A/N: It's my first Buffy fic!
*waves little flag* This contains spoilers for Season Five of Buffy the
Vampire Slayer, up to the episode "Crush." It's not as much a monologue as
the ramblings of our favorite blondie. I'm not sure if it's in character, I just
started watching the show this season…please tell me what you think!
In My Blood
She's in my blood.
Yes, that's ironic. She shouldn't be in my blood, but I in hers, my teeth sinking deep into her neck, my never-ending thirst momentarily quenched…
But of course that will never
happen. Maybe once it was because of the cursed chip in my skull, sending out
wave after wave of pain. But now I could not possibly drink from her, could not
ever hurt her in any way.
The Slayers have always been
a kind of game for me. Slay the Slayers before they slay you! Always stay
one step ahead, be wary but bold, and most of all, avoid the wooden stake…two
Slayers killed? Ding ding ding! You win!
Two Slayers killed. I have a
reputation now. Spike? William the Bloody? Oh yes, the British bloke with the
awful poetry, the one who murdered those Slayers. What is that, you say? He loves
one now? That must be the most buggering loony thing I've ever heard…
Love. Vampires can love, no
matter what she believes. What about Angel? Did she forget about him? He loved
her, loved her with all his heart and soul, and so he left her. Well, Miss
Slayer, I love you with all my heart. Sorry, nope, no soul here! No risk of
losing it, no risk of me leaving you. If I love you even without a soul,
shouldn't that be reason enough to accept me?
Drusilla left. Left! Out,
away, never to return! I'm scouring my so-called life now, cleaning it of
anything that would offend you. You want me to get rid of this? It's gone. Kill
that demon? Dead. Protect your family? With everything I have. Why, you ask, for
what? For you. Always you.
The shrine frightened you,
showed you of my obsession. Why would it scare you? Shouldn't it just show how
devoted I am, how embedded you are in my brain? I hand over my absolute love,
and you throw it back in my face in the form of unadulterated hatred, and
unbreakable wards around your house and your heart. That doesn't make sense!
That Riley fellow, he gave you the same love I have; yet you accepted it. Why
is that? Is it the whole vampire thing? Well, darling, I'm sorry about that, I
truly am. If I could become human, I would do it, for you. But I can't, so why
not just understand that and love me back?
The unrequited love burns in
my heart every day, wearing layer after layer of it away. A few more weeks,
more months, more years without you will leave me nothing but a weak empty
shell, devoid of animation and personality.
Why are you doing this to me?
How did you get inside my head like this? More persistent than even the chip in
my brain. I could overcome the chip! Why can't I get over you? Is this a punishment
for what I've done? I've learned my bloody lesson, just set me free.
Let me out of this prison you
sucked me into. Get out of my crypt, get out of me, get out of my life, get out
of my death, get out of my mind, get out of my blood.
Actually, don't.