I do not own IZ it's characters or anything else. Really, all I own is this cat, this bag, and a pretty slick lawn mower.
"What is it, Zim?" Red asked, clearly exasperated. As usual, Zim was unphased by the Tallests' clear annoyance with him.
"I have devised my most diabolical plan for destroying all of humanity!" Zim declared. He struck a heroic pose. Red and Purple both slapped their palms to their foreheads. Zim was still trying? If the Irken system was based on persistence rather than height, Zim would be at the top. Red made a metal note to make it a permanent law that the rating system will never be based on persistence.
"Zim, we- Oh, alright. What is it?" Red asked. Purple munched contently on his donuts. A few crumbs floated around in zero-gravity.
"Humans are hypnotized by their TV devices! If I control the television stations, I control the world." Zim seemed proud of his plan. Red said something about an enemy vessel, and cut the transmission. Zim didn't notice that they had no real reason for leaving, other than the fact that they hated him. Zim, hands on his hips in a victorious stance, marched over to the TV and turned it on. For the occasion, he had gotten cable, much to Gir's delight. Zim turned it on, and realized what channel it was on. Gir had been watching it earlier that day.
(*Flash In*)
"NO, HOLLY J.! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, BUT SOMEONE DOES! SOMEONE DOES!" Gir screamed, sitting in front of the TV.
"GIR, SHUT UP!" Zim yelled from his lab. Gir ran in, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"But Paige doesn't want to admit that she likes Alex, and if she doesn't soon, she'll lose her forever!"
"What?"
"A-And Emma keeps starving herself! She promised she'd stop, but she lied!" Gir shrieked, rolling around on the ground, crying. Zim's eye twitched.
"Gir?"
"Y-Yes?" Gir was still crying.
"What were you watching?"
"...D-...DEGRASSI!" He burst into another fit, and finally fell asleep on the floor, sucking his thumb.
(*Flash Out*)
Zim tried to remember how to bock certain channels and shows. He hit the options button. He saw something called "On Demand" and decided that must be where he DEMANDED the TV to never let Gir watch Degrassi again. He scrolled through the options. He saw 'Adult', and figured this was where adults configure settings. He clicked it once, and waited. And waited. And waited. He angrily clicked the 'Select' button as many times as he could. After another few seconds, the rest of the options flashed through quickly. A list of movies flashed for a second, and the first option flashed. Where Zim hit the button so many times, the TV thought he was selecting the first option of everything. It flashed through a few more options.
Finally, it said "Watch Movie. Yes/Cancel?" The first option was yes. It flashed, as if Zim had tried to select it. Zim stared at the TV, unaware of what he had just done. The movie started. After about thirty seconds of moaning from the characters, Zim ran and got a laser gun, and shot the TV as many times as he could.
"What was that?" He gasped, after annihilating the TV.
"I dunno..." The computer mumbled.
"Make a guess!" Zim snapped.
"O-kaaaay...It seemed to be a movie of the human mating ritual. A slang term among humans for it is 'porn'." The computer hadn't guessed. He had looked the movie title up on the internet. Honestly, he had been as disturbed by it as Zim had. Zim stood there for a second, eying the burnt, smoking remains of the TV.
"GIR! I have been sickened by this human entertainment! Fetch me the bucket!" Zim was sick for another three hours after that.
"Look, Gaz! Zim almost looks greener than usual." Dib pointed out. Zim hadn't gotten too much sleep. He had tried to devise a plan on how to rid the world of the 'On Demand' button.
"Pft. Maybe he got a tan." Gaz murmured sarcastically.
"No, he looks kinda...Not good." Dib said. "HEY ZIM!" Zim looked up at Dib, yawned, and walked over. They were at recess, on the playground.
"Yes, Dib-stink?"
"You used that yesterday." Gaz observed.
"What?" Zim asked.
" 'Dib-stink'. You used that all day yesterday. Think of a better one."
"O-kay. What, Dib-monkey?"
"You look weird. What are you up to?" Dib accused Zim.
"I am up to nothing!...If you must know, a back-woods form of human entertainment has sickened me."
" 'Back-woods form of human entertainment'? I bet that's just a cover-up! If you aren't up to something, tell me what this 'back-woods entertainment' was!" Dib demanded. Zim just shook his head.
"I don't like talking about it."
"HA! I'VE GOT YOU NOW- And there's no one here." Dib said, jumping through the window into Zim's living room. He took a few pictures with his camera when the door-bell rang. He answered it.
"Um...Hello?"
"Here's your bills. Give 'em to your ma' and dad." The delivery guy handed Dib a few envelopes.
"Um- Right! Because I live here! Good-bye!" Dib slammed the door. He saw the On Cast bill.
"Zim has cable?" He asked himself out loud. He ripped open the envelope and saw the movie under the 'On Demand' section of the bill. He recognized the title from some creep at the movie store walking out of the '18 and Up' section of the movie rental store. He saw the charred remains of the TV, and that the movie had been stopped after thirty-two seconds. He was smart enough to connect the dots. He started laughing so hard he cried.
After an insane laughing fit, he took a picture of both the destroyed TV and the bill. He left the bills on the couch and went home, still giggling occasionally. He plugged the camera into his computer and opened the two pictures.
"GAZ! YOU- HA HA -GOTTA COME SEE THIS! Ha ha ha," Dib yelled from his bedroom. Gaz growled, spilling a little bit of milk she had been pouring over cereal. She took the rest of the cereal and went upstairs, expecting a stupid cat video or something.
Zim heard an unfamiliar laugh from behind him. Usually, laughing meant someone making fun of him. He turned around, ready to yell at some brat. He was a bit surprised to see Gaz laughing.
"What're you laughing at, Gaz-creature?"
"Heheh, Dib showed me some pictures of your base, Zim. We found out what you meant by 'b-back-woods entertainment. D-Don't you know not to click 'Adult' on t-the TV?" Gaz said, snickering. She laughed again. Zim felt his cheeks get warm. Oh, no.
Hope you enjoyed that. I'd like to include that most of these won't really have a point other than just to make you smile :) ...So they won't have a complex, intellectual plot, but ARE hopefully enough to brighten people's day a tiny bit. They don't have life morals, and don't have angst. This is going to be a little series of one-shots, written purely for humor. They will have little to nothing to do with each other, like one-shots tend to do.