"So what are we doing about Matt…?"
"Who's Matt? Wait… Do you mean Ben?"
"Yeah. Him. Are we going to jump him and drag him home so he can apologize to his mother or what…?"
That's how it started. And I'll be blaming it on the First Order till the day I die. If they tried a little harder to kill us maybe we wouldn't have all this free time to just sit around and talk.
"First of all I agree with everything you just said – so much so that I'm willing to overlook that you didn't even know his name. But as a friend that doesn't want you to get killed let me just point out a few flaws in your plan…"
"If you're going to say something like he has what amounts to superpowers and that was even before he was combat trained save your breath. I know all that. I never said it was going to be easy… But it is doable…"
"Doable? Is that the word you want to go with? Because I'm pretty sure suicidal is a lot more fitting."
"Here's the thing no one ever takes in account when considering Kylo Ren… Oh wow, I really tried to say that with a straight face, but it's way harder than you'd think. Anyway. The thing about Ben is…"
"Oh please do tell me what the thing about him is, as I conveniently forget that you've never actually met him."
"I've met his parents though. And if he's taking after either of them – which I'm guessing he is, considering what an unnecessary drama he's been creating for the rest of us mere extras in this story – I can make at least one educated guess about him."
"Which is?"
"He's a nightmare to be around. So here's what we do… We're going to go back through the logs of intercepted transmissions within the First Order. We're going to find someone who's been bitching about Kylo Ren…"
"You still can't say it without laughing? Really?"
"Apparently not. Anyway – we'll find someone who wants him gone as much as we want him back and we'll work out some kind of deal."
"That is actually a pretty brilliant plan, you know. Almost makes me sorry we don't negotiate with war criminals."
"We could do it off the books. Not tell anyone until we have him safely in custody. It could be a surprise. Leia's birthday is coming up soon, isn't it…?"