Acceptance
James Potter sat with Sirius Black and Lily Evans in the common room. James and Sirius were talking and Lily was working. It was their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James had been madly in love with Lily for two years now and she still wouldn't accept his offers to go out with him. He kept glancing over at Lily and then back at his work. He had tried to go out with other girls in hope that Lily would be jealous, but she never was. Sirius glared at him, annoyed of James' obsession. His girlfriend Ava walked down just then and saved him from the madness. Ava kissed Sirius hello and sat down on the arm of his chair.
James said hello to Ava, but ignored her other than that. James walked over to Lily. He couldn't concentrate on work when Lily was there. Who was he trying to fool?
"Hello Lilykins!", he said. Lily glared at him and turned back to her charms essay. It was two scrolls long and she only had one paragraph left. After she finished her last few letters, Lily looked up at James and sighed.
"How many times do I have to tell you Potter to stop calling me that!?", Lily screeched angrily. He knew she hated that name, but it was his pet name for her. He thought she would have known that by now.
He said, "Oh come on Lilykins! You know you love that name!" He ignored her evil stares. She was not in a good mood today. Then again, it could be because of him. He put that thought out of his mind for now.
Lily screamed, "If you call me that one more time I swear I'll hex you Potter!" She drew her wand and held it up to James' face. She saw fear in his eyes and however much he denied it, it would still be there.
James chuckled and said, "I'm not afraid of you Lilykins." He said this, but a tiny amount of fear lingered in his voice. Nothing could hide that. James knew that Lily was the top of their class and could curse him with any curse she wanted. He was the tiniest bit scared, but he tried his best not to show it.
Lily shouted, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" She shouted a curse and turned James into stone. Everyone around her gasped, even Sirius. An expression of horror was frozen onto James' cold, stone face.
Sirius said, "Now wait a second Lily. You had no right to turn him to stone! Change Prongs back or I'll hex you!" He was a lot more confident than hi friend. Ava stood next to him with a protective hand on his arm.
"Fine.", Lily mumbled. She muttered the counter-curse and James was back. He looked confused and unhappy. "If Potter has to be in human form, I'm ignoring him." She said. Lily turned her back on James and went to read quietly. Ava trotted over to her. She sat down and they started chatting.
James looked imploringly at Sirius. He said in a childish voice, "Padfoot! How can she ignore me! She can't! You know I…well you know." He started to turn red. Sirius walked over to Lily. Ava glanced at him with eyes that said, "If you make her any more upset than she already is I'll dump you." It was an almost angry glare that Sirius had not expected. He looked back, assuring her that this would probably not do any harm.
"Evans, talk to James. Not for his sake, for mine. If you won't talk to him he will drive me crazy day and night. You wouldn't believe how antsy he gets! Please Evans! Spare me!", Sirius said. He sounded almost like he was begging. He pretty much was. Lily glared at him. She didn't want to spare him. Why should she?
"Black, why would I have any reason to spare you? You? Of all people? Maybe Remus, but not you!" She was being slightly mean, but then again, Sirius had never been overly nice to her. This was payback for all the times when he could have been more pleasant.
"Lils, I swear, if you don't talk to James, I'll hex you. I will. I am not going to endure endless hours of antsy James. You cannot put me through that!" He glared at Lily and gave Ava a nervous glance. She looked furious. Lily just looked upset. This was what he was not supposed to do. Ava was mad because she had expressly told him not to upset Lily more and what had he done? Upset Lily more.
"Fine!", Lily screamed, "I won't ignore him if he PROMISES not to call me Lilykins ever again! And only because you people are threatening to hex me!" She had tears in her eyes. "Why can't you people just get through your thick heads that I will never like Potter?" Sirius chuckled a little.
"We can't get a lie through our heads Evans.", Sirius said smugly. He knew he was not being nice, but she was already crying. What more harm could he do? Ava now looked as though she wanted to explode at him. Usually she was the one who was quick to cry, not Lily. What bizarre universe was he living in?
"Sirius, may I have a word with you outside? Now!", Ava said angrily through gritted teeth. "We'll be right back Lily. James, please try not to make Lily upset." She smiled a fake sweet smile and dragged Sirius into the hall. She was fuming now and had none of the morning's sweetness left.
"What are you doing? I told you NOT to make Lily upset and now she's in tears! I know a good punishment for you. You get to deal with her tears. I'm dumping you. Sirius I warned you and you didn't listen. You never listen! You're an insensitive jerk and you always will be. It's over!" Ava had a tear hanging from her eye, but not like her usual waterworks. She wasn't sad at all, just angry. Sirius was such a jerk these days!
He was left stuttering for a minute as his ex-girlfriend walked away. He didn't try to stop her. Sirius groaned as he walked to deal with Lily's tears. He found Nicky with them looking confused. He walked straight to Lily, muttering a hello to Nicky on the way.
"Lily, please calm down. James promises not to call you Lilykins and I will not hex you. Ava has now dumped me and I need to deal with that now. I don't have time for your liquid pain and my heart splitting in two right now. I know I'm an insensitive jerk, but for Merlin's sake stop crying!" Sirius hadn't looked at her yet because he couldn't stand to see tears. She just looked at him like he was crazy. He finally looked up and saw her wet, confused face.
"Siri, I'm not crying anymore. Why did Ava dump you? Oh no! Is it because of me! Oh Siri I'm so sorry!" She ran over and hugged him. He didn't hug back. He shrugged her off and walked solemnly to his dorms. James went over to him, but Sirius motioned for him to go away. James trotted over to Lily again.
"Lily? Will you go out with me if I don't call you Lilykins?" James said hopefully. He didn't think she would accept, but hey, it was worth a try. She sighed and shook her head. James said, 'Ok, well then let's go get some food. I'm starved!" Lily sighed again and followed him. Nicky followed too because she had nowhere else to go.
As soon as they walked in to the Great Hall, Lily spotted Severus Snape walking towards her. "Oh my gosh! No! James hide me!" Lily said frantically. James stood in front of her until Snape ran away.
"What did Severus do Lily? You guys were best friends." Nicky asked innocently. She didn't know what happened in fifth year.
"He called her a mudblood Nicky." James said, answering the question for Lily. Nicky's eyes widened. She would never have expected this from Snape. He was a greasy-haired Slytherin, but she hadn't expected him to stoop that low with one of his best friends.
"Potter don't ever let me hear you saying that word again! Even if you're not directing it at a person!" Lily shouted. Tears were welling up in her eyes. James could tell she was very hurt.
He said softly, "I won't Lily. I'm sorry. Are you ok?" He sounded so concerned that you never would have believed it to be James. Lily glared at him. She really hated him.
"Yes I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" Lily screamed at him. She walked off with Nicky and James was left alone. He wasn't hungry anymore. James walked back up to see how his best mate was doing.
Sirius lay on the bed. He was acting depressed and severely un-Sirius like. James walked over and punched him playfully on the shoulder. This was not James' area of expertise. Not only had he never been dumped, he was also not very sensitive at all. When Sirius didn't respond to his punch, he started to panic.
"Mate, come on! You've broken many girls' hearts. Why are you taking this one so hard?" he asked. James knew it was a stupid question. Sirius had actually loved Ava, not just decided to go out with her because she was pretty. James sighed and sat down beside Sirius.
"You know perfectly well why. She warned me and I blew it. I'm a jerk!" Sirius said. He hung his head and sulked like a little child. James thought it was pathetic, but he would most likely do the same if it were Lily. James looked at his friend's shock ridden face and sighed again.
"I know Padfoot. You're not usually a jerk. You just tend to get jerky when there are tears involved. Just go apologize." James told him. He had many doubts about whether that would work because Sirius and Ava had broken up before. They went through about a week of her bursting into tears every time she saw him. Fortunately, they got back together, but now Sirius and James both doubted she would want that. She seemed more angry than crushed.
"That may be true Prongs, but that doesn't help. I'm going to go talk to her." Sirius said with noticeable fear and doubt in his voice. He wasn't even trying to hide it. James looked at how depressed his friend was. He sighed yet again and yet Sirius leave. James went to find Lily again. He hoped she wasn't crying.
Ava was sitting in the common room reading serenely. Sirius came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped at the sudden finger hit her. Ava glanced up and saw Sirius standing over her. She just looked back down and ignored him.
"Ava, can we talk?" Sirius pleaded. He really wanted her back. There was only one other person he loved and she was forbidden. He looked down at Ava with his deep, brown eyes. Ava's stared back into his and she seemed to melt. Sirius sat on the edge of her chair and waited for a response.
"Siripoo, you know I meant what I said. You have been acting like a jerk and I don't want to get together again. I can't keep going out with you so that I can have my heart torn to pieces every other week!" Ava screamed. Anger was rising quickly in her voice. Sirius shrank back. He got up and sat in a chair across from her. Ava's eyes glowed with angry tears. This was probably even harder for her.
Sirius said calmly, "I know Avie, I'm sorry. We do seem to break up every other week, but I love you! I don't usually act like a jerk. Just, the tears, they…get to me. My heart is torn to pieces now too. Can't we work this out?" He sounded frantic near the end, even though he had started out calm. This was a very hard thing to do. He had only told Ava he loved her once before. Although, talking, he questioned whether he meant it or not.
Ava sighed slightly and said angrily and sadly, "No Sirius. We can't work this out. The stupid tears excuse is getting old. I can't go on like this! We've just grown apart." She was starting to cry. Sirius could handle it. If he couldn't that was his problem.
"Ava, we can't have grown apart! I guess the tears excuse is getting a bit old, but it's true! Well, I guess I can't convince you. I do love you…I think. Bye." Sirius replied. He stood up, kissed her one last time and held on. He wanted to savor the moment. This was the last time he would feel her warm, soft lips on his. This was NOT his moment. Why must love hurt?
Ava said on almost a squeak, "Bye Sirikins. I think I love you too." Tears streaked her face. Sirius waved a little and left. He walked semi-confidently back to the dorms. Now his stomach was grumbling from his lack of food. He turned on his heel and walked toward the Great Hall.
James succeeded in finding Lily. She sat with Nicky at the end of the table. He sat next to Lily and said, "Well hello Lily dear. Are you enjoying your meal?" He smiled at her. His eyes asked the question that he was dying to ask. Lily nodded her head and then shook it. That answered both questions.
"How's Sirius?", Nicky asked, trying to change the subject. James glared at her, but Lily looked as if she was her savior.
James said, "He was pretty depressed when I talked to him. He actually loved Ava. She wasn't just a fan-girl. He went to talk to her so we'll have to wait and hear how that went. Oh look, here he comes now." He pointed towards the entrance and everyone looked over to see a depressed looking, tall, muscular being by the door. He walked straight to them without looking at anyone. He didn't seem interested in fan-girls right now.
Sirius said in a sad voice, "James, mate, will you come back to the dorms with me and talk?" He grabbed a piece of treacle tart and looked at James. He nodded his head and followed Sirius back out the entrance. They walked quickly down the halls and into the common room. Ava was still there reading her book. Tears still stained her face, but she didn't seem to care. Ava paid no attention to the people that had just walked in. Sirius looked over to her with imploring eyes that told James he just wanted to run up and hug her. However, he restrained himself.
Up in the dorms Sirius started pacing. He said frantically, "James! He won't take me back! She won't go out with me! This is for good! What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?! I can't cope with this!" Sirius was nearly screaming and could have scared some first years if he was near them. James put his hand on his friend's shoulder and made him sit down.
"Bloody hell mate! You're taking this hard. It's just a girl. You can get another one easily. Stop being stupid." James said unsympathetically. He was not ever one to understand how it felt to be dumped. He had been rejected countless times, but never dumped. Sirius glared at him. He was getting angry now.
He said unhappily, "Yes I am taking this hard! This was Ava, not just a girl! I loved her! I don't want another girl! Why would you even suggest that mate? I am NOT being stupid!" Anger was rising fast in his voice. His teeth were now clamped together, making his already angry voice sound angrier and scarier. James backed off.
James hesitated for a moment and said quietly, "Well, ok. Maybe you could…take a break from girls? I don't know mate, I only ever loved Lily!" He sounded nervous. James didn't want to upset Sirius even more then he already had. Sirius sighed and scowled at James. That was the worst idea he'd had yet. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. Love hurts.
James left his friend to sulk in peace. Lily was now in the common room talking to Ava. He walked over and said, 'Hello ladies. How is everyone?"
Lily glared at him and said, "You just saw us two minutes ago you moron. How's Sirius? Ava said he was pretty upset." She seemed to care more about Sirius than James. He started to get jealous, but he had no good reason to.
James said in a semi-relaxed manner, "Yeah, he is quite upset. He's upstairs sulking. We talked for a bit and he said that he agrees with Ava. But yet he doesn't. At least that's what it sounded like. He said he loves her and he doesn't want another girl because all the others are just fan-girls. Ava was special." The way James said it made Sirius sound super sweet. In fact, he was rather sweet.
A tear rolled down Ava's cheek as she said sadly, "That is so sweet! I know he is really sweet, but I can't do this break-up, make-up thing! It hurts too much. He only told me he loved me once. He didn't even sound like he really meant it. Are you sure that's what he said James? That's so nice that out of all his fan-girls, he loves one that isn't a fan-girl at all." She was crying again, but not a lot. This was probably just as hard on her because she had to do the dumping.
James nodded his head and said, "Yep, even go ask him if you want to. He's right up in the dorms." He knew that Ava didn't want to talk anymore. She shook her head and looked at Lily. Her eyes said, 'How could you not like someone so sweet?" James smiled at Lily. His eyes asked the same question.
Lily scowled and said that she was going to do her homework. She didn't need this right now. James took this time to say what he always said. He asked, 'Lily, why won't you accept me? While we're on the subject of love, I love you! I always have loved you! Every time I ask you to go out with me you tears my heart into yet another piece. All the other stupid girlfriends I've had weren't the same. I didn't love them." Lily looked as if she had just been told that she was the daughter of a dragon.
"What…you, you love me Potter? Me? Wait a sec. Stop saying that! I can't accept you because you don't love me! If I agreed, you would just dump me like all the other girls you've gone out with. And to tell you the truth, I don't need that!" She stalked away. Nicky followed her up to the girls' dorms.
Once the two of them were in there alone Nicky said, "Lily, why don't you accept him? If he isn't afraid to announce to the whole common room that he loves you then he must. Besides, you don't like him, why do you care if he dumps you?" A smirk spread across her face. She knew that would cut Lily deep.
Lily said in a hasty whisper, "But I can't believe him. You know the truth, you always have! I do care about him." She hung her head and waited for her best friend to say something else like she had before.
Nicky said, "Just accept him! He loves you! If you love him back then go ahead! If he dumps you just find a new guy!" She didn't seem to know a lot for having dated Remus a while back. They had broken up, but she wasn't one of those girls who cried all night about it.
Lily replied, "Well, ok, I guess I will, but if he dumps me, you're the one who's going to have to listen to me cry on your shoulder for hours on end." She swallowed nervously and walked to tell James that she would go out with him.
James sat on a sofa, supposedly reading a book as Lily approached him. She said in the most nervous voice he had ever heard, "Um, hi James. Can we talk for a sec?" James looked up and nodded.
He said, "Wait a minute, did you just call me James? All these year I didn't think you even knew I had anything but a surname!" Lily scowled.
She said, 'I've heard you're name all the time since first year James. I have always known it. Now, back to talking. I…I, will go out with you." She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. She really did love those big, brown eyes.
James looked stunned and said, "Did you just accept? Really?" Lily nodded her head. James looked delighted. He had waited for this moment since he was eleven years old. Finally Lily had accepted him. James was determined to make this the greatest relationship of his life.
Lily said slowly, "Yeah, I think so. If I tell you the truth will you promise not to rub it in my face?" James nodded and she went on. "Ok, well, how am I supposed to tell you this? Well, I… I've wanted to accept since third year, but until today, I just thought I you were hanging on because I never got to be yours." James looked at her with mock disgust.
"Now Lily dear, why ever would you think that? I loved you because I loved you. I hung on because I loved you, not because I never got the chance to have you as mine." He said. He clucked his tongue at Lily and waited for her to laugh or anything.
Lily smiled and said, "Well, we'll see. I'm trusting you not to break my heart. You understand?" She raised her eyebrows at him. This was serious business. If he dumped her, Nicky would be dealing with a lot of tears. James stood up and held out his hand. Lily stood next to him. She took his hand, holding it lightly at first, as they walked up towards the dorms.
James asked, "Shall we check on Padfoot Lily dear?" She smiled and nodded. She held his hand a little tighter now. She wasn't sure if she wanted everyone seeing them holding hands yet, but it felt really good. At last she felt the warmth of her hand in his. She could feel his pulse, and she loved it. Determined not to let the feeling slip, she held tighter still as they ran to where Sirius was lying on the bed, staring at his only picture of him and Ava. It was taken outside near the Black Lake last year. He looked sincerely miserable lying, motionless, staring at it. Lily and James both felt bad for him.
James said, "Come on mate. Stop sulking. Girls sulk, us men deal with our problems. Guess what! Lily agreed to go out with me! I know that you're sort of sad right now, but I just thought I'd tell you." James was kind of half smiling, half frowning. Sirius looked up at him with a look of anger and sadness mixed together. He didn't seem to notice what James had said until he saw him and Lily holding hands.
He said with surprise in his voice, "Wow Lils, I didn't think you would ever give in. What made you?" He knew why she had finally given in; he just wanted to make it harder than it had to be.
Lily said confidently, "Well Sirius, I felt that James was being more mature than usual and I thought I would give him a chance. Oh, who am I fooling? You've always known the truth Sirius. I know you have." Sirius nodded his head.
He asked, "Oh yes, I have, but does James?" He tried to stare her down. He looked utterly surprised when Lily nodded her head. "Wow Evans, you really have guts!" He said.
Lily smiled and said, "Thank you Sirius, I am happy that you think so." She held her head up high. Her expression was full of pride and happiness. It was so different compared to Sirius'. His was filled with hurt, sadness and surprise.
James said, "Come on Lils, let's go for a walk. Bye mate, we just came to tell you the good news. Stop sulking, I mean it!" He waved good-bye and brought Lily down to the common room and outside. They went to sit under a big, leafy oak tree near the castle. Together they sat in the shade and looked into each other's eyes.
Lily smiled and said, " I love your eyes." She kept on staring as these words came out. They were so quiet that they could have blended in with the wind. James nodded and said that he felt the same about hers. He then leaned over and kissed her, right on the mouth. Both loved the soft feel of their lips on the others'. Lily felt as if she was going to faint from pleasure. This was rushing things a bit, but it was worth it. James hung on tight. This was his first kiss with Lily. It had to be perfect. And it was.
After a few moments, Lily and James broke apart. They both whispered wow and kissed again. They didn't go inside until it was long past dinnertime. They had kissed about five times before they walked up the stone steps and into the hallway. James took Lily's hand and they ran towards the kitchen to get food.
The house elves made them nice plates of steak and kidney pie with trifle for dessert. Lily only ate half of the gigantic portions they were served. They both finished quickly and went back to the common room. Sirius sat finishing his homework when they walked in. Lily was giggling and James looked like nothing in the world could make him happier. They sat on the couch, said hi to Padfoot and kissed. They had grown accustomed already to the soft feel of their lips meeting. Lily and James were in love.
Sirius said, "Wow, already snogging and you haven't even gone out yet. You must be in love. Well, if you must do that, wait until I leave the room." He got up to leave as James made a nasty hand gesture at him for interrupting. Lily looked embarrassed. Her cheeks had turned a nasty shade of red, as though she had been severely sun burnt. Sirius chuckled and left. They were a very cute couple and he didn't really mind them kissing around him, it was just that it hurt to see them like that, after he had just broken up with Ava.
James and Lily spent the next few weeks liked this. Sirius tried to avoid them, but James was his best friend and life was boring without him. He thought they told each other everything, but he was wrong.
Lily walked into the common room bawling her eyes out about two months after she had first accepted James. She sat in an overstuffed chair by the fire. Lily curled up in a ball and cried. Sirius walked over to see why she was crying so hard. Thoughts swam through his head and finally he landed on the right one. James dumped her after promising not to. He walked a little quicker toward Lily. He was so nervous that he was shaking. She was crying so much harder than Ava ever had and he had trouble dealing with Ava's tears.
When he was right next to her he said, "Lily, he didn't. Did he?" Despite his fear, he had to console Lily because no one else would right now. Lily looked up at him with extremely wet eyes. Her face showed just how hurt she was.
Lily said in a strained voice, "He…promised…he…wouldn't! James…just…said…that…he…didn't…like…me…the way he…used too…anymore. Then he…said…it was over and he left!" She burst into fresh tears. Sirius needed a girl to deal with this problem. It didn't help that he had just done this to a girl. He spotted Nicky walking down from the dorms. Sirius ran to her and pointed at Lily.
Nicky looked shocked. She said, "No way! He didn't!" Sirius quietly responded that he did and now Lily needed to be consoled and he couldn't do it. Nicky nodded in understanding and went to console her friend. Sirius ran away from the tears like some pathetic child. He had to find James.
There he was, sitting outside the library. He looked so innocent that Sirius almost believed it. Suddenly, James dropped the innocent act. He hung his head and sulked, just as Sirius had when he and Ava broke up. Sirius quickened his pace to walk toward his friend. A furious expression spread quickly across his face. He knew that James wasn't the most sensitive person ever, but he had promised Lily that she wouldn't have her heart broken. He was more of a jerk than Sirius would have ever imagined.
He arrived next to James and said furiously, "Why'd you do that mate? You promised her you wouldn't!" James looked up as he was suddenly yelled at. He saw that it was Sirius and relaxed a little.
"I…I thought I loved her. I just…I don't know. I guess she was right. Maybe I just got scared having her all to myself? I'm just so used to rejection! I don't know!" James said with anger rising in his voice. He didn't mean to hurt Lily so much, but he had. Sirius sat down next to him and sighed. James listened to his friend explain what had happened in the common room. James refused to talk to Lily; it would hurt both too much because James was not going to go out with her again. For being so in love a month ago, this was stupid.
He walked with Sirius into the common room to find Lily lying in a chair, her head buried in a pillow, with Nicky comforting her. James ran to the dorms and Sirius went to see Lily and Nicky.
He asked Nicky in a concerned voice, "How is she?" Nicky said that she was still extremely upset. She asked why James had dumped her. Sirius replied, "I don't know. He said he was used to rejection and that he was scared having her all to himself. He also said that she was right when she said she would just get dumped." He sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"Wow, he's a jerk. This is my fault. I convinced her to accept him. She didn't want to. She predicted this and I made her accept anyway. Wow, I'm a jerk like him." Nicky said sadly. She hung her head as she continued comforting Lily. Sirius tried to reassure her that it was James' fault, not hers, but it didn't work.
After about an hour of listening to Lily cry and many effortless attempts to calm her, Nicky said, "Come on Lils, let's go to bed. You need sleep." She helped Lily get up and she walked, sobbing, beside Nicky, to the girls' dorms. She had cried for almost four hours straight. When she got up, her face looked as though it could have belonged to a monster. Her eyes were red and swollen; her face was blotchy and stained with tears. Her usually beautiful green eyes had none of their usual sparkle. James had hurt Lily so much more than Sirius could ever have imagined. She walked unwillingly towards the dorms with Nicky by her side.
Sirius trudged toward the boys' dorms, dreading seeing James. He was in no way ready to talk to him again. He was such a jerk. As he entered the dorms James looked at him with an apologetic expression. Sirius glared at him and shook his head in disgust. James sighed deeply and left. He mumbled something about going to the library, but Sirius ignored him. They had been like brothers two days ago, now they didn't even know each other.
Morning arrived all to quickly. Sirius left the dorms before James woke up. He found Lily sitting alone in the common room. He went over and sat in a chair across from her. She didn't seem to have gotten any sleep. There were dark circles now under her puffy, red eyes. Her face seemed to have cleared up, but her eyes still had no sparkle left. She started to cry again. Oh how much Sirius wished she would stop. He hated the tears. All the liquid pain was killing him.
"That upset huh Lils?" Sirius asked. Lily was surprised; he actually seemed really concerned.
Lily said through tears, "Yes! I…loved…him! How… could… he… do… this?" She wanted to just cry on someone's shoulder right now. Sirius seemed to read her mind. He came and sat on the edge of her chair. Sirius took her head lightly and moved it to his shoulder. He put one arm around her back and one arm stroked her hair.
"It's gonna be ok Lils. Just try to stop crying and we'll both be fine." He said softly. He was trying to be as gentle as possible. Sirius was on the verge of a panic attack. He could feel the tears sopping through the shoulder of his robe. This wasn't the time to think of himself though. Lily had much bigger problems than he did.
After a few moments of sitting like this, Lily had reduced her crying to mere sniffles. Sirius said, "Ok, now that we're almost done crying, let's talk. Have you even thought about James since last night?" Lily nodded her head. Her eyes said that she had never stopped. He continued, "Ok, well maybe you should try thinking about him less. Don't forget him all together; just don't let the memory control your life. Here's something new to think about." Sirius leaned over and kissed Lily softly on the mouth. She kissed back. Now that he was not expecting. Everything seemed to just fall into place. After a moment, they broke away and said Wow at the exact same time.
With James there had been Love, but with Sirius there was love and passion. They kissed again, harder than before. She was in love all over, but suddenly, she broke away. Lily shrank back in her seat and curled into a ball again. She didn't want to kiss Sirius any more and she didn't know why.
"What's the matter Lils?" Sirius asked. He looked at her inquisitively. They had been having so much fun.
Lily responded in a just barely audible whisper, "I'm scared. I'm scared to like you. I'm scared to love you. I don't want the same thing to happen again." Had she really just said that? Sirius looked amazed.
He said cheerfully, "But it's ok Lily! I won't do that! You're safe with me. I'll protect you. Don't be afraid." Lily looked away from him. Everything with Sirius just felt so right just as it had felt with James. She was just to scared to believe him. She couldn't go through the heartbreak again. Sirius could see that in her eyes. He tried to kiss her again, but she ran. She ran away from all the possible hurt, all the love, all the truly passionate kisses, all the fear. By the time she reached the library, there was no fear left. She felt bad for leaving Sirius with his eyes closed, ready to kiss her, in a chair alone in the common room.
Lily walked into the library and picked up a book of fairy tales. She needed something happy, something to get her mind of Sirius and James. Why did Sirius like her anyway? Didn't he know that this was too soon after James for him to be snogging her? She had to stay away from him because the truth was, she wanted to snog him too. Lily was just too afraid to fall in love again.
After a few hours in the library, she walked back to the common room. Lily thought that it would be safe now. Unfortunately, it wasn't. James sat in a chair reading and Sirius sat in a chair pouting. Lily ran for it, but they both saw her before she could take refuge in the girls' dorm. James looked up, decided he didn't care and went back to his book. Sirius, however, got up and ran to her. He ran faster than her and grabbed her arm before she could leave.
He whispered in her ear, "Why are you running from me? You don't have to be afraid." He looked into her eyes. They seemed to have regained some of their original sparkle, but there was still a considerable amount of sadness in them. She shook her head and tried to pull away. Sirius was not letting go.
"I can't love you!" whispered Lily. She was still struggling against his grip. He refused to let her leave.
Sirius whispered again in her ear, "But Lils, you know you already do! Don't be afraid!" She shook her head and ran. She finally broke his grip on her forearm. Sirius sighed and went back to pouting.
About a week of this, Lily gave in. She was sick of Sirius bugging her and she really did love him. He was so sweet and was always protecting her. Lily didn't understand how Ava could have dumped him, but she was glad she did. How else would she have gotten Sirius?
When Lily kissed Sirius, she could feel the passion between them. She never wanted the soft feel of his lips to leave her. She realized that she was never meant to be with James. She was supposed to be with Sirius. James was just a way to get to him. James saw them and was upset. He almost never spoke to Sirius any more. It didn't matter though. James had hurt Lily and Sirius had made it better. They had each other and that was all that mattered.