ANGEL: There is No Zion Save Where You Are!

If you Cannot find your Heart's desire –

PRIOR: – In your own backyard –

ANGEL, PRIOR, & BELIZE: You never lost it to begin with.

– L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by way of Tony Kushner's Angels in America

Toby

The guard on duty shook me awake. "Ship from Mother Sky," he said. "Come this way."

I climbed to the top of my tree, taking care not to wake my parents. When I saw the ship streaking through the sky, straight toward the valley, I recognized it, and my blood ran cold. "That's a Yeerk ship. Sound the alarm, wake all the warriors. Yeerk ship!"

That startled my parents awake. They joined me in the canopy. All around, I could see Hork-Bajir rising to the tops of their sleeping trees to see the ship. I touched my head blades to my parents' and went to the appointed meeting place in times of crisis, the big rock flecked with mica. The valley's warriors gathered around me at the meeting rock. We heard a whooshing sound, and all looked up to Mother Sky. The ship was close enough that we could see the hrala pulsing and crackling around it. It would land at the northern end of the valley, near the waterfall there. I started moving. "Come," I said. "We have to be ready to attack where it lands."

We hid ourselves in the trees around the northern end of Kref Magh. Soon the descent of the ship was louder than the crash of the waterfall. The trees rustled and swayed in its wake. It landed. My warriors drew closer, under the cover of foliage, ready to descend with blades outstretched. I could hear their deep breathing as they readied the attack.

The door to the spaceship opened, and out of it stepped a legend. We all recognized it from the stories: the green skin, the small wings, and most of all, the gleaming-bright eyes. A creature of Father Deep. One of our creators, the Arn.

But it was in a Yeerk ship, and the Yeerks had taken over our world. According to the legends, the Arn had altered their own bodies so that Yeerks couldn't infest them. But I couldn't take any chances. I signaled to my warriors, and they attacked. Almost soundlessly, they dropped from the trees, tackled the Arn to the ground, and held it there with a wrist blade to the throat.

I walked over to the Arn and said, "How did you find us here?"

"My people have had technology to track you for centuries," it said.

"And why are you here?"

"My name is Quafijinivon, and I am here to help you reclaim your homeworld from the Yeerks," said the Arn.

I tilted my head. I didn't trust the Arn. But if it had come here directly from our home, it would have news. And maybe, just maybe, in its desire to save itself, it could help save us, too.

"Well," I said. "I'm not calling a meeting circle in the middle of the night, not even for an Arn, so you might as well get some sleep. Where would you prefer?"

"My ship would be the most comfortable, I think," Quafijinivon said.

I laughed humorlessly. "You really do think your creations are stupid, don't you? I'm not letting you back in there without supervision. Where in our valley would you prefer to sleep?"

When my parents and I came down from our sleeping tree to bathe in the morning, Robin and Ruby waited for us by the creek, though Ruby stood some distance from Robin, as if he had something catching. Most of the valley treated the new-frees like that, these days. Their mourning for their Yeerks unnerved my people, even disgusted them. It unnerved me, too, but I was responsible for everyone in Kref Magh, not just the ones I liked.

"What happened last night?" Robin said, holding his dæmon against his chest. "We're not under attack, are we?"

"No," I said. I considered how much to tell the humans. This was a Hork-Bajir matter, ours to handle. But anything that happened to us would affect them. They had a right to know some of it. "That ship came from our conquered homeworld. The Hork-Bajir are an engineered race, not a natural one. The ship was flown by one of our creators, the Arn, to deliver us a message."

Both humans' eyes went round, a sign of surprise in their people. Robin said, "Does that mean you have a chance to take your homeworld back?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Thanks for letting me know," Robin said. He glanced at Ruby, then left. She whispered thank you and fled. She was still afraid of my people, unaccustomed to us in our uninfested state, unlike the new-frees.

"Arn come from Hork-Bajir home," my mother said as we bathed.

"Yes," I said.

"Arn tell story of Hork-Bajir home?"

"I hope he will. I think it will be a sad story, but we must hear it."

"Jara afraid," my father said.

"I'm afraid too," I admitted, because my parents were the only ones I could afford to tell.

All of my people gathered for the circle, except the kawatnoj and the sick and those who had to mind them. Quafijinivon we kept at the center of the circle, with over a hundred of its creations gathered around it. Hrala swirled around the gathered circle in a great golden vortex.

"I am Quafijinivon," it said. "I am the last of the Arn."

That made an impression. The stories told of how the Arn made themselves useless hosts to the Yeerks, how the Yeerks used them for target practice. But we hadn't thought they would all die off so soon.

"I intercepted a transmission from the Yeerks indicating that you had a free colony on Earth," Quafijinivon said to me.

I lowered my head so my blades showed toward him more than my eyes. "Either speak so all of my people can understand you, or don't speak at all."

The Arn's small red mouth puckered, but it corrected itself. "I read a message from the Yeerks and learned there were free Hork-Bajir on Earth. When I saw that message, I knew there was hope to take back our planet."

That set the people to murmuring. I didn't want them to raise their hopes more than they ought, so I said, "And how would you do that, Quafijinivon?"

"I have…" The Arn visibly struggled to phrase its words simply. "I have studied ways to improve Hork-Bajir. So new ones that are born can be stronger. Better prepared for the Yeerks." It looked at me. "DNA modifications. I wish to collect DNA samples from each of you, here in the valley, so I can make more Hork-Bajir back on our planet. Strong Hork-Bajir that can fight against the Yeerks."

"How would they do that?" I countered. "No matter how strong they are, they would need weapons."

"Aldrea and Dak Hamee hid caches of stolen Yeerk weapons," Quafijinivon said. "I have their last statements. I know where the caches are. And if you let me use your DNA, then I can make warriors who can use them. I can even inject you with gene therapy agents that will make your children here stronger and better, too. And I will share with you the last statements of Aldrea and Dak."

My father stepped forward from the circle. "I am Jara Hamee. Son of Seerow Hamee. Son of Dak Hamee and Aldrea. Story of Dak and Aldrea is Jara's story. Is Toby's." His eyes shone with hunger for this final piece of lore from his ancestors. I could see the hrala reflected in them. "Tell us the story of Grandfather and Grandmother, Arn. Hork-Bajir will listen."

Quafijinivon's diamond-bright eyes were impassive. "I will. After I have collected your DNA."

"Story of Dak and Aldrea is not Arn's," Jara said fiercely. "Story belongs to Jara, to Toby."

"Stories belong to no one," Quafijinivon said, which set my people to grumbling and my blood to boiling. My mother pressed her wrist blade to my elbow blade, soothing me.

"You say you can make better Hork-Bajir," I said. "Better how?"

"I can increase the chance of new Hork-Bajir being Seers," Quafijinivon said, which drew a more positive reaction from the crowd.

"Why didn't you say so in the beginning?" I pressed. "You're being secretive, Arn. We will not make such an important decision unless you tell us the whole."

"The changes I have made to Hork-Bajir DNA," Quafijinivon said slowly, "would increase the chance of producing Seers. But the changes to the brain would also make these Seers unable to see hrala."

The quiet valley filled with the rasping sound of Hork-Bajir striking their wrist blades together, a gesture of refusal, rejection, recoil. Some backed away from the Arn like it was diseased.

Elgat stepped into the circle to speak. "Hork-Bajir not see hrala, not Hork-Bajir." A guttural roar of approval followed her words.

Quafijinivon blinked, slowly, as if this were a surprise. "You think you can win this battle just as you are? Against the Yeerks?"

My mother stepped into the circle. "Maybe lose. Maybe win. But Hork-Bajir lose. Hork-Bajir win. If what Arn make win, is Arn win. Not Hork-Bajir win."

I beat my tail against the ground in agreement. My people joined me. In that moment, despite my disgust toward the Arn, I was very proud.

"Very well," the Arn said. "Then I will use your DNA to make Hork-Bajir like you. They will be the soldiers of the homeworld."

Meret stepped into the circle. "Meret not trust Arn."

Fal Tagut stepped in next. "Arn not leader of Hork-Bajir. Seer lead Hork-Bajir. Seer are gift from Mother Sky and Father Deep, not from Arn."

My people demanded of the Arn how they could know it had done as we requested with our DNA. "I can bring a few of you with me," it said.

That got some of the crowd excited. I knew that many of my people dreamed of returning to our homeworld. I would like to visit it too, someday. But this was a trap. None of my people would be able to understand the Arn's genetic manipulations except for me. They would only know whether it had done as promised or not when the new Hork-Bajir were born, and by then it would be too late, if the Arn had unleashed twisted hrala-blind monsters on the world.

But maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of the trap.

I raised my voice. "Is there a Chee in Kref Magh today?"

"Yes," said Bej Weta, whose kawatnoj was in the creches with the minders. "Bej see Koril with Tom and Ruby."

"Could you bring them here, Bej?" He went to fetch the Chee.

In the meantime, I stepped into the circle and said, "My people will need more time to decide. But let me make something very clear, Quafijinivon. The final statements of Dak and Aldrea belong to the Hork-Bajir, not to you. Whether we decide to give you our DNA samples or not, you will release their statements to us, as part of our birthright, as the people they sacrificed everything to defend."

"I will not," said Quafijinivon, infuriatingly impassive. "The data are encrypted on my drive beyond your ability to extract, Toby Hamee. I will release them when I get what I need to save our world, and no sooner."

I laughed. The Arn said our world, but it really meant my world. It didn't think the Hork-Bajir were entitled to anything. Well, if it thought we were powerless, it was about to learn differently.

Bej Weta returned with Chee-koril, who was still disguised as a human with a large dog dæmon. I left the circle and said to Koril, "Have you heard about the visitor in our valley?"

"Bej told me all about it," Koril said.

"Do you agree with our position about the last statements of Dak and Aldrea?"

"For my part, yes."

"And is it within the bounds of your programming to steal and decrypt those statements from Quafijinivon's ship, against its wishes?"

Koril shrugged, after the human fashion. "I'm a pacifist, not a paragon of perfect virtue. I can lie and steal all I like, as long as there is no threat of violence."

"Please," Bej said. "Give Hork-Bajir our story."

It seemed that Koril could not argue with that. Bej took them to the Arn's ship. For the first time since the Arn landed, I began to hope that this could be a good thing for my people.

When I returned to the circle, there was a deep discussion going on about whether Quafijinivon could take all of us back to the homeworld.

"My ship is too small," the Arn said. "And if I somehow acquired a bigger one, it would draw too much attention from the Yeerks. I can only take three, at most."

"Fal Tagut will go," Fal said.

"And Bek!"

"Bek too young!"

And on it went. The Arn looked bored, almost contemptuous, and some part of me wanted to strike him. Finally it was decided that only Hork-Bajir without kawatnoj, but old enough to have them, should go, and of those we should choose the ones who knew the most stories about our planet.

Bej and Koril returned. The Chee's green eyes swam with tears. I knew they weren't real, but I suspected the feeling was. It had gone as I had hoped. "I have their statements," they whispered. "I heard them. Your people should… it's important."

"Thank you," I said. "We will. There is one more thing you could do to help, Koril."

"What is it?" they said.

"It is a lot to ask," I hedged.

"Please, tell me."

"Would anyone in your CheeNet be willing to go to our homeworld with the Arn? To make sure it doesn't alter our DNA against our wishes?"

Koril closed their eyes. When they opened them, they said, "None of the other Chee will do it. But I will."

It happened so fast I wondered at it. But then, the Chee were walking supercomputers. They thought at a much faster pace than any of the rest of us did. They might have had an entire meeting-circle over the CheeNet in the time it took for Koril to close their eyes.

I returned with Koril to the circle. "Chee-koril has offered to go on the ship," I announced, "as a guardian over the Arn, to make sure it makes true Hork-Bajir as it promised. Do my people consent?"

My people started thumping their tails to take the count. Most fell into the beat, but a few were thumping off the beat – I sensed the gaps in the rhythm and turned to find Elgat pounding dissent. She said, "Hork-Bajir not go too?"

"Yes," I said. "Three Hork-Bajir will go." And Elgat's tail joined the consensus beat.

"Will Toby go?" my mother said quietly.

"No," I said, loud enough for my voice to carry. "I must stay here in Kref Magh to lead. I will not go." Quafijinivon had known I wouldn't, which is why it thought it could deceive us.

We achieved consensus. I found Quafijinivon impossible to read in that moment, though it was studying Koril very closely. "Very well," it said. "I will collect the samples."

"No," I said. "Tomorrow. First we have to decide who will go with you. And we have to listen to the final statements of Dak and Aldrea."

"Very well," Quafijinivon said. "I will fetch them from the ship."

I smiled. "No need. We have them already. Your escort will take you away from here while we listen."

Finally I registered defeat in the Arn. It had been outplayed. But I thought it would not betray its passengers on the way to the homeworld. It would take any protection for its sorry hide it could get.

I will not write in this journal about what I heard when I played back Dak and Aldrea's final statements. It is for only Hork-Bajir to know; Koril and Quafijinivon are the only outsiders who have heard them. My people may change our minds and choose to share them, one day. But given the way Quafijinivon tried to use and control our stories, we are more wary of giving others access. So much has been taken from us. We will keep this one small precious thing to ourselves. But I will say this: what I heard helped me make peace with Aldrea as my ancestor. It was always easy to be proud of Dak Hamee, to see myself in his brave struggle. Aldrea, though, had always troubled me. Andalites were the enemy, and that Aldrea had trapped herself in Hork-Bajir morph had never made it easier to accept that I was a descendant of the enemy. But Aldrea's struggles with her own history of violence and power, her fundamental difference from the other Hork-Bajir – I could finally find an uncomplicated point of connection with her. That meant a lot.

Tobias came to Kref Magh later. He found me at the top of the tallest tree in the valley, watching the patterns of hrala unfurl across my home. «Fal Tagut told me what happened,» he said. «He's very excited to go to the homeworld.»

"Many of my people are," I said. "They've heard the stories of our home, and they want to see the legends for themselves. Only three will get the chance. For now, anyway. Fal might be chosen."

«You're not going now, are you?» Tobias said. «Leading your people here is too important.»

I inclined my head in agreement.

«What about after the war? Will you go then?»

I don't think I would have explained it to any outsider except for him. But for Tobias, of all people, I wanted to give an answer. Finally, I said, "My people have a legend. We believe that all hrala comes from the Tree of Life. Whenever we understand each other, tell stories, all the things that make hrala, we make the Tree of Life bear fruit. It needs us, and we need it. Many of my people, especially the older ones, believe that the Tree of Life grows on our homeworld, and we have to go back if we ever want to see it again. But I believe we must plant the Tree of Life wherever we are. We have to water it, and prune it, and make it grow, together. Sometimes, when I climb to the top of this tree, the highest one in Kref Magh, I think I can see it, blooming where the teachers guide and the lovers court." I shook my head. "This must all seem fantastical to you."

«No,» Tobias said. «Not at all. It sounds like what Loren means when she talks about heaven.»

"Is there room in Loren's heaven for Hork-Bajir?"

«In Loren's heaven? Definitely. Everyone else's heaven? I don't know.»

"This is why I like you best, Tobias. You never try to make humans sound better than they are. You tell me about them exactly the way you see them." I suspected that was because he had been treated poorly by most other humans he had known, but I wasn't so cruel as to say so.

Tobias said, «I'm glad you got to hear Dak and Aldrea's hirac delests.» I looked at him sharply, wondering how he knew that word, which I had learned for the first time from the recorded statements, then realized that of course Ax would have told him. He went on, hesitantly, «Ax thinks that Elfangor would have recorded one. I wish I could hear it.»

It suddenly occurred to me that Tobias, in himself, was much like my people: a being of two worlds, orphaned from his past, with no clear path into the future. "It didn't give us answers," I said. "If that's what you're looking for. But I think it will help us ask the right questions."

«Like what?»

"Like what to teach our children," I said. I looked north, to where the crèches were. "Come. I'll take you to watch some of the lessons. Maybe you'll have some ideas."

«Me?» Tobias said, startled.

I smiled. "You did a good job with me." And I swung through the trees toward the creches, knowing he would follow.

Melissa

My name is Melissa Chapman, my dæmon's name is Ververet, and today is my twenty-first day in Kref Magh.

Yeah, the valley has a name. I found that out today when it randomly occurred to me to ask Elgat. When she told me, I felt like kind of a jerk for not realizing the Hork-Bajir would have named it after living here for a like a year and a half, which is probably longer in Hork-Bajir years. Kref Magh means "green place." Where the Hork-Bajir come from, the trees aren't so green.

Hork-Bajir culture is interesting. I never got to see that before. There are no voluntary Hork-Bajir hosts, probably because the Yeerks treat them worse than the humans. The Animorphs wouldn't get it, if I told them that. They'd say the Yeerks treat all hosts badly. They're slaves, after all. But it's not that simple.

That's why I remind myself every day to be patient. When I hear the new-free circle meeting without me, I choke down my anger and go do something to distract myself. When I saw the empty bracket by the entrance to the yurt where Meret used to leave bunches of sweet-smelling branches, I gathered some myself as best I could.

I still cry when the children run away from me, though.

The others haven't taken it well. Jamal never speaks or makes eye contact with anyone but Julie. Julie keeps trying to talk to the Hork-Bajir, but none of them will listen. Robin goes on long walks through the woods and comes back dirty and panting and scratched up with thorns. Miguel is constantly hanging out with the Chee, and when they're not around, he flies into sudden fits of rage that no one can predict.

I haven't been taking it well either. I can't stand to be left alone, but I can't seem to have a conversation with anyone either. But today something happened that I think is going to change all of that.

I don't know how it started, exactly. All I know is that I was trying to practice gymnastics, so I wouldn't get out of shape, when I suddenly heard screams. I stopped my practice routine and cautiously walked toward the sound, keeping behind tree cover as much as I could.

Delareyne was attacking Rois, kicking with her hooves and headbutting with her horns, while the flamingo dæmon struggled wildly, trying to strike Delareyne with her long bill, but too off-balance to land a blow. Meanwhile, Jamal cowered and Tom stood hunched in the shade of a tree, hugging himself, brown eyes blazing.

I stood frozen behind a tree. If Ververet tried to interfere, he'd be torn to shreds. I should have called for help, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. I listened to Jamal's and Rois's whimpering, to the frantic rustling of feathers and the meaty impact of horns against flesh.

A tree shook, and Meret Kar dropped from it into the middle of the fight. Startled, Delareyne froze, and Rois managed to struggle backward from her. Meret grabbed Delareyne under her arm. I flinched, and so did Tom, I saw, but of course Meret was a Hork-Bajir, and human taboos held no weight for her. Delareyne struggled and kicked, but she was no match against the strength of a Hork-Bajir warrior. Frustrated, she screamed, "Put me down! I have to teach that Yeerk-lover a lesson!"

"No one learn lesson from hurt," Meret said. "Only learn fear."

Jamal had Rois in his arms, now, her neck draped over his shoulder and down his back. They rocked back and forth together on their long legs, tears leaking from Jamal's eyes.

"They're sad because their Yeerks died!" Delareyne spat, glaring at Jamal and Rois. "They should be happy their slavemasters are dead!"

"Yes. Hork-Bajir think new-frees will change from sad to happy. But new-frees sad before, sad now. Meret think Tom and Hork-Bajir not know new-frees. Not understand."

"I'm a new-free too," Delareyne said. "I understand. They're traitors!"

Meret turned to Jamal and Rois. "Jamal want Yeerks to win?"

Jamal shook his head.

"He's lying!" Delareyne raged.

"Jamal!" The shout was from Julie. She came pelting through the trees. "Jamal, baby, are you okay?"

Jamal looked at her, eyes wide and soft, but said nothing. Julie took it in stride. Enther stretched toward Rois from Julie's wrist and whispered something to his partner. Then he wrapped himself around Rois's legs like a cat's cradle. "I'm here, baby," Julie said to Jamal, extending her hand to him slowly and settling it gently on his back. She rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades.

After a moment, she looked up and took in Meret holding Delareyne, with Tom still brooding against a tree. Her face grew hard. "This is your fault, isn't it?" she said to Tom.

Tom just stared at the ground. Delareyne twisted in Meret's grip to look up at her and said, "Put me down. I want to get away from these Uncle Toms."

Julie's lip curled in contempt. "Call me an Uncle Tom again, white boy, and you won't like what I do next."

Meret put Delareyne down. She leaped back to Tom's side. With his dæmon there, a bit of the life seemed to come back into Tom, and he turned and walked away.

The last of the terrible fear drained out of me, and I came out from behind my tree. Meret and Jamal glanced at me, but Julie had other things on her mind. "What are you going to do about him?"

Meret curled her tail around her legs. "Meret not know."

"Your people have meetings, right?" Julie said. "Circles? Some of them are for big decisions, right? Like what to do about that ship that crashed in the valley?"

"Yes."

"Not all of those have to do with us," Julie said, gesturing at herself and Jamal. "But some of them do. Like a meeting about what to do with Tom. One of us should be there for circles making decisions that matter to us."

There was a long pause as Meret thought about this. "Meret understand. Meret tell Toby."

"Thank you," Julie said firmly. Meret seemed to get that it was time for her to leave, and swung up into the trees.

I took a step forward, crunching a twig under my shoe so Julie would notice me. She tore her eyes away from Jamal. "You saw all that?"

"Yeah," I said. "I saw everything."

"Delareyne hurt Rois," Ververet said.

"I can guess why," Julie said darkly.

Jamal cleared his throat, surprising me. He said, "Meret said she thinks the Hork-Bajir don't understand us. Maybe they're ready to listen."

"Huh," Julie said. "Maybe."

"I think you should be our representative," I said to her. "The one who goes to the circles and speaks for us. I think you'd do a good job."

Julie shrugged. "I'll do it. But let's see what Robin and Miguel think first." She put her hand on Jamal's shoulder and steered him back to the yurt, Enther murmuring to Rois too softly for me to hear.

Later, Robin and Miguel agreed that Julie would be our voice in the Hork-Bajir circles. I'm glad about that. I was afraid things might never change between us and the Hork-Bajir, but now they have, even if it was for a terrible reason. I have no idea what we should do about Tom, but no one's asking me to come up with a plan. That's good. I'm better at noticing things and writing them down than figuring out what should happen next.

Still. I wonder what's going to happen. Will the Hork-Bajir ever really understand us? Like I said, it's different being a Hork-Bajir-Controller than a human-Controller. I mentioned that at the beginning of this diary entry but I didn't explain it. I didn't want to, because it's so sad to think about. But I'm the only one of the new-frees who's writing everything down. I should explain, so if anyone ever reads this journal, they'll know.

Hork-Bajir don't live as long as humans. I asked some of the older Hork-Bajir in Kref Magh, and they say the very oldest Hork-Bajir in the stories get to thirty of their years, which Toby says is twenty-eight of ours. They get as big and smart as adults by the time they're a year old, and they go through puberty when they're one and a half.

That makes things different with the Yeerks. It means that Hork-Bajir become dangerous at a young age. A Hork-Bajir could kill a human by the time it's six months old, if it wanted to. So they infest Hork-Bajir very young. They don't get to have childhoods. They don't get to spend their early months with their parents. A Yeerk is pretty much the only parent a growing Hork-Bajir gets.

The other thing is that the Hork-Bajir Yeerks use as hosts now mostly weren't born on the homeworld. The Yeerks bred them. Like animals. They force them to make babies and then they take them away.

So that's why the Hork-Bajir are never voluntary hosts. All of us new-frees know this. We don't talk about it, but we know. All we can do is hope that the Hork-Bajir can try to know us, too.