Starts in season 2, on the farm, after they find out the barn is full of walkers and Sophia is dead.
This chapter is very different than what it originally looked like. If you've read it before and it looked nothing like this, read it again.
CW: Dubious consent (because of being dependent on people); Daryl's special brand of asshole; I think that's it.
When Sam wakes up, Blair is slowly moving away from her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake ya," he says.
"That's alright, sweetie," Sam answers, and leans over to kiss him. He kisses her back, then pulls away.
"We gotta leave first thing," he says, and starts getting dressed.
Sam does the same. "Cheerios or Shreddies?" she asks.
"Shreddies."
Blair goes upstairs, probably to wake up Tucker and Carter. Sam finishes dressing then goes to the kitchen to pour bowls of cereal while the men get ready for their run to the city. They're running low on food, and they've already ransacked all the nearby houses.
Once all the adults have eaten and the men are ready to leave, they all go out front. Blair and Carter head to the car. Carter slaps her ass when he walks past her on the way to the car, even though – probably because, really – she hates it, and he's an asshole like that. Tucker stays back for a minute.
"Any last requests?" he asks Sam.
"Toothpaste, though you already know that. Oh, and Jo would like bubble gum, if you see any."
"Why'm I providing for four kids, again? I'm pretty sure I only knocked you up once."
"Consider it back payment on all the child support you missed."
He rolls his eyes at Sam, but doesn't argue.
"Hurry the fuck up!" Carter shouts.
"We should be back by the end of the night," Tucker tells Sam, and gives her a kiss goodbye.
"Don't die!" Sam shouts after them.
Carter flips Sam off, but Blair starts laughing, and she likes him better than Carter anyway.
When Sam walks back inside, her oldest kid, Jo, is on the coach with a book. "Your siblings still asleep?" Sam asks.
"Ya."
Sam wishes she were asleep too, but takes the opportunity to sweep and mop before all the kids are running around. While she's putting the Swiffer away, a crashing noise tells her the rest of her kids are up.
When Sam gets to the kids' room, the basketball is nowhere in sight, but the books on the floor and the broken glass that was once a cup is enough to let her know that it was out a minute ago.
"Give it to me," Sam tells them. "Give you what?" Taylor asks, but Jamie grabs the basketball out of the closet.
"Downstairs," Sam tells the kids, and they leave the room without arguing.
Sam cleans up the glass and puts the basketball in the other upstairs bedroom. When she gets downstairs, Jamie is setting the table for breakfast, and Taylor is playing Simon Says with her youngest, Brook. Sam rolls her eyes at their tactics to avoid a lecture, but honestly, their tactics are working. Taylor's been going through a phase where he calls Brook a baby and doesn't let her play with him, so playing with Jace is particularly effective.
Sam's been worried all day. She's always worried when the men are out on a run. She deals with the worry by keeping herself busy. She doesn't dare think about what'll happen if they don't come back.
When it starts to get dark and they still aren't back, she starts to panic. The kids are all occupied with activities that probably won't kill them, so she steps into a bathroom and locks the door.
She tries to reassure herself. Reminds herself that they're in the city, that it's a pretty long drive. Maybe the first couple places didn't have any food, and it's just taking them awhile.
They've been gone since just after sunrise though. They can't really be gone this long unless something went wrong, can they?
Sam starts crying. She can't do this without them. She barely knows how to shoot a gun. She's never killed a walker. She was vegan before the outbreak. When the apartment had rats, she'd caught them in live traps and drove outta the city to release them in fields.
She's willing to kill walkers, but she's not strong enough, capable enough. She just wishes Julianne were here. Julie was always the strong one. Julie was always the one that tried new things, jumped in with both feet. Julie would know what to do. It should be Julie here now, taking care of their kids.
Julie would have learned how to do everything it took to keep them safe. Sam had opted for complete reliance on the ex that had left her when she got pregnant with her first kid. She was sleeping with his friends, too. She had four kids. She needed all the men invested in her wellbeing.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. She'd told herself it wasn't a big deal – she had casual sex all the time before the outbreak. This wouldn't be that different, right? It's just sex. Except that it is different. It's fundamentally different, because she can't really say no. And it's different because if anyone had treated her like Carter does before the outbreak, she would've told them to take a hike, even if it was in the middle of them fucking. And it's different because Tucker, God, she finds her ex infuriating to interact with. She'd put up with him for Jamie's sake, but she kinda hates him, and he constantly pressures her into doing things she doesn't want to do. And it's different because Blair… well, Blair's alright, really, but she can't really say no, so it's not "just sex."
Now, she doesn't regret her choice really – she doubts men who hadn't fathered any of her children would have stayed around to support them if she wasn't sleeping with them – but she fucking hates the situation she's in.
And goddamnit why are they still not back! She doesn't want to, but she can't stop herself from thinking about what'll happen if they don't come back. How she'll have to leave her very young children home alone so she can go on a run for food. Sam starts crying harder, and she can feel her breathing get short, knows she's starting to have a panic attack, but she can't stop her thoughts from spiraling. What if she dies on a run and her kids are left to starve to death? Will they even live long enough to starve to death? Or will they wander outside and have a violent death? Will they get up to something incredibly dangerous when left alone all day?
"Momma!" Taylor calls from outside the bathroom door.
"What is it?" she asks him as calmly as she can. She makes herself take deep breaths.
"Momma are you okay?"
"I'm okay honey, momma just needs a minute."
When her breathing is normal, Sam wipes off her face and steps out.
"What's up?" she asks, smiling at him.
"Momma what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Momma was just feeling a little sad," she tells him.
Taylor looks like he's about to ask her more about that, but then he remembers why he'd sought her out.
"Will you play Candyland?"
"Sure. Who else is playing?"
"Just Brook."
Sam's a little surprised Jordan's asking her to play with just him and Brook, until she sees Jo trying to teach Jamie how to do braid their doll's hair.
By the end of the game, Brook is looking very sleepy and it's almost too dark to see anything. Sam is more than happy to put Brook to bed and stop playing the world's most boring game. When she gets downstairs, the kids are all playing together.
"Rat"
"Fat"
"Mat"
"Spat"
"Hat"
"Jamie already said that one!"
"Momma! I'm bored."
"I can light a candle and we can play a board game," Sam offers.
They're in the middle of a game of Trouble when they hear a car. Thank god, Sam thinks.
Blair bursts in the front door, and Sam immediately knows something is wrong. He doesn't look hurt, at least. "Go to your room," he tells the kids.
"It's okay. I'll come up there soon, alright? Just wait for me," Sam adds.
"What happened?" she asks.
"Long story. Everyone's fine. You know your blood type?"
Blair asking Sam what her blood type is doesn't do anything to reassure her that everyone's fine, but she answers anyway.
"O-"
"You sure?"
"Ya." Sam is sure, but she doubts it matters if she isn't sure. If Blair's asking her, him and whoever's bleeding out isn't.
"Thank god. Tucker shot someone. By accident! There were so many Walkers. None of us even saw him til Tucker shot 'im. I mostly got the bleeding stopped, but he's lost a lot of blood already…"
As soon as Sam realizes everyone in her group is okay, she feels a flood of relief. Blair is a doctor – well, almost a doctor. The outbreak interrupted his medical school. She's skeptical that he'll be able to save someone that got shot, given their lack of medical resources and his lack of hands on experience, but she isn't going to save that.
Blair is looking at her expectantly. "Ya, I'll donate."
Tucker and Carter come in the front door, carrying another man. He's unconscious. One of his jean legs has been cut off partway, and there are bloody bandages over his lower leg. They set him down on the living room table, and Blair goes into the downstairs bedroom, probably looking for medical supplies. Carter is propping the stranger's injured leg up with some textbooks that were in the house when they got here.
Sam hears a gasp coming from upstairs, and regrets not making sure the kids actually made it all the way to their room.
"Tucker, can you...?" Sam asks. One of the kids is his, after all. Tucker heads upstairs.
When Blair is ready to do a blood transfusion, Sam closes her eyes. She's donated blood for Red Cross before, but she'd really rather not see the needle. Tucker comes back downstairs and holds Sam's hand. Sometimes Sam forgets he knows how to be sweet. Then again, he's the idiot that shot a stranger by accident. He's probably just feeling guilty.
When Blair's done with her, Sam is glad to get away from the hopefully-not-dying man. Tucker goes into the kitchen and returns with a juice box and a granola bar. She lets him hover while she walks upstairs, even though she's feeling fine.
"He's still alive, what, an hour after it happened? That's good, right?" Sam offers, trying to make him feel better. She sits down outside the kids' room.
"Ya. Blair got the bleeding to mostly stop pretty quick – well, he says it was pretty quick, I thought it took forever. I thought you sew up gun wounds, but Blair says that would increase the risk increase of infection. Blair said he needed a blood transfusion ASAP but he didn't know the guy's blood type and O- is the only one that's safe to give anybody. Me n' Carter don't know our blood type – though God knows if Carter would help anyway; he wanted to leave the guy to die, that prick…"*
Tucker keeps rambling, but Sam stops paying much attention. She hopes the guy ends up being okay, but really, he's a stranger, and most of the people in the whole world are already dead. She's gotten a lot more callous than she used to be.
Sam's surprised none of the kids have come out yet. She suspects Jo's convinced them to stay so she can eavesdrop.
When Sam finishes her granola bar and Tucker stops talking, she gets up. "I'mma go talk to the kids," she tells Tucker. "Blair knows what he's doing. That man's gonna be just fine," she offers, before slipping into the kids' room to reassure them and go to sleep.
When Sam wakes up, she realizes she never even found out whether their run was successful. Downstairs, everything is still a mess, and she spares a moment to regret that she'd chosen yesterday to wash the floors.
Blair is eating Froot Loops, which they didn't have yesterday, so the run must have been at least a partial success. "How's he doin?" Sam asks.
"Pretty sure he'll live. Not sure how damaged his leg'll be, we'll know when it's a little more healed." On the one hand, Sam's glad to hear that. She doesn't want anyone to die, and she doesn't want that on Tucker's conscience.
On the other hand, there's now a stranger somewhere in the house that has plenty of reason to have a grudge against him, and by extension, her and her kids.
"And we're sure he ain't gonna kill us in our sleep because…?"
"You sound like Carter."
"So what'd you tell Carter when he asked that?"
"We argued awhile and in the end the guy's wrists are ziptied to the bed frame and his weapons are all locked up in the upstairs bedroom."
"He got a name?"
"Still unconscious. It's good though, he needs to recover. Oh, Tucker and Carter are goin' back to the houses around here, lookin' for toothpaste. We didn't do so great on food yesterday, so we'll be goin' out to the city again tomorrow. I just din' wanna get too far from the house before our guest wakes up."
Sam looks at the fridge, and the "From houses" list is still there. "Goddamnit."
Blair looks at her funny, then sees what she's looking at it. "Oh. Oops."
As irritating as that is, Sam's more worried about the guy they've got ziptied to a bed. "Are we gonna leave him ziptied to a bed forever? What's the plan? He's gonna be pretty pissed that Tucker shot him."
"Or, will he be pretty grateful that strangers decided to save his life?"
Sam can't tell whether he's being serious. "After we put it in danger."
"You want us to kill him?"
"Is what I want relevant?"
Carter woulda straight-out said no. Tucker woulda said yes and then ignored her opinion. "Not really," Blair admits.
Sam doesn't wanna ask again, so she just looks at Blair expectantly.
"Carter thinks we shoulda shot him again or left him to die. He still thinks we should kill him rather than risk having an enemy, or even anyone knowing where we live and keep our belongings," Blair admits.
"You and Tucker?" Sam asks.
"I'm a doctor. I ain't gonna kill no one," Blair says. Sam notices how he didn't say what he thought of Carter shooting him. She immediately feels bad about thinking that, though. Blair was the one who patched up the guy. He'd definitely sided with Tucker on saving him, because otherwise he never woulda made it out of the city alive.
"Tucker feels sick with guilt," Sam guesses.
"Ya. Tucker thinks we should wait til he's good to walk, then blindfold him and drive him in circles and ditch him far the hell away. Then we ditch this house."
It's not an awful plan. The house they're in is close to a river, which is important for water, but other than in the city, there's nowhere left with food nearby. Ditching this place wouldn't be a huge loss.
Sam briefly wonders when everyone became so paranoid, but decides not to try to figure that one out. It doesn't really matter.
Sam spends her morning cleaning and putting away the food that's in the backpacks from yesterday. One of the backpacks is missing, and Sam hopes that means that it's still in the car and full of food, not that it's lost. Brook "helps" her for a bit, but she's three, so her "help" makes the process take longer.
When Tucker and Carter get back, they're carrying a few tubes of toothpaste and Tucker's got a box of tampons. Tucker has a proud smile on his face like she's supposed to be impressed he remembered she needed tampons.
"Laundry soap? Shampoo? Conditioner? Firewood?" She doesn't bother mentioning the rest of the things on the list.
"Shit, I forgot about that. We ain't out yet, are we? Anyway, you just did clothes the other day. We'll grab some tomorrow," Tucker says.
"Aren't you going back to the city tomorrow?"
"Can laundry soap really not wait?"
Sam doesn't respond at first, because she's about to lose it. She's been waiting to ask for shit because food was such a pressing issue, but if they've got time to kill today, she wishes they'd go back to some of the houses. They killed all the Walkers in all the nearby houses weeks ago when they were searching them for food and water, so it's not particularly dangerous.
"We're low on shampoo and out of conditioner." They'd run out almost a week ago, and her and her kids' hair was getting impossible to brush.
"Just use soap."
"Jessie and Jamie have long hair. They need conditioner. I need conditioner."
"Just cut Jamie's hair. Then he'll stop lookin' like a damn girl," Tucker suggests. Sam wishes he'd get over Jamie's lack of respect for gender norms, but reminds herself that he's made a lot of progress from the first time he saw Jamie playing dressup with his sister.
Rather than argue about the principle, Sam takes the easy route. "Should I cut my hair too?"
That's enough for Tucker to fold. "Fine. We'll go back out after we eat."
Sam grabs the list from the fridge.
"Puzzles, picture books, dolls, really? All this shit?" Tucker complains.
"Just if you see it while you're looking for the important things. Things with circles around them are needs. The other shit is pretty please."
Carter finally speaks up. "Tucker's Jamie's dad and Blair's got a bleeding heart, but why the fuck do I care if your kids want more puzzles?"
"Because you're already going to houses for shit you need and it won't kill you to look for some other things while you're there?" Sam suggests.
"Only things on this list that benefit me are laundry soap and firewood," Carter argues. "Laundry soap's easy, and firewood don't even require me to go in the house."
Sam would like to ask if he likes it when her hair is matted and greasy, but really, he's right, and he hasn't even mentioned how much faster they go through food with Sam and four kids than they would if it were just the men who actually do food runs. "I'll dress up for you?" she offers.
"I'm in."
In the end, the men decide all three of them are going to go out, which is how they usually do it. Blair had stayed back this morning because it had been under 12 hours since their "guest" was bleeding out, but he now feels confident his patient will be fine for a couple hours without a doctor hovering.
While they're eating, Sam gets ready to make good on her promise to Carter when he gets back. She looks through her clothes for the schoolgirl crap Carter brought home the other day. She changes into a stupidly short pleaded skirt, knee high socks, a black bra, and a white blouse she only does up halfway. It's nothing she wouldn't have worn to a club before all this, but she's not comfortable wearing it around her kids, so she pulls a long jacket on over it, and holds it closed when she leaves the room.
Once she gets Brook asleep for her afternoon nap, Carter unlocks the upstairs bedroom, gets her a gun, and locks it back up to keep the kids out. The men head out, and each of them feel the need to tell her to not undo their patient's zipties no matter what before they leave. In the living room, the older kids are in the middle of an intense game of Operation. Sam hasn't eaten lunch, so she grabs a can of soup and a spoon and walks into their patient's room. Blair checked on him right before they left, and reassured her that he was still asleep and his wrists were attached to the headboard. Sam doesn't feel comfortable leaving him unattended while the men are gone, so she walks into the bedroom with her gun.
Like Blair had promised, he's still asleep, and his wrists are still ziptied to the headboard. He looks a lot better than the last time she saw him. His clothes are clean, and his injured leg, which is sticking out of the blanket, is propped up. His bandages look clean. Sam starts thinking about how any of the men could've ended up in his place, by accident. She's not overly fond of any of them, but she needs them. She wonders whether anyone needs him.
She's startled out of her observation by arguing from the living room. Jo loudly reminds them that they have to be quiet while Brook is sleeping. Sam's debating whether to intervene when the man on the bed starts moving.
"You're up!" Sam's surprised by how happy that makes her. Then again, Tucker'd always said she had a bleeding heart.
He looks groggy, and his eyes are unfocused. Sam's not sure whether he sees her at first.
The man starts pulling on his wrists.
"I'm sorry sweetie, I can't take those off. Hey, relax, no one's gonna hurt you. But you're a stranger. The men don't trust you, especially around their woman." Sam feels a little bad about lying; she's still not sure Carter won't end up shooting him, but she hopes no one'll hurt him, and she promises herself she'll do what she can to make it so. She doesn't trust him either, but she doesn't see why she should make her life harder by bringing that up.
He's still yanking at his wrists, a lot more aggressively now. Sam gets up and gently touches his lower arms, which make him freeze. She looks him in the eyes and tries to get him to calm down. "Please. You're hurting yourself."
"Geddof me!"
Sam steps back, but otherwise doesn't react. He keeps pulling at his wrists, and Sam doesn't know what to do. Why the fuck did he have to wake up when none of the men are home, she wonders. She sits back down with her soup.
"Let me go!"
Sam wants to, but she's scared of him, and she can't take risks that could hurt her kids, and anyway, she's not allowed.
Eventually he stops struggling, but there's enough aggression in his voice that it's obvious he hasn't calmed down. "You're not allowed to undo these?" He moves he wrists, as though what he's talking about wouldn't otherwise be obvious.
"Ya. I mean, Yes, I'm not allowed to let you go."
"You don't make decisions?" He says it like an accusation.
"Not really."
"The men out on a run?"
Sam doesn't really want to admit it, but she'd have gotten one of them by now if they weren't.
"You don't go on runs," he states. He looks me over. "What, you their whore?"
Sam shrugs.
"Why you willin' to do that?"
"So my kids don't starve to death or get eaten alive," she says flippantly.
"You know that's useless, right? You're whorin' yourself out for nothin'! They're still gonna die! Maybe they get to live in this godawful world a little longer, live to see their momma be a whore! You ain't cut out for this world, ya know. Too much of a scared little bitch to even make a real try of it. You know they're gonna get tired of your pussy, right? Stop bringin' shit hope for you and your kiddies. Course maybe they'll get themselves killed before that, your boy's sure got terrible aim."
Sam thinks she's going to start crying, but she ends up laughing instead. He looks surprised at that reaction. "Talk to me for a few minutes and ya know exactly where it hurts. That's some talent ya got there," Sam comments. "And fuck you," she spits out, "I didn't shoot you. And it was a goddamn accident and they brought you back to their home and did everything they could to make you survive it. And I didn't do shit to you, other than donate my blood – you're welcome for that."
He's already tried to free his wrists unsuccessfully, and failed, so Sam figures it's probably okay to leave him alone while she checks on her kids. Brook is somehow still asleep in the bedroom upstairs, for which Sam is intensely grateful. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it, the kids are pretty used to hearing yelling like that from neighbouring apartments, so it's not too hard to reassure them that everything is okay, but stay the fuck away from that bedroom.
Sam doesn't really want to go back in there, but he's gotten shot, then been unconscious for most of a day, and it's her ex's fault, so whether he's acting like an asshole or not, she feels like she oughta get him water.
Sam grabs a water bottle, then digs through a couple draws looking for bendy straws. Eventually she finds one and goes back into the bedroom.
"Water?"
He nods, so she sits on the bed next to him and holds it close enough for him to drink. When he finishes the bottle, she gets up.
"Thank you," he says.
"You hungry?" she asks.
"Naw." Sam's sure he's lying, but she's not exactly eager to spoon feed the guy that just blew up on her, so she doesn't argue.
"Where's ma crossbow?"
"Upstairs. You'll get it back when you leave." She's pretty sure he will; no one in the house knows how to use a crossbow anyway. Plus the men are all obsessed with their guns; they were before the outbreak too.
"I wanna leave now."
"You think you can walk?"
He scowls at her, but doesn't answer.
"The men should be back soon. I'll get them to talk to you. Actually, you're in luck, because the biggest asshole in our group'll be too busy to wanna talk to you when they get back."
They hear a car drive up, and Sam starts straightening out her clothes. "Seriously, don't blow up like that with them. I know it's their fault you were injured to begin with, but pissing 'em off will only hurt your chances of getting outta here alive. The guy that shot you feels guilty as hell. The doc's got a bleeding heart. A guilt trip might do some good. Yellin' at 'em will just make it worse."
Sam unlock's the room's door right as they hear the front door open and the men's voices inside the house. A moment later, Carter barges into the room, and she plasters a smile on her face before she turns to face him. He's filthy, covered in dirt and blood and walker guts.
"Fuck, girl, what a lovely sight to see," he exclaims as he walks up to her and grabs her round the waist, pulling her in close.
"Gladda see my handsome man back safe from his run," she says as she gets up on her tiptoes and tilts her head up, trying to kiss him. With Tucker and Blair, she can mostly be herself, but everything about Carter pisses her off, so it's easier to make the whole thing an act.
"You're just glad we're still bringin' ya food home," he answers, then leans down to kiss her.
"Mmm, that's good too."
"Fuck, looks like our guest's up."
"Ya," she says. "Grab Blair and run off?"
"Mmm, maybe. Could stay here, give him a nice show. Our way of apologizing' for the idiot shootin' him in tha leg."
Sam giggles instead of complaining, because she really doesn't wanna stay here, and she's pretty sure he gets off on making her uncomfortable.
She starts pulling his jacket off, trying to get the least get the least amount of grime possible on herself and her clothes.
"Fuck" the Carter groans, at her words or her grinding against him. "Geddup."
Sam jumps on him, and he holds her up with his hands on her ass. She wraps her legs around him. He moves them over a little so he can lean her against the wall, and starts grabbing at her breast.
He leans over, and whispers, not so quietly, "You like that, you filthy little bitch? You like me touching you in front of a stranger?"
Sam's pretty sure he's not being serious about fucking her in front of a stranger, but she isn't very happy about being groped in front of one either. She doubts said stranger is happy about it either. Sam moans, and wonders if asking for sex now will get them out of here.
"Condom," she chokes out. That's enough to get Carter moving. He's still holding her when he reaches for the doorknob, but Sam manages to wriggle away from him and pull her jacket shut so she can be slightly less blatant about what they're doing in front of the kids.
"Your patient's up, doc!" Sam announces, and heads upstairs.
AN: Thoughts? Kids acting their age-ish? Daryl in character enough? If no, what about him? Characters believable? I appreciate constructive criticism, advice, appreciation, etc.
*I'm not a medical professional of any kind. If I've gotten anything wrong and you know better, feel free to let me know.