Disclaimer: These aren't my characters. I just play with them and put them back. No copyright infringement intended.
More the Same
Sarah is slumped down in a one of the armchairs in Alison's basement. Alison is on the couch. They're waiting for Cosima to call. The laptop sits on the table in the craft room. The power cord is neatly knotted so that only the exact length snakes along the floor.
Sarah sinks lower in the chair. She crosses her legs and then uncrossed them again when she glances at Alison. Alison is sitting in much the same position, though with much better posture. She's losing her patience. Alison's foot starts to jiggle. Up and down, up and down, beating out the rhythm of her anxiety.
Cosima's late. Of course. It's not a problem for Sarah. Maybe a little worrying. There's always the question of what caused it. Did class run over? Did she stop for coffee? Or something more sinister? But Sarah had nowhere to be.
Alison is worried her family might come home. Donnie is picking the kids up from some activity—Sarah can't begin to keep track of it all—in a few hours. Alison is worried they might burst in the door at any moment. Of course.
Alison gets up. "She's late," she announces.
"I know," answers Sarah.
Alison goes to the laptop. Sarah listens to her punch a couple of keys.
"It says it's connected," Alison says.
"It's fine. Cos is just running late. She always is."
She moves back to where Sarah can see her. A hand covers her lips. She removes it. "Maybe we should call her. Or we can just make it a three way call later so you can leave."
"Alison, relax."
"I can't."
"No more happy pills?" asks Sarah. Alison shots her a look and Sarah fully understands the phrase 'if looks could kill.' "Okay, sorry. That was a low blow. Just sit back down, yeah? We can talk. How's that?"
Alison flops back onto her sofa with an enormous sigh. "Talk about what?"
Sarah doesn't have an answer. She casts around. Her eyes settle on the family portrait beside the TV. There's no mistake the kids aren't biologically related. No less loved. No less cared for.
"Tell me about your kids. What's their story?" asks Sarah.
Alison gives her another cool look. There was no rule, but they speak little about their own lives. It's hard to keep from learning things about Cosima. She's so open, always reaching out. Alison keeps everything very close. So does Sarah.
"Or don't," says Sarah.
"There's no story," Alison says. "They're my kids."
"Forget it, yeah?"
They're quiet again. It's not an impatience silence anymore. It's awkward. Sarah's hurt and she can't say why. Because Alison didn't trust her? No. Alison hardly trusts herself. Why'd she ask about the kids? Because they're adopted. The part of Sarah that was still very much a little orphan had spoken up. She sees something of her life in those kids. Or rather something her life could have been if she wasn't such a screw up and she had been a bit luckier.
Alison seems to notice. "Unless..." she trails off for a moment. "I didn't mean to be abrupt."
"It's alright. Don't worry about it."
"I forget sometimes," Alison says.
Sarah's eyes narrow. Does she forget Sarah is an orphan wretch? She wishes she had the luxury.
"I forget we're so different," Alison clarifies without Sarah needing to say more. "We're genetic identicals, but we grew up so differently. The only thing that is the same is how we look."
"Yeah, it's weird."
"Yes, it's weird," echoes Alison. "We never would have crossed paths under normal circumstances. I can hardly imagine my life being any other way. Well, I mean I could. I could do without all this." She waves her hand towards Sarah.
"Well, thanks," Sarah says, but she's teasing. The corners of her mouth twitch into the beginning of a smile.
"No offense," Alison says. "It's nothing personal. I supposed that since I have to live with this I'm glad it's you. I don't think I'd be able to go through this without you or Cosima. Though, I guess I thought that about Beth too."
Silence. Sarah doesn't know what to say to that. She feels guilty. She watched the woman kill herself. She tried to steal her life and her money. Beth was dead and buried before anyone even knew she was missing.
Alison sighs. "She's gone. There's no point discussing the unpleasantness. I'm trying to say, that given the choice, I would have preferred not to be an identical at all."
"I think all we can agree with that, yeah?" says Sarah. "Well, Cosima seems to be enjoying herself."
"Cosima is a different story. On so many levels," Alison says.
They look at each and grin. Common ground.
The laptop starts to ring. Alison is the first to leap up and answer the call. She sits on one of the stools. Sarah takes the one next to her and leans towards the screen.
The camera hasn't even turned on before Cosima starts talking.
"I'm sorry I'm late," she says. "I lost track of time. I was at the lab. Can I just say out biology is fascinating? I mean, wow." She starts rattling off big, long scientific terms that neither Sarah nor Alison even begins to understand.
Alison looks at Sarah and giggles. She actually giggles. It was exactly what they were just talking about. Cosima is on a different level. Sarah smirks and then laughs herself. She likes Alison's laugh. The sound is little and childish and makes her face light up. They can't stop they're laughing so hard.
"Have you two lost it?" asks Cosima.
"Yes," says Alison. She says something else, but she's laughing too hard to make the words clear.
Cosima just stares.
Sarah takes a deep breath. "Okay, okay. Sorry. We're good. Right? Right, Alison?" she says.
Alison covers her mouth with her hand. Her shoulders shake for a few moments, but she's silent.
She sighs. "Yes, I'm fine. Go ahead."
Cosima looks back and forth between the two women. "Okay, then. Here's what I found."
"In English, please," reminds Alison and giggles again, but manages to contain herself.
Cosima rolls her eyes, but smiles as she begins again. Still, a lot of the science is over Sarah's head. She half listens.
"Sarah, you have anything to add?" Alison asks.
"Um, no."
"Okay, then I'm signing off before you two start laughing again," says Cosima.
"Bye, Cosima," Alison says.
"Later, Cos," Sarah says.
Cosima waves goodbye through the screen as Alison disconnects the video chat. She closes the laptop.
"Did you understand any of that?" she asks.
"Nope."
And that sets them off again. The second wave of laughter is not so bad.
"Oh dear," says Alison as she catches her breath and wipes tears from her eyes. "It's been a long time since I've laughed like that. I don't really know what was so funny."
"Me neither. I was just laughing at you."
"I think Cosima is right. I have lost it."
"Nah, you just can't keep is so bottled up."
Alison's eyes flick up to meet Sarah's. They hold each other's gaze for a moment. "I just didn't have anyone else to talk you. No one who really understood. I mean, Beth taught me how to shoot. She understood my need to protect my family, but you don't really know what that feels like until your children are involved. I know it's cliché, but it's just different."
Sarah nods.
"You are very lucky, Sarah. To have Kira. It's awful to have to listen to a doctor tell you can never get pregnant. So final. I shifted my whole world. I always thought I'd stay at home and be a mom. It's what my mother was. That's how I grew up."
Sarah sits up a little straighter, leans a little closer. She can't help herself. She's hanging on Alison's every words.
"Donnie understood," says Alison. "I found out less than a year after we got married. We started the adoption process a year after that. We adopted Oscar when he was almost three and Gemma was only a week old."
"They're biological siblings?"
"Yes, though we don't know if they have the same father. The birth mother gave them both up when Gemma was born."
"So she's always been with you?"
"Yes and Oscar spent years in that crack houseand I can't even think about what happened to him. God forbid. I'm just grateful he doesn't remember anything."
Sarah doesn't say anything. She'd been like Gemma, as far as she knew. She'd been given up at the hospital. But she remembered every family, every group home, and every temporary situation. She never stayed anywhere longer then a few months until coming to Mrs. S. Eight years of bouncing around, of having no place to be hers, of not having anyone who cared for anything beyond her most basic needs.
"How—" Sarah stops herself. She's pried enough.
Alison cocks her head and almost smiles. 'Go on' the look says.
"How did you know? I mean, they're your kids. I know you love them. But is it different?"
Alison sighs and cups her cheek in a hand. "People ask all the time. I honestly don't think about it. They're my kids. It doesn't matter. Maybe I've never felt them kick inside me, but they're mine. If anything were to ever happen..." She shutters.
"We're not going to let anything happen."
"Oscar came right to me the first time I saw him. Right up to me. I was so nervous and he just walked up and asked to be picked up. He was so little. Then, they handed me Gemma. Your heart changes. I'm not making any sense."
"I get it."
"I don't usually operate by instinct. Beth would've called it a gut. I don't think I have a gut. However, something felt right about them. They were my kids from the moment I lay eyes on them. No hesitation."
Sarah is silent again. That never happened to her. She knew the feeling, but that was because Kira grew inside her. She'd looked at her was she was only seconds oldand there was no doubt who she belonged to. But no one had ever looked at her and said, 'That's it. You're mine.' Not even her birth parents. They didn't want her.
"I'm sorry. Is this hard to talk about?" asks Alison shyly. "I shouldn't have said so much."
Sarah waves a hand as much to brush the feelings away as anything else. It's like relearning a language Sarah had known as a kid, but stopped speaking. Old feelings. Old wishes. They are always just below the surface. She's just surprise they bubble up now of all times.
"It's like you said. You get a glimpse at what your life coulda been like, yeah? This just doesn't have anything to do with being an identical. You're a good mum, Alison. I'm so glad you found them."
"Thank you, Sarah. I can't tell you how good it is to talk to someone about all this. Both being," she glances around the room as if someone might be listening, "a clone and being a mother in the middle of all this. It really makes a difference."
"Yeah, I feel the same."
They are both quiet for a moment, but it's more comfortable.
"Ya know what's really weird?" asks Sarah.
"What?"
"We have more in common then you'd think."
Alison smiles a little. "I suppose we do."
"Okay. I have to go," says Sarah, so Alison doesn't have to kick her out.
"Alright, I don't want to rush you."
Sarah barely keeps herself from rolling her eyes. She'd been so anxious to get Sarah out of the house half an hour ago. She realizes the gesture is how she would treat Felix. It's more affectionate than anything else.
"No problem. I have…stuff to do."
They both get up and move towards the back door. Sarah pulls on her leather jacket. There's any awkward pause as Alison opens the door.
"We don't have to hug or anything, right?" asks Sarah.
"No," says Alison quickly and shakes her head.
"Good. Still, it was nice talking to you too. Call me if you need anything, yeah?"
"Thanks. I will. You do the same."
"Thanks, Alison. Talk to you later."
Sarah flips up her hood and steps out into the chilly air. She slips out the backyard and into her car. She looks back at the house. Alison is still watching through a gap in the curtains. Sarah waves. Alison waves back and disappears.
Sarah turns on the engine and drives away. She realizes Alison had been waiting to make sure Sarah was okay. They have been just allies before. Just one of few standing together against the storm. They're almost friends now. Almost. Neither of them is particularly trusting. It's another trait they share.
Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what you think.