A/N: so this idea kind of just popped into my head and I wanted to get it out so I could focus on my current one :) Franny is not in this story, I love her but she would just complicate things too much.

Amanda was exhausted when she stepped through the door of her two bedroom apartment. The nanny was waiting on the couch with a book in hand when the blonde finally returned home. She was forced to stay late which caused the elder babysitter to also work past her intended time "thank you so much Gina for staying late" Amanda greeted with a smile "I really don't know what I would've ever done without you"

"Oh no problem" Gina answered as she gathered her things to leave. The elder woman was in her early sixties, children already grown and most of her family out of the state. Gina was missing her grandchildren and jumped at the offer to help care for Amanda's daughter while she was at work. It was a matter of convenience for both of them, Gina lived in the same building and she now had a smiling and bubbling child to fill her days instead of spending them all alone dreaming of times past. "I always glad to help you and Jesse, you like family now" she said in her thick Russian accent as she hugged the blonde goodbye. Gina had told Amanda from day one that she planned to teach Jesse Russian to give her an advantage as a condition of her employment, and the blonde didn't hesitate to hire the woman. It was hard to find a trustworthy person that worked for an affordable price, if Jesse came out knowing another language for it then all the better in Rollin's book.

The moment the door shut behind the elder woman Amanda went to check on Jesse. She creeped slowly into the room knowing that her daughter was a light sleeper when she was in her crib. If she was in a person's arms that was a whole different story. The young detective smiled softly at the image of her baby girl's sleeping face. If two years ago someone were to tell her that she would be a mother she probably would have locked them up for reasons of insanity, but now she couldn't imagine her life without Jesse.

Amanda left the room to get ready for bed still pondering what it meant to be a mother. She couldn't believe that it had almost been a year since she gave birth to that bundle of joy in the other room, her birthday was only two weeks away. Carisi kept bugging her to do a party, but Amanda was not going to. Besides, who would come anyway? Her mother, nope she was disowned by the elder Rollin's during the debacle that was her sister's case. Kim, hell no, even when she does finally get out of prison she would never let the family's wild child anywhere near her baby girl. Declan? He was just a father in name. He did send over money from time to time and Amanda had done a good job about putting it in a savings account for Jesse, she only ever used those funds for her daughter. The former SVU lieutenant had never even seen his daughter, he was a good man but not family material. In fact she wasn't even sure if Declan was in the country or infiltrating another sex trafficking ring in Siberia. No, the only people who would come would be Fin and Carisi and she would rather not bother them for such a small thing. She reasoned Jesse wouldn't remember anything anyway, as long as she had a picture with her and a cake she figured it was alright.

It was nearing 11 pm when Amanda's head finally hit the pillow for the night and the tired blonde detective quickly succumb to exhaustion and almost instantly fell asleep. To Amanda it felt like only a moment from when she closed her eyes to when she was so rudely awaken by her annoying cell phone's ring "Rollins" she answered still half asleep as she looked over to see her bedside clock flash 4:23 in the morning. She internally groaned, why couldn't perps just wait until she had at least a full night's rest until they committed a crime.

"Amanda, are you alright?" Olivia's worried voice cut through the silence of the night. The young blonde detective was startled to hear her boss's normally composed voice sound so concerned. The tone of the older woman surprised Amanda so much that she instantly popped out of bed feeling suddenly more awake then she was before.

"Benson?" Amanda questioned not understanding why the initial question was asked in the first place "I'm fine... what's going on?"

"Just stay where you are, alright. I'm heading over right now" Olivia answered back ignoring Amanda's question.

The young detective had to bite her tongue to not answer back in sarcasm. 'Ya cuz I always go for a sudden run at the ass crack of dawn' she wanted to reply but thought better of it. "Wait, Liv what's going on" Amanda demanded raising her voice slightly. She didn't like being left in the dark, especially when the matter at hand concerned her. She flinched slightly when she heard Jesse let out a low cry, she knew if she didn't grab her now it would escalate into a full blown scream.

"There's no time to explain, pack a bag for you and Jesse and don't answer the door until I get there okay..." there was a pause and Amanda could hear Olivia hustling on the other end of the line, voices she didn't recognize in the background.

"Liv, please" Amanda implored becoming fearful for Jesse's safety. Never before had she heard Olivia sound so flustered, especially when it came to her wellbeing. Of course she had been yelled at before by Olivia for her impromptu undercover operation with Murphy and her stupid stunt of drawing out a suspected rapist on her own, but those times Olivia chastised her for disregarding her orders or lying to her. This time it was different, the elder woman actually seemed genuinely concerned for her safety.

"Promise me Amanda, I'll be there in a few minutes" Olivia said as she cut off her youngest detective

"Okay" Amanda finally relented, the next moment the line went dead. Still in a state of confusion Amanda went to calm her baby girl and prepare the bag that her lieutenant had instructed her to do. "What the hell's going on" she whispered to herself as she got dressed in a rush, being sure to strap her service weapon to her hip.

True to her word Olivia arrived only ten minutes after she called. Amanda was in Jesse's room gathering some of the baby's essential items when she heard a loud knock at the door. Placing her hand on her gun Amanda walked to the door, she was about to look through the peephole when she heard Olivia's voice "Amanda, it's me open the door please" the blonde wasted no time letting her boss in, a concerned look on her face. Olivia entered quickly and was followed by two unidentified men, Amanda only recognized them as detectives by the badges hanging from their necks.

"What the hell lieutenant" Amanda said, the confusion and frustration at being kept in the dark playing across her face "tell me what's going on" she demanded

"Alright" Olivia sighed after looking around the small apartment and determining that Amanda and Jesse were safe "these are detectives Ross and Brody from vice" she said as she indicated each man "they have received credible intel that you and Jesse may be in danger"

"Vice? Danger? What why?" Amanda stuttered out as she tried to process the small amount of information given to her.

"Did you finish packing?" Olivia asked trying to move things along, the sooner they were out of there the better she would feel.

"Almost, I was just finishing with Jesse's things when you came" Amanda answered still at a loss for the situation she was in "but Liv, I'm not going anywhere until you answer me. What danger are we in?" she demanded giving the elder woman a look that stated that she would not back down.

"Okay" Olivia relented "I'll explain as you finish with Jesse, we really need to get out of here" she said as she walked to the baby's room and waited for Amanda to enter. The blonde got back to work as Jesse decided to start crying again "I got her" Olivia said as she reached into the crib and pulled the fussy child out calming her with soothing tones.

"So explain" Amanda demanded as she started to place Jesse's things into an overnight bag

"It was Declan" Olivia began and she noticed how Amanda froze in her movements to cast a worrying glance in her direction "someone broke into his apartment not more than a few hours ago here in New York, out of an abundance of caution the Captain of vice and Declan's handler decided that it would be safer to put you and Jesse in protective custody until they could determine if his cover was blown. They called me not long before I woke you up because I'm your superior" she explained as she saw the color drain from Amanda's face.

"Wait is Declan alright?" Amanda asked in concern for her daughter's father

Olivia sighed as she continued to bounce Jesse on her chest "we don't know Amanda" she answered honestly in a low voice "he hasn't responded to any messages yet... that's why they wanted to get you guys in a secure location in case the sex trafficking ring discovered who he is"

"Wait" Amanda said as she realized what this meant "then you know about..." she trailed off as she looked down at her daughter in Olivia's arms.

"I just found out"

The ride to the safe house was quick and awkward without either woman uttering a word to each other. It was located in a middle class neighborhood on the third floor of an old but decent looking apartment building. Amanda was informed that two officers were placed on the street, both on opposite sides of the block, and an additional officer was to be with Amanda and Jesse the whole time. Vice was not going to spare any expense that night, they were determined to get to the bottom of the situation. Olivia had offered to stay with Amanda until the next day so more officers could be on the street, she felt an obligation to help ensure her own detective's safety.

"You don't have to stay here, Liv" Amanda said as she placed her sleeping baby in the portable playpen she brought "go home to Noah"

"No Amanda" Olivia responded quickly "I need to be here and Noah's still asleep, I had my neighbor watch him... thank God for back up babysitters" she smiled as she glanced down at Jesse's sleeping form. The atmosphere in the room once again became awkward, it took several seconds before Olivia decided to address the elephant in the room "so you and Declan then..."

"Stop Liv" came Amanda's short response as she cut off Olivia. The older woman quickly put up her hands in a surrender motion to indicate that she didn't mean any harm "I just don't want to hear it right now" the younger woman tried to explain.

"Hear what?" Olivia questioned back "I'm not going to judge you Amanda..."

Amanda's bitter laugh stopped the lieutenant from finishing her sentence "how can you not... it's alright I know everyone else does anyway" she finished as she placed her hands on her hips in a defiant stance but her tough exterior was betrayed at the blondes motion to bite down on her lip and refusal to make eye contact with the elder woman.

"No one says anything, you're by far not the first woman to get pregnant outside of wedlock and I highly doubt anyone knew you were in a relationship with lieutenant Murphy" Olivia tried to say in order to make Amanda feel less insecure "you two really hid it well"

"That's the thing Liv, we didn't hide it" Amanda said as she threw up her hands in frustration "we were never together in the first place it just... happened" she didn't realize how loud she had become until she heard Jesse let out a frightened scream. Amanda frowned, she really didn't have the energy to deal with all of this at that moment.

Sensing her detective's distress Olivia jumped up and offered to hold the crying baby once again. For some reason watching her boss's calm demeanor about the whole situation just made Amanda more frustrated about everything, especially her self-esteem or lack thereof. "I know what this looks like" she said as she began to pace the small apartment that acted as their safe house "the office slut got knocked up by her boss, well he wasn't my boss anymore when it happened as I'm sure you can deduce by the timing..." Olivia was going to cut her off to tell her that she didn't think of her in such a way but decided that Amanda needed to get her own insecurities off of her chest first "I mean first my fling with Nick, I only slept with him when he was getting a divorce" she tried to clarify in her own defense "or does that make it even worse" she honestly didn't know "then this... one night stand with Declan, and now Car..." she stopped herself before she could finish the name.

"Carisi" Olivia finished for her. Amanda stopped pacing and looked at the older woman in embarrassment

"I haven't slept with him..." Amanda answered quickly, but she had to bite her tongue in order to not add the 'yet' that was on her mind. In truth, they had come close on several occasions and she wouldn't deny that she had feeling for him, but their relationship wasn't like her previous ones. They are actually talking to each other, listening. It's not just a whirlwind of passion and sexual frustration, she didn't want to ruin the relationship by taking it to the next level yet. She didn't want to ruin him. "He's just... he's a great friend" she decided to tell the partial truth "I don't think I could have survived my first few weeks as a new mother without him. He's a true Godsend, one of the most stand up guys I've ever known" Olivia wasn't sure if she completely believed the blonde about the status of their relationship but decided to not push the matter for both of her detective's sakes.

"Amanda I'm so glad that you found help with Jesse from Carisi" Olivia began in earnest "and don't ever hesitate to call on me either if you need anything, remember I'm a single mom too. I know how hard it can be" she smiled as she looked down at the child in her arms that was sleeping soundly again "but, you're wrong" she said in a stronger voice "you're not the office slut, and I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself ever again. If anyone ever says anything like that, direct them to me so I can kick their ass. I don't know what happened exactly between you and Declan but just remember I've had my fare share of relationship drama, both inside and outside of the office"

Amanda both smiled and cringed internally at her lieutenants attempt to boost her self-esteem, she hated knowing that someone else had seen her flaws and knew that she thought worse about herself because of it. "Actually what happened with Declan really was just an accident" Amanda said suddenly feeling the need to explain herself "it was back when he helped us take down Johnny D's sex trafficking ring. He came over to have a drink and then we became snowed in and well one thing led to another and..." Amanda's cheeks became flushed as she recounted the story "it was never planned, and it certainly would have never happened if it wasn't for a few too many beers and no power"

"I believe you Amanda" Olivia said as she gently nodded her head in agreement "I just never saw it coming, you and Declan I mean"

"I think the worse thing is, is that not long after leaving SVU he pulled me into his office to discuss my weakness when it comes to men with authority" Amanda explained as she finally pulled a chair from the small kitchen area to sit in front of Olivia "he mentioned my father leaving when I was young, and how that made me vulnerable to men in those kinds of positions" she explained as she waved her hand absently in the air "He's right I suppose, I mean look at my track record... first there's what happened with Patton"

"Amanda that was not your fault or your doing" Olivia cut her off. She didn't want the young blonde to so flippantly pass over her own rape.

"I could have stopped him or at least not have made it so easy for him" Amanda said as she raised her eyebrows and shrugged while tilting her head to the side.

"No Amanda, it's all on him" Olivia said adamantly, she wasn't afraid of pounding that into Amanda's head if that's what it would take to stop the young woman from being so guilty from the whole incident. Part of Olivia believed that Amanda still hadn't recognized that she was in fact raped at all. Silently the SVU lieutenant promised to try and talk to Amanda again in the future about the subject, as many times as it took to make her understand she bears no fault and to get the help she needs to properly heal.

"Fine, but you can't argue that after him it's all on me" Amanda said wanting to move on from the topic of Patton, she still got chills just thinking about her former tormenter "there's my former Captain, Sam, he was always tryin to get into my pants, and I just used him to get me out of Atalanta and away from Patton" she explained thinking back "then came Nate my GA advisor, god what a mistake that was. Nick too, even though we were colleagues he was a grade higher than me as a detective, and finally Declan. In all honesty, my time working under Cragen and you has been the most stable work relationships I've had with those in authority, the safest really. Even though I know I'm not the best employee and have been a complete pain in the ass most of the time" she added with a sheepish grin.

"Not most of the time" Olivia smiled back "I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time, Amanda. That's something no one should have to put up with" she said as she leaned forward to place a gentle hand on Amanda's leg "and I'm glad that you feel safe working under me, it's all that I really want in being a lieutenant. To make sure my people are safe... hence the reason that I'm here now" she finished by glancing around the safe house they were in. At that moment Jesse let out a loud sigh and moved positions on the brunette's shoulder "so I'm sure Declan is taking good care of you and Jesse then, he was anything but a man without integrity"

"Declan is a great man" Amanda began as she fiddled with her hands "but he's not really father material" she shrugged "don't get me wrong, he has always sent money for Jesse and he promised that he would always be there to provide for her... and me, but I don't need that" Amanda said quickly. She took pride in her ability to provide for herself, it was the only way she survived her childhood with her family situation; find a way to feed yourself or go hungry.

"Not father material?" Olivia questioned, she had never seen the blonde man interact with children on a large basis but she didn't take him as the type of man that would shy away from the responsibilities being a father would entail.

"Yep" she said with another dismissive wave of her hand "he's only a father in name really, he's never even met his daughter, but that's probably for the best. I mean look at the situation we're in now" she looked out the window through the slightly closed blinds noticing that morning has arrived.

"I'm sorry for that" Olivia said with a frown, she felt bad that Jesse wouldn't get the opportunity to grow up with a father, but knew that Amanda would do a great job in raising her anyway.

"Don't be, I wouldn't change anything. I am truly happy now, probably for the first time in my life I'm actually living for a reason" Amanda said with a happy smile on her face as she reached forward to pet the back of her daughter.

It was in that comfortable moment of silence that a loud crash was heard from outside. Olivia instantly stood up with the baby in her arms and pulled Amanda away from the door and windows and into the corner of the small kitchen area. She handed her back her daughter and drew her gun from its holster. She crept slowly to the window from the side and carefully peeked through the blinds. She was able to see what appeared to be a typical car crash right in front of the building, she was relieved that it wasn't some overt incident to harm the mother and child hiding within the building but she wouldn't let her guard down to soon. "Guys, what's the situation out front" Olivia radioed their backup on the street.

"It appears to be a simple accident, but stay alert" a voice sounded back over the device "too much precaution is always better than too little"

"Okay Amanda let's move to the bedroom" Olivia said as she closed the blinds completely this time. Amanda didn't argue with her but instead grabbed the playpen to take in the room while Olivia gathered Jesse's other items. They stayed in that small room for more than an hour, even after the all clear for the crash was given. It didn't take long at all for Amanda to start getting anxious over their current situation.

"I can't take this anymore Liv" Amanda finally said as she sat up from the bed and began pacing the room "I need to get out of here"

"Amanda you know that you can't do that, not while you may still be a target" Olivia answered her back as she watched the blonde walk to and fro in the small confined space.

"Well if I am a target wouldn't it be better for me to be up and about doing things, tryin to draw them out" Amanda exclaimed with a big wave of her hand. Jesse giggled at her mother's antics, the young baby being awake and playing with her toys in the playpen.

"No" Olivia shouted out startling both mother and daughter "don't you get it, that would be the exact opposite of what you should be doing" she explained with force, she hated how Amanda had this habit of putting herself in the line of fire with no regard for the consequences.

"But, Liv" Amanda started "I just can't take being trapped, being confined"

"I know that Amanda" Olivia countered "I know that better than you would think, it's hard to stay put when your life's in danger and others are stepping up to protect you. Look what I did with Lewis" she said and her eyes softened, even to this day she hated even thinking about that wretched man "I was in the exact position as you are now, and I did exactly as you want to do. You have that fight or flight impulse and like me, your body wants to fight" she said as she walked to meet the standing blonde. She placed her hand on her shoulder and led her to sit down on the bed with her "but look where that got me... I was assaulted again... I worried you all to death and nearly got myself killed"

"Liv..." Amanda tried but was cut off by the older woman.

"No Amanda" Olivia said with determination in her eyes, she was going to get through to Amanda on this "think about it, these are sex traffickers. They have done horrible thing to girls and women for a profit, unspeakable things just to break them and make them easier to handle. What do you think they would do to you just to break Declan, kill you? Probably, but not before they do other things I'm sure. I can't bear to think about that happening to you or Jesse. The thought alone almost kills me. I'm not going to let you make yourself a victim just because you hate other people taking care of you. Hate me, curse me, but I'm not letting you do anything stupid when I can prevent it"

Amanda was silent for several beats, she didn't look up from her hands "I'm sorry, Liv..." she was really touched by what Olivia had said to her. She never knew her lieutenant cared so much, she figured that she was her least favorite person in the whole one six for all the trouble she had caused her. "I... I guess I never thought like that before. It's easy to forget what could happen if things go wrong, or more like, it would be too hard to do our job if we dwell on the what ifs that I just don't think about them anymore" she finished as she gave a rueful smile to Olivia

"I understand" Olivia answered back "you don't realize this but you and I are much more alike than you would have ever thought. But you have to understand that things are different now, especially since you have Jesse" she added and Amanda gave her a questioning look "Amanda, I hate to bring this up, particularly since we're in this current situation, but with our line of work... and you being a single mom, have you thought about who would care for Jesse if..." she trailed off not wanting to finish the thought.

"I uh..." Amanda didn't know how to answer that question. In truth she had thought about it before but she could never decide. Her family was an instant no, she had made sure to put that into her will. Declan would be the obvious choice, but like she said earlier he was not father material. That would leave the people at work, but could she actually place the burden on them. Fin had a grown son and to be honest, he's also a great man, but he's told her about all the regret he had missing his son's life. She didn't want to add that stress to him now. Benson? She wasn't that close to her. She would like to be, but for some reason their friendship never bloomed like it did with the others. Amanda was shocked that the SVU lieutenant was even bothering to stay with her now, and on the inside she was really glad that she was, but this was the real first extended time period that they've talked outside of work, and it's very close to being on a work related incident. She just didn't know if she could ask Olivia to do such a thing. Carisi was probably the best option. He loved Jesse, and has helped her with the baby since the first day, but that would mean saddling him with a child that wasn't his for the rest of his life. "I'm not sure" she finally answered "my circle of friends and family is pretty small... well not even family"

Olivia nodded her head in understanding "I know I really don't have a family either to speak of, but I have given this question a lot of thought, especially because of Lewis and even more recently because of that townhouse incident" she said as she looked back to see Jesse throwing one of her many toys around "I considered all of you guys for a long time but I've finally narrowed it down to a single person that I could trust to raise Noah right,, and give him a proper home..." she trailed off as she returned her gaze back to the blonde detective before her "it's you Amanda"

Amanda was shocked "Me?" she said as she raised a finger and pointed to herself "but why, I thought you couldn't trust me"

Olivia nearly flinched as she heard those words. She regretted saying them the moment they left her mouth all those years ago, the image of Amanda's bruised and crying face crossed her mind "I'm sorry I said that to you Amanda, but you have matured so much in this last year, both as a detective and a mother that I would be a fool to not consider you the best option" she said honestly "besides Noah loved Jesse so much when we took those pictures at the carousel. He's still talking about her" she laughed

"I'm... I'm honored Liv" Amanda said still not believing that the elder woman would choose her out of the many people she knew "I honestly would feel the same, I think Jesse would do the best with you"

"Great at least we have a plan then, but I hope that the day would never come to set it into motion" Olivia said with a smile and a laugh breaking any tension that Amanda was feeling about the intense conversation they just had. It only took a few moments and Amanda was soon laughing as well.

A sudden knock killed the mood instantly "stay here" Olivia said as she walked to the door, she sighed in relief when she saw detective Ross from Vice on the other side "it's okay Amanda you can come out" the blonde entered the room right as Olivia let the other detective in.

"Great news" Ross said as he looked between the two women before him "Lieutenant Murphy finally checked in, he's alright. He was in the middle of a big operation that required him to go dark" it was all Ross could say on the subject of Murphy for it was all that he knew, in order to protect him and his loved ones as best as possible only a handful of individuals knew exactly what he was doing "and as for the break in, it was just a common thief" he finished as he looked directly at Amanda "you're free to go home" and with that he walked outside to wait for them to gather their belongings.

"So..." Amanda dragged "that's it?" she said in near disbelief "all of this for nothing?"

"I wouldn't say nothing" Olivia offered "I had I very good time getting to know you better, and having a conversation as not just lieutenant and detective, but as two women and two single moms, despite the god awful hour this all occurred" she smiled as she helped gather Jesse's things.

"I agree" Amanda said nodding her head as she picked up her daughter "Why don't we do this more often, well beside the hiding in a safe house part. Let's make a play date for Jesse and Noah, let them interact more"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Amanda, let's do it" Olivia answered with a warm smile. She was looking forward to spending more time with the blonde. It was long overdue for them to build up their relationship.

A/N: wow that turned out much longer than I thought it would :) I hope it wasn't too boring haha, thanks for reading.