Colours clashed on the wall behind me, every piece of misery fighting for attention in obscene language that made me smile a grim smile.
It was dark in the alleyway, and the clammy cold was seeping through my denim covered legs. Noise blasted out of the doorway swirling with unearthly lights that spoke of a different world. I blew on my hands to keep them warm.
The pavement beneath my feet was encrusted with grime. Ahead of me girls shivering in tiny skirts clung to the arms of their escorts. A scream, followed by cruel laughter came from someplace a little further into the darkness. It raised the hairs on the back of my neck and made me shiver with sadistic pleasure.
I reached into my jacket for ID and showed it to the huge bouncer barring my way. He nodded dismissively, and I passed on.
The music became louder as I entered. Entwined bodies performed orgasm-like dances all over the worn wooden floor, their skin glistening weird shades in the rainbow lights. Drunken men, clutching bottles of beer as if they were lifelines, shouted incoherent abuse in loud voices from the bar. Men grabbed women and forced their tongues into their mouths. A girl was dancing on the bar with swaying hips and arms high in the air, taking off a piece of clothing every few minutes to encouraging, excited yells from men all around.
Even as the bile rose in my throat, I went hot all over and fought through the throng towards her.
A hand fell on my shoulder, and I turned around to find a man with his nose a blistering-red, bellowing nonsense, his spittle flying into my face. I pushed him away, and he stumbled backwards onto more people. I had already turned away, forgetting the girl, my mind on a drink to wet my parched throat.
The cold beer hit my tongue with its familiar bitterness, comforting. I made my way to the round tables at a slightly higher level than the dance floor. The emptiest one had a girl sitting with her face down on the cold metal table, her bright red hair in a state of disarray all around her head. I ignored her, and leaned back into the brown leather, staring out onto the dance floor. I beat down on the floor with my converse in time to the music.
The red-haired girl raised her head sometime later, and gazed around with bleary eyes lined with smudged black make-up. I watched her as she stood up, running her hand through that fiery hair, and as she bent down to fix her boot, caught a glimpse of cleavage over a low neckline. She made to walk past me, but I grabbed her round the waist, pulled her down onto my lap and pressed my lips onto hers. She sat there, frozen, until she got over the shock and pulled away.
"Go on. You know you want to," I smirked. She tried to stand up, but I yanked her down again, and muttered into her ear,
"If you dress slutty, act slutty." Her breasts were crushed against my chest, and I bit her cold, arching neck. She managed to pull away, and slap me hard on my cheek. I let her run off, with a low laugh. My cheek was smarting.
I left the empty beer bottle on the table, and made towards the bar for more drinks.
I ordered a couple of vodkas, and slapped a note down onto the bar, beckoning to the dancing girl, who was very scantily clad by now.
She made her way over in clicking heels, and began her dance again, right in front of me. I saw a rivulet of sweat slide down her long pale legs, and as she bent towards me I caught a whiff of her perfume. I placed my hands on her calves and tugged, and she fell straight into my lap. She laughed an obscene, exciting laugh, and pressed her half-exposed breasts into my face. Heaven.
Shot after shot, my sweaty hand clutching the tiny glasses, pouring the burning liquid down my throat, bringing me closer and closer to oblivion.
After a point I wasn't clear about what was going on, but I remembered stumbling over the floor, with a hand clutching my arm, with a girl's laughter flowing into my ears until it was ringing in my head, and I just wanted out.
The cold air hit my face, sharp, stinging. A body curling closer to mine, longing for warmth.
Walking into warmth again, after a vague lot of voices.
Bare skin hot on mine, lips fiery against my body. Ecstasy.
I woke cold, with my arm around a naked girl with dark hair splayed out against the pillow we were sharing. I disentangled myself carefully, and climbed out onto stiff legs, stifling a yawn. My clothes were lying in a heap on the floor. My watch was still on my wrist, and as I twisted it round to face me, I noticed the lines it had cut into my flesh. It was late. I shouldn't be here.
I pulled on my clothes anyhow and ran out of the building into a totally unknown street. I stared up at the dilapidated buildings around me and felt totally lost. I shoved my hands into my pockets, hiding them from the cold wind waiting to attack. My body ached all over and I wanted to lie down on the pavement and go back to sleep. Stop the thoughts running through my mind. Stop the regrets as each memory found its way past the weak barrier I had put up. I didn't want to think about the monster that inhabited me when darkness threw its cloak over the city. I didn't want to know.
Finally I flagged down a taxi, and after directing it towards the tower, I leaned back into the ripped leather and closed my eyes. Images pulsed against my eye-lids; a throbbing head-ache was slowly creeping into my temples. I wanted to scream.
Jerk jerk jerk.
We stopped.
The glass and steel T-shaped tower loomed over us, casting its immense shadow. I passed a few notes to the driver
As I trudged unwillingly towards my home, my headquarters, I felt his eyes on my back. I didn't turn round. He shouted out to me. I ignored him.
The headache was stronger now. Dull thuds, like a heavy hammer swinging at the sides of my head.
I punched in the code outside the door, and passed through the various security devices without incident. This was my tower, after all.
And how I wished I wasn't here. Forcing some kind of smile onto my face, I straightened up and walked through the final door.
The gigantic TV glistened black, and the sun, so pale everywhere else, shone golden through the huge glass windows facing the bay. A girl with fiery red hair sat on one of the window seats, staring out at the sky. Another image swirled into my mind, another red head.
She turned round to look at me as she heard my footsteps, and her green eyes locked on mine.
I turned away.
A scrawny boy with green-tinged skin threw himself at me.
"What's up, bro? Where d'you go?" I ruffled his hair.
A fist punched my arm and a much deeper voice asked,
"Yeah, man, where did you go?" I turned to look at the half-robot, half-man face that belonged to my best friend.
A hooded girl with a violet gemstone sparkling on her forehead passed us and said in a toneless voice,
"Leave him alone, guys."
"Thanks Ray," I said with a smile.
"Whatever," she replied, in the same toneless voice.
Starfire made her way over. I could feel her eyes boring into me. I couldn't look at her face.
"Robin? Where were you?" she asked softly.
"I went for a walk," I replied uncomfortably.
"Kinda early for a walk, don't ya think?" Beastboy remarked.
"Stop infringing on his personal rights, you moron," Raven called from the sofa. Beastboy retorted, and they started their daily bickering. Cyborg chuckled and walked back to the kitchen. Starfire stayed where she was, staring at me.
"Why is your t-shirt on backwards?" Her voice was still quiet, and I couldn't understand her tone. And I still couldn't look at her.
"I wasn't paying much attention. It was pretty early." I finally glanced up at those emerald eyes, and saw that they were filled with some shadowy sorrow I couldn't place. I shrugged and walked away, towards the kitchen, wanting, so much, to go and take her in my arms and cry out my troubles.
But I couldn't. They didn't want a monster for a leader, a beast for a friend.
I kept my silence, and endured the throbbing headache, the spinning pictures. I clenched my fists inside my pockets and walked on with my eyes on the cold, spotless floor.