4/1

So, apparently, the docs here in Arkham have been handing around journals for us to write in while we're here? If this is supposed to be therapy, then how? We pour our hearts out and the docs will suddenly know how to "treat" us? Next thing ya know, they'll ask us all to make scrapbooks! It's funny how they think they'll "get" us one day and we'll walk outta here for good. It puts a smile on my face whenever someone, most of the time a newbie, makes another pathetic attempt to "reach out" and say that we've "still got a chance" and blah blah blah! I learned that's a load of crap a long time ago, so why more people won't throw the towel in, I'll never know.

I got this journal/diary just as soon as I got settled back into my cell. The doctor who gave this to me didn't say if anybody else was gonna actually read these, but I guess they'd look at them whenever a cell is empty; I just hope at the very least they're smart enough to check and see that nothing gets hidden inside them, like, any object that could be used for escaping... it would be better if they didn't check these at all, but at this point little tricks like hiding a tool somewhere doesn't fly by as easy as it used to, which is a darn shame!

On a side note: It's kinda hard to write in between the lines with a crayon. What if, years from now, I try to look back on this journal with fondness, only I won't be able to because it'll be so hard to make out what I've written! The staff took away our pencil/pen privileges after the third time somebody used one to escape. Mr. J wasn't the only one who knew all the ways a pencil could be used, let's just say that!

I don't know how many others got one of these, but I've got a feeling nobody will give their journal the time of day. If any of you who agreed to this brilliant idea read this, you'll be happy to know that at least one person, yours truly, will share her thoughts and feelings in this book; I don't care if you read this and object to anything I write because I don't care what you think, if there's anything I don't want you to know, I won't write it down, plain and simple. I bet the journals were Dr. Cavendish or Dr. Adams's idea in the first place, this totally seems like something they'd think up.

Besides, writing will give me something to do during my stays at Arkham, cause, oh my God did this place get boring; there's been a slow, but sure shift in Arkham from asylum to somewhere between a rehab center and a prison, and they've taken away most of the fun stuff for us to do. I don't think the higher-ups would actually rename this place Arkham Prison, but it won't be long before Arkham is a prison in all but name. Now I'm remembering that a former acquaintance of mine, a psychiatrist here named Joan Leland, once tried to warn me about how I didn't know what I was getting myself into associating myself with the people who have turned a well-meaning establishment into a parody of what it once was.

I remember that day very clearly when she said that to me: The first time the police and Batman caught me with Mr. J, the first time I became a patient at Arkham Asylum, and the first time someone other than Mr. J evaluated me. I remember she seemed so disappointed at how I turned out, and even now she must be blaming herself for letting me go near my puddin'. She said those words, probably trying to make me feel guilty and turn my life around before I got to a point of no return, but you know what I did? I just laughed at her.

But, that's enough of that; I can't forget to write about how Puddin' and I pulled our annual April Fool's Day gag on B-Man and the police... or, tried to, anyway. A couple days ago, Mr. J mentioned he heard about a beloved officer for the GCPD who was retiring. He found out where the guy lived and the two of us decided to drop by, say hello, and thank him for all his years of service. Sure enough, the geezer had family with him, and there were 10 or so of them in the house.

I used a little bit of Mr. J's laughing gas to knock most of them out, but not enough to give them a permanent smile (just so you know). Mr. J was gonna have the old man call the police and tell them we would blow up the place, and that Batman was the only one who would know how to defuse the bomb. The gag was supposed to be the police would come and surround the house, B-Man would show up, he'd barge inside and be a human shield for the cops who would rescue the hostages.

Mr. J and I would drop our rat-a-tat gun thingies and not put up much of a fight, but WAIT! There's still a bomb that's counting down to zero! B-Man would cut every wire, try everything he knew, but the bomb would still count down. B-Man would probably either take the bomb outside and valiantly try to find a place to get rid of it, or he would leave it where it was, dumbfounded.

And when the bomb hit zero...confetti sprays all over the place! Mr. J and I would laugh at the Bat and the police, and while they dragged us away we would see the Commissioner fuming with rage at how we could've killed a former cop who didn't deserve this for his retirement. But we never got even close to the punchline; somebody must've seen Puddin' and I sneaking around, and they alerted the police, so they got there before we could call them first. What really made Mr. J mad was that Batman didn't even show up this time, and the Commissioner didn't look as rage-fueled as I hoped. Oh well, I guess it takes a lot more to faze Gordon these days.

So, Mr. J wasn't in the best of moods on the way to Arkham, but at least he didn't blame me for anything going wrong. We've definitely had better April Fool's Day gags than this year, but others failed even worse. To me, the funniest part about the gags is that B-Man and the cops treat them as seriously as anything else we do; Puddin' takes April Fool's Day very seriously, since it's also Opposite Day, nobody ever dies, and not as much property gets destroyed.

But since they're not gonna take any chances, the cops and Batman put as much effort into stopping us as any other day. We get such a kick that no one appreciates April Fool's like we do, and that's just fine with us, April Fool's Day is one day where we just wanna screw with people's heads and waste their time, we don't even mind inevitably being hauled away if the gag works. But, if the law decides not to take us seriously for once, maybe Mr. J will ignore the rules he sets up for himself on this day. I should definitely mention that to Puddin' next time I see him.

I just hope he's not too upset about this bust for long, but I probably won't see him for a while, anyway.