Harry Potter
And his adventures through puberty
WARNING: This makes no sense
(Hermione sits on the toilet removes the tampon from it's plastic wrapping.)
Hermione: Damn period! No one understands me!
(Meanwhile, outside the restroom, Harry and Ron stand waiting for Hermione.)
Ron: What's taking her so long? Bloody hell!
Harry: She's probably doing her makeup.
Ron: Bloody hell, she doesn't even wear makeup, mate!
Harry: No one understands me!
(Back in the bathroom...)
Hermione: That's better.
(Hermione walks out of the restroom and sees that Harry and Ron are already walking away.)
Hermione: Hey! Where are you going?
Harry: We're going to go buy the latest daily prophet.
Ron: This one's the swimsuit addition!
Hermione: The Daily Prophet is a newspaper. It doesn't have a swimsuit addition.
Harry and Ron: Oh.
(The three of them start walking to potions class, but they stop after 3 steps.)
Harry: I don't feel like going to potions. Let's skip.
(Ron begins skipping down the hallway.)
Harry: Wrong kind of skipping, Ron.
(Ron stops skipping.)
Ron: No one understands me!
Hermione: Well what are we going to do while we're skipping potions?
Harry: Let's build a campfire!
Ron: A campfire? Inside of a building? How're we gonna do that? Magic or something?
(Harry and Hermione stare at Ron.)
Ron: Oh...Oh, yeah. Ok. Let's do that, then.
Harry: We can make the fire on that conveniently placed pile of sticks right there in front of us.
(Hermione waves her wand.)
Hermione: Wingardium Leviosa (Because I forgot the proper spell for this.)
(The sticks catch on fire somehow, even though that was the wrong spell.)
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: Yay!
(They all take bags of marshmallow out of their shoes, put them on sticks, and begin roasting them over the fire.)
Harry: This rocks hard!
(Harry produces a guitar from his pocket and begins playing it.)
Harry: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!
Ron and Hermione: Spongebob Squarepants!
(In potions class...)
Snape: Where's Potter and his idiot friends?
Malfoy: I'll bet they're making a campfire...
Crab: And toasting marshmallows...
Goyle: And singing annoying cartoon themesongs...
Snape: The three of you had better shut up! My best student would never do something like that! He's obviously in some sort of dangerous situation right now.
(Snape sprouts wings and flies out of the window to look for Harry.)
Malfoy, Crab, and Goyle: No one understands us!
(Meanwhile, Harry and friends are still sitting around the fire.)
Harry: I'm bored.
Ron: I know something that will make us un-bored!
(Ron takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pants.)
Hermione: Golly Gee! Those aren't allowed in school! Plus, they've been in your...
Ron: Just try one.
(Ron puts a cigarette in Hermione's mouth. And then one into Harry's. And before they get a chance to spit them out a dragon swoops down from the ceiling and lights them, and then flies out through a strategically placed sky light.)
Hermione: Drugs are bad, Ron…
(Hermione takes a deep drag from the cigarette and exhales a stream of smoke.)
Harry: Say 'nope' to dope…
Ron: But this isn't dope.
Harry: Oh. Ok!
(Harry puffs his cigarette.)
Harry: This tastes like my closet.
Ron: That's because I got these from your closet.
Harry: Oh, ok. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!
(45 and a half minutes later.)
Hermione: That was the last cigarette, Ron.
Ron: Ok. Let's go do something else then.
Harry: Let's go bother Snape!
Ron: Right-O!
Hermione: I'll put out the fire.
(Hermione waves her wand.)
Hermione: Wingardium Leviosa!
(The fire goes out.)
Harry: Let's go!
(They all go to the potions classroom and walk inside to see all of the students but no teacher anywhere.)
Harry: Where is Snape?
Malfoy: He went to look for you, Potter. You're ugly because you have a big stupid scar on your forehead. Your girlfriend is a mudblood. And your friend, Ron, is poor and probably lives in a hole in the ground.
Harry: Shut up, Malfoy.
Malfoy: No one understands me!
(Dumbledore walks into the room, then realizes that he's not in this scene and walks out.)
Hermione: I TOLD you he was senile, Harry!
Harry: Shut up.
Hermione: No one understands me!
Malfoy: I'm sick of looking at your ugly face, Potter!
(Malfoy jumps on top of the desk and take a small round object out of his pocket.)
Malfoy: Pikachu, I choose you!
(Pikachu is released from the pokeball and instantly explodes.)
Malfoy: Not again!
Harry: Har har!
(Harry removes a similar looking round object from his pocket.)
Harry: Bulbasaur, GO!
(Bulbasaur explodes.)
Harry: Damn!
(Ron and Hermione stare at Harry.)
Ron: I didn't know you had a pokemon.
Harry: Shut up, Ron! You don't understand me!
(Snape walks into the room.)
Snape: What's going on here?
Harry: Er…Nothing, professor.
(Snape sees the pokeballs that Harry and Malfoy are holding.)
Snape: You two weren't having a pokemon battle in MY classroom---
Malfoy: Uh…We were just…
Snape: ---Without ME were you!
(Snape removes a pokeball from his pocket.)
Snape: Charmander, GO!
(Charmander explodes. )
Snape: Hmm..Well that was rather---
(Snape explodes.)
Everyone, including Dumbledore who, for some reason, is suddenly sitting at Snapes desk: YAY!
Dumbledore: Good show, Harry!
Harry: Thank you, professor.
Dumbledore: But, I'm sorry to say, Harry…You caused Snape to die…
Harry: What! How was that MY fault?
Dumbledore: So you will be sent to Azkaban.
Harry: No one understands me!
(The entire ministry of magic swoops in through the window and carries Harry of to Azkaban..)
Hermione: Well that's unfortunate…
Ron: Bloody hell!
Hermione: Shut up, Ron.
Ron: No one understands me!
Fin!