Disclaimer: I don't own anything concerning the series!
Set: In the early episodes of season 7
Pairing: Rory&Colin
Author's Note: This is the third part of my Reassurance series, hope you like it! Reviews are greatly appreciated!
Rory was standing outside Colin and Finn's new apartment, not knowing whether or not to actually knock on the door. On one hand, she needed somebody to talk to. But on the other hand, what if he didn't care about her anymore? It was always a possibility. After all, they hadn't really talked since Logan left for London.
Colin hadn't called or tried to stay in touch with her, and even though she didn't want it to annoy her, it got to her. Through those difficult times, he had really stood by her. He had been the real him for once. The guy she really could be friends with. The one who made her laugh even in the worst times. The one who support her decisions without questioning them.
She never told Logan just how great of a friend Colin had been to her before he left, it just never came up in one of their conversations. And honestly, she felt more comfortable keeping this friendship a secret. A friendship she didn't have to share with the rest of her family and friends, knowing most of them wouldn't understand. Hell, if you had said she'd be friends with Colin McRae the fateful day in sophomore year, she would probably have smacked them on the head for even uttering a word of such a stupid thing. After all, he had insulted Marty back then. Most of the time, he didn't even try to be nice to others around him. However, things change. He changed, and she was probably the only person who even knew that.
Out of nowhere, she could see the door open up and out came Colin in a hurried speed, not looking where he was going at all. Before she had a chance to react, he ran into her, making her fall not so gracefully.
"Rory, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."
"Kind of guessed that," She said, trying to collect all the stuff that fell out of her bag in the fall. "Help me out, would you?"
"Oh right, sure."
Colin bent down to get some of the notes, only to get a quick look on what was on one piece of paper.
"What is this exactly?"
Rory noticed just what piece of paper he was looking at, it was her pro/con list on whether or not she should talk to him. It may sound like such a silly thing to debate on but she had been utterly confused while making it.
"Oh... I... that's nothing important." She snatched it back quickly, blushing furiously. She couldn't believe she had given him the opportunity to see that. She had a feeling that he'd never live it down.
"You made a pro/con list about me?" Colin gave away a chuckle, finding it to be very amusing, making Rory turn even more embarrassed.
"Well, I didn't know if you would want to talk to me or not."
"Rory, my door is always open for you. You don't have to make lists to know that,"
"Thanks,"
"I also have a feeling you had a reason to seek me out. What's going on?"
Damn, he knew her too well by now. It was so weird, they had only had two real conversations but it felt like he knew her better than even Logan did. Or at least, he could read her better than her boyfriend could. Colin was able to tell her moods better, knowing what to say yet not knowing what to say at the exact same time, which was so like him. Sometimes the wrong things to say sounded just right coming from him. And he wasn't ashamed to be straight with her at all times, nor did he feel guilty about stating his case.
"It's about mom… and my dad."
"Your mom and dad huh? I thought your mom was engaged to what's his name?" He moved his fingers through the air in search for the name of Lorelai's previous fiancé.
"Luke," She answered him automatically. "They were, yes. But they're not anymore."
"I'm sorry Rory. Even though I don't know the story, I can sense some tension lying under the surface. I take it you don't want your parents together?" His question hit her hard, was she that transparent? Apparently so. It was true in a way, she didn't want them back together but for obvious reasons to everybody who knew Lorelai Gilmore and Christopher Hayden - they hurt each other. They always did. And she knew that her mom loved Luke, she was so sure of it. That's why she had been so shocked to hear about this mess her mom had gotten herself into. Didn't she know that the decision she made would affect the people around her? Her dad, Luke and most of all – her.
"It's not something I like to talk about, least of all in a hallway." As if suddenly realizing where they were, Colin guided her into the apartment.
"Sorry. I didn't actually think about where we were," His laugh made her smile in return. Did he know how much his friendship meant to her? He probably didn't. He rarely laughed, she had noticed during the time she'd known him. So it meant a lot to her that she was the one to bring out that genuine laugh.
"I noticed," She smiled, settling down onto the large couch in the room. "I didn't interrupt you or anything, did I?"
"Oh shit, the meeting!" Colin said, shaking his head furiously at his own stupidity. What was it about Rory Gilmore that made him lose control over things? Whenever she was around, all he could think about was her. Always her.
"I should go then," Rory started to get up again, before Colin pushed her back down. He didn't want her to leave yet. She had come to him for a reason. To hell with the stupid meeting. Who'd care if he missed one of them? Okay, he knew who'd care but he pushed everything concerning his father out of his head for the time being.
"Don't. You obviously wanted to tell me something, right? Well I'm here so pray tell, what's going on with you?" Colin sat down at the chair at the opposite of Rory. Not bothering to take off his coat, nor doing anything else that might cause her to leave this room.
"Nothing's going on with me, Colin." He didn't buy that for a second. "Really, it's nothing, I swear... Colin, don't look at me like that!"
Colin decided to play innocent, playing her game for only the shortest of time.
"Like what?"
"Like... like you don't believe me. I really am just fine."
"You're a horrible liar Rory. But if you don't to talk about it, we don't have to. The offer still stands though, I'm here for you if you need somebody to talk to," He shrugged, not pushing the issue. He knew better than to push her into telling him what was going on. Then, she'd only pull herself into a shell and not tell him anything. If he acted indifferent, it would probably work in his favor, he guessed. And apparently it did the trick.
"It's the whole issue with my mom and dad. I mean, they've always been like this. Whenever dad comes back into our lives, he pretends that he doesn't want her back but I know he does. Then they finally get together and you think it's actually really going to last this time, until he messes things up again," Rory could feel tears slowly building in her eyes, knowing he wouldn't judge her for her weakness. Actually come to think of it, he was probably the only one who had seen her like this. So very lost and confused, not knowing what was up and what was down.
"Have you told them how you feel about this?" A hard question to answer, since she didn't know how to tell them without hurting them even more. She would always been the one to get stuck in the middle. No matter what, it was always about them, never about her. In their minds, she seemed to be second priority when it came to their relationship. Yet she was the one to pick up the pieces whenever they hurt each other. It was never somebody else who did it, just her.
"I take it, you haven't. I get it Rory, I do. I admit, I have never been in your position, but I know what it's like to have parents who only hurt each other," Colin opened up, and she was so relieved to see him sharing this with her.
"What happened to you? If you don't mind me asking of course?"
"No, it's fine. I don't talk about my family much. Since really, we've never been very close. Whenever my father got the chance, he'd send me off to boarding school god knows where. Apparently I reminded him too much of my mom, about the pain they went through. Before she died, all she said was to respect my dad." Colin ranted, trying desperately to get it off of his chest. "Yeah, like that would happen. I respect him as much as he respects me. Which you can imagine isn't very much."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know, I really didn't."
"Rory, it's fine. I promise. We've never been close, not really. I am probably closer to my step-mothers than I am to him. And trust me; they have been very many by now." Colin rolled his eyes, his voice grown quite bitter.
"He's gotten married a lot huh?" She didn't know what else to ask but it seemed like a safe enough subject. Or at least that's what she thought.
"Yeah he has. The first marriage lasted about 5 months, and he married her only 1 month after my mom died." He kept his gaze down, for the first time showing regret and sorrow in his face expression. "I got so mad at him. The way he just forgot about mom like that, like she hadn't mattered something to him. We've never really had a civilized conversation since then."
"Colin…,"
"Shh, it's fine Rory. I'm okay. It's all in the past anyhow." He tried to give her a smile, but it wasn't really reaching his eyes. She could tell that telling her all this was hard for him. It was probably something he hadn't told anybody about, not even Logan or Finn.
"You sure? I know what it's like to have a dad who isn't there for you. Even if it's different, I need you to know that you can always talk to me Colin." She touched his cheek with her bare hand, brushing it gently. "You don't have to pretend you don't feel any hatred towards him around me, okay? It's alright to hate him for the way he acted about the situation, you know."
When he met her eyes, she could feel something so strong. A connection she hadn't yet felt for anybody, not even Logan. It was like he could read into her soul, just with the blink of an eye. But it wasn't scaring her, like it was suppose to. No, it was actually kind of comforting.
She wanted him to know her like no other. She didn't know why she wanted that, just that she did. She never felt as close to somebody as she did right this moment with Colin.
"I know I have you Rory, I appreciate it. As long as you know that the feeling is mutual, we're fine."
Colin got up to get something to drink from the kitchen. He really needed a drink right now. Talking about his feelings wasn't something he liked to do, so why had he? Why had he let down his guard around Rory? Why oh why did he have to feel the way he did about her? Couldn't it have been somebody else? Somebody who didn't happen to be dating his best friend?
"Isn't it a bit early for a drink?" Rory asked, it seemed as though she was worried about him. Typical, he should have known this was what would happen. He didn't want her pity damn it. He didn't need anybody, least of all her. Or that was what he kept trying to convince himself of all the time lately.
"To drink? Never."
"Colin, I'm serious."
"So am I, Rory. Just let it go, okay? Can you do me that favor? Pretend I never told you about any of this?" Colin muttered, knowing she wouldn't let it go. No matter how much he wanted her to, it wasn't who she was.
"You know I can't do that."
"Rory, please. Let… it…. go," Colin said slowly, wanting her to realize that he was very serious about this. He shouldn't have told her to begin with. But in a moment of weakness, he had. And now he'd forever regret it.
"Fine, if it's really what you want."
"It is!"
"Then I'll try to respect your wishes, Colin. I never meant to push, you know that right? I just, you know so much about me, yet I know so little about you. And when you do open up to me, you want me to forget you even told me in the first place?" Rory sighed loudly, getting his full attention. It wasn't fair, she thought. How he knew so much about her personal life while she knew only this. Something she was supposed to not ever bring up again. It just wasn't fair.
"I don't feel like talking about myself, alright? Can't you just respect that for what it is? This is who I am Rory. Take it or leave it. It's your choice." Colin set the boundary for her, now it was up to her to make a decision. Did she want to be his friend or not? It was all up to her. He couldn't do anything to change her decision; even if it happens to be one he didn't want.
"I don't want to lose our friendship, Colin. You mean too much to me. I've told you things I've never told anybody else, okay? Does that make you happy to hear?" Rory cried out, mad at the whole situation he had managed put her in. How could he go from the sweetest guy ever to the world's worst jerk just in a matter of minutes? Impossible.
"No Rory, that's not what I meant. I just want you to drop this particular subject, okay? Could you please do that for me?" He never had to beg a girl to do anything before. And man, did he hate doing that, he'd come to realize after just begging Rory to do one simple thing.
"Then what do you mean Colin?" He could tell she was becoming more frustrated by the second. This was so not how he wanted this to be. Why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut for once? It would have prevented this from happening.
"Rory, I…,"
"You know what, forget this. I don't need your friendship; I don't need your stupid comments. From now on, I'll leave you alone!" Rory screamed out at him, grabbing her purse in the progress. She wanted to get out, and she wanted to get out now. She didn't need this, she didn't need him. And she was going to make sure he knew that.
"Oh come on, Rory you can't just make a decision like that just because I refuse to tell you stuff about myself. If you want to know, you know more about me than the friends I've known practically my whole life. Don't you see that?" Colin stopped her with his strong arms, willing her to look him in the eye. He wanted her to know that she meant a lot to him as well. He wouldn't let her leave this room until she knew that. Until she knew that telling her stuff about his past was a big step for him. It might not be the same for her, but to him it had never been easy to talk about his parents. He hated his own pathetic life sometimes. Because that was it was – pathetic. He never made choices of his own, his father made them for him. He never bothered to seek for a different way to live his life. This was who he was. Nothing could change him, not even her.
"I'm sorry," Her voice not stronger than a whisper, it was barely audible.
"Me too." Colin told her almost immediately afterwards. He never meant to push her away. He just did it out of reflex. It wasn't something he had planned to do. Sometimes he just didn't think before he acted, that's all.
"Oh my, what just happened here?" Rory asked him, really not sure what his answer would be. Not even she knew what really accorded between the two of them. In reality, it had been such a stupid thing to fight about, she knew that for sure. So why had it gotten so intense? It had gotten completely out of hand.
"You tell me."
"I don't know… I just freaked out I guess?" Rory mumbled, the only answer she could give him. He hadn't actually done anything wrong by not letting her know more about him, so why had she gotten so mad? It wasn't like her. It wasn't like her at all. For some reason, it had felt like she needed to know more about him to make herself feel better about this friendship. A friendship with lose strings, yet the deepest connection she'd ever known. She was his friend, that much she knew. She actually felt the need to be his friend.
"You're not fully responsible; it's my fault it happened."
"No Colin, it's not. It's not just your fault, trust me. And I want you to know that I didn't mean those stupid things I said. I was mad at you so I said things I probably shouldn't have. Forgive me?" She apologized to him in a calm matter. It was necessary for her to do so.
"I do forgive you. Like a person could ever stay mad at you?"
"Thanks,"
"No problem. Next time, we'll have a friends night without fights or arguments, how does that sound?" Her face lit up at his use of the word next time. It meant that he wanted to see her again, a thought which made her smile.
"I'd really like that."
"Okay then. What do you say, 7 pm on Friday? Does that work for you?" Colin wondered, knowing that he'd never had a friends night with a girl before, yet at this moment it didn't seem to matter much. He wanted to enjoy her company, without anyone else around. He'd make sure that Finn would be out that night too. He'd be damned than to let Finn destroy this newfound friendship of theirs. It was still too new, and too risk able.
"It's perfect. I'll see you then?" She kissed him on the cheek in a friendly matter. She could barely believe that he'd be the one to suggest a night for just the two of them. From what she had gathered today, it wasn't something he did very often. And then she understood that whatever happened between them, it wouldn't change their strong connection. Today proved to her what a true friend is really like, and from now she'd cherish that…