SATAN went to Professor Oak's to get a new Pokémon because he's ten now, but he didn't know Professor Oak was a kiddy fiddler. Professor Oak called him into his "Pokémon lab" and told him he could have one of his balls.
"I've got three balls here kid. That's because I'm from Norfolk."
"So I can have all of these, right?" said SATAN.
"No, just one - I need one for my grandson Asshat." said Oak.
"Screw Asshat, I want them all!" said SATAN, as he pulled an assault rifle out of his arse and sprayed the living crap out of Oak, taking his balls in the process.
SATAN was then outside of the lab because the plot demands it, and he opened the balls to see what was inside them.
The first one was Bulbasaur, so SATAN sent it out, and used his laser (equipped with the power of a thousand engines) to kill that son of a bitch, because let's face it, no fucker wants a Bulbasaur.
The next one was Squirtle, which SATAN kept because he could curry it.
The other ball had Charmander in it.
"Finally something worthwhile." said SATAN. "This thing has fire on it!".
SATAN walked up to some kid and called out Charmander. "Fight me now or I'll blast your family into oblivion!".
The kid sent out a weakling bug thing called Caterpie. Charmander used Flamethrower which killed that thing in a second. As the kid was picking bits of dead Caterpie off of his shorts, SATAN used his SUPER RAY BEAM to put the kid to sleep. SATAN took the kid's backpack and then smashed the fuck out of the kid's brains with a bowling ball to finish him off.