Loki groans as the lights flicker on and off from the single light in Room. She glances over at Fenrir, who is still asleep. She rolls out of bed and stands, stretching her limbs out the best she can.
She glances over the small room and wills herself not to cry or picture the outside world. There is only Room and Fenrir. She feels her stomach growl, something more that is more common than not, and she takes the few steps to the "kitchen" area.
The small kitchen cabinet to her left holds their only dishes on a single dish rack: two big and small white plates, bowls, cups, spoons (one with a melted handle), can opener, wooden spoon, and spatula. Next is a basic stove with rags on its handle, the only thing close to potholders. There are several things that are attached to the wall, limiting their range of motion, such as: dull butter knives, forks, the pair of scissors, a serrated knife, and the pots and pans. Thanos took no chances. Next to the stove is the small refrigerator, with toys on top and the paintings on the door, next to it a tiny trash can.
Loki glances back at the bed after pulling half a granola bar from the fridge and sees Fenrir's eyes wide open. Loki gives her son a soft smile and shhh's him back to sleep. "Happy Birthday, my love. Sleep for a few more hours."
A sudden flashback hits Loki, a vision of intense pain and screaming. She tries to forget the pain of having to birth Fenrir alone, staring up through the skylight begging the gods to come and save her. She tries not to remember crying for her mother, father, and brother. She tries to forget wanting to die.
What she does remember are the first cries from Fenrir as she wraps him in the cleanest blanket she had. She remembers holding him to her breast, his lips latching for the first time. She remembers thinking that he was the best thing that could ever come out of Room. For the first time since she had been kidnapped, Loki feels love.
"Hello, Fenrir."
"Ma! I'm five!"
"That you are, my love, now it's time to rise. I'll make breakfast."
Loki looks to Fenrir and pours out two small bowls of cereal.
"Morning lamp, morning rug, morning wardrobe." Fenrir greets each of the furniture in the room with a happy smile. He stops at the long string of eggshells. "Morning Eggsnake! It is my birthday!"
Loki puts the breakfast on the table and directs the boy to it without a word. She quickly breaks a vitamin pill in half and gives it to him. Loki takes the other half herself, along with a contraceptive pill. Fenrir digs into his cereal quickly.
"Ow," she winces, holding a hand to her cheek after taking a bite.
"Is Bad Tooth Hurting, Ma?"
"Mind over matter, love," Loki responds, tapping her head.
"If we don't mind, it doesn't matter!" Fenrir giggles. The boy digs back into his cereal, shoveling into his mouth quickly.
"Guess what we are going to make later?"
"What?"
"A cake."
Fenrir's mouth drops open in astonishment, they've never baked a cake before. "Like on TV?"
"But for real." Loki cannot deny that she too is excited for the cake.
"Fenrir, teeth," Loki directs, and the little boy grins and Loki hands them their shared toothbrush which is frayed from overuse. "Spit."
Fenrir does into the little sink. Loki quickly brushes her teeth, carefully avoiding her bad tooth. She puts a new toothbrush on her list of things to ask for later on. She spits into the small sink and sticks the toothbrush in a little plastic cup.
"Come on slowpoke," Loki smiles and kisses his cheek. She gestures towards the TV and Fenrir races her to their chairs. "Since it's your birthday you get to watch your cartoons!"
A little time passes, Loki becomes bored of watching Dora the Explorer and decides the floors need to be cleaned, Thanos had tracked mud in the night before. So, Loki finds herself scrubbing their dirty floors with an old cloth diaper and she cleans until her hands begin to hurt.
With a groan, Loki stands to watch the end of the episode. "Off please."
"Just one more planet!" Fenrir begs.
Loki laughs and does a zombie impression. "Too much TV will turn us into zombies… Anyway, it's time to mark how tall you are."
Fenrir grins and switches off the TV in record time, running to the door frame. Loki marks his height with a tiny 5 in black pen on the cork wall. She is astonished every single day how much her baby has grown.
"I'm not very taller after four," Fenrir remarks sadly.
"Oh, that's pretty normal. I didn't grow much between four and five."
"Yeah?"
"Everything's fine, my love."
"Okie dokie, Ma!"
Fenrir touches the small red 3 and the black 4. That's where Red Pen died, and they got Black Pen for Sunday Treat. "Hey, what about cookies?"
"What?"
"For Sunday Treat, ask Thanos for cookies!"
"Sorry baby, I already asked for your jeans."
Fenrir frowns in disappointment, but shrugs it off quickly. He runs over to a chair and pulls it over to the wall where they mark his height. "I'm going to grow and grow till I'm this tall. A giant! Look, Ma. Look how big my superpowers are already!"
Fenrir makes a tiny bicep and Loki smiles faintly.
"You'll be as strong as Thor soon." Loki hadn't the heart to tell Fenrir of her past life, instead making up that Thor was a strong and a powerful superhero. Not just the little boy's Uncle.
"Huger every day."
"Gigantic."
"Enormous. Hugeormous."
"Good word sandwich."
Fenrir begins to jump and leaping around the room, moving gracefully between all the familiar obstacles. "I'm going to be Fenrir the Giant Giant-Killer and burst out of Skylight and into Space with my dog Rocket and boing boing boing between all the planets…"
Fenrir manages to stay busy the rest of the morning while Loki washes the dishes in the bathtub. She used to wash them in the sink, but it clogged once, she still has the scar on her arm from where she tried to unclog it. Thanos had not been happy and Loki had to stitch herself back up with a sewing kit he brought her.
A little later, Fenrir and Loki are playing 'Track'. The rug is draped over the table on the bed. They run back and forth in the room, both training hard, like athletes. Loki misses running in an open field, misses the smell and the feel of dirt under her feet the 10 x 10 space isn't much, but Loki understands the importance of exercise and continues to try and do so in Room. They run until they are both covered in a light sheen of sweat.
The furniture is back in place now and Fenrir goes to his stack of books and pulls out one called "Dylan the Digger". Loki can't help but groan when Fenrir offers the book to her.
"Come on, darling, you can read Dylan yourself."
"I can read them all, but I like when you do."
Loki groans, but takes the book, Fenrir curling up on her side. She begins the book with vigor, praying this was the last time she will ever have to read this book again but knows it won't be. Fenrir watches the pages, but doesn't notice that Loki's eyes are closed, and she is reciting this book from memory.
"Heeeeeeere's Dylan, the sturdy digger! The loads he shovels get bigger and bigger. Watch his long arm delve into the earth, no excavator so loves to munch dirt…."
To Fenrir, it's as if the images come alive with magic along with Loki's words. He watches every single page with close intensity, even though he too knows the story by heart. There are times when Ma isn't so tired that he believes the pictures actually came off the page.
Later in the evening, Fenrir is helping Loki with the cake, blowing the second of two small eggs into the bowl, keeping the shell intact. Beating butter and sugar, Loki keeps up their rhyme game.
"Our friend Table… just isn't able."
Fenrir pours the eggs into the bowl of butter and sugar. "Our friend Spoon sings to the moon."
Loki beats the eggs in.
"Our friend Knife runs for his life." Loki winces in pain and shakes out her right wrist. Fenrir notices and takes over mixing the batter for his Ma.
While Fenrir mixes Loki takes the eggshells and puts them on to their Eggsnake, made of eggshells that they have colored, given paper clothes, foil crowns, and colored wool for hair. Eggsnake is hundreds of eggs long. Loki secretly loves Eggsnake, its bright colors, adding some flavor to the dull colors of the room.
After putting the cake in the small oven, it is done. The smell of the cake fills the room. Loki pulls it out and lets it cool before covering the small, brown, plain cake with white icing, making the number 5.
"Abracadabra!"
"Now the candles!" Fenrir demands with a smile, but it crumbles after seeing his Ma hesitate. "You said a birthday cake for real! That means candles on fire!"
"Fenrir-"
"You should ask for candles for Sunday treat, not dumb jeans."
"Sorry. I have to ask for stuff we really need that he can get easily."
"But Old Thanos gets anything, by magic."
Loki shivers at the name but gestures towards the cake, "Try your cake, I bet it's delicious."
Fenrir is sulking, so she stoops down and hugs him, soothing him.
"Next week when I'm six you better ask for real candles."
"Next year, you mean."
They both dig into the cake after that, only having enough room in their stomachs to eat a single piece each. Loki swears it's the best thing she has eaten her entire time in Room, Fenrir is unconvinced. Loki puts the cake aside and hopes it stays good for a few more days.
"Bath time, Fenrir," Loki smiles, pointing to the small tub. "Want to turn the water on for me?"
Fenrir smiles and does as he is asked, making sure it stays perfectly warm. They both undress and climb in. It doesn't take long for the tub to fill around them, the tub barely big enough for the two of them. While they soak and Loki scrubs Fenrir with a mostly used bar of soap, she begins to weave a tale of a mermaid.
"… So, she runs home to the sea," Loki finishes her story with a sigh and reclines so her face and hair sink under the water. Fenrir sits up, upset. Loki emerges and opens her eyes.
Fenrir looks worried.
"Of course, she takes her Baby Fenrir with her."
"Does he drown?"
"No, he's half-merman. He can breathe air or water, whichever."
Satisfied, Fenrir leans over to scoop the pile of clothes that sit on the floor next to them. "Laundry time, Ma."
He plunges their dirty clothes into the water, and they begin washing, until Loki feels a bit of mischief come back and she tosses a wet sock at Fenrir, soon it starts a full-on war until they are both are laughing heavily, water spilling out of the tub.
"Time to get out, help me hang the clothes," Loki says and pulls Fenrir out, wrapping him in their small towel. They both quickly pull on underwear and t-shirts and start to hang the clothes anywhere they can. After they are finished, she sits and breastfeeds Fenrir, telling him a story of Thor when they were younger, but changes it to make the superhero come to life.
"All finished?" Loki asks and Fenrir nods. She pulls down her shirt, checking the time. "Time for bed, my little merman."
"Can we have more birthday cake?" Fenrir asks as Loki places blankets and a pillow on the floor of Wardrobe.
"Tomorrow, sweetheart."
"Just a bite."
"We've brushed our teeth already."
"One more story, then?"
Loki checks her watch and feels more nervous: getting close to nine.
"Fen, it's late. Come on. I promise you can have cake in the morning." Fenrir sighs, but jumps in and snuggles into his blanket. Pictures and drawings of the two of them are glued to the back wall; this tiny room within Room. Loki covers him up for the night. She begins to sing 'The Big Rock Candy Mountain' and soon Fenrir's eyes close and he falls asleep.
A little later, a dim light comes through the slats in the door to Wardrobe. Fenrir lies stroking the few clothes that are hanging up and the pictures glued to the wall. He freezes at the sound of the beeps that mean the outside door is about to open. Fenrir lies absolutely still, listening for Thanos' entrance. A cold burst of wind comes in when Door opens.
Boom.
The door is shut.
"Hey," says Thanos, his voice rough.
"Hello," Loki greets, her tone neutral.
Fenrir sits up a bit to squint through the slats but only see's enough of the man's jacket as he takes it off.
Thanos thrusts a bag at Loki. "Here are his jeans. The grapes were way too much, so I got canned pears."
Loki begins putting groceries away. "Thanks."
Thanos opens the fridge and pulls out the tiny cake. "What's this? A birthday cake?" He cuts himself a slice and eats it quickly. Loki doesn't comment. She isn't looking for a fight tonight. "You should have told me; I'd have brought him a present."
Fenrir's eyes light up at the possibility of a present.
Thanos begin undressing, "What's he now, four?"
Fenrir waits for Ma to correct him, but when she doesn't, Fenrir whispers too low to be heard. "Five."
Loki and Thanos get into bed, the lamp clicking off. Then the familiar creaks of the bed begin, and Fenrir doesn't understand what they mean. He counts them under his breath.
"One, two, three, four…"
There's Room, then Outer Space, then Heaven. Plant is real, but not trees. Spiders are real and one time the mosquito that was sucking my blood. But squirrels and dogs are just TV, except Rocket, my dog that might be some day. Mountains are too big to be real and the sea…
"One twenty-eight, one twenty-nine…"
"TV persons are flat and made of colors with red mouths and clothes instead of skin but me and you are real. Old Thanos, I don't know if he's real, maybe half? Green beans are real and chocolate, but not ice cream…
"Three hundred six, seven, eight…"
A grunt is heard from Thanos. The creaking of the bed is done. Fenrir feels himself fall into the comforting arms of sleep.
Thanos turns on the TV to the sports channel.
"Shh," Loki whispers and Thanos turns down the volume. Later, the sports broadcast covers up the sound of the door closing, the L.E.D numbers lit up on the keypad.
Loki quietly walks over to the wardrobe and opens it, glad to see her baby completely asleep. She carefully picks him up and sets him in bed, sliding in and settling beside him. A few of her tears fall into his hair.