Hey there everyone.
I was in somewhat of a sad mood so after listening to this song (which I love and I highly suggest listening to it as you read this) I started writing this fanfic which I cried while writing. I did feel better though after writing it, so I hope you will like it.
I do not own Criminal Minds nor "What Sarah Said" by Deathcab for Cutie. Also, I own nothing of Lemony Snicket (my summary is a quote of his--I'm going though :A Series of Unfortunate Events" phase which is fortunate if you ask me)
Please enjoy (if you can enjoy a sad fanfic) and please review.
And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to Father Time.
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409.
It was pure chaos in the hospital that day.
It seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong with a person did go wrong. There were burn victims being rushed in and out of rooms, victims of assault and battery were standing around waiting to be admitted, gun shot victims and those with multiple stab wounds were being fussed over by doctors of all kinds. Patients with illnesses like cancer and other diseases were pushed out of sight as more sick people poured into the hospital. One victim though had the attention of multiple people and the majority of them were not doctors.
Agent Aaron Hotchner of the BAU was running beside the gurney that a particularly important person was laying on. Emily Prentiss was barely hanging on. The team was right behind Hotch worrying and shooting daggers at anyone who dared to try and stop them. The doctors were trying to rush her to the operating room while trying to keep her conscious at the same time. Emily's eyes kept opening and closing: She was trying to focus on the man who was gripping her had so tightly. Hotch wouldn't let go of her as he called her name over and over again with a frantic edge to his normally calm and controlled voice.
Emily just couldn't stay awake. Hotch could see her slipping. He was losing her.
One of the doctors had to physically make Hotch let go of Emily's hand as they rushed past the double doors into the critical unit of the hospital. Hotch felt Rossi pull him back despite Hotch's resistance. The doctor said something about coming to get them as soon as she could, but Hotch wasn't listening. He was watching though the small windows in the swinging doors as they took his Emily away from him. Nothing made any sense to him anymore.
Hotch could literally feel his lungs constrict with fear as the doctor rushed off to try and salvage Emily's broken body. He felt like maybe if he stopped breathing, Emily would be able to have more air that she so desperately needed. He would stop his heart to make hers beat once more.
It had been a car accident.
Hotch couldn't think of anything more ironic that that. Hotch had left some files at home and Emily had offered to get them on her lunch break. She had her own key after all. They had been together for a few months when Hotch had finally given her one. She had been so happy. He had taken her up on her offer and had kissed her gently on the cheek when she had left. They were very careful about displays of affection in the office, but one the team had figured it out Hotch and Emily weren't as careful as they had been before. They figured if the team was okay with it, then they had nothing to hide.
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I've already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Hotch remembered what he had been doing when he got the call. He remembered almost dropping his phone and not hearing Dave's concerned questioning as the older profiler, who was sitting across from Hotch at his desk, took the phone from Hotch's shaking hand. Dave's eyes had widened as Hotch quickly rushed from the room telling his team they had to get to the hospital immediately. Hotch will never forget the looks of horror on his teams faces when he told them what had happened.
A drunk driver ran a stoplight and collided with Emily's car.
Hotch could practically hear her heart beat slowing down even though they were so far apart. He could feel the numbered breaths in her battered body as if they were his own. He felt it, instantly, when she had been hit. It seemed women weren't the only ones with intuition where your loved one was concerned. Hotch had broken every traffic law ever written as he drove to he hospital, Morgan did as well. The team had burst into the hospital just as Emily was being carted into it. Hotch had never felt so broken inside as he saw his beautiful Emily laying on that gurney. It was a sight that would haunt him til he took his last breath.
The team managed to move to the waiting room, dread filling their hearts like a poison gas. They couldn't say anything to one another. They didn't know where to start. Emily, who had always been like a beacon during a dark case, was lying on a table just inches away from death. The team couldn't form words. There were none to describe the tangible grief that hung over their heads like a guillotine.
Not a single eye was dry in their little waiting room.
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
Hotch began to replay memories in his head and realized how they seemed to dull. He felt the tears sting his eyes as he realized how many memories he may never get to make with Emily. He couldn't imagine not waking up beside her, or teasing her about making such a mess in the kitchen. He couldn't fathom a world without her laugh or her passion about saving people. It didn't make any sense to Hotch that someone like Emily could simply be taken from the world when she was so desperately needed. The team needed her, countless victims needed her.
He needed her.
He needed her like the oxygen in the air he breathed. Like the water he drank and the food he ate. He needed her like the world needed the life sustaining sun. Without Emily his existence would be swallowed up by a black hole of despair and a constant winter. Emily had dragged Hotch away from the darkness that had threatened to consume him when Foyet stolen the only joy from his life; his son Jack. Emily had been constant like the northern star; guiding him and giving him that speck of hope that he so longed to posses once more.
Once they had caught Foyet and Jack was returned home, Emily remained that constant reminder of how Hotch was never truly alone. Oh God, Jack. Hotch wondered how he'd tell his son, who had taken such a keen liking to the dark haired woman, about Emily's accident. If she didn't make it out…what could he possibly say to the little boy who had come to think of Emily as a second mother. He, Emily and Jack were supposed to go on a picnic in a few days. Hotch was at a loss of what to do, of what to say. How do you explain the complex idea of death to a young boy who had recently created a strong emotional bond to a loving surrogate mother?
What was Hotch to do?
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
How would any of his team survive this tragedy? Hotch could easily see the range of emotion reflecting in the teams downcast eyes. JJ and Garcia both saw Emily as a best friend and a close sister or sorts. They were always going out for the traditional girls night out. Rossi and Emily had gotten close since he had joined the team and Rossi had even admitted to seeing Emily in a daughter-like light. Emily was one of the closest people to Morgan and they were constantly playing around with each other to offset the evils they saw on their job. They balanced the team perfectly. Hotch knew with perfect clarity that Reid had grown quite attached to Emily, just like Jack had.
Reid had always displayed a somewhat childlike outlook on the team. He and Garcia often joked that Hotch was the father of the team and Emily the mother. Reid had been one of the first people on the team to accept her. Emily did everything she could to protect Reid and he never forgot about Cyrus. Hotch shuddered to think about how Reid and the others would react if Emily didn't pull through. He didn't even want to think about how he would deal. He wondered if he'd shut down or simply work himself to death. Either way sounded just fine to him if he had to go on without her.
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
It felt like hours had passed before Morgan had begun pacing back and forth, making Hotch dizzy. Garcia was clinging to JJ's hand like a life preserver watching her team fall apart at the seems. JJ could barely look at any of them. Rossi had taken to standing against the wall next to the women and occasionally he closed his eyes as if praying for good news. Reid hadn't regained his color as he stared blankly at the carpet on the waiting room floor.
Hotch hadn't taken a seat yet as he continued to stare at the T.V like a mindless zombie. It distracted him, though offered no comfort. Nothing in this room offered comfort. Hotch had often associated waiting rooms with bad news. Though it hadn't always been the case. The ringing in his ears had turned to a dull hissing in the back of his mind. Hotch wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
"Hotch." Rossi said pointing to a figure behind him. Hotch turned around as everyone lifted their heads and stood up. There was a nurse standing there talking to the doctor who had made Hotch let go of Emily just hours ago. There was blood on his scrubs and Hotch immediately knew. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he should have never let go of her hand.
The doctor looked up and her eyes met Hotch's and he felt the air leave his body. He felt dizzy. Hotch could hear the chocked sobs from Garcia and JJ as the doctor and her nurse approached them. The sense of dread was so thick that Hotch was surprised that any of them were still breathing. He could see Morgan cover his face with his hands and sink to the floor in utter defeat, as if he has lost his will to stand. Rossi looked down at the floor to blink away his tears and the doctor open his mouth to speak.
That love is watching someone die
"I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do…" the doctor began but the loud wails of Garcia and the muffled cries of JJ drowned her out. Hotch felt like his gut had been sucker punched and Rossi rushed over to his friend to help him stand. Hotch didn't have the heart to shake him off. He could feel Rossi shake with his repressed tears and Hotch felt his dam break.
As Hotch began to cry his blurry eyes looked to his team and felt his sobs worsen. Morgan, who had moved to the chairs where JJ and Garcia had been sitting, was holding a hysterical Garcia in his arms: Who didn't have JJ to cling to. Reid had moved over to where JJ was standing and wrapped his skinny arms around her frail body that seemed to fall apart with each cry. Reid had buried his face in her shoulders and his own frame was shaking so violently Hotch feared he would literally fall to pieces. Hotch himself felt like an unstable atom about to send the entire world into a desolate wasteland of destruction.
He couldn't breathe let alone process the words the doctor was telling him. She told him they couldn't stop the bleeding and Hotch couldn't hear her. He didn't want to hear her. His Emily was gone. He wished he had told her he loved her before she had left. He wished he hadn't even taken her offer. He wished it had been him.
As everyone cried at the injustice of the day's events, Hotch couldn't help but realize that Emily had always been right. He watched his family mourn Emily's death and knew he'd never be alone. Though it did little good to think of such things when the one person Hotch had imagined spending the rest of his life with was gone. For that fact alone made Hotch feel like the loneliest man in the entire world and nothing would ever soothe such an ache.
So who's gonna watch you die?
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Well, there you have it. I really hated killing off Emily but for the purpose of this story it had to be done. I hope I was able to capture the team realistically, since everyone deals with grief differently. I seriously did cry though once I wrote the part about the doctor coming to tell the team Emily had died. I had to stop because I couldn't read what I was typing due to my tears.
Thanks everyone for all your support and kind reviews! I also want to thank you for actually reading my stories *laugh*
Peace out!