It makes me curious. Love.

It has the power to destroy people… to make people ecstatically happy. Some people are just luckier than others, I suppose. For me.. well, I'm not lucky at all. I fell in love with my best friend. The person who cares for me when I'm down or unwell. The person who is there for me when I have issues with people. The one who supports me throughout my life, they support my decisions or correct me when I'm wrong. My brother.

It didn't start out as anything too special, just brotherly love. But the more I'm around him, the harder I fall for him. Hikaru. The one and only. He's my everything- I'm in love with him. I'm just not sure how he feels about me, and what I feel for him is forbidden. Incest, one of the biggest crimes one can commit. Sometimes I think that there might be a chance that he loves me back… but…. what I think is stupid. He's in love with Haruhi. There's no way he'd choose his brother over the girl that he loves. That would be….Outrageous.

"Kaoru, are you okay?" Hikaru looked at me, while waving his hand in front of my face.

I blinked. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." Hikaru frowned at me.

"You've been acting different lately. Is something bothering you?" So many things are bothering me. I want him. I'm craving him.

I smiled at him, innocently. "Nothing is bothering me, Hikaru." I can't wait until the host club session starts. I nervously started chewing the pencil that I held. It's the only time Hikaru and I can get to be extremely close. For me, I don't have to pretend to be all 'incestuous' with him. It upsets me that for him, it's all an act.

Music room 3's large doors opened, and a slue of fan girls ran inside. I sighed. Time to start our 'big production'. We got our normal amount of clients, and they were just as eager as ever to see our show. As we started, I dropped the pencil I was chewing(Purposely, of course). I reached to the ground to get it(It fell under the table that separates the us from our clients) and on my way back up from grabbing it, I hit my hand on the table, leaving a bruise on my hand. Then I whimpered.

"Kaoru…." Hikaru took my hand and kissed it. The girls squealed with excitement. "Are you going to be alright….?" He said calmly.

"Hikaru…" I whispered and blushed. I don't think I can take this anymore; I can't stand having to pretend anymore. I narrowed my eyes. "I'm.. I'm leaving". I got up and started towards the exit of the room. As soon as I reached the doors, I could feel all eyes on me. It was a sickly feeling, knowing that you were being watched when you didn't want to be. I rapidly opened the door and sped out. I needed to get out of the school before anybody bothered to come after me. If anybody actually cared enough to come after me.

I exited the school, frustrated. I don't regret leaving Hikaru and the others. Hell, I don't even care if I get kicked out of the host club because of me leaving without warning. All I want is to cry. For people to leave me alone. Might as well practice for when people find out my secret- if they do find out my secret. They probably will. I'm just waiting for the day they do know… they'll frown at me in disgust when they see me. And Hikaru… Hikaru probably will never speak to me again. I need to get my mind off of this.. start to think positive. I'm almost halfway to my house… mine and Hikaru's house. I let out a deep sigh. He'll probably kick me out of the house-

"Kaoru." I heard a quiet voice behind me. I knew who it was. The person that I didn't want to see. At all. Hikaru. Why did he have to follow me? I wish he could read my emotions more clearly. I know that he knows I'm upset right now, I could tell by the look on his face when I left. But I want him to know that I'm upset with him, with myself, and with lifein general.

I continued walking, ignoring him. "Kaoru, tell me what's wrong."

I turned around to face him. "Can you just… give me some space? I need to think." His face… it overwhelmed me. I looked away. It's a wonder how I can contain myself around him. (I'm not vain.. he's more.. masculine than I am, I find that attractive.) I didn't like acting so coldly to him. It made me feel horrible.

Hikaru took my face in his hands; forcing me to look into his eyes. Why me? "Give you some space? What's wrong with you?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"Just…. Please leave me alone." That's when I realized that I was crying… how embarrassing, to cry in front of the one I love most.

"No." He said, monotone.

I pursed my lips, "Wouldn't you rather be with Haruhi right now? I know that you like her! Everybody does. So, why not just go see her instead of wasting your time with me!" That came out harsher than I had wanted. The look on Hikaru's face when I said that was rather confused.

"I…" He paused, "Do… you hate me.. Kaoru..?" I blinked. Of course I don't hate you, stupid! I'm in fucking love with you! I want you to kiss me now, damn it! But, of course… I couldn't say that. I sighed.

"I don't hate you. Not at all, you're my brother.. I couldn't.." He stopped me.

"Alright. As long as you don't hate me." He grinned, then leaned in close to my face. I felt my face heat up. "Kaoru…." He kissed my cheek lightly. "I'm glad."

I pushed him away, "I'm going home, Hikaru." I said confused and anxious. "Are you coming with me?"

"Of course!"

Later that day, we got home.. had dinner, went to our bedroom.
We sat on the bed beside each other.

"I'm sorry about earlier.. I.. don't know what came over me." I told him, which is a lie.

"Don't worry about it!" He smiled. And what a brilliant smile he has. I blushed. He laughed, "Kaoru, why are you blushing?"

"N-no reason!" I smiled and buried my head into a pillow, after laying down.

He spooned me and I blushed again. "I know you're hiding something from me, Kao. I just wish you'd tell me. You do know what you can tell me anything, right? You're my brother. I won't judge you. I never have and I never will."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I could tell he was desperate to know what was on my mind. It wasn't too long before I could hear his light snoring from behind me.. I loved the way he was touching me. It was arousing. I could feel my pants getting tighter and tighter as time went on… it got to the point where it was almost unbearable.

I carefully slid out of bed, making sure I wasn't going to wake my dear brother up. I looked down at him as I stood still in the room, lightly blushing. He looked so calm at that very moment.. I couldn't suppress the smile inside. I made my way to the bathroom, almost rushing because I had to get rid of my 'little friend' that was causing me so much discomfort. I turned the shower on and let it warm up before I stripped myself of my clothing and stepped inside.

I looked down and blushed. Hikaru caused this. I leaned against the shower wall and gripped my now throbbing member. At first, I gently move my hand along it, causing me to shiver. Then I gripped it again, being rougher this time, pumping it. I moaned freely, knowing that the water hitting the shower floor would drown out almost any sound that I make. I imagined that it was him jacking me off. The thought made me needy.

"H-Hikaru!" I leaned my head backward as I came. What a relief it was.. to feel soft again.

"Kaoru? Are you okay in there?" Oh shit. Time to make up an excuse..

"Yeah, I'm fine! I just fell, t-that's all. Don't worry about me!" I said nervously, my voice breaking part way through saying that.

"Alright, Kao. Whatever you say. I'm going back to bed.. meet me there, I guess." He said hazily. I sighed in relief. I was almost caught. If I was, I'd be screwed. Not literally… sadly.

I got into my pajamas and headed out to the bedroom once again. I looked once more at Hikaru and decided that it would be best if I spent the rest of the night in one of our guest bedrooms, which would be the first time in a long time I didn't share a bed with him. I walked to the guest bedroom and fell onto the bed.

I wonder when I'll confess to him, if I ever do.

Gaah. My first FanFic in a long, long time. Please review.. I always enjoy constructive criticism.
Your ideas are also greatly appreciated. :)
Thanks for reading!
~Mikhaila~