Roy mustang strolled out of his office smiling like he was a little kid who just bought a dozen of eggs and was about to throw them at a grumpy old man that lived next door, along with his ugly cats and centepedes. But that's not why he was happy.

"So I'll be right back." He called to Riza and Havoc who were inside his office, doing paperwork. Joy.

Roy grabbed a little plastic cup made of the cheapest yellowish green plastic (because the fuhrer was a... person who hates to waste money and did't want to waste the precious money of Ametris on nice plastic cups for his military puppies), and turned to the coffee machine. He pressed some buttons that sounded like " ZAPONG! DING DING LE SCREAM CREAM POO JAM WHAM SMACK KA-CHICK BAZAK!" so wait. They didn't sound at all. HA.

He placed his cheap platic cup in the right spot and waited for the coffee to come out like a bored and screeching little bird, with a goofy grin. Don't ask.

To his horror, terror, pure dispair, undeniable madness, utter angst and pain, no coffee and out. he pressed the button again, yet the machine just went "PAN PONH POUNG ZAP." No it did't!. Nothing happened. GAH! Then the courtains started tap dancing and the perverted snails crawed out of earth and were about to eat roy's shoes when- The author remembered The military headquarters wouldn't have courtains since King Bradley was an EVIL EEEEEVIL person, and didn't want to waste money on curtains. He'd rather watch the soldiers melt and scream in agony as the sun toasted their eyes with a happy smile on his wrinkly humonculi-like face. Wait- he WAS a humonculus. OH NOES I spoiled it. Too bad. XD Oh yes and the snails thing didn't happen either, I just wanted to type that:D

Roy was angry! She machine was stealing his coffee! It belonged to him! TO HIM! HOW DARE THIS GOD DAMNED MACHINE BEFOUL HIM, THE FLAME ALCHEMIST. Like a person with mental problems, Roy banged his fists against the coffee machine and cried, tears spilling out of his pure(NOT) black eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's NO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRr!"

Then he proceeded to waltz around the.. place where the coffee machine was... because he was reminiscing about a scene in his favorite movie, The little Marmaid.

Except that movie didn't exist is Ametris! So this did't happen.

"NO ONE UNDERSTAAAAAAANDSSSSSS MEEEEEE! WHYYYYYYYYY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" he cried in agony, as he angrily kicked the coffee table, knocking over some cups that landed on his leg.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGG! IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS!" he screamed, clutching his knee and falling on the floor. Then he started spinning on the floor like those crazy street dancers.

"No wait.. it doesn't hurt! I have super powers!" Roy did a little boogie and muttered some words in a sing song tune.

"HEY HAWKEYE GUESS WHAT" he yelled at the top of his lungs like a hobo who is pleading for food. No wait... more like... a... Crazy roy who wanted to tell Riza something.

"WHAT..?" she yelled from his office.

"WHAT IS IT?" Roy yelled back

"YOU WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING!"

"LIAR! I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU DID"

"OH YEAH i DID!"

"WHAT WAS IT."

"AH GUESS WHAT! I HAVE SUPER POWERS! I WAS ATTACKED MY CHEAP PLASTIC CUPS AND I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL PAIN! AIN'T I SEXY?"

"that's nice to know, sir. Now go jump off a cliff" hawkeye said.

No wait. She said: "that's nice to know sir. Now do your paperwork."

"BUT THE COFFEE MACHINE STOLE MY COFFEE!"

"OMG REALLY NO WAY" Havoc screeched and ran out of the office, tumbling down the stairs and landing on his head. Which would have caused a concussion and made him mentally retarded, if it wasn't for the fact that his brain was already way too messed up for that to make a difference! SO OH JOY!

"LOOK! LOOK AT THE EVIL EYES THAT VILE CREATURE HAS... HOW THEY GLARE AT YOU PENETRATINGLY LIKE SHARP, DIAMOND NEEDLES AND"

"I KNOW. I SEE. LET'S SUE IT. MWAHAHAHA" Havoc said like... a shark. An ANGRY SHARK WITH AN ANGRY CIGARETTE AND A SPAZZING HAIR DO! YA!

"Havoc.. Colonel..." Riza started, looking at them like they were a crazy shark with a spazzing hair do and a nicotine-addicted brain, and a colonel that believed he had super powers, due to the fact she survived some plastic cups falling on his leg. HAHAHAHHA. Yesh.

"WHERE ARE THE PERVERTED SNAILS! I'LL KILL THEM IF THEY TRY TO EAT MY SHOES!" Ed screeched, hiding his cheerleading pon-pons behind him.

"HEY EVERYONE! Guess WHAT!" Al said happilly then did some spazzing (love that word) dance moved ed taught him secretly, since he was a secret professional dancer of the secret services. Aha. BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

"what" everyone said with goofy smiles. Except for Riza, who decided to run away before it was too late, and locked herself in the office.

"I MADE POOPOO-CRAP COOKIES! They are poop shaped!"

No wait. Actually Al said:

"I made ginger-bread cookies! They are poop shaped!"

"awwww! Poop-shaped! My favorite, Al. Thanks!" Ed sang "YAAAAAAAAAY!"

"AND ALSO! I USED LIQUOR INSTEAD OF MILK SO YOU WOULD EAT THEM NII-SAN!" Al clapped his spiffy rubber hands together.

"OMG AL YOU'RE DA BEST!" Ed danced.

"POOP SHAPED YUM" havoc chimed in.

Roy stared at them.

"I WANT MY COFFEE YOU DAMN THINGY!" Roy yelled, about to brag a chair and throw it at a random direction, which he did. It hit the door of his office.

'good thing I left.' Riza sighed in relief.