The Cruelty of Hesitation

This story, which is called "The Cruelty of Hesitation", is an independent fanfic. Neither this story, nor the author is authorized or sponsored by, nor licensed or affiliated in any way with any entity involved with or representing the development, marketing, distribution or support of EA, or BioWare Corporation. All titles, items, and characters, described or referred to in "The Cruelty of Hesitation" of the original game are trademarks of their respective companies. This fanfic is absolutely non-commercial and non-profit, and may not be distributed in any forms or in any parts without prior consent of the author "Adventuress".

Regarding Spoilers:

At any time this story could contain spoilers from throughout the timeline of Mass Effect or Mass Effect 2. I apologize for any inconveniences this causes.

Shepard stood deathly still as the haunting echoes of battle surrounded her then faded to a dull silence.

Her hands were clasped tightly behind her back, her fingers painfully weaving in between each other. She had her head held high, her chin pointing defiantly in the air. Her shoulders were composedly pressed back and her posture was one of perfection. Her cold, calculating gaze was pressed straight ahead, unseeing and blurry.

"Again," she commanded EDI.

"Of course Shepard," came the feminine voice from a corner of the room. "Beginning video 1.233 A-MF at start point 0.00 for loop number seven."

Her own hollow voice rang out from the vid in the Captain's Cabin first as the static slowly faded and a clear picture came into view. It had been raining. The soft splashes from the raindrops could be heard clearly as the planet's tears plummeted heavily on her suit. Garrus appeared on one side of the frame, half of his body swallowed by darkness as he didn't fully come into view. Follow my lead. She had begun. Stay sharp-. The vid suddenly paused itself.

"Shepard," EDI's voice interrupted. "I have paused the video to make an inquiry."

The only thing on Shepard's body that moved to disapprove of the interruption was a twitch of her lip. Otherwise both her features and poise remained effortlessly neutral. "Ask."

"While I was monitoring your heat signature data as well as electrocardiograph screenings of the heart there are rapid increases with both based on certain imperative points in the video; based also on speculative observation you have memorized the video and no longer need to view it."

There was a pause.

"What is advantageous about examining the video again?"

Shepard rolled her shoulders and responded almost immediately, her tone curt and unimpressed. "I hesitated. "

There was a moment of hiatus where silence flooded the room as EDI processed the information and then began to play the vid again.

Shepard's blue eyes danced over the diverse model ships in front of her. She wasn't really paying any attention to them. Her full focus was on the vid. She was trying to hear the emotions in the vid instead. The fear, the worry, the hurt, the had been correct in her observations that Shepard had already memorized the full video. Actually she had already memorized it by the second loop.

Another voice rang out into the room. Two on your right, Shepard. Two shots sounded before footfalls and shallow breathing could be heard again.

But she couldn't stop replaying it. She had made a huge error on her part; it was her first mistake since she had been "born again" and the thought of failure was crawling over her skin and forcing its fingers into her thoughts.

She had hesitated.

It was her first rule in combat and it had saved a lot more lives than it had damned. Hesitation could kill solders—hesitation would kill soldiers if they weren't careful. The words of her Father flooded her consciousness. Upon the plains of hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions.

She could feel her arms aching from her perfect pose, but she refused to let herself relax. She didn't earn the right to relax. She didn't deserve to be comfortable. After all, she had a team member, a good friend, in the infirmary because of her. Was he comfortable? No, hardly. Her knuckles were white; the only sign of frustration on her form.

Shepard. Shepard! They're overwhelming him! …Shepard! Shots rang out, one after another, as a blurry silhouette rushed by darkening the vid for a time.

Shepard forced her eyes onto the screen before her as the video blurred. It took a moment, but then it slowly came back into focus. She gave all her attention to a lone figure as it staggered against a wall while it was surrounded by husks. They clawed and nipped at him with ferocity. Blue suddenly painted the floor of the mine. A static white overtook the vid as shot after shot was fired from Shepard's pistol.

She had hesitated. Someone else had paid the price. Pain etched over her features and slowly turned into guilt as she watched herself help her friend up and then slid his arm over her shoulders for support.

Shepard finally moved one hand in front of herself to hit the replay button on her terminal. She was tired of calling on EDI and breaking the silence in her room. The video started from the beginning. She was going to make damn sure she didn't forget this mistake and she was going to make damn sure she didn't make another. Too many people depended on her.

Halfway through the vid, the image on screen paused, and EDI interrupted once again. "Shepard, I know you have requested to not be disturbed, but someone wishes to speak with you on the empty Observation Deck."

Shepard lifted a dark brow in slight annoyance. "I've asked to not be disturbed for a reason, EDI. If they wish to speak with me they will have to wait unless it is extremely urgent."

EDI paused for a moment before concluding with an "I'll let them know, Shepard" before disappearing.

Shepard started the vid again, her hand sliding behind of herself when she was done with the buttons on the terminal. A slight glitch in the audio sounded before continuing normally.

EDI appeared as an image on her terminal, blocking the video from sight. "Shepard, I thought I would let you know that judging by the calculated pace and gait of the subject that you will have a guest arriving at your quarters in zero hours, two minutes, and thirty-nine seconds."

Shepard let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. "I told you to tell them I was busy and unable to entertain guests at present."

A few beeping noises erupted from EDI. "I did Shepard."

After a pause the artificial intelligence continued. "…he responded with a few insults and wanted me to remind you that you owe him."

Shepard ran a few fingers over her pinned up hair and looked over EDI's shape. "Very well, EDI. Please return the video to the encrypted file to make sure no one on this ship sees it, and add a few firewalls for extra protection."

EDI responded quickly. "Of course, Shepard. Another lens and camera have been added to your visor as a replacement due to the shattering of your older one. Initial steps have been taken to reduce glare-."

"Thank you, EDI. I'll check it out as soon as I deal with Garrus." She pushed in the chair, which was next to her, closer to her desk. "And remember, EDI….this is only between us."

A spark of white surged over EDI's form before she answered the woman.

"As always, Commander."