TITLE: Slow Suicide

TITLE: Slow Suicide


CHARACTERS: Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Austin Starr

PAIRINGS: Chris Sabin/Alex Shelley, Alex Shelley/Austin Starr

NOTES: The song lyrics in this actually belong to my dad and a friend of his. They wrote this song together and my dad recorded it, but it's a friends-only thing. I think you can get the gist of it from the story.


DISCLAIMER: Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Austin Starr, and anyone else mentioned in this story are not mine, nor do I claim they are.

Chris Sabin glanced across the pillows at his lover, Alex Shelley. Alex was currently facing away from Chris, breathing shallowly. Chris knew for a fact that Alex was just pretending to sleep. Why he would be doing that, the older Detroit native didn't know. All he knew was that he and his lover were growing apart. He wasn't sure what had come between them, but he didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit.

They used to be so happy. Alex was such a fun person, such an amazing guy. Chris sighed and rolled away from his lover to feign sleep. He knew that he shouldn't have chosen a good-looking one. They never lasted. He had learned that with his first girlfriend. Sure, Rachael was pretty, but she was so pretty, that all she ever did was cheat on him. She was only with him because he was on TV. Chris didn't want any part of that.

But here he was, pretending to sleep. He suddenly seemed to fall deeper into the mattress as Alex stood up. He heard the younger man hurriedly dressing and grabbing things, all the while muttering to himself. "Damn it, he's normally out faster than that. Chris normally can't stay up more than five minutes after a blowjob. Fuck, he's not gonna be happy…" Chris felt tears in his eyes at the thought. He heard the clicking of Alex's cell phone as he began texting.

The older man waited until he heard the door shut quietly before burying his face in the pillow. Why did Alex do this to him? Why did he let it get to him?

Laying here not speaking

I look over to see if you're sleeping

There's more between us than covers

Mostly strangers; hardly lovers

Chris didn't even know Alex any more. The Alex he fell in love with didn't sneak out in the middle of the night. The Alex he knew didn't use sex just to put him to sleep. The Alex he loved would never leave him like this.

It killed him that Alex was leaving him at night, but that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part was that he didn't know why. Why didn't Alex stay? Why couldn't he just tell Chris what was wrong? Why? Why? Why?

Chris slammed his face against the pillow in frustration. "Why?" He growled out into the feather-filled fabric. "Why don't you still love me?"

Tears stained his pillow that night.

Feels like a part of me has died

The rest is trying to survive

Laying here with you would be

Slow suicide

The next day, Chris hadn't forgotten. He didn't want Alex to know that he knew though. Alex had returned, hours later, to find Chris still asleep. He had crawled back into the bed and snuggled into his lover's arms, pretending to have had a nightmare so that he could get the cuddle that he wanted.

But Chris wasn't as stupid as Alex thought. He knew that Alex was leaving. That very morning, when he awoke, he had checked the pockets of Alex's jeans and found a folded piece of paper and a house key. On the paper it read:

'Hey, Babe. I think about you all the time. When the hell are you gonna leave that Sabin prick? You deserve so much better. You know, a star deserves a Starr. Hope you see it my way. Start moving your stuff over here. I've got plenty of room for you at my place. Then you won't be up all night with him and with me. We can have our own private parties in my big bed.

Oh, and tomorrow, bring your schoolgirl skirt and heels. I got quite a night planned for you.

Austin Starr'

You don't know that I know about him

I don't know where you're going, but know where you've been

I found his name and his key in your purse

I don't know what I know and that is worse

Chris wasn't even sure what to think at this point. What exactly was going on? Alex would rather be with Austin Starr, who he couldn't stand than with him? Was he really that bad? Did Alex really dislike being with Chris that much?

The elder needed to know. He gently shook Alex awake, even though it was already noon. "Alex, we need to talk." He said sternly, resting his large, heavy hand on his lover's shoulder.

Alex shrugged the other man off and rolled away. "Not now, I'm sleeping."

Chris took Alex's shoulder in one hand and rolled him back. "Yes, now. I found these in your jeans." He waved the paper and key just out of reach of his lover. "What the hell is going on between you and Starr? I thought you hated him because Kev gives him more attention and he beat you up in Ring of Honor. Why are you fucking him now?"

Feels like a part of me has died

The rest is trying to survive

Staying here with you would be

Slow suicide

Alex's eyes widened and he snatched at the paper and key. Chris pulled them away. "Tell me Alex! Why the hell are you fucking Starr?!"

Alex glared at his lover. "Because he's better in bed than you'll ever be!" He reared back to punch Chris, but the other man grabbed his wrist. "And he fucking likes to have sex without making a fucking federal case when I don't fucking say I LOVE YOU!" He rolled off of the bed and stood, shimmying his jeans on. "Loosen up, you old fucking man. I don't wanna say I fucking love you every fucking time we have sex, okay?!"

Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing. He could feel the frustrated tears building in his eyes, even as he willed them down. "Alex, you don't mean that. You don't." He reached for his lover as he dropped the items on the floor. He didn't like seeing Alex like this. He didn't like hearing the angry words.

Alex sighed in anger and let Chris hold him, albeit stiffly. "Don't fucking do this, Chris. We're gonna be okay. I swear it. I really do." He turned to kiss Chris's forehead roughly. "It's gonna be okay."

Looking at you and who you've become

I can't believe I thought you were the one

You were trying to tell me everything is okay

But what you do mean is more than what you say

Chris didn't believe Alex. He didn't believe what he was saying about this all being okay. But he wanted to. Oh, damn, did he want to. He just wanted to stay with Alex. He wouldn't be able to breathe without him. But all of this was killing him.

For the rest of the day, Alex and Chris stayed in and talked. They talked about all sorts of things. About how Alex couldn't deal with how Chris was so clingy, about how Chris couldn't stand it when Alex didn't just tell him what was wrong, about how Alex and Chris couldn't just pretend it was all alright.

Alex promised that that night, he would stay in. No matter what, Alex was determined to prove to Chris that he was still faithful. But Chris didn't know. He wasn't sure if he could trust his lover anymore.

Feels like a part of me has died

The rest is trying to survive

Staying here with you would be

Slow suicide

The very next day, Chris woke up to an empty bed. His room was bare of everything Alex. There was no sign that the other man had ever lived with him. On Alex's pillow was a folded, white sheet of paper.

Chris picked it up and opened it as tears hit his eyes.

'Dear Chris,

I know I said it would be okay, but hey, sometimes life isn't the way it should be. I really thought I could do it, but I can't. I just can't stay here anymore. I know I said I loved you no matter what, but I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep lying to myself. I don't love you anymore. I don't love Austin either, but I'm going to be staying with him. Please, don't hold this against us. I know that what I did was wrong and I can't express how sorry I am. I can't be with you anymore. Every day feels like I'm killing myself. Don't make this any harder for us. Goodbye.

Alex'

That was it. That was all that was left of Alex. Chris let the tears he had been holding back fall down his face. Alex was really gone.