"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if you talk to the dead, you are a schizophrenic"

-Thomas Szasz.

A funeral was the last place I wanted to be. Surrounded by others mourning over the same person I was. Only in a different perspective. The girl who crossed-over I knew on a personal level. Far more personal than any other person in here. Including her parents. She shared everything with me, whether she wanted to or not. And I bounced back with advice helping her whenever she needed.

I knew so many secrets about her, I probably couldn't name them all because they're overlapping what matters the most. The fact that she was dead. That my sister, Ruby Tucker, was lying in an open coffin before everyone that attended her service. Her body stuck at the age of eighteen for who even knows how long. Her hair not in her usual pigtails she always wore, and she's wearing an outfit our Mother picked out, something I know she'd never wear.

I didn't want to be here from the moment I heard she was dead. The first thought to process into my mind rather than 'How the hell did she die?' was more like 'I'm not attending her funeral.' It was pretty selfish, I'm aware, but I was more worried about how I wasn't going to be seeing Ruby the same way she had died. That the morticians would pretty her up and make her presentable. Covering the fact that she committed an act of sin. Hiding the emotions last plastered on her face in the moment the event happened. The lost and devastated twinkle glazed over hazel orbs. I feel like the most important part of this funeral has been ruined by that one move.

I heard the priest begin to recite a prayer and I immediately knew the service was almost over. That this would be the last time I 'saw' Ruby because I promised myself 'If I'm going to the funeral, I'm not going to her burial. I'm not suffering any more than I already am.' Of course, my parents had nothing nice to say about this. I can even recall how the conversation went:

My Mother: "You can't just not attend your sister's burial, Craig. She would want you to be there."

Me: "She wouldn't want me there. She wouldn't want me to deal with her death any longer. Knowing I'd just be bitching the entire time. I know how her brain works, Laura. Way better than anyone else ."

My Father: "How her brain worked, it ain't functioning no longer.

I remember grinding my teeth at my Father's horrible grammar and trying really hard not to correct him. I always got punched whenever I did.

My Mother continued with: You're attending and that's final.

And I ended the conversation with 'I'm not going'. Then left the scene.

So when this classical and really dramatic music began playing in the church, I took this as my queue to leave. Rising from my bench in the back of the church; instead of seated with the rest of my family in the first row.

I managed to slip out without anyone noticing me. Or at least to my knowledge. And as soon as I was welcomed by the outdoors breeze, I knew I was safe. Automatically I saw a rusty old pick-up truck in my view. Knowing it belonged to the one person I was expecting to pick me up, I got in without question.

In the driver's seat sat a male around my age, a mess of greasy and dirty blonde hair piled on top of his head. He greeted me with a smile that was slightly lopsided but gave off the same message. I didn't say a word. Just nodded; letting him know it was okay to leave and take us back to his apartment.

The truck began to move forward as he said, "Karen slept over last night, so she'll still be there. And I'm pretty sure Kyle is going to attend the burial. At least that's what he said."

Again I was silent. I guess you could say I was still in the depression stage of Ruby's death and I was never going to surpass it.

We had a strange relationship and I don't think I could explain it without confusing myself. I loved Ruby and I know she loved me back, we never saying the words straight out to each other but expressing it in ways of knowing. That I could help her with a personal problem she didn't want to tell anyone else, and she'd know I truly cared. That I wasn't just going along with it to get it over with.

We reached the apartment, (Which I could have easily walked to, but didn't want to take the chances of getting caught as the funeral was letting out.) and we both exited the truck, going inside.

We were greeted with a girl, the same age as Ruby, sitting on the couch exclaiming, "Kenny! You're back...with Craig."

I waved to Karen. She was a cute girl. Her eyes lighting up her dull face. Which contained a basic caucasian skin tone and hair waving out the colour of sand. Her trademark red scarf, which she was never seen without, is wrapped around her neck. I liked Karen for the most part. Mainly because she was a good friend of Ruby's and I couldn't find it within myself not to like her.

Upon entering, I immediately made my way to Kenny's room which was located in the back of the two bedroom apartment. Just off to the side of the living-room within a small hallway. I could feel Kenny's presence following behind. As soon as I walked into the room, the smell of marijuana hit my nostrils at full blast. The bud overpowering anything else that could have been present. Not much was in the room. A bed with what looked to be fresh linen, a nightstand piled with small bags of marijuana and pipes, a mirror hung on the wall adjacent to the doorway and a semi small flat screen television was on the wall across from that. I noticed crumpled papers scattered about the floor along with trash and dirty piles of clothes. The carpeted floor itself almost being a mystery if I hadn't been here so many times.

Avoiding the items on the ground, I greeted Kenny's bed with my body falling on top of it. I lied flat on my back. Staring at the ceiling which was covered in all kinds of naked girls. Not a single whitespace showing. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at them, although it's nothing I haven't seen before. And as soon as my lids closed, I felt the bed move and a body press against my own.

"What do you want, Kenny?" My voice came out cracked.

"To make you feel better." While saying this, he rubbed my cheek with his thumb humming slightly.

"And just what did you have in mind?"

My eyelids fluttered open as he moved his mouth closer to my ear. Whispering, "Whatever you want."

"What I want is for Ruby to be alive again, but that definitely isn't an option."

He sighed, "I know…" Lips gently touched my own. Barely brushing against them. "Can I distract you for a bit?"

"You're just looking for sex aren't you?" I couldn't help but smile as I asked. Shining my braces at him. I know it was a weakness of his, when I actually smiled. I didn't do it much. Especially in the state I'm in now.

He laughed and I automatically knew the answer was yes. Leaning forward a tad, I had my lips meet his once more. Pushing better pressure than the last. In a slow motion, our lips were moving in synch. My brain cells slowing down. My mind going blank. I tried to focus my attention on the movement of Kenny's mouth. Sucking lightly on his bottom lip. His jaw dropped some, his wet muscle licking my top lip but also running along the metal in my mouth. I remember the first time he cut his tongue on my braces. Almost ruined the mood.

I found us doing this a lot; Kenny and I. We had a relationship I couldn't quite understand. Not to the standards of Ruby and I. This one...was much more complicated.

It was almost like a friend's with benefits type deal. A total non-platonic bond. Understanding each other in a way no one could. And sharing a sexual relation that we could go to when needed. Which, in this situation was understandable.

The first time something like this happened took me by surprise. But I guess it really shouldn't have. Seeing Kenny as someone who was always looking for sex. It was getting around the time that it was my turn. We didn't seal the deal entirely. No, that wouldn't be for a couple months. Just small foreplay. Something I never found myself wanting to do, but now, looked at it in a brand new view.

My breath hitched as Kenny's hand traveled along my face to the nape of my neck. Just reaching the point where the stands of my hair end. I knew what he was going for. A total turn-on on my part. His digits curled around my hair and in a slow and agonizing motion he pulled. A growl rose in my throat And I kissed him harder. A small trail of saliva beginning to slide down the corner of my mouth. My head tilted back with his hand. Burrowing further into the bed sheets.

Kenny breathed into my mouth and I opened my jaw wider. The bottom row of my braces quickly catching on his bottom lip. I heard him yelp slightly. Pulling back to look me in the eyes. The shock of baby blue hues hit me hard. Sending a ripple of chills down my spine. But I couldn't find myself to look away. Staring right back into them.

I noticed a small trickle of blood start to form. Barely enough to make a mess. I uttered a 'sorry' and pecked him on the lips softly.

"I'll never get used to that.." Kenny muttered. "When are you supposed to be getting those off anyways?"

Lifting the upper half of my body to where I sat on my elbows, I sighed. "Not for another year."

He mumbled the next statement to escape his mouth. Obviously not wanting to be heard. But I asked him to repeat himself anyway.

"You're staying away from my dick for the time being. Until those evil creations come off."

"You act like I li-"

Kenny interrupted before I could finish, "I don't even see an improvement. Those things are bullshitting your parents. Just trying to take their money."

"Shut the hell up, and fuck me."

That made him smile, "Oh, you wanna go straight to the fucking, eh?"

Rolling my eyes, I lied back down and wrapped my arms around Kenny's neck. Pulling him into my chest. The warmth of his body radiating evenly. I sighed, my mouth setting against his golden locks. Which, at the moment, weren't looking too clean. Shiny signs of grease reflecting off the light that shone throughout the room.

"I miss Ruby." I whispered.

Murmuring into my chest, Kenny replied with, "Explain to me how she died again."

What I wanted to say was 'If you went to the service, you'd know.' But instead I said, "Suicide."

"I know that. But like the details…"

The topic wasn't hard for me to get into. Not like most people who would be offended if Kenny asked such a thing or break down in tears. I had no problem with it. It was like any other topic I would have about Ruby. On the same level of what she did to get bitched at my parents and start a whole argument, or of the latest rumours her and Karen conducted together. Of course her death was something that didn't settle with me (What with her never being in my sight nor person.) but that didn't mean I wouldn't give up the chance to explain her death.

I remember the first time the police came to us with the news. I memorised every word that was recited. Like it was a prayer I needed to remember for church that was said every Sunday. I listened to the details closely. Unlike my Mother who broke down crying the second the police approached her. And my Father who stroked her back and whispered sweet nothings into her ear reassuring that everything was going to be all right. No, I listened and I memorised. And I now recite. And I do it in pride. Pride in that I know these things about my sister. And that I can share them with others. Showing how much I truly care for her.

"It was a simple lynching." I stated. "She hadn't been to class in a few days and one of the friends she was close to went to check on her. Opening the door to witness Ruby's lifeless body hanging from a rope hung on the ceiling. Her hazel orbs wide open and showing discomfort and her body no longer in motion. A smell of decaying flesh spread throughout the room. Surprised no one in the dorms began to notice."

"Did you know?" Kenny wiggled a tad in my grip so I loosened my arms from around him and watched as he sat up to straddle my hips. Looking down at me.

This position always made me uncomfortable unless I was the one on top. And I could feel a small rise in blush hit my cheeks.

"Did I know what?"

"She was suffering."

I shook my head softly. Then brought my hands to cup Kenny's. Bringing them to the waistline of my jeans. A small smile spread across my face. Hiding my 'evil creations' as Kenny now liked to call them.

When I first got my braces at the the beginning of the year, Kenny immediately fell in love with them. The moment I opened my mouth, still in slight pain, he jumped me. Trying his hardest to kiss me. Took forever to pull the bastard off my body, but he eventually came through. Giving the strangest seduction glance. A look I can't get out of my mind to this day.

He was smiling right back at me when I watched Kenny's hands begin to mess with the button on my jeans. Slowing undoing it and moving onto the zipper. The suspense of how slow he was going killed me, and I closed my eyes leaning into the bed a bit. Pushing my hips upward in an unsettling way.

"Ruby told me everything and I have a strong feeling that if she was helpless or suffering in anyway possible she would come to me."

"But how can you be so sure?" My zipper was now undone and I was lifting my hips a bit so Kenny could pull them down to where they hugged my thighs.

"Because it's happened before. Ruby was having a hard time starting high school and she came to me with some ideas that had been haunting her during the time. She could trust me, Kenny. And I have no doubt within my mind that if she was going through the same thing beginning her college career then she would tell me. It isn't like her, so it must have been something else." Pause. "I don't tell too many people this, Ken. Actually you may be the first person I'm saying this to… But I have a strange feeling Ruby didn't commit suicide."

"Then you're thinking it may have been murder?"

"That's exactly what I'm thinking."