Cosplay Loser

Chapter 1: The Cosplay Elite

Norbert Chonsey cannot wait for it. As he speeds along the avenue up Asten Boulevard, he nervously anticipates his entry into one of the hippest costume parties in town. It is Jane Sandia's event and he is dying to attend the party since Jane is costuming as the sexy and exotic Rei Ayanami from the controversial anime Neon Genesis Evangelion. Dubbed the Da Vinci Code of anime, its director Hideaki Anno has often been compared to Dan Brown for the sacrilegious content he portrays in his show such as the disturbing possibility that people were created by aliens and not God.

In a matter of minutes, he arrives at Jane's trendy post-modern house. It is situated on prime real estate costing a $1000 per square meter and is made of white painted concrete, shaped like a drum and towering two stories above a hill which is also situated on Jane's land. Upon arriving at the imposing stone tile façade in front of Jane's house, Norbert's car is immediately treated to conceited stares from the wealthy costumers attending the high brow event. His car which is a cheap two-seater diesel powered Toyota costing only $10,000 and using up only 40ml/km of cheap diesel fuel is not welcome in a party surrounded by Ferraris, Porsches, Jaguars, and a fleet of 50 or so gas guzzling vehicles using up to 1L/km of increasingly costly 97 octane gasoline. As soon as he parks his car along the façade, a group of costumers dressed up like gangsters from the anime Gungrave go up to Norbert's car and harass him as soon as he exits his vehicle.

"Hey dork, what the hell you doin' parking that piece of trash near my parking space huh?" A black man improperly posing as Harry McDowell comes up to Norbert and presses his muscular chest against his face to bump him off.

Norbert anxiously replies. "Can I not park wherever I want Sir?"

"Sir?" The black gangster laughs. "You sound like one helluva smartass motherfucker! You're goddamn cheap ass car is cramping my style fool, cheap trash like you shouldn't be hangin' around this joint!"

A bead of sweat rolls down Norbert's face. "Sorry about that Sir, may I please be on my way now?"

"Yeah, go on, get outta my face!" The black McDowell arrogantly retorts and as soon as Norbert leaves his car behind he gets his buttocks painfully kicked.

As he walks his way into the gates of Jane's house he is again treated with hostile stares from the uppity people attending Jane's party. Words like "That guy looks so pathetic, how was he even allowed in here?" have been repeated many times but phrased in different ways as Norbert walks through the dense crowd of teenagers having intercourse, gambling, smoking, getting drunk, and high on drugs as loud pop music is playing throughout the yard. For this costume event, Norbert is shabbily dressed in a costume resembling his Evangelion anime counterpart, Kensuke Aida. As Norbert walks towards the swimming pool, he is greeted by the friend who invited him to this party.

A man costuming as Viktor from Suikoden 2 greets Norbert. "Hey Norb! I never knew you would come, and this time you have the nerve to cosplay for a change."

"Good afternoon Jake, I feel really nervous being in such a high brow costume party. I know Kensuke is a nerd like me and his clothing is just ordinary and casual so I decided to dress like him. If you are wondering why I could not do anything more spectacular like the people here, it is because I have quite a low budget and…"

"Well, well, well what do we have here? Some fan-boy thinks he can just barge into my party with that pitiful get up. Who do you think you are anyway?" A high-pitched and sexy but very intimidating voice calls out to Norbert from behind.

"Yes, who am I speaking with?" Norbert asks while his anxiety escalates.

"Jane Sandia, the host of this revelry of elite costumers, and who might you be I wonder? Oh let me guess a wannabe who couldn't even muster the confidence to cosplay a character who actually wears a costume."

Norbert's heart rate increases as he sets his eyes upon Jane Sandia who approaches him. Jane is wearing the Rei Ayanami costume and she accurately imitates Rei's white plug-suit which is comprised of expensive neoprene and spandex. The electrical interfaces of the plug-suit are made of clean second hand electronics. Even her face and hair are made to accurately resemble Rei though Jane spent little effort on make up with her naturally smooth and beautiful face. Her brown hair, already being styled in a slightly messy bob cut already resembles Rei's and needed only light blue hair dye.

"I… I cannot understand. What is the meaning of this interrogation?" Norbert anxiously asks Jane.

Jane and the rest of her friends laugh as she and a gang of costumers walk closer and closer to Norbert. To her right are a Legato Bluesummers and Utena costumer and to her left are a Solid Snake and Karen Stadfield costumer and they all look very good for the costume party making Norbert feel inferior and out of place.

Jane and the rest of the people around her all laugh at Norbert's remark. "Interrogation? Are you serious? Why should a girl like me interrogate a lowly piece of trash like you who comes to this kind of party wearing a dirty old white button down shirt and ripped slacks, you're not even worth my time."

"I am deeply sorry Ms. Sandia because I merely wanted to take pictures of you in your sexy costume. Please kindly oblige me Ms. Sandia. Thank you." Norbert aims his camera at the smug looking Sandia who tilts her head up slightly in a catty and self-entitled pose.

"A picture for the likes of you, hmmm… I don't think so! You're way out of your league loser. Now go on, get the hell out of here!" Jane shoves Norbert and spills her glass of beer on his shirt while making the L for Loser sign and pressing her hand on Norbert's forehead.

The crowd around Jane laughs out loud as Norbert is embarrassed and dejected. Norbert then quiets down and walks out of the party, his camera short circuited by the beer. Jake then tries to console Norbert but Norbert ignores him and leaves the house.

Jake then places a hand on Jane's shoulder and says to her, "Jane you can be such a bitch sometimes, you know that? I wanted to bring Norb to this event to help build up his self-esteem and you just totally thrashed his efforts at making friends with you. The question is why the hell'd you have to do that?"

Jane gently eases off Jake's hand. "First of all, take your fucking hand off me Jake! Your uncle works for my dad's company and he wouldn't want to lose his job just because his stupid nephew couldn't keep his dick in his pants and had to sexually harass that big company man's daughter, namely me."

"Yes your highness." Jake mockingly imitates Norbert's rigid, nerdy mannerisms and even bows down to Jane.

Jane finds the mockery irritating and her eyebrows narrow as she walks towards Jake and presses a finger on his forehead. "My dad has your uncle by the balls, never forget that 'Jake'. If you ever bring a loser like that into my house ever in front of all of Millcouver high society, I will personally see to it that not only does your uncle who supports your pitifully poor family lose his job but I will see to it that you both go to jail and become ass-whores to the prison gangs and wardens. Got that?"

The people in the party stand silently, fearful whenever Jane throws a fit because it is never wise to anger the child of a wealthy and powerful person especially when that person is the one who gave you your job or your family member's job.

"Whatever you say Jane." Jake dismisses Jane by bringing up the palms of both his hands. He then nervously takes a few steps back before walking towards another group of costumers to chat with.

"Hey guys my suit can actually be used as a swimsuit come and see for yourselves!" Jane enthusiastically calls out to the other costumers in the yard as she takes off the detachable jacket of electronic parts worn on top of her plugsuit as well as her gloves, and white boots which are all made to look like a permanent addition to her plugsuit.

After removing the white nylon socks she wore underneath her boots to avoid chafing her feet, she dives into the large pool and proudly demonstrates the waterproof features of her suit with serves the dual function of a costume and athletic fashion. She swims quickly and gracefully through the pool much to the cheers of her fans and close friends who take videos of her with their I-Phones.