Christams Cheers and Beer

"Blah"

'Thinking'

Summary: One winter night during Christmas Bakura decides to ask the YGO gang to come to a bar for Karaoke. Malik gets drunk and Kaiba hits on Jou. What else could happen? One shot; implied yaoi

Christams Cheers and Beer

(Bakura's apartment)

It's a white Christmas Eve in Domino City as Bakura Ryou sat alone at home. The sprit was laughing his ass of at a fly that kept bashing into the window.

"Do you really find it that funny?" Ryou asked as he was getting a head ache and possibly going insane.

"Let me take control I want to rip its wings off!" Bakura said as he laughed some more.

"I'm going to sleep now, just don't do anything stupid!" Ryou said as he let the darker half take control.

"Right…" Bakura said taking control as his hikari took a nap.

"DIE!" Bakura said catching the fly and ripping off its wings, while laughing his ass off more.

"This is boring…humm I wonder what I can destroy." Bakura said to himself getting a mischievous grin before heading off down the hall.

Bakura slowly opened the door to Ryou's room. He poked his head in and looked around at the many items that littered the floor. A few pencils and papers were lain out over the floor and some shirts.

"Now what can we find in here to play with?" he asked himself smirking evilly. He crept over to the night stand and pulled open the drawer. He found pills, beer, vodka, a lighter, a knife, lotion, and a box of condoms. "This looks like fun." He said picking up lotion and opening it. He then turned it upside-down in and poured it in his hand.

"Yum cucumber and green tea sent." Bakura smirked throwing the bottle back into the drawer.

He then moved his hands down lower and got a wide smirk on his face.

"My arms are just so dry!" Bakura says rubbing the lotion all over his arms.

After that Bakura continued his mission to seek and destroy. He gaze turned to the unopened

box of condoms.

"I might be feeling frisky later tonight so these will come in handy." Bakura said picking up the box. He's attention then turned to a little black book that titled phonebook. He put the box down as he looked at the black book for a minute.

"Hmm…" Bakura said as he picked it up and opened it. "Uoo…phone numbers. I just got a bright idea."

"Bakura called us all?" Yuugi asked Jonouchi as he caught up to the blonde as they walked together to a bar.

"Yah, looks like I'm getting drunk for Christmas." Jonouchi said stretching as they approached the bar.

"I'm not one for drinking but I think I might give it a whirl tonight." Yuugi said. "Yami has been brothering me so maybe if I'm drunk I won't remember what he's going do."

Jonouchi outwardly flinched. "At least you know Yami's after you. I keep getting weird letters.

Crap like, "Be careful when you sleep tonight you don't know who's going to molest you." And stuff about rape."

"I feel for you." Yuugi said sweat-dropping. "But having the same body well…things are really NC-17."

"Hey it's starting to snow." Jonouchi said as he held out his hand for a snow flake to drop on it.

Before the snow hit his hand another hand caught it. "HEY THAT WAS MINE JACK ASS!"

"Shut up baka make Inu." Seto said to Jonouchi as he turned to look at the bar.

"Why you!" Jonouchi started. "You stupid Snowman!"

"Umm…Jou that didn't make any sense." Yuugi said.

"Yeah a snowman that got shit on." A voice said from behind them.

"Honda, what are you doing here?" Jonouchi asked.

"Bakura told me to meet him at this bar." Honda replied.

"Yeah that albino freak asked me to come too." Seto said. "Shall we go in?"

"Yah." Yuugi said as he pushed the doors open. "Oh good lord!" he said as he saw Bakura standing on a table with Malik putting twenties in his pants.

"Is that all you've got you cheep son of a bitch?" Bakura asked loudly.

"Aw, come on you know I just want a little nuckie." Malik said trying to grab his ass.

"NO!" Bakura said slapping his hand away.

"You know I'm good for it." Malik said trying again.

"You owe me from a month ago you baka tomb keeper." Bakura said.

"Please!" Malik begged.

"I may be drunk but I'm not cheep." Bakura said hoping off the table and retrieving his discarded shirt causing the crowd to erupt in a cry of disappointment.

"Fine I'll get more money then you'll be back!" he yelled getting on the table and slowly taking his shirt off. He didn't have long because some random guy tackled him and then dragged him off to a bathroom.

"Uhh guys…did any one other then me realize that they are only guys in this bar?" Jonouchi asked as a man in a luau grass skirt and a cocoanut bra walked up and put a lay around his neck. Seto's eyebrow twitched for a second before he punched the guy sending him sailing across the room. 'What the hell was that about?' Jonouchi thought for a minute.

"Hey glad you could all make it." Bakura said walking over. "Take a load off and get loaded!"

"I think I'll take you up in that wasted thing." Yuugi said as he walked over to the bar.

"You are going to be the first one to get drunk?" Honda said as he watched Yuugi order a glass of Ever Clear.

"You don't have a pervert living in your head." Yuugi said poking his temple before he downed the glass and got cheers from the crowd. "Another!" he said slamming his glass back on the bar. The barkeep filled it and watched as Yuugi raised his glass high and the bar was sent into an uneasy silence. "And so I say! Fuck the holidays!" he yelled downing the glass.

"Holy shit." Seto said. "He just slammed two glasses of Ever Clear."

"Move over King of Drunks." Honda said then ordered a shot of tequila. He drained it and then salted his hand before he got another.

"Aren't you supposed to do that first?" Jonouchi asked joining him.

"I do it nothing but at first then I brake out the salt and limes!" Honda said loudly.

"What can I get for you honey?" the Barkeep said to Jonouchi.

"An apple margarita." Jonouchi said and turned to look at Bakura who was staggering over to a table. He never saw Seto punch the barkeep and tell the poor man that if he hit on Jonouchi he would kill him.

"Hey! Keeper of the Bar! Get me a large glass of VODKA!" Bakura said missing the chair completely and falling on his ass. He started to laugh compulsively as he tried to get up.

"VODKA for ALL! And it's on Ryou's tab!"

The men in the bar shouted for joy as Bakura managed to get up. He looked at the lonely microphone on the empty stage and walked over to it. "Hmm…what should we do Ryou?" he asked is hikari before he let the younger boy take control.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked himself and looked at the blue T.V. in front of him and the music selector to the side. "Ah that's right!" he said as the drunkenness got to him as well. "I want to sing…I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas." He said picking the song and standing in front of the microphone.

"I'm dreaming of a BLOODY CHRISTMAS!" Ryou sang the first half before Bakura took over and screamed the last few words.

(A/N: When you see the bold face font that is Bakura singing not Ryou.)

"Just like the ones I GOT DRUNK!"

"Where the tree tops BURN!"

"And the children ARE HUNG!"

"YOU WILL ALL DIE ON CHIRSTMAS DAY!"

"NONE OF YOU SHOULD LIVE!"

"THAT'S THE TRUTH SO ROLL OVER AND DIE!"

He began to laugh compulsively again as he tried to safely get off the stage but wound up tripping over his own foot and falling on Malik who had at last come out of the bathroom.

"YES!" he said as he dragged off a shouted Bakura.

"Let go of me you cheep son of a bitch!" Bakura yelled.

"I got three hundred." Malik said.

"Good enough for now." Bakura said as he started to drag Malik toward the bathroom.

"Hey Bakura had a great idea!" Yuugi said stumbling over to the stage. He jumped up on stage and grabbed the microphone.

"Jingle bells Seto's gay"

"Jonouchi is his bitch"

"I am no ones bitch!" Jonouchi interrupted. "especially not Kaiba's!"

"Ohhhh jingle bells I' am gay"

"There's a sexy pervert in my head."

"Oh its fun to slap his ass"

"While he says Oweee all night long!"

"Oh what fun it is to let him ride me all night long!"

"OH GOD THAT'S THE SPOT!" Malik yelled while Bakura let out a yell of pleasure.

"What the hell?" Jonouchi said. "They really were doing that? I thought that Bakura was just joking. Whatever…so Kaiba when are you gonna yell at Yuugi that your not gay?"

"After I sing my song." Seto said as he walked past Yuugi that fell to the floor of the stage. He lightly kicked Yuugi aside before he chose his song and the music started playing.

"You better watch out, you better not cry."

"You better not pout, I'm telling you why."

"Because I'm gonna be in your room tonight."

He said looking at Jonouchi with a sexy grin. Jonouchi shivered then turned to the barkeep to

get a stronger alcoholic drink.

"So you better not cry when you feel the pain"

"Because I'm going to do you tonight"

"I know when you are sleeping, I see you in the shower"

"I have cameras in your house."

"I know when you've been naughty, so be hard for goodness sake."

"Because I'm coming to RAPE you TONIGHT!" Seto finished and jumped off the stage right in front of Jonouchi.

"What the hell are you spouting?" Jonouchi asked as he looked Seto in the eye.

Seto stared at him wide eyed then shook his head before he walked over to the bar. "You really are an idiot. I practically spell it out and you still can't put two and two together! I don't know why I try, maybe I should try Yuugi…no…that damn pharaoh would kill me.

DAMNIT! You know what, BARKEEP GIVE ME A BOTTLE OF YOUR STRONGEST STUFF! NOW!"

"Sure thing Hun." The man said as he turned around.

"My turn people!" Jonouchi said as he jumped onto the stage.

'I know...' Seto thought looking at the bottle in his hands now and the blonde on the stage. 'I'll get him drunk off his ass then take him home with me. I'll get free sex and he'll think it was because we were both drunk.' He began to laugh at his own genius as he walked over and sat in front of the stage. "Hurry up and sing baka make inu!"

"Seto the red nosed basterd!"

"Had a very shiny ass!"

"And if you ever saw it you would even say its huge!"

"All of the gang just love to annoy him because his ass is so HUGE!"

"Then on some fogy night Seto came to terms, he said why my ass is so huge that I can't fit in the door?"

"Then--!" He began but Seto tackled him off the stage.

"If you like to sing about my ass how about we go to somewhere more private so you could get the whole view." Seto said seductively.

"Umm how about NO! You sick basterd." Jonouchi yelled prying himself from Seto's grasp.

"You will be mine JoJo." Seto said with a wink.

"That's just wrong." Jonouchi said approaching the bar. "I need another drink, something that can really get me wasted."

"What can I get you babe." The bartender asked giving him a grin.

"Uh. Your strongest drink you have." Jonouchi said taking a seat.

"Alright Sweetie." The bartender said grabbing a glass from under the counter and pouring

Jonouchi the strongest drink the bar carried. "Here you go."

"Great." Jonouchi replied before chugging the whole thing down.

'Great…' Seto thought with a twisted smile. 'That's right my pet, get drunk…you'll love what you see in the morning.'

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Bakura yelled drunkard as he and Malik stumbled out of the bathroom attached at the hip.

"WHO WANTS TO HEAR US SING?" Malik yelled his question loudly as his arm wrapped around Bakura's waist.

"If you want more you need to pay me cheep ass!" Bakura said trying to get Malik to let go.

"Just one song!" Malik begged. "I'll let you be on top next time!"

Bakura thought about it, his face flushed from how drunk he was. "Hmm…" he thought a little longer before he slapped Malik's ass. "You have a deal bitch!"

"Yay!" Malik chirped happily. "Let's go sing! I want to sing Frosty The Snowman!"

"Shut up!" Bakura said. "You're my bitch now I'm the one in charge!"

"Fine you pick." Malik mumbled then giggled as Bakura squeezed his ass tightly.

"I don't want to sing about some gay snowman." Bakura said grabbing the microphone.

"What? But I want to sing that song!" Malik pouted.

"You're the bitch, so I'm the one that gets to pick the song." Bakura said searching through the songs. "Aw, that one."

"Deck my bitch I have in bed."

"Falalalalalala la la" (Malik's Part)

"Tis the season to hump my tomb keeper."

"FALALALALALALALALALA LA LA"

Malik sang as he pushed Bakura away from the microphone.

"It's my turn to sing." Malik said taking a deep breath before beginning his song.

"This ones for you." Malik said winking at Bakura

"Away in a bedroom, no time for sleeping,

the tomb robber and I, were screwing all night,

The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay,

the little tired but not out of itThen I was lowing him down on my lap,

But little did he give resistance,

I love you, tomb robber; lay down next to me,

And stay by my side until morning is nigh.

Be near on me, my love, I ask you to stay,

Close by me forever, and love me, I say.

Let me feel you within me and me within you,

And take us to heaven, to live with you there."

The other men in the bar let out a huge roar as Malik jumped off the stage and onto Bakura who was on the verge of jumping up and kicking the shit out of the tomb keeper.

"Get off of me you cheep son of a bitch!" Bakura yelled trying to get Malik off of him.

"I love you!" Malik said hugging Bakura around the middle.

"Pervert!" Bakura yelled. "Someone get him off of me!"

While Bakura and Malik were "fighting" Jonouchi was hammering shots and downing bottles of alcohol and taking to a sober Seto. "You know what you're a real ass hole but…" he leaned in closer his voice slurred. "Don't tell yourself this but I find you really sexy." He said with a dumb smile before taking in more liquor.

"AH! Let's sing one last song before we have to go home!" Jonouchi yelled wrapping his arm around Seto. Seto lightly pushed the now drunk Jonouchi away and ordered another drink.

"You could go sing if you want, I'll stay here for another drink.

"Yeah! Everyone lets sing it together!" Jonouchi said grabbing Yuugi and dragging him up to the stage.

"Bakura lets sing one more song!" Malik whined.

"No!"

"Come on it's the last song everyone is going to do!" Malik said pulling the tomb robber by his shirt.

"Damn you." Bakura mumbled as Malik joined Yuugi, Jonouchi, and Honda up on the stage. Jonouchi then grabbed the microphone and began the last song of the night.

"OH! Seto got ran over by a reindeer!"

"On a fucken Christmas eve."

"The blue eyes was chewing on Seto's sexy ass."

"On a fucken Christmas eve!" Jonouchi said handing the microphone to Yuugi whose cheeks

were tinted red.

"I've got a pervert pharaoh in my head."

"He always pops up right behind me!"

"He whispers little things to me."

"And he always pops up behind me!" Yuugi finished his phase and passed it to Malik who shoved Bakura's face into it as well.

"We'll be rocking a tomb tonight!"

"On a very cold Christmas eve!"

"Don't be alarmed if you hear us fight!"

"On a very cold Christmas eve!" Then they handed it to Honda who was about to fall over drunk.

"I really suck at singing!"

"I'm not getting laid tonight!"

"No body is waiting or willing!"

"I'm not getting laid tonight!" Honda sang with the beat. Then all five of them smashed together.

"We wish you marry Christmas!

"And hope you all get laid tonight!" they sang the last lines then took a bow almost falling off

the stage. Jonouchi then got away from the others.

"I think I need another drink." Jonouchi said.

"I'll treat." Seto said as he ordered another drink for Jonouchi.

"Alright, hunks!" the barkeep said after handing Seto the drink. "Time to close up! So finish

your drinks and get l-o-s-t!"

"Down it." Seto commanded.

"'Kay." Jonouchi said gulping it down. "What now?" he asked putting the glass down clumsily.

"You come…" Seto thought for a minute what would happen if he took Jonouchi home. "To a hotel with me for the night…you're way to drunk to walk home…you could get into a car accident."

"Okay." Jonouchi said trying to stand up and almost falling over. Seto caught him and wrapped the blonde's arm over his own shoulder.

"Yuugi…never mind you aren't even sober…" Seto said as he walked past the tri-color haired boy.

"Bye-bye!" Yuugi said as he stood up and stumbled outside behind Seto. Bakura, Malik, and Honda following him. "Bakura…can I stay at your place I don't think I'll be able to get home."

"Sure!" He said loudly leading the way. "See ya all later!" Bakura yelled at no one.

The next morning in a beautiful hotel room two lumps where in a bed. One was snoring loudly into a pillow while the other had a strong arm wrapped around the first's waist.

Jonouchi ceased his snoring and looked up. He looked around at the room he was in. It took him a moment to process the headache he had. He sat up quickly pinching the bridge of his nose trying to dull the ache. He looked up after it numbed down. He felt something slip from around his waist to the silk bed sheets under him. He froze then slowly turned his head to look at the brunette behind him. Shirtless as far as he could see; he then began to slowly inch away from the sleeping CEO. He did so until he fell off the bed with a loud thud.

Seto opened his eyes slowly after he heard something hit the floor. He felt around for Jonouchi; when he didn't find him he sat up and looked around. His eyes paused on Jonouchi sitting on the ground half of the sheets with him covering his areas.

He thought over what he could do for a minute then decided on his best course of action.

"Good god." Seto said scratching the side of his head. "I must have been hammered last night

to sleep with you." He said as he stood up and walked to the bathroom.

"Gah!" Jonouchi said. "Please cover yourself!" he yelled turning his eyes away.

"You know you like it!" Seto said before slamming the door shut. 'Hell yah, I should do that more often. That was the best sex I've ever had.'

'Oh my god! Even if I wanted it; that wasn't right! I need to get out of here…where are my pants?' he thought looking around. He searched the whole room for his pants, and when he didn't find them he guessed that they were in the bathroom. "Kaiba! Give me my pants!" he said wearing the sheets like a toga.

"Shut up!" Seto called annoyed. "Go get some new ones!"

"God damned hang over…" Jonouchi said. He then spotted Seto's pants on the lamp. "That'll work…" he said. He then looked for his shirt and couldn't find it. 'Damn it…the world is against me I swear!' he thought as he grabbed Seto's shirt. 'I'll just take his whole damned outfit for now…he'll have to come and get them if he wants them back!' Jonouchi thought as he put on Seto's attire and checked himself in the mirror. He smirked before he looked back at the bathroom door. His smirked widened then he left. 'He better come and get his clothes back…like hell if I want these around…I might dress up in them to feel like I'm him, that or with him.'

Yuugi woke up fully from his half sleeping state to look around at Ryou's apartment. He gasped as he saw all the clothes flung all over the place.

"Great." He said pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh good lord!" Yuugi heard Ryou yell as he came running out of his room without anything on.

Yuugi stared for a minute before a voice in his head made him space out. "Did you have fun last night aibou?" Yami asked coyly.

"Tons…" Yuugi lied then went back into reality. "Well Ryou see you later or something." He said getting up and walking to the door.

"Take Malik with you!" he yelled from the closet he locked himself in.

"Is he dress." He asked stopping at the closet door.

"No…" he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Yuugi did not bother saying anything he just walked out the door with a back glance. Malik on the other hand had gotten up and was looking for Ryou. "Hey Koi, where are my clothes?" he asked knocking on the closet door.

"Not here!" Ryou yelled making sure the door was shut before pulling of a trench coat behind him. He waited for Malik to walk away before stepping out and looking around. When he saw that the tomb keeper had vanished he ran to the front door and slipped on a pair of shoes then ran outside; in nothing but a trench coat.

As he ran a wind blew from an air vent in the street as a bus full of children went by and a crowd of girls came from the mall; the wind blew the coat up showing the world his man hood.

"Teacher there's a naked man on the side walk!" One of the children yelled.

"That guy's hair is white." One of the girls laughed as she "inspected" Ryou. "Other then that weird little fact that's a nice package."

"Ewww!" another girl said. "I'm scared! Itachi-sama save me!"

"Kaiyuku-kun; you watch too much Naruto." a third said pushing her multi-colored. "Though I wish Vincent would shoot this guy."

"Rakuda-kun…Shut up!" the first yelled her brown hair whipping around as she shot a glare at the other two.

"Okay, chill Sakura-chan." The Kaiyuku said as she closed her green eyes and waved her hands around. They began to leave as the wind finally stopped and Ryou was as red as a cherry.

'That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever gone through. Even worse then when I couldn't find the bathroom on Duelist Kingdom when it was right in my room.' He thought as he ran off into the darkness of an alley.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A little behind on the season but oh well! I thought it was funny as hell. Anyway the three girls in the last part of this are myself, Sakura, and Rakuda. My two best friends and myself make a great fan fiction writing trio! Thanks for reading our weird as hell fan fiction and wait for our next humor Fic. Just need to decide on whom to pick on. (Smiles) Should it be the Naruto cast…or maybe Inuyasha….maybe even the Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts characters!

Catch ya later!

Sayonara,

Sakura-Chan

Kaiyuku-Kun