A/N: So, this fic is basically exploring the aftermath of the explosion at the cemetery in 5x20 and how it affects Sharon and Andy on a personal level. It's also somewhat inspired by the new Beyonce song, Die With You. I'd say you should give it a listen, but I don't believe its available too many places online without downloading it. I do highly encourage you to look up the lyrics online beforehand though, as I feel it will help you to better understand a particular scene in the fic, since none of the actual lyrics are included here. It's more about how the song evokes certain emotions in Sharon and Andy after the traumatic events of the explosion. Also, the title of this fic is inspired by the song, Without You by Keith Urban, which I feel echoes a similar sentiment to the Beyonce song. The sentiment that life would lose so much of its meaning without the person you love the most in this world by your side. Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or M/C, but if I did, this is what would happen.
Without You
To say that the day had been challenging would be the biggest understatement of the year. Everyone on the team had been accounted for, including Sharon. Physically, everyone seemed to be okay, minus some minor cuts and bruises, but it was clear that they were all shaken from the traumatic events of the day. While the case was ongoing and likely to stretch late into the night and more likely than not, into the following day as well, they were currently at a standstill while all the evidence from the blast at the cemetery was being collected and processed. Given the events that had transpired that afternoon, Sharon thought it might be a good time to release everybody for a few hours to grab something to eat, go see their families, and maybe even get a small nap in before they were all inevitably called back in to continue the search for this deranged individual seemingly hell bent on killing as many people as possible.
With that announcement, everybody went their separate ways, glad for what would be a short lived, but much needed reprieve. Rusty had offered to go get a bite to eat with Buzz, and they'd invited Nolan to join them since they knew he didn't have anyone to go home to. Everyone else went home to see their significant others, which just left Sharon and Andy standing in the middle of the murder room.
"Listen, I know you're not gonna wanna be gone too long, but let's get out of here for a while. We'll go grab something to eat and get away from all this ugliness for a while. Two hours tops. If anything happens between now and then, one of the detectives on loan from Robbery/Homicide will call us," said Andy.
"Andy…" Sharon trailed off.
"No, Sharon. This investigation is likely to go all night, into tomorrow, and who knows how long after that. You told everyone to get out of here for a while and regroup. That means you need to do the same. You're not going to be at your best if you're hungry and stretched to your limit because you didn't take the time to decompress and regroup from all of this. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. Cause I know I could use some food and a few minutes away from all of this crap," Andy told her.
"You do realize that I know you're trying to guilt trip me into this, right?" Sharon asked him.
"Is it working?" Andy asked her teasingly.
"In this particular instance, yes, but only because I'm worried about your blood pressure," replied Sharon as she turned around to grab her cell phone and her wallet out of her purse before she and Andy made their way towards the elevators and down to the parking garage.
Sharon and Andy had stopped at a nearby Mediterranean bistro and grabbed a couple chicken salads. Neither of them felt like sitting in a crowded restaurant, so Andy had suggested they go to a nearby park and eat in their car there.
Once they arrived, they both got out of the car to sit in the backseat as they ate. Andy sat there with one arm wrapped around Sharon's waist and her head leaning against his shoulder as they both finished eating their salads in silence. It wasn't a strange or strained silence though. Just two people trying to find a way to process the horrifying events that had transpired earlier that day, with the music on the radio playing low in the background.
Suddenly, the sound of a piano began to filter out of the speakers as Die With You by Beyonce began playing in the background. Before Andy knew what was going on, he felt the dam holding in Sharon's closely guarded emotions break as her body began to shake and her tears began to soak through his dress shirt. Having been listening to the lyrics as well, Andy figured it was most likely the song that had gotten to Sharon.
As Andy leaned forward to reach in the front seat and shut off the radio, Sharon gently pushed him back into the seat. She clung to Andy as she told him tearily, "Leave it. I need this. Something tells me you do too."
As the song continued playing, Andy pulled his arms tighter around Sharon as he replied thickly, "Yeah."
Sharon and Andy sat there and continued to let the beautiful words of the song wash over them as they both let their tears flow freely and began to release some of the pent up emotions from the day. It was only when the song came to an end that Andy reached forward and shut off the radio before leaning back and assuming his previous position with his arms wrapped around Sharon.
"I think I'm beginning to understand how you felt. After that explosion at the Nazi warehouse…Then again when I ended up in the hospital after my heart attack…" Andy trailed off.
Sharon turned and wrapped her arms around Andy's torso and laid her head against his chest before she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. Rusty told me Andrea had to call three uniforms in to keep you in your chair."
"Yeah. He talked some sense into me though. Said I wouldn't do you any good if I had another heart attack or got into a car accident rushing to the scene," Andy told her.
"That's my son," replied Sharon as she chuckled tearily at the story.
"Oh, he was definitely your son in that moment. It was a little scary how much he sounded like you. Talking all reasonable and shit when all I wanted to do was leap out of that damn chair and make sure you were alright," said Andy.
"I've taught him well, obviously," said Sharon proudly.
"Yeah, you have. Sharon?" said Andy questioningly.
"Hmm?" Sharon hummed in response.
"Never apologize for doing what you love. You had no control over what this sick bastard was gonna do at that cemetery this afternoon. You couldn't have known he was gonna blow the whole place up. You were just doing your job. A job you absolutely love. We all know the kind of risks that come with that," Andy told her.
"I know. It's just an infinitely more difficult thing to swallow when you love someone so much and you know you're the cause of the pain they're feeling," said Sharon.
"Comes with the territory of loving someone. Look at it this way, if you didn't love them so damn much, it wouldn't hurt nearly as bad," responded Andy.
"Are you trying to tell me I should take your pain as a compliment?" Sharon asked him.
"Not exactly, but in a way, I guess so. I guess what I'm trying to say is, neither of us were under any allusions that dating a fellow member of the LAPD was going to be easy. We knew the risks of the job and that the other faces those same risks when we decided a romantic relationship was something we both wanted to explore and pursue. Doesn't mean it hurts any less when those risks become a reality. It simply means your love for that person far outweighs any pain you may go through as a result of the risks you both assume," replied Andy before placing a kiss against the side of Sharon's forehead.
"Andy, I want you to-" Sharon began before Andy cut her off.
"Already done. I sent a text to Pete while you were ordering the salads. He's gonna meet me at the coffee shop across the street in about ten minutes. I just wanted to make sure you were gonna be okay first," Andy told Sharon.
"I'll be fine, Andy. I just wanna make sure you're taking care of yourself too," replied Sharon.
"I am. Don't worry. Now, how about we go across the street and I'll buy you a cup of tea before you take my car back to the PAB?" Andy asked.
"Yeah. You're gonna get a ride back with Pete?" Sharon asked.
"Yeah. I'll bring back some coffee for the rest of the team too," replied Andy as he and Sharon got out of the car and headed across the street to the coffee shop.
"I'm sure everybody will appreciate that," Sharon told Andy as she smiled up at him.
Andy smiled back at her and shook his head.
"What?" Sharon asked him as they moved to stand in line inside the coffee shop.
"That smile. It's contagious is all," Andy told Sharon as he grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on top of it.
Sharon laced their fingers together and leaned into Andy's side as they continued waiting in line.
After they'd gotten their beverages, they took a seat at one of the empty tables. Sharon had decided she'd stay with Andy until his sponsor, Pete got there before she headed back to the PAB.
A couple minutes later, a man a little older than Andy entered the coffee shop as Andy waved him over. Both Sharon and Andy stood up and Sharon turned around so she could greet the man.
"Sharon, great to see you again," Pete greeted her.
"Good to see you too, Pete. How have you been?" Sharon asked him.
"Can't complain, can't complain. Although, I think the better question is how the two of you have been? When did this happen?" Pete asked as he gently took Sharon's hand to inspect the engagement ring on it.
Sharon smiled as she glanced over at Andy, before replying "A few weeks ago now, I guess. This one's full of surprises."
"That's for sure. Well, I guess congratulations are in order for both of you," Pete told them.
"Thank you," replied Sharon as she smiled at the older gentleman.
"Yeah. Thanks, Pete," replied Andy.
"Well, I should be getting back to work, but it was good to see you again, Pete," Sharon told him.
"You too, Sharon. Listen, I'm gonna get in line and grab a cup of coffee. You better go walk that fiancée of yours to her car, Andy," Pete told Andy.
"Planning on it, Pete. I'll see you in a couple minutes," Andy told the man before leading Sharon towards the exit and out of the coffee shop.
As they walked across the street towards the parking lot where they'd left Andy's car, Andy wrapped one arm around Sharon's waist as Sharon rested her hand against the one he had resting against her hip.
"He's a good guy," Sharon commented.
"Yeah, he is. He's helped save my ass quite a few times over the years," Andy replied as they reached his car.
Sharon leaned against the car as Andy wrapped both of his arms around her waist.
"Take all the time you need. It'll probably be another couple hours before the scene's completely processed and the results from forensics and the bomb squad start coming in," Sharon told Andy as she ran her hands along the lapels of his jacket.
"Okay. Promise me you'll try to get some sleep in your office for a while before all the action starts again," said Andy.
"Promise. That's why I keep a blanket in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet," Sharon told him.
How did I never know about this?" Andy asked as he chuckled at the revelation.
"I guess it never came up. Besides, I don't think I've even used it since I started in Major Crimes," said Sharon.
"Well, there's a first time for everything. I love you. So damn much," Andy told Sharon seriously as he looked into her eyes.
"I love you too, Andy. So much," replied Sharon before she leaned forward and kissed Andy deeply.
Once they reluctantly broke apart, Andy handed his keys to Sharon before he told her seriously, "Be careful."
"Always," replied Sharon as she gave Andy one last kiss before climbing into his car and starting it up.
As Andy closed the door and watched Sharon drive off towards the PAB, he knew Sharon was right. He needed to take care of himself too.
As Andy walked back into the coffee shop with his cup of coffee, he spotted Pete sitting down with his own cup. He quickly walked towards the table and took his seat.
"So, what's up, Andy? Besides you getting engaged and not telling me," Pete joked.
"Sharon could've died today and I'm not quite sure what to do with all of that," Andy blurted out.
"Wow. That's heavy. Care to elaborate on that?" Pete prodded him gently.
"We're searching for this dirtbag who hides bombs in ordinary, everyday things like radios and vases. She and the team were at this cemetery trying to evacuate people before the bomb was detonated. Needless to say the bomb or bombs went off while they were still there," Andy told Pete.
"Where were you? They haven't cleared you to return to the field, have they?" Pete asked.
"No, I was back in the squad room watching it on a live feed from an airship overhead with Rusty and the DDA when it happened," answered Andy.
"And that made you feel powerless," Pete guessed.
"Yeah. Sharon's could've been lying in the middle of that cemetery severely injured or worse and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help her. Not to mention the fact that everybody was radio silent so they wouldn't accidentally set off the bomb and we couldn't see a damn thing overhead from the airship feed for at least five minutes because of the smoke," Andy continued.
"Oh, man. That five minutes had to feel like an eternity," Pete responded.
"It was the longest five minutes of my life. All I wanted to do was get to the scene to make sure she was okay," said Andy.
"Did you?" Pete asked.
"Go to the scene? No. Rusty had the DDA grab three patrol officers to keep me in my chair. Then a patrol officer that was at the cemetery with the team finally radioed the airship a mile from the scene and started relaying Sharon's orders for backup and emergency services to be rolled out immediately. She even had the damn kid ask the airship to relay a message to me letting me know she was fine," Andy told Pete.
"Not that this is funny in any way, but she probably didn't want you having another heart attack. That's probably why she told the officer to relay the message," Pete told him.
"Oh, that was definitely a big part of it. That's the same reason Rusty had the patrol officers keeping me in my chair. He said Sharon wouldn't want me working myself into another heart attack or getting in a car crash rushing to the scene," answered Andy.
"Smart kid," replied Pete.
"Just like his mother," responded Andy as he cracked a smile.
"Sharon's a tough cookie though. She seems to have gotten through it relatively unscathed," said Pete.
"Physically, yeah. Emotionally though, that kind of stuff tends leave its mark for a while. It's just difficult being on the other side of things and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I mean we both know the risks of the job, but it doesn't make it any easier when confronted with that reality," said Andy.
"That's because love isn't logical, Andy. The two of you can be as logical as you want and it's understandable why you choose to do so at work, but when it comes to something like this, logic tends to go out the window. It's like a switch is flipped and you're not a cop or a subordinate officer, you're a man whose only concern in that moment is to make sure the woman he loves is safe and okay. It's a perfectly natural feeling. Nobody expects you to keep your feelings out of a situation like that. If they do, they're kidding themselves," Pete explained to Andy.
"Yeah. You're right. I guess I'm still just reeling a bit from it all," replied Andy.
"That's completely normal too. I can't say whether that part will get any easier or not, but I can tell you from experience that loving someone makes it a lot more bearable," said Pete.
"It's funny you say that. I told Sharon something similar to that earlier," Andy pointed out.
"Well, then I guess maybe you should take your own advice then," Pete told him.
"I guess sometimes it's easier to take the advice of others than it is to take your own advice," said Andy.
"Got that right. Listen to me, Sharon's okay, you're okay. Just focus on that for the moment and love each other through this. You can't go wrong focusing on those two things. That's all I got," Pete told Andy.
"Thanks, Pete. I owe you one," said Andy.
"Don't mention it. Just glad everything's okay," said Pete.
"Yeah. Why don't you at least buy you a cup of decaf for the ride home? I gotta grab some coffee for the team anyway," Andy told him.
"Okay. Need a lift up the street? I noticed Sharon took your car with her when she left," replied Pete.
"Sure. Thanks," Andy told the man as they stood up to get in line so Andy could place the coffee order.
As Andy walked into the murder room, he set one of the coffee carriers on Provenza's desk for the team before taking another one over to the Robbery/Homicide guys helping them out. The detectives thanked Andy before he went back over to the other coffee carrier and grabbed the cups with his and Sharon's names on them.
With two cups in hand, Andy headed towards Sharon's office to check on her. As he quietly walked into Sharon's office, he noticed she was curled up asleep in one of the chairs with a blanket draped over her.
He quietly set the cup on her desk and began to make his exit when he heard Sharon mumble sleepily, "Hey."
"Shit. I didn't mean to wake you," Andy told Sharon.
"It's okay. I wasn't sleeping super deeply anyways," replied Sharon as she sat up in the chair.
As Andy walked over to her desk to grab the cup of coffee, he asked, "Anything yet?"
"No. Still waiting on the forensics report and the report on the bomb," replied Sharon as Andy handed her the cup of coffee.
"I got coffee for the Robbery/Homicide guys too. They looked like they could use it," said Andy.
"Yeah. Thanks for this, by the way," Sharon told Andy as she raised her cup up to indicate what she was talking about.
"No problem. It seems like it's gonna be a pretty long night," replied Andy before he took a sip of his own coffee.
"Yeah. How are you doing?" Sharon asked as she lightly brushed her fingers along Andy's forearm.
"Better. Much better," replied Andy as he stared straight into Sharon's eyes and lightly squeezed her hand to reassure her.
"Good," replied Sharon as she smiled at Andy before bringing his hand up to her lips and placing a feather light kiss against it before letting it go.
They continued looking at each other for another minute or so before they heard the sound of the other members of the team filing back into the murder room.
"I love you," Sharon told Andy.
"I love you, too," replied Andy as they shared one final look before making their way into the murder room.
It was a simple exchange, but it held a far deeper meaning for them. It was a promise that they'd always be there to love each other through whatever challenges they may face. That even though things may not always be perfect or easy, loving each other would always be worth it. That life would lose so much of its meaning if they didn't have the other there by their side.
A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed this little add on to 5x20. As always, please leave me a review to let me know what you thought of it. Your feedback and constructive criticism are always greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading and coming along on this latest Shandy adventure with me!