Chapter One- The Truth Hurts
I don't know how I got to feeling this way, considering usually after our fights (well me yelling at him and him smirking annoyingly telling me I looked beautiful when I was angry) I would be so angry with him that I would storm out of the common room- or whatever place our argument was taking place and then in a few hours time would come back after being controlled by my friends and ignore him for about two days until he did something completely stupid again, like asking me out for the billionth time, and the cycle would continue.
However, this time was different. Instead of feeling angry and frustrated at James Potter- I felt completely horrible about myself and craved forgiveness. I didn't mean what I said- I was in the heat of the moment and I couldn't control what had erupted from my mouth. So instead of going back down to possibly faced the boy I hurt, I sat curled up in the sixth year's girl dormitory as my two best friends, Amber and Sarah sat at the edge trying to make me feel better- with not much progress.
*******
I walked into the common room, completely worn out from classes- especially double potions which I was paired up with Aras Montgomery, a wizard who I think the gods regretted ever giving him powers since everything around him often turned to destruction at his very touch- not on purpose, of course.
I looked over and saw Sarah tutoring a first year student, like she did every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday night. However, I did not see the lime green, fanged Frisbee that was flying through the air towards me- that is until it hit me painfully in the back of my head.
I stumbled forward on impact, but gladly did not fall. I rounded at the two boys who were laughing behind me- I should have known. James Potter stood there trying to look innocent, but Sirius Black- 'inconspicuously'- doubled over in laughter clutching his sides. Peter Pettigrew looked shaken, obviously at my furious reaction, while Remus Lupin stared at me apologetic for his friends' deed.
"Sorry 'bout that, Evans." Sirius said, still laughing, "That thing has a mind of its own." I glared at him and James snickered.
"What's so funny, Potter?" I shouted at James, he put his hands up as a shield, as if that would do anything to protect him if I was going to hex him- and don't get me wrong, I was weighing the pros and cons right now. I had a mind to just hex him to oblivion, or atlest to St. Mungo's. He had been tormenting me all my time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry- since the very day I enter the castle- now that I think about it, since my first train ride to the school.
******
I was eleven, young and innocent- discovering the new world I had never heard about or seen before. I had gotten my letter nearly a month before along with a man with a long white beard and bespectacled blue eyes- introduced as Albus Dumbledore. And that was the day I found out the reason for the strange things that had always happened to me. Either, glasses breaking when I threw a tantrum, or being uninjured when I fell out of the tree in my backyard. I was thrown, willingly, into the Wizarding world- changing my life, for better and for worst.
******
And there was the 'worst' walking towards me.
"Sorry about that, Lily bean, I honestly didn't mean to hit you." James told me, I rolled my eyes and was just about to walk away when, "Evans, please- come on- go out with me." I turned around, sharply, staring daggers at him. How dare he ask me out (again.) when he just hit me in the back of the head with a Frisbee. Was he mentally challenged? Did he not understand the other billion times I had said no- did he not speak English? Must I spell it out to him!
"Potter- for the last damn time- I will never and shall never be ever caught dead with the likes of you!" I said, harshly, he looked taken back- but I wasn't finished, "Why don't you get it through your thick skull that I don't like you- I hate you as a matter of fact and I don't know what put it in your mind that it would be any different!" He looked like I hurt him, but I didn't care at the time, "You've made my life hell since I've gotten here so why in the hell would I even like you at all. Why would anyone ever like you at all? Your conceded, your intolerable, you act like a git and can't take 'no' for an answer. You think you can get any girl you want because you can fly on a broom and pull pranks whenever it pleases you, and then dump them after you get whatever you want from them. Get over yourself and leave me the hell alone!"
*****
I had walked onto the train, nervous but excited looking for an empty compartment as I lugged my trunk through the train. I finally settled with a semi- empty compartment with only a girl who sat at the window. But when I walked in she looked up. She had short, bobbed blonde hair and a pleasant smile as I walked in.
"Hello, do you mind if I sit in here?" I asked, with a polite smile.
"Of course not, take a seat." Sarah told me and I struggled to carry my trunk up the elevated, single step to get inside the compartment.
"Excuse me, miss, let me help you with that." said someone behind me, I turned around quickly my long red hair flying in my face. Before me stood a quite handsome boy, with untamable hair which he kept running his hands through, he had round glasses covering his hazel eyes which gave him a quite intelligent look (how wrong I was.).
"Oh, um, thank- thank you." I said as he grabbed my trunk and pulled it easily into the compartment, where the girl helped him put it in the storage above the seats. I walked into the compartment and thanked the boy again, causing him to turn slightly red and put his hands in his pockets.
"No, problem- really." he said, smiling crookedly, "I'm James by the way, James Potter."
"I'm Lily Evans." I told him, he smiled back charmingly. He looked at me, well stared is probably a better word. I began feeling uncomfortable so I dropped my gaze, my face feeling hotter. The girl with the blond hair smiled at me, as James began backing up towards the door.
"I hope you get in Gryffindor, Lily Evans." James said, smirking, "I don't think I'm through seeing you yet." I raised my eyebrow as he left then turned back to the blond girl, sitting across from her.
"He seemed nice." I told her, and she smiled.
"Yeah, that's the son of the Potters- they're bloody rich. They've got a mansion and everything somewhere. He's a pureblood, like Me." the blond girl told me. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself- I'm Sarah Peterson." she said, "And your Lily Evans." she confirmed, having seen me introduce myself to James Potter already.
"So- you're a pureblood that means your whole family is wizards." I said, "I've been doing a lot of reading, my parents aren't much help they don't know much about the Wizarding world- well actually that's an overstatement, they know nothing at all about the Wizarding world, that is until Professor Dumbledore came to my house and told me I was a witch." I blabbed on.
"Wait- so your parents are muggles?" Sarah asked, looking fascinated.
"Muggles: a non-magical being." I recited, "Yes, they are. I'm the only witch in my family." she smiled looking interested.
"Wow- that's awesome. My sister almost married a muggle, but he found out she was a witch and was freaking out so the ministry had to and take care of him." she said at full ease, I smiled.
"Wow. So what houses have your family members came from?" I asked, "I read Hogwarts, A history over the summer and there's four houses: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff."
"Well my mom was a Ravenclaw and my dad was a Gryffindor- both my sisters are Gryffindor so I hope I'll get to be a Gryffindor too." Sarah said, "What about you- which house do you want to be in?"
"Well, Ravenclaw would be cool- they're supposed to be extremely smart, but Gryffindors are brave- I dunno if I'm brave, though, I mean I'm not a coward but…you know…I've never see myself as jumping in front of a bullet to save someone."
"A bullet?" Sarah asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Oh right, um, you put it in a gun and shoot it to kill people." I told her.
"Well that seems like a waste when you could just fire a spell." she said confused, I smiled. I think we'd make great friends.
******
James looked hurt and taken back by my words.
"So go to hell, Potter, okay- and stay there so you can get out of my bloody life and leave me the hell alone!" I shouted, concluding my rant and standing their puffing awaiting for him to come out with a witty comeback.
I noticed now people around us staring. Amber and Sarah were staring shocked at me, while Remus looked slightly disappointed, Sirius looked mad, Peter looked confused, some girl in the corner looked like she was about to punch me in the face…overall, I began to regret what I said. I was about to apologize, you know, being the bigger person and all, when James spoke.
"Oh, um, I guess if you feel that way- I won't bug you anymore, I'll just leave then- I'm sorry from making your life such a nightmare for you, Evans." he said, his voice was low. He hardly ever called me Evans, unless we were having an argument and he was genuinely mad or when he just wanted to annoy me. But when he said my surname his time he said it as though he was not worthy of my first name.
"James, I-" I began but he walked away and out of the common room. I suddenly felt all eyes on me, so I walked up the stairs to the girl's dormitory to escape their stares and glares. I soon noticed Amber and Sarah following me, but I didn't look back until I got to the sixth year's room and sat on my bed, shocked that I had actually hurt James Potter.
*****
So, that's how I ended up in my room upset at myself. I didn't know why I was so upset- hell I should be glad that he said he'd finally leave me alone. But for some reason I didn't want him to leave me alone now.
"Lily- I can't believe you said that." Sarah said, finally after moments of uncomfortable silence.
"Hey- he deserves it- he's been a jerk to her since first year." Amber said in my defense, I didn't feel like I deserved it, though.
"Yes, I know, but it was a tad bit harsh- I mean, did you see him? It looked like he was about to cry." Sarah said in pity.
"Oh c'mon, he'll get over it- watch him be snogging a girl in a broom cupboard tomorrow- that'll cheer him up." Amber said.
"I doubt it- he likes Lily- he won't do that." Sarah said, continuing to defend James Potter. Whose side was she on?
"Don't give him so much credit, Sarah; he's just a good actor- him and Black- he claims to be in love with Lily when he's going out with a different girl every week." Amber told her, I didn't want to hear this anymore.
"But he looked really hurt when she said that- I think he was really upset." Sarah said, in her usual tender voice.
"Okay, you guys, stop it please." I asked, hugging my knees and putting my chin on top of them.
"Sorry, Lily." they replied, looking uneasy.
"I should apologize, shouldn't I?" I asked, I really didn't want to apologize to him. After all this time of him being a total git to me, why should I be the one to apologize after doing maybe 'one' thing that might of hurt his feelings and embarrassed him in front of all the Gryffindors in the common room…
"Yes, you should or else all this fan girls will try and destroy you." Sarah said, and I laughed.
"His fan girls?" I asked, chuckling softly.
"Oh, it's not laughing matter, Lily, there's a ton of them around Hogwarts- not just in Gryffindor either. They're all obsessed with him just because he's the star of the Quidditch team and a trouble maker- girls love bad boys. But yeah, it's like 'make Potter angry and we'll seek revenge' and all that stuff- it's crazy." Sarah said, and Amber laughed out loud while I smiled trying not to engage in hysterical laughter.
"That is so stupid." I told them, just thinking about the brainless girls skipping around behind Potter giggling; hoping to be Potter's next hit it and quit it.
"Exactly, but they're obviously crazy, so you really should apologize to Potter before half the girl population at Hogwarts hates your guts." Amber told me taking out her want and flipping it in between your fingers. Obviously this would happen to me- I stand up for myself and people hate me because I was standing up for myself against James Potter.
"Yeah, I guess your right- might as well get it over with." I said standing up off my bed, and taking a deep breath. "Well, maybe I should wait until after dinner cause-"
"No, Lily, go now or you'll never do it." Amber said, standing up and pushing me from behind, towards the door.
When we got down to the common room almost everyone had left to either get a head start at going down to dinner or some other type of things I didn't care about at the moment. All I care was about finding Potter and apologizing to him before I lost my nerve. I knew after I apologized he'd go back to his cocky, self absorbed, obsessed attitude- but I guess that was better than half the school hating me…I think…
Sarah and Amber walked behind me as I search the common room for the boy with messy black hair. But he was nowhere to be found- neither were his friends.
"Well, he's not here- might I well forget about it, he's probably in that broom cupboard Amber mention." I said, about to walk back up the stairs, when Sarah stopped me with her arms spread out across the staircase leading to the girl's dormitory.
"He's probably going down to dinner, Lily, let's go find him." Sarah said, grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the common room.
After my constant protest and trying to reason why it would be a bad idea to apologize to Potter, because it'll make me look weak and as if I actually cared about his feelings, I was still dragged into the Great Hall where dinner had already started. I looked around the Gryffindor table; I saw Remus, Peter and Sirius sitting alone. I looked around the rest of the great hall and didn't see Potter anywhere, I was relieved that I could finally drop it and just eat.
I followed Amber towards the Gryffindor table where she conveniently sat next to Remus who welcomed her politely. I glared at her and sat across from her, next to Peter who sat beside Sirius who stared at me angrily. I felt the heat rise to my face as Sarah spoke to Sirius in her usual sweet, tender, can't-help-but-love her voice.
"Sirius, have you seen James? We've been looking for him- Lily wants to talk to him." Sarah said, Sirius continued to eat his food like a starving dog and ignored her, rudely. I rolled my eyes, fine- if he wouldn't tell me where James was why I should apologize to him anyway.
"James was in the dormitories, Lily, he said he wasn't hungry." Remus said, giving me a small, sad smile. I groaned and the upset feeling in my stomach came back. He was in his dormitories not eating cause of what I said- I felt guilty again, so I knew I had to make things right with him- or, at least back to how it was before.
"Yeah, so don't go trying to talk to him or whatever- you've done enough." Sirius, said, still not looking at me, but continuing to stuff his face with food. Remus looked at me, apologizing for his friend. I stood up out of my chair, about to go back to the common room.
"Where are you going Lily?" Amber asked, about to grab a chicken wing.
"I'm going to go talk to Potter." I told her, Sirius finally looked up.
"Didn't I just tell you-?" Sirius argued.
"Yes I heard what you said Black, but this whole thing won't stop bugging me until I apologize." I told him, trying to move my feet, which seemed to be glued to the floor.
"That's nice of you Lily, but maybe you should give him a few…" Remus suggested, politely- unlike his friend. Remus and I had always gone along great together. He was the only marauder I could even stand to be around for more than a few minutes without arguing at them about their stupid ways. I weighed my options then sat back down next to Peter. If Potter's friends, well Remus (whose opinion was the only one I cared about in the group) thought I shouldn't talk to him right now, who was I to protest? Heck, he might already be over it by now. He never cared what I told him before, heck he seemed to enjoy it when I shouted at him and insulted him (which usually made me hate him more) so why was this time different? And why did he look so hurt when I told him the truth? It's not like I haven't being making it completely obvious for the last six years that I do not like him.
I then began to pile food on top of my golden plate, though I didn't feel very hungry now. Sarah and Remus kept trying to start a conversation in the uncomfortable silence, but it just ended an awkward silence when no one contributed to the conversation, but just kept eating their food.
I saw Remus and Sarah steal a worried glance at each other as I continued to eat my food without tasting it. After what seemed like forever dinner was over and I quickly got up and left the Great Hall.
James was sitting at an elf sided table in the kitchens. He hadn't felt like eating dinner with a crowd today, so he just snuck into the kitchens and got a small meal to eat from the more than gracious house elves.
"Anything else, sir?" Hannah, the house elf asked, bowing at James.
"No thank you, Hannah, you've been more than generous." James replied biting into a piece of chicken. The small elf turned pink and bowed again than scurried off to go clean up.
James wanted to be alone, yet he still wanted to be around his friends and the ones who actually did care about him. He didn't know how he got it in his mind that Lily Evans would actually fall for him. He didn't know why she was so different when he could get any girl he wanted without even asking. Perhaps that was the only reason he did try so hard to please her, even if all this attempts did end up in a bust. Yes, that was the only reason he cared so much about pleasing her- because she was the only one he could not please. He decided then, while stuffing his face with mashed potatoes, that he was done with trying to get Lily Evans to love him back. He was done with his attempts to try and change himself- just to get her to even like him. He was done feeling like a complete and total idiot every time she refused him, and even if he didn't show it, how much she hurt him.
So after James thanked the house elves again for letting him eat in the kitchens once again, he made his way up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room after the after dinner rush, he looked at the girls passing and wanted to quickly get into a relationship to get his mind off of Lily Evans. But all the girls he passed had nothing on her.
"Excuse me- it looks like you dropped something." someone called to him, James turned around. A girl, probably a fifth or sixth year with long, blond, wavy hair, wearing Ravenclaw colors held up a piece a folding parchment towards him from the bottom of the staircase. He looked in his pocket just noticing the marauder's map was gone, he gulped and ran down to her.
"Thank you." James said, the girl smiled.
"No problem." she said, James took the parchment from her and put it safely back into his other pocket.
"So, what is that like homework or something?" she asked giggling, following James back up the stairs.
"Er- yeah, something like that." James told her. The girl continued to follow him. After finally looking at her for awhile he noticed how pretty she was.
"Really? A marauder doing his homework?" the girl asked with a mock- shocked expression on her face. James smirked and ran his hand through his chaotic, jet black hair.
"I'm James Potter." he said, stopping and introducing himself, his charming grin playing on his face.
"I know." the girl said, "I'm Rachel Vinson."
A/N: That is the end of chapter one, I hope you enjoyed it. Write a comment below if you like it so far or even if you didn't- I often enjoy constructive criticism. Also, most of the story will be in Lily's point of view, however when I want to show you how James' doing I will turn it to third POV. Also the next few chapters will have flashbacks, like in this one- just to show you James and Lily's past. If you don't understand the flips from past to present please tell me so I can change how I write it. Sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes I may have overlooked