"Would Ayamatta Aidentiti,, come to the main office please?"
*Sigh* "What did I do this time?" I murmured to myself. I pushed my chair out from under the desk and grabbed my notebook.
Wouldn't want someone to get a hold of it now would I? It holds too many secrets. Dark secrets.
I walked the corridor as memories of this month's occurrences flashed through my mind, creating dark thoughts that, if not rescued soon, would drown me.
Flash back:
"Say, who wants to play a game of truth or dare!?" Elizabeth, my very best friend in the entire world asked out of nowhere. Fidgeting in my seat, clearly uncomfortable at the suggestion, I waited for someone to respond so I wouldn't have to.
I hate that game. Last time I played it, all of my secrets, and I mean all, got out. People learned what I was really like and they started to hate me. I was forced to move due to the constant death threats.
"Where's this coming from all of a sudden? Are you trying to tell us you've got a crush?" Katlyn accused jokingly.
"No! I just wanted to get to know my friends better. Besides, the only crush I have is-"
"Ha! So you admit it!?"
"You didn't let me finish! But yes, I do have one. Though, he's not real."
"Wait, is he an imaginary boyfriend?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.
"N-NO! He's an anime character."
Oh? For once a topic I can enjoy talking about.
"What anime? Which character?" I asked her.
"Naruto is the anime but my crush is sasuke." She admitted truthfully.
Seriously? What do people see in him? He's an arrogant brat who thinks the world revolves around him just because his clan was murdered. I mean, lots of people have horrifying experiences too, ya know.
"Anyways, are we gonna play truth or dare, or not?" Elizabeth asked again.
"I... I guess we can." I said, silently cursing to myself for agreeing to this.
"Alright then, I'll go first since I suggested it. I'm doing..." She thought about it for a second before continuing. "Truth. Ask away my dear friends."
"Hmm... Who do you like best between me and Ayamatta? Afterwords, explain why."
"Uh... But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Can't you choose another one?" Elizabeth pleaded.
"Nope, you gotta answer."
She took a deep breath then said in a barely audible whisper as fast as she could,
"Ilikeyouetter, Katlyn, becauseAyamattaisjustalwayssoquietandshythatitkindagetsannoying."
"I... didn't understand a thing you just said." Kaylyn said with a very confused look on her face.
But I did...
"That was the point. Now moving on! Katlyn, since you asked the question it's your turn next. Truth or dare?" Elizabeth said, quickly changing the subject.
"Dare."
"Alright... I dare you to go outside and kiss Ayamatta under a street lamp." Elizabeth said, trying to contain her laughter. My eyes widen in shock that I had to do something like that.
"W-what! N-no way am I gonna do something like that!" Both me and Katlyn called out at the same time.
"You've got to."
"No. You're going to video tape it." Katlyn said defiantly.
"I won't, I promise."
"Liar!"
A lot of arguing went on between the two until it was final. Me and Katlyn had to kiss. On the lips. Under the street lamp. Outside.
"I'm gonna get that girl back for this." Katlyn murmured under her breath as she walked down the street with me.
I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this game. We're gonna get caught and then everyone is gonna hate me again. Oh dear Jashin! Why must you do this to me!? Why!?
Katlyn and me had decided it was best to choose the street lamp farthest away from the house so that there was no chance Elizabeth could videotape it.
"Listen Ayamatta, this kiss means nothing right? It's just a stupid dare Elizabeth set up. Now, let's get this out of the way." She leaned in but stopped midway and bit her teeth nervously. Squeezing her eyes shut, she clenched her fists as they shook. Either from anger or from nervousness.
She's even more worried about this then I am. If someone were to see this, I'd rather them believe it was my doing and not hers, so...
I leaned in the rest of the way and pecked her on the lips, but immediately turned my, now beat red, face out of embarrassment.
Her eyes flew open and she blushed, too. I nervously gripped onto my arm and said "Now that we're done we can go back to the house, right?"
She shook her head, snapping her out of her trance, and replied "Uh, yeah. Let's go." She went to take a step around me, but tripped in the process. I quickly went to grab her, but I ended up falling as well. I found myself on the ground with Katlyn on top of me. She was on her knees, one on each side of my waist, with her hands clutching my wrists, which had somehow had fallen beside my head. One of my knees was between her legs rubbing against the fabric of her panties underneath her skirt. Our faces were very close, close enough that our noses brushed against each other. The first few buttons of her shirt had come undone so now most of her cleavage was exposed and rubbing against my covered ones. It was then that I realized that Katlyn doesn't wear bras.
This was the only thing I could think of. The thought played over and over in my mind as my eyes grew larger and larger with each passing second. I had accidently moved my leg upwards, rubbing even more against her crotch.
A small moan escaped her lips as she closed her eyes for a brief second but they quickly shot back open, biting her lip to refrain from making any other noises.
She scrambled to her feet and quickly apologised before running back to the house. I still laid here on the ground, wide eyed, trying figure out what had just happened...
FlashBack End:
By now, I had reached the office. I reached a shaky hand towards the doorknob and twisted it until the door opened.
When I stepped in I was greeted by the strong smell of perfume.
"Ah, Ms. Aidentiti, Mr. Kart is waiting for you in the guidance office." I silently nodded my head towards the office attendant then knocked on the door of the guidance office.
"Come in." I heard on the other side. I walked in and saw Mr. Kart completing paperwork at his desk.
He looked up, frowning, but quickly smiled when he saw me.
"Ms. Aidentiti, It's nice to see you. How have you been doing lately?" He asked me, concern visible his eyes.
"Fine."
"Good. It's good to hear that." We stood/sat in an awkward silence till he spoke up again. "Now Ms. Aidentiti, I don't want to beat around the bush. I know that you and Katlyn were very close. Closer than just friends." I blushed when those words left his mouth.
"But that's not what you're here today for. Your parents are concerned about you. They say you've been eating and sleeping lesser and lesser since the... unfortunate death... of Katlyn. Is this true?"
"I guess it depends on what you call normal eating and sleeping habits." I replied, not really knowing how to answer.
"Ayamatta, this is very serious. We understand that you two were close, but you shouldn't take it out on yourself. It's not your fault."
But it is. You don't understand. It's a my fault. I could've helped her. Saved her. But I didn't try hard enough. I didn't even tell the police what happened. I kept it all to myself because I'm a coward. I should be me, not her. I shouldn't be alive. I don't deserve to live.
"Ms. Aidentiti? Are you listening to me?" He asked, snapping me out of my morbid thoughts.
"H-huh? Oh ye-yeah"
*Sigh* "Ms. Aidentiti, your parents have recommended you for counseling. You are to come here everyday before and after school. As well as any times you may feel the need to talk to someone. Okay?"
"Yes sir..."
"Alright, you can go back to class now."
I stepped out of the office and into the hallway. By now, tears were threatening to spill over.
I can't let anyone see me crying.
I speed walked to the girl's bathroom, passing by hundreds of blue lockers in the process, when one in particular, caught the corner of my eye. I came to a halt in front of it but kept my head down low out of fear that if I looked up, I would break down for sure.
Slowly but surely I lifted my head up until I was staring directly at the it. This locker was like any other except for the fact that it was covered in notes. The kind of notes you might give to a dead man.
Or girl.
Many notes expressed the sorrow and sadness that the owner's many friends felt. Only one note said otherwise; a confession of love. This particular note contained less words than any other, but was more personal. The saddest part is, that this locker's owner will never read these notes. They'll never know how dearly someone loved them.
Katlyn will never know that Ayamatta loved her...
I fell against the locker and curled up into a ball as I sobbed into my knees.
Weak...
Pathetic...
Coward...
Couldn't even help the girl you loved...
Should've been you, not her...
You don't deserve to live...
These thoughts ran rapid through my mind until, slowly, I began to realize how true they really were.
If I loved her like I said, then why didn't I try harder?
Bells rung, students passed by, classes began, but I never moved.
I sat there in that exact spot for the rest of that school day, just thinking about what I could've done but didn't, until nothing was left of me but a hollow shell. A hollow shell, that couldn't be repaired.
(TimeSkip to end of school day)
My feet felt heavy. It felt as if had 30 extra pounds attached to me. And I did. 30 pounds of negative thoughts. Maybe more.
Strangers would give me strange looks as I passed by them. Whether it was because of my lifeless, dull, eyes or the fact that I looked like I died then dug myself out from 6 feet under, I don't know. But I do know that nothing is going to stop me tonight. I will accomplish my goal. That goal? To end my life.
There really isn't a point to living anymore. I mean, the only person I ever loved died and I let it happen. There are hundreds of people dying each day anyways. What difference will one more make?
When I reached the front porch to my house I walked in, taking in the many memories that I had of her under this roof.
I looked over to my couch when all these feeling became apparent.
Flashback:
"So, how was the kiss~?" Elizabeth teased.
"Short and simple." Katlyn replied, clearly upset.
"Awe, look your blushing. Did you enjoy it." She continued to tease.
"No." Katlyn said firmly.
"How about you Ayamatta? Did you enjoy it?" She asked turning to me. "Are you sure all you did was a short, and simple, kiss? Surely one kiss wouldn't make your faces that red, now would it? I mean, one kiss always leads to a first time."
I flushed a deep red at the thought of what happened after the kiss. Katlyn seemed to be thinking the same thing. I didn't wasn't to risk stuttering, so I simply shook my head.
"Look Katlyn, you've left her speechless. Just what did you two do while I was gone?" Elizabeth could see she clearly won the game, so she ended it on that note.
"Well, I'll let you two decide if this turns into anything." She teased one final time, smirking. "Anyways, who wants to binge watch Naruto?"
My ears perked up at the sound of that. Katlyn and me shared a real quick look of approval before agreeing.
This should shut her up for a while.
We watched episode after episode until, finally, Elizabeth feel into a deep sleep.
"Glad that's over." Katlyn sighed in relief and went to turn off the TV.
"Uh, can you leave it on?" I asked.
"You actually like this crap? Whatever, you two are so weird." She gave in. We sat in a awkward silence, the only noise coming from the TV.
"So, uh... Promise to never speak of tonight's occurrence, like, ever again?" She asked, holding her breath. I quickly nodded, eager to leave it all behind us.
Me and Katlyn went to my bedroom to go to sleep. We ended up sharing the same bed due to complications with the air mattress.
As Katlyn crawled in bed her hand brushed over mine and I blushed. I felt butterfly's in my stomach.
What the heck is this feeling?
Instead of getting sleep, I pondered on what the feeling meant. Most of the thinking led to Katlyn. The more I thought about her, the more the feeling got stronger.
It was then that I realized that this might be what they call-
No. It's not that. It's definitely not that. It... It can't be right? I mean? How can it? We're both girls after all, so it would never work out.
I fell asleep at this final thought. When I woke up in the morning, me and Katlyn were holding hands and one of her legs was placed over mine.
I gently shook her to wake her up. She slowly opened her eyes, took one look at her current position and nearly screamed. I had, luckily, clasped a hand over her mouth so that she didn't.
"I'm so sorry Ayamatta. I didn't mean to do that." She quickly apologised once I let go.
"It's fine. You were asleep the whole time anyways so no harm done." she breathed a silent sigh of relief. The feeling from last night was coming back so I decided I needed to take a walk and clear my mind.
Katlyn must've thought the same because she tagged along with me. As we walked the feeling in my stomach would tighten. Without thinking I turned down an abandoned alleyway, trying desperately to get away from Katlyn.
I blocked her calling out and continued down it.
"Ayamatta, look out!" I heard her scream. My eyes widened at the sight in front of me. What looked like a man holding a machete, was running towards me, clearly with ill intent. I knew it was too late to duck now, but just as the man took a swing at me, I was pushed away. I fell to the ground and turned around to see what had saved me, but immediately regretted my decision.
There stood Katlyn, with the machete piercing her heart. Before falling to the concrete I saw her mouth a few words. I was in too much shock to actually understand what she tried to tell me. I let out a bloodcurdling scream as the culprit ran away from the crime scene, leaving the murder weapon behind.
I rushed up to Katlyn to see if she was still alive, but I heard, nor felt not even the slightest trace of a heartbeat. A waterfall of tears streamed down my face as I desperately begged Katlyn to wake up, calling her name over and over.
A few people rushed down the alleyway, as they had heard the scream, but immediately stopped in their tracks. Pulling their phones out they called the police and an ambulance. Only a few brave souls were able to console me. They had to drag me away from the body.
That night, I spent in an interrogation room.
FlashBack end:
I had everything ready. The razor blade, the bathtub, and most of all, the note. Of all the deaths possible, I chose the most painful. I owe that much to Katlyn.
My parents will be home soon enough, so I'll have to be quick about this.
I stepped into the bathtub and shakily brought the blade up to the back of my arm. I slowly dragged it across, hissing in pain. When I was finished, deep red flooded from the wound then mixed with the water. I leaned my head against the wall and thought about Katlyn in my last few moments on earth. The last thought I had was the words Katlyn mouthed to me.
It was then that I realized what she had said. Four words. Four words, I would never be able to hear.
I love you Ayamatta...
No! No! No! She... She loved me too... I'm so sorry... Sorry for letting you get hurt and sorry for taking the coward's wag out... Please forgive me...
I do. But it wasn't your fault. I loved you and still do. But... That's why I'm sending you home
Ayamatta. I want you to find love again. If not for yourself, then for me. Just think of this as my final wish. Goodbye Ayamatta.