,000,000 angry reviews for his idiocy. Everything was as it should be.

THE END