A.N. This is my first published fanfic ( along with 10 things I should have done) so please be kind, reviews are greatly appriciated and any errors I will try to fix. Oh and in response to a review for the first part of this I did write this all by myself I just took the idea of points format. Thanks for reading and enjoy!!
P.S. Thanks for all the reviews for the first part!!
10 things I shouldn't have done.
1. I shouldn't have doubted you.
Whether you'd be there to catch me when I fell, whether you felt the same, whether you were right, whether everything would be alright at the end of the day.
2. I shouldn't have cared about what other people thought or said.
Listened to you not them instead, believed in myself and in my choices, decided I didn't care anyway, known that everything happens for a reason.
3. I shouldn't have walked away from the big issues.
Conversations about the future, discussions about us and our feelings, conferences making big decisions, choices I didn't want to make.
4. I shouldn't have argued so much.
Screamed less, thought more, rationalised the feelings which I couldn't control. Shown you I loved you, not hated you, instead.
5. I shouldn't have made some choices.
Taken different paths, choose other roads, walked different streets, changed more of them rather than me.
6. I shouldn't have called you all those names.
You were never a liar, a con-man, a bastard or a cheat. I just couldn't express my feelings how I wanted to.
7. I shouldn't have chosen him over you.
Waited for you, reached out to you, choose you instead. Taken the risk instead of playing it safe.
8. I shouldn't have idolised you as I did.
Pumped your ego, fuelled your cockiness, fed the inner beast. I put you on a pedestal- all you could do was fall.
9. I shouldn't have left you.
You needed me, but I saved myself- like you told me to. With your last request you sacrificed yourself for me, as you always did, and I am grateful. Doubt hangs over me and maybe I could have saved you too. But now it is too late.
10. I shouldn't have waited until now, your funeral, to tell you all these things.
Now all I can do is cry at your graveside. I shouldn't have waited, we could have been happy and maybe you'd still be here. You never knew the truth; you never knew how I felt, how I feel. And now you will never know. So here I am in tears at your grave, talking to a headstone and to what remains of you. And I leave you, for I have an existence to live. Filled with misery and regret. So I will tell you now what I meant to say, a million times and more but I never got my chance.
I loved you, I love you and I will love you, Jack, forever.