AN: This is a re-write of the first Torchwood Story I ever wrote. It was originally called 'Acts of Kindness'. It has gone through a bit of an edit. So I hope you enjoy this. Thanks BC….
'BROKEN WORLD'
CHAPTER ONE
Owen took a sip from his mug of coffee and froze. Ok, so it was just a cup of coffee, but hell, Ianto never made a good, bad or indifferent cup of coffee; it was always bloody fantastic and today this one was not. He looked up and quietly watched as the 'Tea Boy' mechanically made his way up the steps and out of the autopsy bay. Owen took a second sip, very definitely not up to par. He frowned, something was wrong and he cursed himself when he realised it was a bad cup of coffee that finally made him take notice.
Ianto had not uttered so much as three syllables in as many weeks. The Hub though clean didn't seem quite so tidy and on closer inspection neither did Ianto. Owen got up and followed his younger colleague into the main part of the Hub. Watching him from behind Owen took in the slightly hunched shoulders; the way the jacket of Ianto's suit was no longer fitting him so well, more like hanging. How the skin of his hands and face seemed whiter, slightly drawn and finally on watching Ianto pass a cup of tea to Toshiko (who didn't even look up) his hand shook. Having delivered everyone's drinks in silence Ianto headed back up to the kitchen area to tidy up. He was loading the dishwasher by the time Owen got there.
"Have you got any biscuits in here Ianto?" Owen asked. It was purely an exercise to get a better look as he peered at the Welshman's face, but Ianto didn't so much as glance in his direction. He just bent down and pulled a packet of chocolate hob nobs out of one of the cupboards and passed it to Owen with out a word or making eye contact.
Owen attempted a smile. "Cheers Ianto." He replied as he opened the packet and took two out. He handed the pack back to Ianto. Owen dithered there in the doorway coffee in one hand, biscuits in the other.
"You not having anything?" He ventured when he realised Ianto had made nothing for himself.
Ianto just gave him an empty look that almost made Owen flinch. "Didn't feel like anything." Came the monotone reply. "Is there anything else you wanted?" Ianto added with forced politeness.
Owen shook his head. "Na, cheers mate." He retreated back to the autopsy bay.
Owen sighed as he glanced at his watch, 8pm and boy did he hate hanging around unnecessarily, but he needed to talk to Jack. He discreetly spied Ianto departing for the night then charged up from the autopsy bay to the Captain's office. Something really needed to be done about Tea Boy. Owen found Jack sitting at his desk reading from some report or another, his handsome face set in a mask of concentration.
"Jack can I have a word?"
Without looking up Jack gestured to the chair in front of his cluttered desk.
"Give me a minute Owen."
Owen just sat there gazing about Jack's eclectic office until finally his boss looked up, closing the document in front of him. He smiled at Owen in that way of his that always made Owen feel slightly hot under the collar. He could never get used to Jack's natural beauty and total lack of shame when it came to flirting or would that be flaunting. Owen was never sure which.
"Would this be about Ianto by any chance?"
Owen nodded. "You've noticed?"
A shadow seemed to pass over Jack's face. "Yeah, bit difficult to miss really." He replied, the smile dropping from his handsome face.
"Has he talked to you?"
Jack shook his head. "He's not likely to talk to me after what I asked him to do now is he. I should have blown his brains out, I think that would've been kinder."
Owen was mortified, but he understood exactly what Jack meant.
"I'm his bloody doctor Jack and I only noticed today that something was wrong because he made me a lousy cup of coffee." Owen felt ashamed of the admission. "Perhaps I've just been so mad at him lately that I didn't want to notice, and he's so dam good at hiding himself. Fuck's sake I should be sympathetic despite what he did, he's just lost the only thing that meant anything to him and all I can do bitch about the bad coffee."
"We are all guilty of it." Jack assured him.
"Perhaps we should just Retcon him, put the poor sod out of his misery."
Jack shook his head. "That's us being too lazy to care. I know he did wrong Owen, I think he knows it, but the truth is he pulled off one very clever stunt right under our noses and even with my gun in his face he refused to give up. That says a lot about him, how strong he really is under all that grief. He survived Canary Wharf, he'll survive this. We just have to find a reason for him to want to do so."
"Well what ever we do we need to do it soon. He's pretty ill Jack. I did a sneaky bio scan; his vitals are all over the place and it looks like he's lost a lot of weight. I don't recall him eating or drinking at all at work this week and I wouldn't like to guess what a blood test would show up."
"So Dr Harper, what do we do?"
Owen shrugged. "Like you said. Give him a reason to live because it's the one thing he doesn't have anymore."
"I'm not a miracle worker Owen."
Owen got up from his seat. "Small steps Jack. I'll give him a thorough medical tomorrow and try to chat to him. You find him something more challenging to do than the catering and the cleaning. He needs a distraction, a project of some kind."
"You think that will help?"
In truth Owen had no idea. "We have to start somewhere."
Having pulled on a fresh t-shirt for the day Jack Harkness climbed up the ladder from his bunker. It was 6:30am and as of yet he had not heard the familiar alarm sound from the roller door. Ianto was half an hour late. Not late technically of course. Ianto was never that. But usually the 24 year old got in at 6am, cleaned up the Hub, put the coffee on and had everyone's breakfasts ready for the start of the day. Jack decided he would risk the young man's wrath by getting his own coffee so he wandered over to the neat little kitchen area. He glanced around the kitchen searching for the 'coffee stash' (As Owen had dubbed it) noticing a list written in Welsh stuck to the fridge with a magnet. Jack pulled it off to read it admiring the elegant handwriting. It was Ianto's shopping list for the Hub.
MnS:
Orange juice (Gwen).
Myfanwy's fish.
Owen's biscuits.
Cranberry Juice. (Owen and Tosh).
Tesco
Milk.
Manuka Honey.
Raw Sugar.
G+B 70% black.
Hot Chocolate stuff.
Wittards Order
Ceylon Tea.
Rice Tea.
Coffee (Try the new Kenyan this time.).
Green Tea.
Jack replaced it with a sigh. Even the simple task of keeping everyone fed and watered and Ianto had thrown himself into it looking after all of their little quirks with barely an acknowledgement from any of them let alone thanks. Not wanting to upset the boy further he abandoned the task of making his drink.
7am and still no sign of Ianto.
As if on cue the roller door alarm sounded and to Jack's surprise Owen stepped through as it opened up. The scrawny medic went straight up to the kitchen expecting to find Ianto hiding away there.
"Where's Tea Boy?"
Jack gave him a withering look. "It might help if you start by calling him Ianto!" He said rather firmly.
The remark just bounced right off Owen. "So where is he?"
Jack shrugged. "He hasn't come in yet. At least I don't think he has."
Jack pulled out his mobile, made the call and was greeted by Ianto's voicemail. That was odd; Ianto always answered his phone.
"It's not like him to have his phone switched off. I think I will check the CCTV to see if he came in earlier. He could be hiding in the archives." Jack virtually accused as he wandered off to Tosh's workstation and a couple of minutes later. "Found him."
Owen was at Jack's side.
"What is he doing there?"
Jack gave Owen a concerned look. "That was the room where he hid Lisa. I'll go and talk to him." He turned and left, a leaden feeling settling in his gut.
"Go easy Jack, he's armed." Owen called after him.
"Yeah, I noticed." Jack called back.
Jack found Ianto sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room which had since been stripped and scrubbed down of everything except the flourecsant light fitting in the ceiling. Ianto had been ordered to decontaminate the chamber immediately after the run in with the Welshman's roboticised girlfriend a few weeks previously. It remained a dank space and the smell of metal, blood and bleach still lingered, trapped in the brick and stone like history itself. Ianto heard the cautious footsteps behind him and waited for Jack to sit down beside him, his fingers tightening around the firearm in his hand. Otherwise he didn't move, but eventually he spoke in a hesitant whisper.
"You know in America they have Death Row for people like me."
Jack frowned at the pitiful tones. "I don't understand."
"Serial killers. You see once it becomes more than one person…"
"I'm still not following you Ianto." Jack replied watching Ianto's fingers flexing over the weapon in his grasp.
"Dr Tanizaki and Annie, guilty as charged. I'd never even killed so much as a spider before then and I don't even like spiders."
"You did not kill them Ianto." In reality Jack knew that the broken man before him would never believe that. His guilt would always have a strangle hold on him.
"You should have shot me Jack." They looked at each other and Jack flinched visibly at the emptiness in those blue wide eyes. He quickly looked away.
"I'm glad I didn't. It was a mistake. You made yours for the best possible reasons and the truth is I found myself asking if I'd have done the same thing were our situations reversed."
Ianto bowed his head. "I sat here so many nights and prayed for a miracle, hoping to do right by her and now there is nothing, void. I would have sold my soul for her or given my life in exchange. I am empty without her." He jammed the barrel of the gun under his chin and Jack wasn't quick enough to stop him.
"Ianto don't!" He really did not want to see another colleague blow his brains out.
Shakily Ianto lowered his hand and the gun clattered to the floor. Jack snatched it away and clicked the safety on.
"I tried already. I couldn't do it. I want to die Jack and I couldn't do it. Why can't I die?" Tears flooded down his pale cheeks as huge sobs wracked his body. Jack was unable to comfort him, the betrayal between them too close. Jack wasn't sure he'd ever get passed it either.
"I don't think you want to die. You just want the pain to go away. Eventually that will happen. You just have to try to get by in the meantime."
"She was all I had." Ianto sobbed.
"We're still here, for what it's worth. We can help you if you let us." It was the hardest thing for Jack to utter, the kindness of those words reluctant at best.
Ianto was shaking his head. "After what I did to you all? I don't think so."
With out thinking Jack gently rubbed calming circles over the younger man's back painfully aware he could feel ribs and spine beneath the fabric of Ianto's shirt."
"You're forgiven Ianto, by us at least. You have to find a way to forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself because you won't need a bullet to finish the job if you carry on like this." Jack said trying to be gentle, even now he was still angry and in truth he hadn't forgiven. He wasn't sure about the others though.
Ianto wasn't ready to listen. "Retcon level 6 should do it. Give me that, let me forget everything."
"No. I do that and you really will lose everything and I am not prepared to give up on you. I know it hurts right now. But it will get better." It was the only way Ianto could be effectively punished for his mistake. Jack still wanted to punish him, but he also wanted the younger man to heal. Part of him wondered if he was taking out his own failings on Ianto too.
Ianto finally broke down. Reluctantly Jack pulled him into his arms and held him.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Toshiko glanced to her side at Ianto. He looked shattered, staring blankly ahead through the windscreen of the SUV. They had all experienced the worst kind of night imaginable. All the way back into Cardiff Ianto hadn't uttered a word whilst the rest of the team had talked animatedly about their encounter with the Cannibal village from Hell. They were now in the parking bay and Jack and Owen had lifted an injured Gwen out of the vehicle and were heading into the Hub. Ianto hadn't so much as realised that the car had stopped so far as Toshiko could tell. She reached out her hand and grasped his fingers, which seemed to jolt him back into reality.
He gave her a brief look of bewilderment then his face dropped behind his usual blank mask.
"You saved me Ianto. You saved me. Thank you."
The very faintest of smiles touched the edge of his lips. "You're welcome Tosh." He replied before returning his gaze back to the windscreen.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Ianto glanced at his watch and puffed out a sigh. Another day had escaped him without him even noticing. Turning off the laptop he placed it on the shelf next to the stack of files he was currently working on. He picked up his PDA and his clipboard and silently made his way out of the vaults turning out the lights and locking the doors behind him as he went. It was high time he went home, though he half wondered what he had to go home for, an empty apartment and an even emptier bed. He could still feel Jack's last kiss against his lips and feel the man's arms around him….. Ianto's fingertips strayed to his lower lip. Still, Jack was gone now. Unhappily he made his way up passing via the cells to check on Janet and the newly acquired Hoix. The weevil was curled up with her new tartan blanket sound asleep. Once at his excuse for a desk he dumped the things he was carrying and retrieved his car keys and wallet from the draw. He pulled on his winter coat and unconsciously glanced in the direction of Jack's still empty office and yet again he felt something tighten in his chest as he looked away. He was about to leave when Owen emerged from the autopsy bay yanking his lab coat off and slinging it over the nearest chair. He frowned at the younger man.
"I thought you went home hours ago." Owen's cockney accent was never more apparent. How long had he lived in Cardiff? Ianto found himself wondering as he shrugged.
"I'm still completing the archive. I think there's stuff missing, but until I've been through it all I can't be sure."
Owen pulled on his leather jacket. "Why are you bothering with that Ianto?"
The young Welshman was puzzled by the question. "Its my job Owen. Jack asked me to catalogue everything down there and get it stowed properly, that's what I do when I am not running Jones' coffee and cake emporium, or cleaning up or feeding the animals…" He responded bitterly.
Owen sighed registering the edge in the younger man's tone. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
Ianto had to force himself to relax his posture. "I'm sorry Owen. I am not mad at you." He said.
"I know mate. Fancy a beer before bed time?"
Ianto thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I do." Owen hid his astonishment well. "Right then, I'll drive us back to mine, you order the pizzas and I'll see if Gwen and Tosh want to join us shall I?"
Ianto totally failed to hide his surprise at the suggestion. "Why are you doing this Owen?"
"Because Jack fucking Harkness has gone, you're heart broken, I'm really angry and Gwen and Tosh are pretty pissed about it too. I think we should have a team Torchwood lets bash Jack night."
Ianto almost managed a smile, it sounded like an excellent plan to him.