She stared quietly at the blinking street light. She knew the tears were welling up in her eyes, they burned just the same as they had before. But this burn was an acceptance of a change. She can't be gone. She just can't. Cath picked herself up off of the road and slunk to the sidewalk. Her head fell between her knees and she covered her face as she felt the tiny drops burn down her cheeks. It was Laura's fault. Wren was supposed to be with her, it was Laura's fault. If Cath had just gone with Wren, if she hadn't been so stubborn. Cath felt her chest tighten. No. Please, no. Not here. Not now. Not that there was anyone here or now to see, Cath just felt like there was. Her breaths became shallow and quick, her body began to shake and she raised her head from her knees. She shook her head, trying to will it away, gulping for air. She scooted herself backwards as her heart raced. Her back hit the brick wall sooner than she expected and she let out a yelp of pain. Shit. That hurt. Did I wake anyone? She stretched her head against the wall and cried harder. The panic attack passed but she kept shaking, she shook for what seemed like hours until she ran out of tears. She pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket and checked the time. 11:56. Ten missed texts and a phone call from Levi. She put the phone on the sidewalk next to her and rested her head, watching to monotone flickering of the street light. Her phone buzzed. Eleven missed texts. She half closed her sore eyes and the lights became little balls and the buildings blurred…
She heard the car roll by. She didn't care, she wasn't going to move. Cath could live in her mind here forever, where it was safe from outside influences and she could fuel herself with memories of her dad and Wren, Simon and Baz...Levi. Levi. Levi! She opened her eyes and looked up at the man who was talking to her. Levi. "What?" She shook her head trying to clear her senses, but too lightly to do anything. His mouth formed a thin line. No. Don't do that…
"Let's go, Cather."
"No, I can't. I can't leave the street light, the street light is my friend. The street light understands me. The street light cares."
"Cather…"
"Ok…" she slowly got up and dusted herself off, holding her head to sooth the pounding. She got into the truck and he closed the door behind her. Couldn't life just be as easy as blinking on? Flickering here and there but staying steady, continuing down the same path, nothing changing, nothing to upset you, nothing to have panic attacks over?