OK I wrote this forever ago. It's actually kinda angsty, which is not my thing, but in anycase I figured that since I had written it I might as well post it. I think that I will post in 3 sections. Not sure why three... it's pretty short, but alas.

This starts where the Christmas episode ends.

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"I am not saying this to hurt you, and I am not saying this because I want to leave you, because I don't. But it wasn't just a fling with Meredith, it wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her, and that doesn't just go away because I decided to stay with you."

Derek slid into the booth beside Addison, he glanced at her quickly and then looked away. She stared straight ahead.

Addison fiddled with her drink. She picked it up a few times but didn't drink anything. Derek drained his glass and motioned for a refill.

"You fell in love with Meredith?" Addison finally said.

"Yes."

They were silent again.

"Are you still in love with Meredith?"

"I don't know."

"But you love Meredith."

"Yes."

Silence overcame them again.

"Do you love me?" Addison asked quietly, staring at her drink.

"Yes."

Silence, "Are you in love with me?" Addison looked at Derek for the first time.

Derek stared hard at Addison. "I don't know," he replied honestly, flinching slightly as he saw the pain in her eyes.

Addison looked away. She looked around the bar. Everywhere but at her husband. Finally she shook her head and slid from the booth. Derek stood as she reached for her jacket.

"Addison..."

"Don't Derek."

"Addie..." Derek tried again, reaching out to touch her arm.

"Derek!" Addison said harshly, pulling away, "I need to be alone right now."

"But..."

"Derek," Addison glared at him slightly. One look at him told her that he was not done with this conversation, "At the very least give me a head start."

"OK," Derek said quietly, sitting back down.

"Thank you," Addison muttered, as she left, "I'm taking your car."

Addison drove quickly to her hotel, breaking every speed limit along the way. She was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. The thoughts were running through her head to fast to process.

She slammed on the breaks as she pulled into her parking space, the car lurching slightly.

"Bastard," she spat as she slammed the door shut with all her might.

Nothing around her registered as she made her way to her room and locked herself in. She began pacing the floor. She felt helpless. There was nothing she could do. It was all up to Derek.

Meanwhile, Derek continued to sit in the booth, consuming drink after drink.

"It's a good thing she took my car," he thought to himself. "It's 5 days before Christmas and I am sitting in a bar alone drinking. I should be picking out a tree. This is not how I thought my life would turn out."

He gulped down another drink. He glanced at Addison's buttered rum that was still sitting beside him. "This is what I get for being honest. Loneliness. And it's all her fault."

Derek stood up suddenly, ignoring the head rush. He threw some money down on the table, and walked purposefully outside and hailed a cab. It was a good thing that Addison had taken his car.

Derek fumed as he sat in the cab. What was he doing. Addison had made his life miserable. Meredith would never do that to him. Meredith loved him. Or she thought she loved him. And Derek loved her. Or he thought he loved her. That was enough. Right?

Derek slammed the door to cab. He couldn't believe that he was in the position where he had to choose between them again. He raised his hand and knocked on the door with all his might.