DISCLAIMER: JAG and all associated characters are the property of
Bellasario productions, CBS, and Paramount. No copyright infringement
is intended. Believe me, I'm not making any money.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a strange little drabble that occurred to me
at 2:00am in the morning. It bothered me to the point I had to
actually get up and try to capture it. (Yes, I was late for work this
morning and yes, I am beginning to doubt my grasp of reality- I am
now officially obsessive). I don't think I did the idea justice, I
couldn't quite find the words...whether it was the hour or my
inadequacy I'm not sure yet.
You can't say you weren't warned...
ARCHIVE: Yes, as long as my name stays with it.
FEEDBACK: If you feel so moved, it's always a pleasure.
For So Many Reasons
"I do love you..." Mac's hand clenched his tightly as she leaned
forward. "for so many reasons."
Looking into his eyes, she felt herself get lost in their depths as
she attempted to put into words how she felt.
"I love you because-
because when I look into your eyes I see your love for me, so strong,
and so clear." A moment and then "I see me as you see me...someone of
value, someone worth loving." Taking a breath to steady herself Mac
continued.
"Because every time I look at you I can see the future. I see
kids...I see growing old together...I see the family I never had.
Because I see someone that I can count on, that I know will give up
everything for me. Because whenever you're in the room you make me
happy." Tears began to fall slowly down Mac's face as she continued.
"I know I've never actually told you that before-but I do love you.
That's what makes this so hard." The tears came harder as Mac began
to cry in earnest, her voice cracking as she continued.
"I love you, but I love him too." Feeling him tense in shock, she
choked as she tried to explain.
"I love you for so many reasons Mic, but I love him beyond reason-or
maybe for no reason. I don't know how to explain it." Stumbling for
words, Mac haltingly tried to explain "Everything I've told you is
true Mic, but with Harm..."
"With Harm I don't have to look into his eyes to know that he loves
me. I just know. It's a warmth, a truth that I can feel in my heart
without ever having heard him say the words. I hear it when he says
my name, or when he holds the door for me. With him, I don't have to
imagine what my life would be like. I know exactly what it would be
like...I've dreamt so often of being with him, of our kids...of our
family." Pausing for breath, Mac felt her heart breaking at the pain
she could see shimmering in Mic's stunned eyes. Not wanting to cause
him additional anguish, but knowing he deserved the truth, she
continued.
"I'm so sorry Mic. I need you to understand. Harm...he doesn't live
his life around me, he lives it with me. He doesn't give up anything
for me, he just gives to me. There aren't any grand sacrifices to
guarantee my affection, only small gestures that remind me of his."
Mac inhaled a painful breathe, she felt as if she were tearing every
good thing Mic had done for her down- but she just wanted him to
understand. Determined she started again " He doesn't have to make me
happy Mic, he's the reason I'm happy. He doesn't even have to be in
the room-because he's never more than a thought away. " She paused
trying to gather her thoughts.
"I know I'm not saying this very well, and I know you think I'm being
cruel by saying this at all...but I don't intend it that way. I love
you. I do Mic. But the fact is I have reason to love you. I've
convinced myself, and you, that I love you -- because it's the right
thing to do. Because you love me, and it's logical to love you back.
You're a good man with everything I'm looking for and so much to
offer..."
Mac's heart twisted as Mic lowered his eyes, trying to hide the hint
of moisture in his eyes and the growing resentment she could see
beginning in the tightening of his mouth and jaw.
" I know you probably hate me right now... I wish I could change
things. Go back in time a few months, and stop this before everything
went this far. But I can't. I'm not even entirely sure I would. I
regret hurting you Mic, but if I had never fallen in love with
you....for so many reasons... then I wouldn't realize that I loved
Harm... for none."
"You deserve the same Mic. You deserve someone that will love you
beyond all reason, for no reason ...just for being you," Mac's voice
dropped to a sad whisper "and that's not me. It's not fair for either
of us to go on pretending that it is." Trembling slightly, she
released Mic's hand and reached over to slide his ring off her left
hand. Dropping it into his palm she watched as his finger's convulsed
closed in reflex.
Mic stood without a word. Turning, he grabbed his jacket from the
couch and made for the door. "Mic..."
He paused without turning. "I hope one day you find someone that can
show you what I'm talking about-and I hope you're both very happy.
You deserve it." Her voice broke once again as she watched the man
who had been such an important part of her life for more than a year
walk away.
Without so much as glancing back, Mic stepped out of Sarah
Mackenzie's door, out of her apartment, and out of her life.
"I'm sorry Mic, I'm so sorry." Mac's tear laden words lingered in the
air of her empty apartment. "Maybe one day both of us will get what
we want." And with that final lament, Mac clutched a pillow to her
stomach, curled up on the couch and considered the man she had just
hurt deeply and the man she couldn't help but love.
Somehow, someway, for absolutely no reason at all, she knew it was
all going to be OK. Mic would eventually realize this was for the
best...and Harm, well, it might take a little more time, but she was
certain that soon he would realize that Renee was all wrong for him.
For so many reasons...
The End.
Sappy, I know.
Hope you enjoyed- have a great weekend.
Donna
Bellasario productions, CBS, and Paramount. No copyright infringement
is intended. Believe me, I'm not making any money.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a strange little drabble that occurred to me
at 2:00am in the morning. It bothered me to the point I had to
actually get up and try to capture it. (Yes, I was late for work this
morning and yes, I am beginning to doubt my grasp of reality- I am
now officially obsessive). I don't think I did the idea justice, I
couldn't quite find the words...whether it was the hour or my
inadequacy I'm not sure yet.
You can't say you weren't warned...
ARCHIVE: Yes, as long as my name stays with it.
FEEDBACK: If you feel so moved, it's always a pleasure.
For So Many Reasons
"I do love you..." Mac's hand clenched his tightly as she leaned
forward. "for so many reasons."
Looking into his eyes, she felt herself get lost in their depths as
she attempted to put into words how she felt.
"I love you because-
because when I look into your eyes I see your love for me, so strong,
and so clear." A moment and then "I see me as you see me...someone of
value, someone worth loving." Taking a breath to steady herself Mac
continued.
"Because every time I look at you I can see the future. I see
kids...I see growing old together...I see the family I never had.
Because I see someone that I can count on, that I know will give up
everything for me. Because whenever you're in the room you make me
happy." Tears began to fall slowly down Mac's face as she continued.
"I know I've never actually told you that before-but I do love you.
That's what makes this so hard." The tears came harder as Mac began
to cry in earnest, her voice cracking as she continued.
"I love you, but I love him too." Feeling him tense in shock, she
choked as she tried to explain.
"I love you for so many reasons Mic, but I love him beyond reason-or
maybe for no reason. I don't know how to explain it." Stumbling for
words, Mac haltingly tried to explain "Everything I've told you is
true Mic, but with Harm..."
"With Harm I don't have to look into his eyes to know that he loves
me. I just know. It's a warmth, a truth that I can feel in my heart
without ever having heard him say the words. I hear it when he says
my name, or when he holds the door for me. With him, I don't have to
imagine what my life would be like. I know exactly what it would be
like...I've dreamt so often of being with him, of our kids...of our
family." Pausing for breath, Mac felt her heart breaking at the pain
she could see shimmering in Mic's stunned eyes. Not wanting to cause
him additional anguish, but knowing he deserved the truth, she
continued.
"I'm so sorry Mic. I need you to understand. Harm...he doesn't live
his life around me, he lives it with me. He doesn't give up anything
for me, he just gives to me. There aren't any grand sacrifices to
guarantee my affection, only small gestures that remind me of his."
Mac inhaled a painful breathe, she felt as if she were tearing every
good thing Mic had done for her down- but she just wanted him to
understand. Determined she started again " He doesn't have to make me
happy Mic, he's the reason I'm happy. He doesn't even have to be in
the room-because he's never more than a thought away. " She paused
trying to gather her thoughts.
"I know I'm not saying this very well, and I know you think I'm being
cruel by saying this at all...but I don't intend it that way. I love
you. I do Mic. But the fact is I have reason to love you. I've
convinced myself, and you, that I love you -- because it's the right
thing to do. Because you love me, and it's logical to love you back.
You're a good man with everything I'm looking for and so much to
offer..."
Mac's heart twisted as Mic lowered his eyes, trying to hide the hint
of moisture in his eyes and the growing resentment she could see
beginning in the tightening of his mouth and jaw.
" I know you probably hate me right now... I wish I could change
things. Go back in time a few months, and stop this before everything
went this far. But I can't. I'm not even entirely sure I would. I
regret hurting you Mic, but if I had never fallen in love with
you....for so many reasons... then I wouldn't realize that I loved
Harm... for none."
"You deserve the same Mic. You deserve someone that will love you
beyond all reason, for no reason ...just for being you," Mac's voice
dropped to a sad whisper "and that's not me. It's not fair for either
of us to go on pretending that it is." Trembling slightly, she
released Mic's hand and reached over to slide his ring off her left
hand. Dropping it into his palm she watched as his finger's convulsed
closed in reflex.
Mic stood without a word. Turning, he grabbed his jacket from the
couch and made for the door. "Mic..."
He paused without turning. "I hope one day you find someone that can
show you what I'm talking about-and I hope you're both very happy.
You deserve it." Her voice broke once again as she watched the man
who had been such an important part of her life for more than a year
walk away.
Without so much as glancing back, Mic stepped out of Sarah
Mackenzie's door, out of her apartment, and out of her life.
"I'm sorry Mic, I'm so sorry." Mac's tear laden words lingered in the
air of her empty apartment. "Maybe one day both of us will get what
we want." And with that final lament, Mac clutched a pillow to her
stomach, curled up on the couch and considered the man she had just
hurt deeply and the man she couldn't help but love.
Somehow, someway, for absolutely no reason at all, she knew it was
all going to be OK. Mic would eventually realize this was for the
best...and Harm, well, it might take a little more time, but she was
certain that soon he would realize that Renee was all wrong for him.
For so many reasons...
The End.
Sappy, I know.
Hope you enjoyed- have a great weekend.
Donna