To celebrate/mourn Naruto's ending, I'm posting this.
This is based on Kishimoto's art in chapter 600-something-i-don't-care-to-look-up-right-now that most people associated with Lord of The Rings. I was reminded of generic MMORPGs because Sakura has too much leg and too little facial hair to be a dwarf. (Also, Naruto as Aragorn, you guys?)
In regards to genre, this will be mostly friendship/adventure/fantasy with some comedy thrown in for good measure. Pairings are the same as the epilogue, plus some others I like.
This thing has gaming speech, so I'll leave the meanings of some terms in the end of this chapter.
Anything written in bold is something that is being said in the game.
I'll use the terms "idiot" and "bastard" as replacement to the terms "dobe" and "teme" respectively.
Oh, and since we're here, I'd like to give a shout out to my good friend Avoiding Time, as she gave me quite a lot of ideas for this thing, and has sort of co-written this. If you can read in Portuguese, I'll happily redirect you to her stuff.
The machine emitted a soft beep, signaling that it had finally turned on, and the blonde did a little jig while sitting in his chair. He had been waiting for this moment all day and now, because his mother had "asked" him to do the dishes, he was late. He could already hear the bastard complaining… Well, Sasuke could stuff it; he didn't know what Kushina was like when she got angry.
Naruto put on his headphones and opened the program that would allow him to talk to his best friend living in the other side of the town. As soon as he logged in, a video conference message popped up on the screen.
"Idiot, you're late." The raven's voice came from the phones, sounding exactly like Naruto imagined it would.
"Hey, it's not my fault! Mum told me to do the dishes!" He shot back defensively.
"Whatever. Log in already; I've been killing mobs for over an hour."
"What?! You bastard, you started without me?!" Naruto shouted, clicking furiously on the icon to the greatest massive multiplayer online role-playing game ever: Legends of Konoha.
"Don't shout." Sasuke chastised him, and then sighed "It's not like I can stay here all night long like you do, I have to study later."
Naruto let out a mocking laugh, grinning as the loading screen appeared "You're the first in our class and your parents still won't leave you alone about grades."
"Hn, at least they haven't given up on my education."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" The blonde shook a fist in front of the webcam, and he was rewarded with the sight of his friend crossing his arms and shaking his head, as if impatient, though there was a smirk creeping on his face.
"Nevermind, idiot." There was a moment of silence, and then Sasuke looked up "Did you already log in? What's taking you so long?"
"Hey, give me a break, not everyone has a last generation computer." Naruto twitched, his hands closing in indignant fists as the loading bar filled up oh, so slowly.
"You really should get a new one; yours would only feel at home at a museum." The other smirked at his bad joke.
"Hahah, you're so funny." The boy rolled his eyes in exasperation, but then his face lit up "It loaded! Ok, let's do it!"
Sasuke made his characteristic 'hn' in agreement, and Naruto grinned when he saw his avatar appearing on the screen. The digital character grinned back at him, waving in greeting. He looked much like his owner, with blonde spiky hair, bright blue eyes, tanned skin and a smile larger than life. He was a level 53 human warrior and his name was, funnily enough, FishCakes. It hadn't been his idea; he wanted to name him something epic to put Sasuke's elven archer, BlackHawk, to shame, but leaving his computer unattended for two minutes was enough for his grandfather Jirayia to save the character with a name he found fitting. Naruto tried to delete the character and start all over, but then he would need to input his password again and he had conveniently forgotten it. Sasuke was already nagging him to hurry up because he didn't have much time left to help him level up, and so he had to stick with FishCakes.
It would probably surprise most people, but Sasuke was the one who had introduced the game to him. The Uchiha could look serious and focused on school matters in real life, but Naruto knew his true colors. Maybe because those games let him explore his competitive streak he liked them so much, but he digressed. When it came to Legends of Konoha, Sasuke could get scary.
"Where are you?" Naruto asked, double clicking on his character and waiting for the game screen appear.
"The square in the Mist Village, but we're going to the Land of Fire."
"Eh? What for? I'm all the way back in the Cloud."
"I've tracked a flaming rhinoceros in the area. We need to get the horn for your sword and the leather for my armor, remember?"
"Yeah, but…" The blonde furrowed his brows in deep thought "Why would there be a rhinoceros there? It doesn't make sense."
"The only time when you don't need to use logic you do." Sasuke smirked, causing his friend to fume. "I'm waiting for you in the Leaf, get a teleport and meet me at the gates."
"But I just got here yesterday! By foot!" Naruto complained.
"Sucks to be you." The other replied nonchalantly.
"B-but I have to pay!"
"Better check your wallet, then."
The boy slumped on his chair and marched his character to the Teleporting Stone, a small obelisk in the square of the town. Sasuke was a VIP player, so he could teleport for free, but Naruto had a standard account, and so he had to spend his hard earned ryuu, the game currency, on those fast travels. He had walked all the way to the Cloud Village just to finish a quest, and now the bastard was telling him to go back.
He clicked on the stone, and a window with the names of all the locations he could teleport to popped up on his screen. He selected the option to travel back to the Leaf Village, and tears nearly escaped his eyes when he saw his coin count dropping.
There was a flurry of leaves around his character, and suddenly he wasn't in the Cloud Village anymore. He had been spirited away to a quaint town (that looked much smaller than it actually was) surrounded by lush green forests on one side and towering mountains in the other. The architecture was reminiscent of medieval Europe through the eyes of someone who had lived in contemporary Japan for all their life and had not done any extensive research. That would be the closest term to a technical definition; Naruto just thought it looked nice, if a little odd.
Sasuke's voice suddenly blared from the headphones, somehow both blank and demanding at the same time "I'm here. Hurry up."
He huffed and pressed the 'W' button and FishCakes started moving forward, his pace upbeat, not matching at all the mood of his creator.
"I told you, I don't have much time." The raven explained, his brows knitted in concentration as he examined the screen, in search of something. "How many people did you add as contacts?"
"Uuuh…" Naruto opened his list of friends in the game and scrolled down the extensive list, sure it would take him quite a while to count all the names there. "A lot."
The other sighed and shook his head lightly.
"You don't even remember who most of them are, do you?"
"At least I don't ignore everyone who talks to me." The boy mumbled.
"I was going to see if we could get a group, but Insecto Incognito and Death By Sand are offline." Sasuke spoke so lowly it almost sounded like he was talking to himself "Is there anyone in your list we could invite?"
Naruto squinted at the window, searching for any recognizable nickname among the people who were online, but he wasn't having much success.
"That priest that keeps following you around?" his companion suggested.
"Huh? What priest?" Naruto was confused now; he didn't know many priests (the majority seemed to have an issue with his battle strategy and tendency to get hurt) and he couldn't remember for the life of him who his friend was talking about.
"Shy something."
"Shy Sunflower? She's a priestess!" The blonde widened his eyes in disbelief. He knew Sasuke was socially inept and all, but he didn't expect him to be that bad. ShySunflower was quite a few levels above them, but despite this she went on raids with them and had saved their asses from certain death many more times than he could remember, and yet Sasuke didn't remember her name or gender?!
"Are they-"
"She!" Naruto barked, waving his hands in front of the screen in a series of rude gestures.
"Is she online?" The bastard narrowed his eyes as his spoke, annoyance dripping from his voice.
Suddenly remembering why they were talking about the girl, Naruto scrolled down to the users starting with 'S' and found the name, its letters a faded grey, indicating she wasn't currently playing the game.
"No." He deflated.
"There is no time to look for a group." Sasuke's face was sour as he spoke "We'll have to go by ourselves."
"Eh? But we don't have a healer or a tank!"
"You tank." The other replied in a heartbeat.
"Why do I always have to tank?" Naruto complained, throwing his head backwards and groaning.
"You can wear heavy armor" Sasuke glowered at him through the webcam "And I have better DPS."
"Just because you pay."
"Are you here yet?"
Naruto huffed at the impatient look on the other's face. Though he liked Legends of Konoha and he liked Sasuke, mixing the two could ruin the fun in both.
"Yeah, yeah. I can see your big head already."
And he really could. Just on the town's exit stood Sasuke's character, clad in leather armor and a navy blue cloak, a large bow strapped to his back, two pointy ears peeking from under a mass of black hair and a grumpy expression permanently etched to his face. He thought it was a very accurate portrayal.
Naruto typed '/wave' on the chat box, causing FishCakes to raise his arm in the air to warn the other of his presence. BlackHawk, in turn, gave a curt nod.
"I'll set some traps to slow it down and attack it from a distance. When it gets close you make sure to keep the aggro off of me." Sasuke relayed his strategy to him, and Naruto grinned.
"A little basic but I guess it works."
"If you think of something better, please tell." The blonde shook his head, the smile still plastered on his face.
"Anyway, let's-"
As BlackHawk turned towards the gate, Sasuke suddenly became silent. Standing right in front of him, at an uncomfortable closeness, was another player. By the look of his clothes he was at a low level, straight from character creation. He was an elf – 'like this game needs more of those' Naruto thought haughtily – that looked remarkably like Sasuke's although taller, with longer hair and a face that betrayed no emotion whatsoever. His dark eyes stared at BlackHawk with so much intensity it was unnerving.
None of the three moved a finger until two ill-fated words appeared on top of the newcomer's head.
BlackRaven: Money.
The look on Sasuke's face was priceless. He was completely red, and looked like he had half a mind to take off his headset and use it to hit his computer screen multiple times. Not only was that weird guy asking for money – something Sasuke had expressed distaste for on multiple occasions – his name was also eerily similar to his best friend's. BlackHawk had a certain level of 'epicness' to it, but it really wasn't a very unique name.
Naruto had never been so glad that his character was titled 'FishCakes'.
Sasuke didn't bother responding, and tried to walk past BlackRaven, but the other elf moved to stand on his way. For a newbie, he certainly knew how to control his character.
BlackRaven: Money.
The grimace on Sasuke's face was priceless, and he typed an answer on his keyboard, slamming the buttons with his fingers. Naruto was surprised he didn't break anything.
BlackHawk: get your own money
With that he brushed past the other, but BlackRaven followed him still.
BlackRaven: You don't know who I am.
His friend just seemed to become more and more annoyed by the second, and Naruto couldn't keep his laughter in anymore.
Unfortunately, that caused Sasuke to direct his attention to him, and, subsequently, his ire.
"What are you waiting for, stupid?" He practically snarled "Let's get going."
"Hey, cool it!" The blonde fumed "Besides, the guy is following you."
"It doesn't matter; he's going to die soon."
"He just started, maybe he needs some help." He suggested. Naruto liked helping new players, because he was aware of how difficult starting from scratch in the game could be. He was thankful for all the help Sasuke had given him – although he wished his friend had been a little less grumpy about it – and he could only imagine what it was like to start playing the game on your own, especially if you didn't pay any money for it.
He couldn't just leave some poor guy hanging – especially if he could make Sasuke lose his cool.
FishCakes: ur new? ill show u the 1st quest
"What are you doing, you moron, now he won't leave us alone!" The Uchiha hissed, and Naruto could see his grip tightening on his mouse.
"Course he will, we just put him in the right direction and he'll start doing things on his own." Sasuke rolled his eyes in response.
BlackRaven: Quest?
FishCakes: theyr like a mission u hav t do for xp
BlackRaven: Xp?
"Just for the record, I'm kicking your ass tomorrow." Sasuke spoke, leaning against his chair in a relaxed position.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Naruto brushed the treat aside. Not that he didn't believe it was beneath Sasuke to use force against him, he just didn't think he was angry enough for that. Yet.
FishCakes: experience points so u can get levels and get strnger
There was a brief pause before the other player replied, and Naruto waited anxiously for the reply.
BlackRaven: I see.
…Only to be somewhat disappointed by it.
Fish Cakes: so u go to the bord in the gate and its ther
The blonde grinned happily, proud of having done another good deed that day.
"See? Being nice doesn't hurt." Sasuke merely hn'd in response and his character began moving forward, so Naruto considered this to be a victory.
"You waste your time on losers like that." The Uchiha pointed out, and just when he was about to jump in defense of the other player, a mischievous grin began spreading across his face.
"Are you saying I'm not a loser?"
"I didn't say anything like that. Why, do you need my validation?" Naruto's posture deflated noticeably. He hated how the other could easily turn his words around.
"Heh, whatever, let's just get going."
Sasuke gave him a look that indicated just how much he wanted to "get going".
"You got the plan?" The raven asked, after his annoyance subdued.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Naruto grinned as if his friend had told a bad joke.
"Do you think I'd call you that if I didn't?"
"Ah, Sasuke-chan is always so grumpy." The blonde's smile only widened "But that's okay, because I know he's just shy."
"I am definitely kicking your ass tomorrow." Naruto still didn't think Sasuke would follow on this promise, but he decided to quit while he was winning and stop pushing the other's buttons.
"The mob is not far, so we have to get to it before someone else does." Naruto nodded absent-mindedly, his thoughts suddenly directed back to the food he had had for dinner "Are you even listening?"
"Eh?" Naruto squinted, tilting his head and making the raven sigh at his reaction.
"I don't know why I talk to you." Sasuke grumbled, before he pressed a button in his keyboard and his character began sprinting – unfairly fast, in Naruto's opinion.
"Hey! Wait up, I can't run as fast!" The blonde shouted. Stupid elves…
"I'm going up ahead to set the traps. Just follow me on the map." The other explained exasperatedly.
Sure, it made sense, but they were a team, partners in crime – they were supposed to do things together. But on the bright side, Sasuke was always so set in doing everything by himself, that whenever they had a group project or assignment, Naruto didn't have to do anything besides show up at the Uchiha household and play video games in his room while his friend did everything because he didn't trust him enough to touch the assignment.
And that was one of the reasons they made for such a good team.
Naruto opened his map and dragged the window to the bottom of the screen, observing the red dot that was BlackHawk move at a faster rate than the white dot that represented him. It wasn't long before a yellow triangle appeared, and that could only mean that Sasuke had successfully tracked and marked their target.
"Get fort ready." His friend spoke, referring to the skill that would make his armor forty percent stronger. "And keep the aggro off of me."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Naruto sighed. Seriously, there was no way Sasuke thought him that stupid.
He watched as the red dot move back and forth across the map, placing traps in his wake, and he did his best to memorize the pattern, in case his friend had trouble guiding him across the course once the rhinoceros was after them, though Naruto highly doubted this would happen.
They had been doing this for about a year, and in spite of how much they fought among themselves, they were the very definition of dream team… or, er, duo. Regardless, the two boys were so used to each other they could practically predict what the other would do next, and back each other up, even if none of their characters were meant to take supporting roles.
Naruto thought it was very strange that Sasuke wouldn't have added ShySunflower to his friend list, even though he knew how much he disliked people in general. The girl was really nice – if a little strange – and if the two of them already made a mess when they were together, with a healer they were unstoppable.
Last time Naruto had been to his house and Sasuke had gone to the bathroom, he used the opportunity to look at the other's contacts list to find only four people. The first two weren't at all surprising: the very strange mage Insecto_Incognito, who had introduced the priestess to them, and the warrior DeathxByxSand, whose mood seemed to shift constantly. Sasuke seemed to like them, in his own Sasuke way, and he always invited the two to raids, provided they were online.
The third one was a cute looking human barbarian entitled *Cherry*. It was odd that Sasuke would add her, since she was a low-leveled player. Still, she was pretty terrifying for a girl, so maybe his friend was into that kind of stuff.
The last one was downright puzzling. BigBadWoof was a mage whose elemental skills were only shadowed by his chronic lateness and tendency to piss people off. Sasuke really didn't like the man, but maybe he had only added him so that he would stop getting his friend requests.
"Naruto" A voice erupted from his headphones, breaking him from his reverie "Get in position; we're ready."
The blonde nodded and ran to where BlackHawk was standing, the chord of his arch taut, ready to fire a set of arrows. Naruto used his fortification skill and kept a tab with his consumable items open, in case he needed some health potions.
He saw the mob, a giant animal, with fiery red skin and a horn so hard it could break through steel, standing in front of a sparkling river. It was a beautiful scene in a way, and Naruto felt somewhat bad about ending such a magnificent creature, even if it was just computer rendered and therefore unable to feel pain.
He glanced at the corner of his screen to see a bead of sweat running down Sasuke's temple, and it was only then that he noticed that he was sweating as well.
The flaming rhinoceros was a particularly rare monster, and they had been waiting for this opportunity for weeks. If they failed… Well, then Sasuke would probably really kick his ass.
But as ice walls encased and impaled the poor animal, Naruto screeched in a high pitched voice, sure that he would be chastised for it.
He wasn't.
Sasuke merely stared at his screen with perplexed eyes, his arms trembling in contained fury as he watched the mob fall to his side with a wail and vanish, leaving behind items that he so dearly wanted.
After the initial shock was over, the boys looked at the person who had practically stolen their kill and found none other than… him.
BlackRaven stood by the river's edge, collecting the items the monster had dropped without a care in the world.
There was a murderous glint in Sasuke's eyes, so Naruto decided to intervene before things got chaotic.
FishCakes: how did u do that?
In retrospect, maybe he should have just tried to distract his friend with a silly joke, because now one of Sasuke's eyes was visibly twitching.
BlackRaven: I used the vial in the gift box and then used an ice skill in the water.
"You can do that?!" Naruto shouted, but the glare he received from his friend made him recoil.
BlackRaven: Although I didn't expect it to work. I thought ice wasn't effective against fire type Pokémon.
FishCakes: so uh the items
BlackRaven didn't answer.
FishCakes: we rly nneed tem so can u sell to us?
"No." Sasuke spoke harshly "Don't even think about it."
"You keep saying we need to get the items for this and that and all that bunch of stuff, and now you don't want them?" Naruto whispered into his microphone, as if the other player could hear the conversation.
"I said get, not buy, idiot." He hissed "And I don't want anything from him."
"Come on, Sasuke, we've been trying to get these items for weeks. He's new to the game, maybe we can make him sell it to us for a cheaper price."
When the raven gave the most terrifying grin he had ever seen, he knew he had succeeded in convincing him.
BlackRaven: Of course.
FishCakes: ok so we want the horn and the leter.
BlackRaven: You mean leather.
FishCakes: yeah
BlackRaven: That's a total of 60,000 ryuu.
As Naruto's head fell against his keyboard, one of Sasuke's fists hit the wall on his left.
"Any other great plans, loser?" he growled, seemingly blaming the fact that BlackRaven knew the average price asked for both items on him.
FishCakes: 67uyhu7j
BlackRaven: Are you ok?
FishCakes: hav u ever played tis game bfore?
BlackRaven: I have not.
FishCakes: its cause u know the price
BlackRaven: I googled it.
Of course he did.
BlackRaven: But I can sell them for half the price.
That was awfully nice, and Naruto was about to thank him a million times over, but Sasuke's response came faster.
BlackHawk: what's the catch?
BlackRaven: There is no catch.
BlackHawk: i don't trust you
BlackRaven: I suppose I'll have to get used to that.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the strange remark, then shrugged and turned back to Naruto.
"Do you still want to go through with this?" He asked, exasperated.
"He's selling them for half the price!"
"Even if it's halved, do you have the money for that?"
"Uh…" He sent a quick glance to his ryuu count, realizing he only had eight thousand "No."
"It figures." Sasuke sighed and shook his head "Pay me back later."
"See? You act like the ice king, but you have a butter heart!" Naruto grinned, and the other flicked his hand as if he was trying to swat away a particularly annoying fly.
BlackHawk: drag them to the box
BlackRaven: Them?
Sasuke covered a side of his face with a hand.
BlackHawk: the items
BlackHawk: in your inventory
BlackRaven: Inventory?
This time Naruto couldn't help it and sighed along with his best friend.
BlackHawk: press i
BlackRaven: I see it.
"About time." Sasuke grumbled, typing something on his keyboard, and seconds later a request for a trade operation popped up in Naruto's screen. He accepted, and almost immediately the picture of a flaming horn appeared on the box "I'm not paying the crafting for you."
"Yeah, I know." Naruto nodded with a resolute expression "Besides, I wouldn't let you anyway. A man has to take care of himself, right?"
Sasuke bowed his head slightly, so he assumed they were in agreement.
Whoever this BlackRaven person was, they were pretty weird, but Naruto was always glad to meet people who could annoy Sasuke and still keep their cool. One more name on his friend list shouldn't hurt, right?
The invitation was accepted almost as soon as it was sent, and Naruto beamed, clicking on the name that had just appeared on his list to send a private message.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: ask him to b ur friend
BlackRaven: How?
He supposed he would have to take some times to teach the other how to send private messages, but for now watching Sasuke frown, trying to discover what they were talking about through BlackRaven's messages, was enough incentive for him to postpone the lesson.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: clik on him wit the right buton
BlackRaven: He refused.
"Naruto!" Sasuke shouted, and though the pain on his ears was bothersome, hearing a stern male voice come from the other side of Sasuke's door, causing the boy to jump on his seat, waving his hands around to cover his mouth, subsequently knocking down his earphones made Naruto laugh so hard he shed tears.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: try again!
Sasuke looked at his screen forlornly for about a second, before clicking with his mouse rather forcefully and standing up from his chair to walk to the door.
Naruto wiped his eyes, hiccupping from his fit of laughter, waiting for Sasuke to come back.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: he acceptd it?
BlackRaven: Yes.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: u have no idea how funy this is
BlackRaven: I do, actually.
Naruto laughed some more, happy that the stranger had caught on the dynamics between him and Sasuke.
Speaking of the devil…
"Congratulations, loser." He spoke, putting back on his headphones but not bothering to sit down "My father said that if I have time to disturb the whole house, I should be studying."
Naruto scratched the back of his head, in embarrassment, and Sasuke sighed.
"Whatever, I was going to leave anyway."
"See ya tomorrow, bastard." The blonde grinned, waving.
"Don't forget your homework, idiot." And with that, BlackHawk disappeared from the game, soon followed by the video of Sasuke on the corner of his screen.
Naruto leaned back against his chair, with his hands clasped behind his head, until he noticed BlackRaven had typed another message:
BlackRaven: Now I see what a level is.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: o yeah what lvl r u now?
BlackRaven: 5.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: thats awesome!
BlackRaven: I'll be leaving now as well.
FishCakes pm to: BlackRaven: hey no prob see ya later
BlackRaven: Thank you for your help, Naruto.
The blonde's eyes widened in surprise. Did that guy know him? He was about to inquire how the stranger could know his name, when he noticed he had probably only made a joke about his character. Besides, as soon as he began typing, the other elf vanished, leaving Naruto on his own.
He sighed and threw his head back, staring at the light bulb in his ceiling. Sasuke did say there was homework – one he had probably forgotten – so he would do very well in looking for it and getting the task done.
…A few more mobs couldn't hurt, right?
Use the correct pronouns Sasuke, THE PRONOUNS!
Also, can you guys guess whose each one of the players (other than Naruto and Sasuke) are? I bet you're going to get one of them wrong xD
Mobs: Stands for 'mobile', meaning the monsters in the game.
Raid: A large group of players that gets together to gang up on poor defenseless mobs.
Tank: A player who is used as shield, taking most of the damage from a mob to keep other players from dying.
DPS: Literally 'damage per second'. The higher the dps, the more times a character or mob attacks in a given amount of time.
Griefer: Pretty much a online game troll, someone whose joy come from harrassing other players in ways they cannot be punished by the game's staff.