First thing, there's going to be mentions of strict religious beliefs but I swear and promise I do not believe all religious people are like this. But if that sort of thing bothers you than you maybe should not read this fic. It is all done with the intention of humor though, but just thought I would warn you! Okay, so I guess you could categorize this as a borderline crack-fic but not really? Either way, it's based off of the movie "But I'm A Cheerleader" and it's so funny. This is the swan queen version. :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT or any other the characters blah blah blah
Regina Mills seemed to have it all. She was captain of the cheerleading squad and basically the most popular girl in school. Her grades were outstanding and she was dating the hottest jock on the football team, Daniel. But most importantly, she had friends and family (though they may be strict) that loved her.
The only thing Regina seemed to lack, however, was sense of self-awareness- and that was the exact reason she found herself in her current predicament.
Regina was in the very cramped back seat of her boyfriend's car with Daniel on top of her. "Babe you're so hot," he breathed before forcing his tongue in her mouth and down her throat without any further warning. Out of pure instinct, Regina opened her mouth but tried not to grimace as Daniel harshly assaulted her mouth. Her eyes were wide and she willed herself to enjoy his roaming hands but they just didn't feel right. She never understood how people enjoyed sex so much; not that she's had it before but with the way Daniel's hands groped her body, it made her feel uncomfortable and not even want to consider letting him touch anything beneath her clothes.
Daniel moved from her mouth to trail wet kisses down her neck and Regina laid her head back and sighed in relief- she could finally breathe again. Daniel glanced back up at her and smirked, "You like that?" She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and gave a small, fake moan of encouragement as he started to roughly palm and squeeze her ass over her cheerleading skirt.
Regina closed her eyes and weaved her hands through her boyfriend's short hair as he started to pepper kisses across her midriff. Daniel ran his hand from her ass to her upper thigh before it disappeared under her blue skirt. Regina's eyes snapped open and she pushed Daniel away with more force than necessary. "I need to get home for dinner… You know how mother is when I'm late." She explained with a shaky breath as she tried her best to straighten her clothes. It was lie, her mother wasn't expecting her for another two hours but Daniel did not need to know that. She gave him an apologetic smile and leaned in for one more kiss before reaching for the door handle.
"C'mon, babe." He groaned as he caught her wrist and pulled her into straddling his lap. Regina instantly felt his arousal through his pants and tried her hardest not to squirm. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek while his other hand rested on her hip. "We've been together for two years…"
She looked down and bit her lip, "I know…"
"Please?" He begged.
Regina sighed, it's not that she didn't want to have sex with Daniel- okay, maybe that was it. But she couldn't understand why. The thought of him touching her there made her skin crawl. She loved Daniel, or so she thought she did. Why else would she have been dating him this long? One thing she knew for sure though was that she wasn't ready. "I don't want our first time to be in the back of your beat up car, Daniel." She moved out of his grasped before he could react and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
She shut the car door before she heard a response.
"Did you have fun with Daniel today?" Regina's father, Henry, asked with a kind smile as they were setting up the dinner table. Regina, however, did not seem to hear. Her mind was otherwise preoccupied with how toned Melificent's legs looked today. How the hell do they look so smooth yet strong? God, I wonder what-
"Sweetheart?"
"Huh?" Regina shook her head and blinked and Henry repeated the question.
She shrugged, "Yes, father. We had a very lovely date."
"Wonderful!" Cora, Regina's mother, chimed in. "I'm so glad you've found yourself a fine young man like Daniel! That boy is not only good for your image but he seems to care for you quite a bit." Regina squinted her eyes, confused at her mother's emphasis on her boyfriend's gender. What the fuck?
"Time for grace," Cora placed their dinner in front of everyone before taking a seat and held out her hands for the other two to hold. "Dear Heavenly Father, please bless this food we are about to eat and let it nourish our bodies. We thank you for the abundance you have provided. Please help us follow Your path, the one You intended us to follow. Lord, please help us obey the roles in life You have set for us; for all that is natural and healthy," Cora opened her eyes and side eyed her daughter, "and sacred."
Regina's face furrowed but her eyes remained closed. What the fu-
"Amen."
Regina opened her eyes only to witness her parents squeezing their hands together tightly and sharing a look- a look that Regina could not decipher. Her father became teary eyed and he tried to nonchalantly wipe away a tear that had fallen. "Are you two okay?" She asked, suspiciously.
"Of course, dear." Her mother replied. "Now, eat your dinner before it gets cold."
Henry smiled, "We just love you very much and want the best for you sweetheart."
Regina cocked her head to the side and looked back and forth between her parents, "…Thank you, daddy. I love you two very much as well."
Her parents gave her a genuine smile before starting off their normal dinner topic conversations and the strange behavior from her parents was pushed to the back of Regina's mind for the remainder of the night.
"Bye mom, bye dad!" Regina shouted as she ran through the kitchen to place a kiss on each of her parent's cheeks, snatching a bagel off of the counter in the process."
"Regina Marie Mills," Cora scolded. "Do not go shouting and running around the house, its very unbecoming, I thought I had raised you better than that. Also, a bagel? Really dear? Why don't you try something a little healthier like an apple?" Cora snatched the bagel from Regina's hand and placed an apple in its place. Regina sighed and willed herself not to roll her eyes at her mother's antics. She cares more about my physical appearance than I do.
"Sorry, mother. I'm just in a rush, Daniel is waiting outside for me and I don't want to keep him waiting." Right on cue, a series of honking sounded from outside. "I'll be home later, oh and, there's no practice after school today."
Henry placed a kiss on his daughter's head, "See you tonight, sweetheart." Regina smiled before snatching her backpack and scurrying out of the house.
Cora and Henry watched through the kitchen window as Regina climb into Daniel's car. Daniel was leaning in for a kiss but at the last second Regina turned her head and the kiss was placed on her cheek. Cora sighed heavily, placing the coffee mug she was holding on the counter. "Is everything set in stone?" She asked without looking at her husband.
"Yes, he'll be here at 4:00." He came up behind Cora and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I hope we're doing the right thing."
Cora turned to face Henry and gave him a sad smile, "This is what's best for her."
The final bell rang throughout the school and Regina let out a sigh of relief; today had been draining. As she was walking down the hallway she noticed her friend Katherine and Daniel were next to her locker with a couple of Daniel's friends. She smiled sweetly at him as she approached and gave him a kiss on the cheek once she was close enough. "Hey- umph!"
She was cut off by Daniel pulling her back to him by the back of her neck and crushing their lips together. His tongue forced its way into her mouth and it took all of the self-control Regina possessed to not push him away. Honestly, what the hell is it with him and trying to choke me with his tongue? Eventually he pulled away and placed one final kiss on her lips before backing away. "I'll see you outside in the car, babe." He shot her a wink and walked off with his friends.
Regina rolled her eyes and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She turned to unlock her locker and sighed. "Don't you hate when they do that?" She opened her locker and stared at the poster of Shakira in a skimpy bathing suit.
"I think its fun," Katherine replied with a smile. She shut her locker and frowned as she watched her friend stare at the poster and lick her lips.
Regina shook her head and sighed, "I don't' know, maybe he just doesn't do it right or something." She proceeded to grab the books she needed for her homework before shutting her locker. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow, Kat!"
The blonde nodded and said her goodbye and watched as her friend walked down the hallway and outside of the front doors. When she was sure no one was looking, Katherine quickly put in the code that Regina had told her was her locker combination and opened the locker. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the appearance of the provocative poster of Shakira before ripping it off the door and stuffing it into her backpack.
"Daniel?"
"Hmm?"
"Is everything okay? You've been quiet the whole way home…" Regina reached over and grasped his hand.
"Everything's fine." Was his short reply.
Regina looked out her window and rolled her eyes. Obviously not. She was lost in thought until something caught her eye; a pink van with white font that said "The STRAIGHT Path" parked at the end of her street caught her eye and she furrowed her eyebrows. What the hell?
Once Daniel stopped in front of Regina's house he put his car in park and Regina shot him a questioning look. "Let me walk you to your door," he explained. Regina smiled and nodded. Daniel might have his moments but deep down when it came to it, he was actually sweet… sometimes. As they walked up to the door Daniel grabbed her hand and squeezed it, causing his girlfriend to glance at him curiously but not question it.
"Thank you for walking me to my door, Daniel." Regina flashed him a flirty smile as she opened the door. Her smile quickly turned into a frown however when she noticed the entry way of her house was full of the concerned looking faces of the people she loved. Her mind instantly jumped to the worst conclusion. She spotted her parents in the small crowd and asked, "Is everything alright? Did somebody die?"
"Oh heavens, no!" Cora stepped towards her daughter and placed a hand on either side of her shoulders. "Now, why don't you come on in and sit down. There is someone we would like you to meet, honey."
"What's going on?"
Suddenly, a man dressed in blue basketball shorts, a blue jacket and a gray shirt that said 'Straight is Great' on the front appeared in front of her. "Hello, Regina!" Regina's frown deepened but the man continued anyway, "My name is August. Your parents and your friends want to have a, uh… conversation with you." He flashed her a fake smile that she guessed that was supposed to reassure her. "I'm here to be a mediator for this conversation. So, why don't we all go ahead and sit down and get started?"
Regina glanced at her mother that was giving her a pleading look and caved. "…Okay," she agreed hesitantly. Everyone walked to the living room and sat down; Regina on the couch and the others across from her."
August cleared his throat, "Alright, Cora, would you like to start?"
Cora gave a nod and crossed her legs, straightening her back. "Regina, dear, you know we love you," She gestured around the room, "we all love you. But lately we've been concerned with some of your…" She cleared her throat, "behaviors."
Regina opened her mouth to ask just what her mother was talking about but she was silenced when her mother lifted her hand to silence her before she continued. "We're worried that you've been influenced by an unnatural way of thinking… something utterly barbaric-"
"-What your mother is trying to say," Henry interrupted and sighed dramatically, "Regina, we think you're… a lesbian."
Let me know what y'all think? Do you want me to continue?