I suggest listening to the song as you read: "When She Loved Me" Sarah McLachian
England POV
Everything is so…bright. Even the rain didn't seem so bad anymore. I didn't notice at first, but a spring was in my step and a smile on my face. It wasn't something that I could help.
It's all because of a small, blond, blue-eyed boy. He is all the good in my life and the reason why this smile is on my face. This little boy's love gives me something I haven't felt in a long time: happiness.
The influence of the innocent makes me feel like a child again. Yet, I also feel the responsibility. His little life is in the palm of my hand. I will protect him, my happiness, against any enemy.
Whenever I came home from a long business affair in my own country, the little lad and I would spend all our time together. Even when I went to bed at night, he would find some reason to climb into bed with me; I couldn't say no to those sad little blue eyes.
We went into town together to buy food. He would ask the baker for a tiny snack while I spoke to a local. He got a small roll- who could say no to those eyes?
We would go into the field outside of town where he would run free.
"Engwand! Come on!" America yelled from across the field.
"I am afraid I am much too old!" I yelled back.
"Not as old as ol' man Smith!" the child joked, "You'll never get that old!"
I chuckled as I strolled across the field to the child.
He reached his arms towards me, signaling that he wanted to be held. As soon as he was in my grasp he said, "Now spin!"
"What?" I asked.
"Spin!" I decided to humor the child and spun just once. He giggled as I spun.
"Again!" he cried. I spun us both of us until I had to sit down. His laughter was timeless and golden.
Timeless. Every moment was timeless. It will stay with me.
Something in my mind whispered pessimistic views into my mind. It told me it will never last. That he would grow older and that this can't forever last.
I always pushed those thoughts back; letting the optimism fill me.
One night when that blue-eyed boy got older, he ran into my room with tears streaming down his face. I've never seen him so afraid in his young life.
"England! England! England!" he chanted as I sat upright before he crashed into me. After regaining my breath -he's heavier than before- I soothed the boy sobbing into my nightshirt.
I hushed him and hugged him close while petting his hair. He was probably too old for this kind of treatment now; he's about the human age of seven. But nightmares were a different situation.
I let him calm down slowly; he hiccupped as he slowly calmed down.
`"All better?" I asked him softly.
He shook his head before hugging me tightly around my neck. I was choked slightly by his strength. "A-am-merica… calm- choking!"
Immediately his grip loosened, but he kept his arms around my neck. He hiccupped as he whispered, "P-please don't l-leave me, Eng- England!" he sobbed.
My eyes widened when I realized what he was talking about; I told him I was leaving him alone for the first time since I became his caretaker.
"W-what was the nightmare about?" I asked, afraid of the answer. I hope he wasn't too broken up that I was to leave.
"Y-you left and y-you never c-came back. A-and you don't care a-about me-e," the boy practically took gulps of air in between his words.
My heart felt like a bullet had fragmented it; I knew what that felt like. He was scared because I was leaving. It was my fault he was crying.
I hugged him close to me and gave him a half smile, "America, you know it pains me to leave you, right?"
He sniffled, "It d-does?"
He pulled away from my chest to look at me. "I'll miss you everyday I'm gone. Every minute will seem longer until I come home to you."
"Please don't leave," he whispered with shallow breaths.
"You'll understand when you're older," I said as I wiped the tears away from his cheeks.
"W-what if you never come back?"
"You never have to worry, I will never leave here," I pointed to his chest, under which lied bone that protected his little energetic heart. "I will always come back," I stated seriously.
"Promise?" he asked with those gleaming eyes, in which I could still make them out in the room bathed in moonlight. They were luminescent.
"On my very soul," I vowed. I would remember this promise many years later. I thought for the longest time that I broke it somehow, but I was right. I will always come home to him.
"There's something I want to give to you for when you feel alone," I stated as I struck a match to light the candle at my bedside. I reached into my dresser in the corner, the little blond boy at my heels, when I pulled out my pocket watch I use often. I had plenty of others.
I put the golden watch in his little palms. "This is my pocket watch. I want you to have it so you know that I will always come home. When you miss me, look at the time and remember that I'm thinking about you."
I boy looked at the pocket watch in amazement.
"Although, you have to promise not to lose it -it is very expensive," I stated sternly.
"I will! I will! I'll take really good care of it England! You'll see!" the boy grew energetic again, almost as if the nightmare never happened.
"Now that's a good boy. I think it's time for bed again."
"Naw! Can at least sleep with you?" the boy pouted.
"Now America-"
"Pl-l-lease?"
"Alright then, now to the bed with you!" I said almost moodily. This child could make stone melt just by asking "please". What a hand full!
I smiled as I approached my true home. I could now see the home in the distance, along with it I felt my feet move a little quicker. When I was a couple feet away from the home, I heard a shuffle behind the door before a ball of energy came barrowing out of it.
"ENNGLAANNND!" a taller blond, blue-eyed preteen shouted like a battle cry. He ran into me with a thump. Good thing I braced myself, if not, I would have fell. He wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me into a warm hug.
"America, look how you've grown!" I shouted in surprise stepping away from the preteen.
"I know!" he stated, "I woke up one morning and I was taller! I'm on my way to being a real hero!"
I chuckled at his antics, he was still a child no matter how tall he grew. "Silly, you don't grow all in one night."
"I did! I'm sure of it!" the child proudly stated. He smiled brightly at the statement.
I couldn't help but to smirk. His smile was contagious.
Before my world split apart, I could easily say that when he was happy, so was I. It would take centuries until we could both smile together again.
My travels became more frequent as time went on. No matter how I tried to say no, or at the least, control when I would be absent, my leaders were relentless. I reluctantly packed my things and left for my country. Not before America had a chance to complain about my leave. The first couple of times I felt bad for the lad. He was at a time of formation now- I wanted to be there for him-but I simply… could not. After countless whining sessions, I got fed up with it. It's not my fault I had to leave… partially.
It was also getting worse because America was quickly evolving into a teenager. Other countries and even citizens of his country agreed that the teenage years were the worst of all.
I had this false sense of reality in my mind, in which I thought that America would stay pure and cute forever. All of a sudden, agreements became more frequent than laughs. He told me to stop treating him like a child; I wasn't treating him like a child! He was acting like one! I gave him taxes to help with part of a war I fought for him. He complained about them all the time! It was getting too ridiculous!
Along with Alfred's rebellion phase, he also grew physically. He gloated the day when we measured him and discovered that he was an half an inch taller than me. I was even shocked at the rate he was growing.
I knew it would happen one day, but I ignored the warnings. Alfred was growing away and apart from me.
"Heeyy Artie!" Alfred practically sang as he waltzed into the room, smirk on his face. He was definitely up to something.
"Good afternoon, Alfred. Have I not I told you before to stop calling me that?"
"Psh, you know you love it!" Yes, definitely up to something. I think I blushed slightly, but I attempted to banish it before it came to the boy's notice.
I sighed. "Alright, Alfred, what do you want?"
All of a sudden, the boy grew nervous. He sat down across from me at our kitchen table, folding his hands together and staring at them for a second before he said, "Do you think it would be okay, if I, you know, went with you on your next business trip to your country?"
I stared at him, not blinking, for a second to think of an explanation. When I didn't find one, I looked at him suspiciously before asking, "Why?"
"I hardly see you anymore! Sure, we've had our fights lately, but if you loosen the leash, maybe I won't be so unbearable anymore!" Alfred said all too quickly. He didn't seem like he was lying, but something is still missing.
"'Loosen the leash'? What's that supposed to mean? I give you plenty of freedom!"
"Artie, that's a load of crap. All I do is sit here like a good little colony! I want to start working and being my own country! You know, to represent…me and…have relationships with other countries and what-not."
"NO!" I said before I could think. I hate that idea! No one talks to Alfred but me! Except maybe his brother, but besides that only me! Am I not good enough for him? I don't want anyone taking him away from me! He's too innocent for this world! Plus, who does he think he is? The boy needed to be put back in his place. He is a colony. My colony. When it comes to politics, I'm in charge. Just because he's taller doesn't mean he's ready to take on duties of being a country!
After thinking years later, I realized he wasn't just growing physically, but mentally as well. Even after, he was growing ever more of a…a…a hero. Fighting for what he thought was right.
Alfred frowned. He voice grew lower; we both knew we were in for a fight now. "Why not? I've let you do it all this time. I just want to learn because the reality is, Arthur…I'm growing up."
I hate those words! Those bloody wretched words! I-I never wanted him to grow. I like it when he needs me.
I honestly didn't know how to respond to that. I know now that Alfred had planned this conversation from the start. "Alfred. No. It's out of the question." I simply stated. I picked up the book I was reading when he began to walk around, trying to divert the conversation; however, by now, this path was at the point of no return. The ending was inevitable.
"Arthur! I'm being serious! For once I'm being completely serious! Hear me out! My people, and me, have been hacked off by those taxes and… not able to trade with other countries, and I thought I could fix it if I could go with you and speak to your government! See? I have reasons!" his voice rang in a hopeful tone. We both knew that this time, Alfred will be relentless; he won't take no for an answer.
"I said no, Alfred. Your request is ridiculous anyways," I kept my head level and my words cold as they came out of my mouth.
The American's eyes glowed with anger. Not the petty anger of a child, but the genuine rage of an adult. "RIDICULOUS? I'm trying to FIX things! And I want more freedom! I want a say in what happens to my people! I want a say in what affects ME!" his voice was exponentially rising.
"You're not ready!" I exclaim, throwing the book on the table and giving my full attention to the argument. "You know next to nothing about how to run a country!"
"If YOU always run it, then how would I EVER LEARN?" He retorted.
I had to admit, the boy had a point. My ego and my pride would never allow myself to admit that out loud. I had to be right; I was the adult here.
"That DOESN'T MATTER!" I raised my voice again.
"What are trying to say then Arthur? My people don't matter?" he slammed his fist onto the table, "ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT I DON'T MATTER? WHY CAN'T YOU ADMIT THAT YOU HATE ME? YEAH! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE SEEN IT FOR A LONG TIME! EVER SINCE I'VE GROWN, YOU'VE HATED ME!"
I was stunned into silence. "That-that's really what you think?" I didn't mean to stutter, it's just the way the words came out.
That was when I knew I lost it. I finally lost it. It would take me a very long time to gain it back.
"THAT'S REALLY WHAT YOU BLOODY THINK? YOU ARE SO…SO…SO SELFISH, ALFRED!" I stood up long ago for a defensive argument stance. That left the chair in front of me to grip. I threw it to my right towards the kitchen cardboards, thus resulting in a loud, unsettling noise.
Alfred stood still and looked at the chair that lay crippled in the corner. His eyes wide and mouth a gape. He has never seen me react so violently before. Before long, the look was wiped off his face and replaced with the anger I seen before.
"Selfish? HOW AM I SELFISH? ALL I WANT FROM YOU IS RESPECT! I WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY AND I WANT SOME OF THE GLORY OF… MYSELF! And-and in the end, I want you to see me as another country! Why can't you see that?" his voice was solemn.
"YOU'RE MINE YOU FOUL! YOU'RE STILL MY COLONY! I'M NOT GOING TO GRANT YOU 'SPECIAL ADVANTAGES' OVER MY OTHER COLONIES JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE… YOU!" The ugly truth was coming out; it sounded much worse coming out of my mouth.
"That's it! YOU HEAR ME? I'M SICK OF THIS! I NEED TO STAND UP AND RUN MY OWN PEOPLE! LET ME BE AN ADULT! TREAT ME LIKE AN EQUAL!" Alfred decided to throw the chair on his own side of the table. Instead of just making a loud noise as Arthur's did, Alfred's was reduced to splinters along with leaving a huge dent in the wall. He stopped for a second, his face burning red with anger. "I'm done." He said in a cold voice that made chills run down my spine. I can still hardly believe that that tone could come out of my Alfred. What I didn't see then, was that he wasn't mine anymore.
And just like that, he turned towards the door without even glancing at my reaction. He stopped at the door and pulled something out of his pocket. It glowed golden in the light. "I don't need this anymore, because I don't need you anymore." He threw the pocket watch towards the table, but it didn't quite make it there. Instead, it made a tumble towards the floor. Before we both knew it, the pocket watch crashed to the floor and fragmented into a thousand pieces—gears, springs, gold and all. It sounded like an explosion compared to a needle dropping when the chair hit the wall. I just stared at the broken pocket watch, ignoring the tears that were falling down my face.
What I didn't know was that Alfred also stood there shocked, looking at the representation of our relationship, now shattered beyond repair.
After what seemed like time standing still, instead of the apology I expected, he simply walked away.
What did we just start?
America POV
"You got this Al! You got this!" I gave myself a pep talk in front of the double doors. I've never been a nervous or shy guy like my brother up north. "Stop acting like this! They'll be nice! They'll respect you!"
I forced myself to open up the double doors and into a large room with 13 tables with one large one at the front. The man sitting at the table head peered up through his glasses at me, his quill going stationary in his hand.
"Keep your head, Al!" I told myself as I tugged at my clothes a slight bit, maybe I should have dressed a little nicer… "Stop it! You sound like England!"
The Continental Congress turned their heads all at once to see who entered the room.
"Hello," Mr. Hancock said as he took off his glasses; he smirked slightly upon seeing me. "Are you the one we've been hearing about?"
"Yes, sir!" I said confidently, even though I was a mess inside. The American assemblies never knew of the personified nations, since England ran the show, only Arthur and the English government knew of his status as a nation. This was my people finding out about me and working with me for the first time. I totally don't want this to end badly!
My The other representatives seemed to raise an eyebrow. One of them, I realized, was one of my personal heroes! Ever since he started writing about his scientific experiments and inventions, I was at awe with this guy. I even read his farmer's almanac just because it was written by him! He winked at me, noticing I was staring at him.
Mr. Hancock seemed to sense the silent questions in the room. "So it's true, you are the personification of America and its 13 colonies?"
"Yes," I paused, "sir!" I sputtered out.
"Then would you please introduce yourself?" Mr. Hancock asked politely.
"My name is Alfred Kirk-" I stopped. Arthur had taught me how to introduce myself to humans as such. But there was something wrong with that name; I could never be called Alfred Kirkland again, not since the war started. I let the room grow silent for a second, before explaining my weird silence. "I can't be called by my old name anymore…"
"Hmm, then let's think of one, shall we? Does anyone have any ideas for Alfred's name?"
A throat was cleared and the owner stood. His shoulder length gray hair and flimsy jaw line might have made the man look less intimidating than he actually was. The Pennsylvanian representative had a twinkle in his eye.
"Dr. Franklin?"
"Jones," Ben Franklin said confidently, looking directly at me as he spoke. He turned to Hancock, "It's a common name, so it won't stand out. It also sounds… how 'bout it my countrymen... American?"
A few snickered in agreement.
"I like it!" I exclaimed. "Alfred Jones! But… it's missing something." I paused to think. "It has to sound important, different somehow…" I glanced at Dr. Franklin before gushing.
"Dr. Franklin, I've been impressed with your work for… as long as you've been in the public eye… I was wondering if you would allow me to share your name."
Dr. Franklin raised his bushy eyebrows upward before looking behind him. "Are you sure you're talking about me, boy?" he said with a joking smile on his face. "I give you permission. If you want an old man's name, so be it!"
I grinned and chuckled at his statement.
"Hello, Mr. Hancock and the representatives of the Continental Congress! My name is Alfred Franklin Jones and I'm the United States of America!"
England POV
After the revolution came one of the most painful parts of my existence. You might think the worst day was day I lost, but that isn't even close. The worst day was when I walked into my empty house and I find myself perfectly alone. All I hear is the ticking of the grandfather clock and my own heart beating: no feet thudding against the wooden floor or boyish giggles, but pristine silence.
That was when I felt it. The hole in my chest. The silence had made me sure of it.
I know that Alfred and I had started drifting apart long ago, but now that it was all over, I knew I had nothing. I was no longer a part of his life; I have been banished. I didn't even have to pass the lad's mind any longer. I was now nothing more than an afterthought. And never before in all my existence have I ever felt so…alone. When I left the colonies, I left my old life behind with it, including my heart.
I realized how resistant I was to the change that occurred. I stayed the same and fought the current instead of adjusting. We could have changed together, but I wanted it all the same. He's right, I was being selfish. I wasn't fair to him. But he could have been less of a brat about it too.
Since my life now was gray, I looked towards a better future. I wondered if there will ever be a day where we can look each other in the eye again.
Politically, after what occurred in Hawaii, I'm not surprised. Personally, I was shocked into silence. He was coming to our aid. Politically, I thanked god, I needed more help than I would ever care to admit. Personally, I was still shocked that he vows to help someone who he thinks hates him.
The reality is: I could never hate him. I wait for the day where he won't hate me anymore.
I was shocked he even looked my way.
"Hey guys! Ready to kick some Axis butt?"
Maybe not specifically my way, but the direction I was in. Allies. We were now allies.
Ever since he joined us, he's been loud and obnoxious and just plain… childish. It's almost like he hasn't grown up a bit, even though he occupies a body of a man. It almost hurt to see him so energetic, so… alive. He didn't seem to let his scars change him. It made my blood boil. For all I lost, he doesn't seem to have lost a thing from the Revolution, the War of 1812! Nothing! He was still whole and powerful and I was left weak and losing everything! It made my blood boil even more, my heart now pulsing in my ears.
As he ran his mouth, something in my mind told me not to say a word. I couldn't let him bug me… but I couldn't help it.
"Alright then! Since you all agreed to be my backup, I-"
"SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTH, AMERICA! NO ONE WANT'S TO BE YOUR BACK UP BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BLOODY AROGANT!"
The silence in the room was deafening for a moment before a hearty laughter filled the air. America had laughed at the comment.
"England! Dude! Calm down!"
The problem was I couldn't. So just like that, I waltzed out of the room.
I decided fresh air might clear my head, so I placed myself on a park bench outside.
Tears were stinging the corners of my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. One measly tear escaped and that's all I would allow. I am a country and I have to be strong… for my people.
There has only been a hand full of times where I've gotten worked up like this; most of them been because of America. Why can't anything hurtful ever touch him? Even I, the person who used to be closest to him, can't even affect him. Can he feel an ounce of pain for all of the pain I felt?
I heard the door slam and footsteps coming towards me. I drained my face of all emotion and just stared at a point in the distance. The figure sighed upon walking out of the building, and rejoiced upon seeing me.
"England! I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE! What made you run out like that?" America exclaimed.
"Run out like what, America?" I said, hearing the acid in the question.
"All angry and stuff! You had us all worried!"
Worried…yeah, right.
"Since when did you care about my emotional wellbeing?"
The younger nation tapped his finger against his chin, "Since… I don't know! I guess I always did!
Suddenly the rage came back. "How can you do that! How can you not let me effect you just now! Are you just that good or that oblivious?" I hope my tongue was sharp enough.
America wrinkled his nose in confusion, so I elaborated.
"After the revolution, I fell all bloody apart! You were ten times happier! I know that you hate me, but NOTHING, not a bit of REMOSE OR PERHAPS SOME OF YOUR OWN REGRETS? IT WASN'T JUST ME YOU KNOW! YOU WERE THERE TOO!" after that, I couldn't find anything more to say. "Get out of my sight." This is how this will end.
"If you think I'm stone, you're dead wrong. OF COURSE I felt something! And OF COURSE I felt hurt! All at once I lost everything I knew! I lost my security and INNOCENCE! And most of all I LOST YOU! All at the price of my freedom! I would give it again if I had to! For sooo long now I've wanted you to see how strong I've become and I wanted to make you proud! But instead, you pushed me away and distanced yourself!" he paused. He began again in a lower voice, "All I've ever wanted is to be like you."
Silence proceeded. "America, I-"
America plopped down on the bench beside him and started to laugh. It wasn't the obnoxious laugh I heard in the conference room, but a little more genuine. The problem was, I didn't get what he was joking about.
"Wha- WHAT ARE YOU BLOODY LAUGHING ABOUT?"
The younger nation wiped the tears from his eyes and choked out, "We-we're talking about our feelings like teenage girls!" he laughed.
"And what's wrong with talking about feelings?" I asked crossing my arms.
"N-nothing a-at all! It's just- I don' t know!" America still chuckled.
America flashed him his brightest smile, just like he used to, and said, "I can NEVER hate you! I can't believe that you would ever believe that!" he chuckled again.
My eyes widened at the comment. "R-really?" I stuttered, shocked.
"YES! In fact, I've actually missed you from time to time! Not that I would ever admit that..."
"How do I know you're not lying to me?" …after all, you did just laugh in my face.
Before I knew it, America was hugging me. He smelled like leather, cologne, and… is that burgers? He gave me a squeeze and said, "I missed you, England." He stated it genuinely.
"Then… perhaps… I missed you too," I stammered. I can't believe this that after 150 years, that we would be like this right now.
He let go of me and grinned, and I knew. He smiled to be strong, but he also smiled to be happy. He lives in the present, and not the past. Maybe… perhaps… is that a better way to live… for a country?
"We should do something sometime! We could-"
It all went downhill from there.
We somebody cares about you, when somebody loves you, it's true that you have a whole new perspective. You walk a little taller and you smile a lot more because you know that you're care about in some shape or form. Of course, I've had my doubts, and America can be an idiot sometimes, but in the end it all worked out.
I've stayed the same, I still love reading, making scones (even though I'm the only one eating them), and spending some of my nights in silence. But now, everything was more comfortable, as if a weight have been lifted from my shoulders.
The funny part is that I've even become more civil with France… but only on certain occasions when I'm in a very good mood.
Although I will never forget the past, nor will I ever let it go completely, I've learned to come to terms with it. Perhaps, it's possible that feelings can change over time…
"H-hey, England?"
"America," I addressed him back.
"I think I might like you…"
And with that, he adds that he thinks he always had.
Our relationship has always been a game of picking flower pedals: he loves me, he loves me not.
Finally, the last pedal has been chosen. He loves me.
A/N: FINALLY DONE! I had this idea for a reallllly long time and I pretty much gradually wrote it one section at a time for about a month! Hope you enjoyed this just as much as I enjoyed writing it!
I don't own Hetalia nor the song "When She Loved Me" by Sarah McLachian from Toy Story 2 :D
Please review! I worked my ass off on and off to finish this and I want some feedback! Don't be like me and never review anything because you're awkward about doing so XDDD