She knew she loved him. She knew this by the way he smell attacked her nose, and she couldn't help herself but to only inhale more, and more. She knew he was special by way his thoughts constructed his actions and how they made him act without reluctance. She knew she loved him when she could stare at him, tracing the outline of his face, starting with his long eyelashes, his eyes, his nose, and ending with her favorite attribute his lips. Oh god those lips, they were the doors to her desires, how she would gravel when he pressed it against her neck and release hums that escaped her throat without her control. Those same lips that would hold back that smile, the smile that crept and troubled her sleep but could also be described as beautiful. She knew he was clever when he could out smart her and leave her soundless with a taunting grin. She knew he was one of a kind, when he would hold open the doors not just for her but for everyone. She knew he would be tender when he would whisper sweet nothings into her ears when he was holding her a bit too close. She knew he was compassionate when he would pet stray dogs and noticed how his share of bread was a bit too small as they crossed the street. She knew he was headed for great things, when at the award ceremony a crowd crowed him to praise him and she was unable to get through, so she waited patiently on the side as the crowd deformed and she could throw her arms around him like she wanted fifteen minutes earlier….
She loved him. She loved how his laugh would boom strikingly inside her ears. She loved the way his sturdy arms were warm but strong, but best of all she loved how they would circle and trap her like her child hood blanket in a stormy night. She loved how she could read him like a book when something was troubling him. She loved being able to commit to memory his favorites, just so she could surprise him. She loved how she could expect him to be there when she need a shoulder to cry on. She loved how he would include her in his plans. She loved how he would tell her his deepest thoughts, confine to her his innermost desires. She loved their urban adventures that came about out of nothing but the nostalgia to explore their city. She loved her pet names that would start and end their day. She loved having the ability to trust someone else with her heart. She loved their tangled hands signifying their love for each other. She loved how he would place delicate kisses on her forehead every time they were forced to say goodbye, to only to return and press their lips in complete and blissful unison.
But….
She failed to keep up and was struggling waist deep in quicksand. She failed to notice that he got busy with his dreams. She failed to be able to communicate with him anymore.
She no longer got those kisses, she no longer was able to keep her emotions inside, she no longer knew the meaning of the word love, not after crying for what seemed like the thousand times. She no longer felt secure, she felt lonely in a crowded room full of smiling laughing faces, her own heart being a shell of what it used to be, this girl is me.