Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.
Yoru: Yes, I KNOW I have other fics to finish. But I wanted to get this posted. I wrote it quite a while back.
Kuronue: So, Yoru no Kuronue enters the Death Note fandom!! (trumpet) MAKE WAY!!
Yoru: (arches eyebrow) Okay, no. Never do that again.
Kuronue: Awww. Warnings: Yaoi and spoilers.
Yoru: Major spoilers. Anyway, the song is fairly new. It's by the Three Graces; very classical and strong.
As you close your eyes
I'll become a dream
Fading like the last star in the sky
Raito dived for Ryuuzaki as he hit the floor.
"Ryuuzaki! Ryuuzaki, what's wrong?"
"Kira..."
Raito's eyes widened.
"No...Ryuuzaki, don't...please, hang on..."
"There's no...turning back..."
"Please...please..." Raito felt the tears falling, landing in Ryuuzaki's hair as Raito pulled him up. holding him close. He barely heard his father calling for an ambulance, barely felt Matsuda trying to pull Ryuuzaki out of his arms.
"Please...please..." It was all he could say as the man he loved panted and gasped with pain.
"R-Raito-kun..."
Raito pulled Ryuuzaki out enough to face him.
"Kiss me...goodbye..."
Raito did, fervently and passionately, wishing and praying with every fiber of his being that his Ryuuzaki wasn't dying in his arms. He drowned in his lover's sweetness even as the man's breathing slowed, only pulling away when it halted with a shudder.
"R-Ryuuzaki...please...please, no..."
With this final kiss
Stolen from your lips
You must be the strong one
Do what's right for you and I
Raito had known before his father told him that Ryuuzaki couldn't be revived. He sat on his bed now, a week later, staring at a picture of his lover.
"Son?" His father entered the room, sitting beside him. Raito didn't move.
"Son, there's something I need you to tell me."
Raito looked up, shadows under his eyes reminiscent of the late Ryuuzaki. Soichiro shuddered, and then continued.
"You've never been so distraught over a person. Son, were you...why am I asking? The scene at Ryuuzaki's death was enough to tell me. You were romantically involved, weren't you?"
Raito looked away, back at his picture. Ryuuzaki was smiling as much as he ever did, hands in his pockets, slightly straighter than usual. Raito loved the picture - he always thought Ryuuzaki looked more human in it. Though to be honest, Ryuuzaki's oddness was a huge part of of what Raito loved about him.
"Son..."
"If you knew the answer, why are you asking?" Raito asked hoarsely.
"I'm worried about you."
"Dad. Ryuuzaki was my lover for a long time. You know what's sad about it?"
Soichiro shifted. He was clearly uncomfortable, but Raito plowed on, uncaring.
"He never did tell me his name. I loved hm desperately, unconditionally, and he never told me. I think back to watching him die, and I should have asked him. I should have...asked him..." Raito's voice died to a sob, and siddenly he was back in his father's lap like a toddler, crying into his shirt.
Soichiro let him, wishing he could do something to ease his son's pain.
Oh, I will sing my requiem
To a love that hurts with every breath
And as I walk alone and live without your love
I will sing my requiem
My requiem
To you
Spring turned into summer, and Raito walked home on the last day of school with a still-heavy heart. He took a detour through the park, glancing at the bench where Ryuuzaki had come to sit sometimes. Raito sat on it, leaning back and remembering.
"Raito-kun, after the Kira case, you will tell your father about us, right?"
"I told you I would, and I will."
"I told Watari."
"Really? What did he say?"
"He said it was about time."
Raito laughed at the memory, at his own indignation, at Ryuuzaki's battle with himself to keep from sniggering. All on this very park bench. Ryuuzaki had kissed him, right there, and Raito had let him, not caring who saw. Ryuuzaki had been so...sweet.
Raito felt the tears gathering again, and he let them fall. He thought he'd shed them all.
We met just by chance
Or just by mistake
The universe was playing with our lives
"Ryuuzaki, can I ask you something?"
"Can it wait, Raito-kun? I am very busy with this report."
"No."
Ryuuzaki never looked annoyed, Raito realized. He just looked at Raito with an emotionless mask. After all, they were at work, even if everyone else was out of the room.
"Do you think we'll survive this case?"
"I calculate an 84 chance of your survival, Raito-kun, adding in the factors of your possible identity as Kira."
Raito wrapped his arms around himself as he remebered the silence following Ryuuzaki's statement. He had just let the "Kira" jab slide for once.
"What about you?"
"...I calculate a 22 chance of my own, Raito-kun."
"Why so small? You never reveal your name or anything."
"But Kira will find me, Raito-kun. My survival depends on my finding him first."
"You will find him first, Ryuuzaki!"
Raito had jumped on Ryuuzaki, kissing him desperately. Ryuuzaki didn't push him off, the first time he hadn't when Raito had kissed him at work. However, neither did he respond. Raito had felt offended, but only until he looked into Ryuuzaki's eyes and saw the sadness, the utter despair, looking back at him.
They had stared at each other for a long time, Raito straddling Ryuuzaki's lap, Ryuuzaki gently stroking the back of his neck.
"You can't die, Ryuuzaki."
"Kira won't let me live, Raito-kun. Not if he finds me."
"Promise me you won't leave me."
Raito shuddered as the memory of Ryuuzaki's sad, troubled eyes filled his mind.
"I love you, Raito-kun, and that is why I can't make a promise to you that I can't keep."
It was all a game
'Til I realized
You're the one I needed all this time
You saved my life
"Ryuuzaki, let's make love."
"Make...love?"
"Tonight, after work. I'll make you a flourless chocolate cake, and then we can go to bed."
"Are you sure you want to..."
Raito covered his mouth as a sob escaped.
"Of course I'm sure."
They did make love that very night. Raito cherished every moan, every cry, every heated kiss as Ryuuzaki's warm hands traveled over hot skin and brought him into bliss. They took turns on top, feeling each other, memorizing every curve and sensitive place on each other's bodies. Raito remembered crying when they finally finished, being tangled with Ryuuzaki, begging him to take away his words from before.
"Ryuuzaki, please tell me you won't leave me!"
"Only death will take me from you."
"That's exactly what I mean and you know it!"
"Raito-kun, don't ruin this..."
"...sorry..."
Raito got up quickly, wiping his face, as he saw Matsuda round the corner into his line of sight.
"Hey, Matsuda."
"Yagami-kun! I haven't seen you in weeks!"
"It has been a while," Raito finally registered that Matsuda was blushing, "What's wrong with you?"
"I've...um...seen you on that bench before a number of times with...um..."
"Ryuuzaki."
"Er, yeah."
"We spent a lot of time here, once I got him outdoors." Raito forced a smile, trying to throw Matsuda off guard.
"Isawyoukissonce," Matsuda blurted. Raito raised an eyebrow.
"Lovers do that."
"I didn't really know you were...until..."
"Until he died, yes. That seems to be when everybody figured it out. Good job, all of you." Raito wasn't sure where the anger had come from. Suddenly everything came crashing down on him for the thousandth time - his own involvement in Ryuuzaki's death, the fact that he'd never see the one he loved again, and the inescapable fact that if the others had known, they would have been disgusted.
"You know, he asked me to be open once, in the throes of passion. To tell all of you that we were in love. You know why I talked him out of it, Matsuda?"
"Yagami-kun..."
"Because I knew that all of you, my father included, would never have understood. You wouldn't be able to stand us being together."
"That's not true!" Matsuda shouted! Raito blinked. Matsuda...shouted?
"I can't speak for the others, but I think you and Ryuuzaki made a beautiful couple! You were so clearly in love, Yagami-kun, don't you see that? I don't think the others wanted to see it, but I saw it, and I knew, even if I didn't know you'd actually gotten together! I can feel your pain from here, and I felt it when you held Ryuuzaki in his last moments. That's why I tried to pull him away; I couldn't stand for you to feel sad..." Matsuda stopped and clapped a hand to his mouth, as though he couldn't believe he'd actually revealed all of that.
Raito was silent for a moment. Hesitating only a second, he placed a hand on Matsuda's shoulder.
"Ryuuzaki completed me, Matsuda."
"And you completed him, I could tell."
"I have to find Kira, Matsuda. I have to kill him."
"I know, Yagami-kun."
Oh, I will sing my requiem
To a love that hurts with every breath
And as I walk along and live without your love
I will sing my requiem
My requiem
To you
"Raito-kun, I still think you're Kira."
"Then why did you kiss me just now?"
"Because I love you anyhow."
Raito curled up in a tight ball, fisting his hands in his hair.
"I killed him..." he muttered, "I'm Kira."
Figuring it out, Raito?
"Go away. I don't want to be you anymore."
Psh, you don't want to be me. Like you can help it.
"I loved him, you bastard."
What's that to me?
"Get out of my head. Find someone else. I'm through. And when you do find someone else, I'll find them and kill them, and through them, you."
You think so? You forget something, Yagami Raito: I am you.
"No, you're not! You're just some deranged psycho that invaded my mind!"
You're the one who's talking to himself. Watch who you're calling psycho.
"GET OUT!!"
In some cliche', you know, he's probably watching you from wherever he is, disgusted that he ever wanted you.
"You're wrong."
Do tell how so.
"He thought I was you, remember? Thought - hell, he knew. But he loved me anyway. So no, he's not watching me and being disgusted. If he's watching me, it's with love and pride. He knows I'll vanquish you and set things right."
I see your face
The rising sun
And then I realize
That you are gone
"Ryuuzaki..." Raito reached up, imagining that Ryuuzaki's face was before him.
"Yes, Raito-kun?"
"This isn't some trap, is it? Take advantage of my feelings to try and get a confession out of me?"
"No!"
Raito had been genuinely shocked at the vehemence of Ryuuzaki's reply. Ryuuzaki was always calm and calculating, even when he was angry.
"You would think so low of me, Raito-kun?"
"I..."
"You think that I would...you think that I could...stoop so low as to use that kind of tactic?"
"Ryuuzaki..."
"If you ever insinuate that again, I will kick you much, much harder than I ever have before."
"...yes, sir."
Raito blinked, realizing that he was stroking the air.
"Ryuuzaki..."
Oh, I will sing my requiem
To a love that hurts with every breath
And as I walk alone and live without your love
I will sing my requiem
My requiem
To you
"Yagami-kun...why did you have to be Kira?" Matsuda knelt next to the fallen Raito, trying not to look at the blood flowing freely from the bullet wounds in his chest and hand.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." Raito smirked as the voice built in his head.
How could you do this?! How could you KILL US?!
"Happily. I told you I would kill you one day." Raito didn't care that Matsuda was staring at him.
But you killed yourself, too! You fool!
"At least this way I get to see him again. Now die, bastard." Raito's smirk grew as the voice faded, screaming curses at him as it went. Matsuda eyed him.
"Don't worry. I wasn't talking to you." Raito coughed up a little blood. Matsuda grabbed his hand and held it to his chest.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry!" He repeated it over and over like a mantra until Raito shushed him.
"Stop apologizing. It's fine, it's good. Besides, I'll be with...Ryuuzaki..."
"But you could stay here with me!" Matsuda's eyes widened with the words, but he barreled on nonethless, "I could complete you, like he did!"
Raito was speechless. Matsuda loved him?
Raito-kun?
"Ryuuzaki?"
It's time to come on. Matsuda will have to live without you, I'm afraid. Your wounds initially left you with a 12 chance of survival, but now I'm afraid it's dropped to 0. You're dying.
"That's okay with me. Did you miss me?"
With every part of me, Raito-kun. Is it bad and selfish to say that I'm glad you're coming?
"Yes, it is. Shame on you..and me too, since I am too." Raito looked into Matsuda's confused eyes, "Matsuda, I have to go now. Ryuuzaki's here for me."
"Raito-kun, wait!"
"I can't...I'm sorry that...that I couldn't love you."
Matsuda's face softened, and as Raito's vision faded, he heard, "I understand, Raito-kun. Tell Ryuuzaki I said hello."
To you... Ready, then?
Lead on, Ryuuzaki.
Lawliet.
Lawliet...that's a good name.
I love you, Raito-kun.
And I you, Ryu...Lawliet.