So I wasn't planning on participating in CS AU Week, but then I had a weird dream this morning and WELP here you go: a CS AU that doesn't fit today's theme.
"What are your plans for the fourth?" Ruby asked as she brought Emma her coffee.
"I don't know," Emma said. "It's a little early to be asking me questions that require me to open my calendar app."
"Well, you should totally come to Granny's annual party. It's absolutely ridiculous; half the town comes!"
"You're really selling it to someone whose ideal holiday party is peace and quiet."
"Killian will be there."
Emma groaned. Her long-standing crush on Mary Margaret's coworker was one of the town's worst-kept secrets. The worst part, at least in her opinion, was that Killian himself knew about it and everything was clearly unrequited. He'd flirt with her, wink at her (badly, but her stomach still flipped because she had problems), make some suggestive comments, and then walk away, onward to another date with another woman.
She was trying to move on, of course, because she didn't consider herself a masochist. But so many of her dates were duds, either during dinner or drinks, or (if they somehow made it through without her wanting to call it quits) in the sack. Even then, she wasn't sure if it was just that these other people were bad matches for her anyway, or if the problem was her and her feelings.
Feelings which were not going to go away if she had to go to a party that cause of said feelings would also be attending.
Ruby seemed to sense that what she'd meant as a selling point was, in fact, not one. "But you know, it's gonna be a huge crowd," she added quickly. "And it's really fun. We have a moon bounce for the kids, which I'm sure Henry would love, and we have carnival food and stuff. And we do this really epic game of capture the flag-you have to participate. I'm talking ridiculous."
"I'll think about it," Emma muttered, trying to get back to her breakfast. By the time she got home that night, mind numbed from her paperwork, there wasn't any thinking to be done about it. Henry had already caught wind of the party while he'd been at camp that day, and he excitedly told her about all the cool stuff he was going to do with his friends.
So apparently they were going to this party.
Granted, when they showed up, two things became really clear:
First, that Ruby hadn't been entirely honest, because it wasn't half the town-it was almost the whole town in attendance. Even if she'd wanted to run into Killian, and dear god did she not, it would have taken actual effort.
And second, that the only way she would have avoided this party would have been if she'd locked herself in her apartment (which, admittedly, she'd considered doing). Not only was the whole town there, but the whole town seemed to be the party. There were streamers and remnants of confetti in the street in front of her place when she and Henry stepped out the door.
Oh well.
Henry immediately ran off to hang out with his friends, leaving her behind (and very grateful she had a tracking device on his phone so she could find him in this crowd). She glanced around her, wondering what she was supposed to do now.
Normally, she'd find Mary Margaret, but there was a fifty-percent chance she was with David, which would mean Emma would have to endure being third wheel to the universe's most committed couple. There was a thirty-percent chance Mary Margaret was with her teacher friends, which meant Killian, which was obviously a no-go. There was a fifteen-percent chance that she was with David and teacher friends, which was worst-case scenario, honestly.
Which left only a five-percent chance that Mary Margaret was with Ruby or Ashley or Elsa or Belle or someone, anyone, for the love of god who was not David Nolan or Killian Jones.
"Oh, there you are!" The question of whether or not to find Mary Margaret became moot as Mary Margaret found her. There were no troublesome men in sight. "I've been looking all over for you!"
"Hey! Sorry, I just got here. Where's David?"
Mary Margaret looked only a little offended. "I'm capable of being apart from him, no matter what everyone else seems to think."
"Sorry."
"It's fine. He was up late last night assisting a vet at the shelter, so he's coming later. He loves this party-it's seriously his favorite holiday because of it. You're playing capture the flag, right?" Emma shrugged, and Mary Margaret's eyes went wide. "You have to. No, Emma, really. You'll love it. David will definitely want you on the Colonists."
"The Colonists?" she asked, knowing she'd regret it.
"Oh, Ruby didn't tell you? I thought she told you. The teams are the Colonists and the Red Coats, and it gets really intense. David's always the captain of the Colonists, and Liam Jones captains the Red Coats. The Colonists have won, like, every year, so Liam's getting really salty about it and might try to recruit you." Mary Margaret grinned slyly. "Then again, Killian's always a Red Coat, too."
"You know, my idea of a fun party usually involves sitting down, eating a bunch of funnel cake, and drinking something with an umbrella in it," Emma said quickly. "I might leave the games to the kids. And adult-sized kids, apparently."
"It's adults only," Mary Margaret said a little sadly. "We're all too competitive; one time we let kids play, and they all cried. Even Felix."
Felix was a sixteen-year-old whose forays into juvenile delinquency had been curbed only recently, when Emma joined the Sheriff's department and given him the most effective Scared Straight speech he'd apparently ever heard. Clearly, this was a serious game. "I'll think about it," was all she said.
Three funnel cakes and two umbrella drinks later, Emma felt like maybe she didn't need to regret coming to this party. She hadn't seen Killian at all, David wasn't showing up till capture the flag started, she'd won a bottle of rum from the grown-ups-only ring toss, and she was the first person to finally hit the bullseye on the dunk tank, sending a very grumpy Leroy into the water.
But that happiness wouldn't last long. At three o'clock sharp, she heard David's voice over the megaphone. "Citizens of Storybrooke! It's time for the event you've all been waiting for! Please make your way to the front of the library for ... capture the flag!" The crowd roared-they actually roared. Emma dropped her head to her chest in defeat before making her way, with what felt like half the town, to the library.
Both David and Liam stood on a makeshift stage, holding megaphones, as they waited for the crowd to assemble. Emma looked around to find that there were about twenty people looking up at the two men, and everyone was grinning with anticipation. There were three bags on the stage as well, slumped over. What was in them?
"Before we get started, we're going to go over the rules."
"We know the rules!" Leroy shouted. Luckily, he'd dried off and changed; Emma didn't want to have to play the game with him in only a pair of swim trunks.
"Then I'm sure you'd like to explain some of the more blatant rule-breaking you've engaged in over the years," Liam said with a smirk. Leroy turned red but didn't say anything. "Anyway, we'll divide into two teams, as usual. This year, the dividing line is the crosswalk in front of Granny's, and we have a brand new rule, courtesy of our great Mayor, Regina Mills: do not go into Town Hall or you will be murdered in a most painful fashion." Everyone chuckled nervously, while Regina's husband Robin just grinned widely.
"Jail for the Colonists-that is, where we're putting Colonists who are caught disobeying the Crown like the traitors they are-will be the space in front of the docks, over by the harbor," Liam continued.
"And jail for the Red Coats, who are enforcing the unjust will of King George, will be in the space in front of the Sheriff's station," David said. "Both areas have been marked with chalk; you can stick your arms out of jail but the rest of your body has to stay in until you're tagged." He glared at Elsa, who just shrugged (and whispered to Emma, "I don't understand why he's still upset about that-my feet were in the circle").
"One-handed tagging is, of course, in effect," Liam said. "If you're freed from jail, you still have to make your way back to your own side safely. If one team captures a flag, jails empty on both sides."
"Let's have the flags!" someone shouted.
"Right," Liam said, and David grabbed the smallest of the three bags. As Liam continued, David pulled out three small Union flags and three small American flags. Oh boy. "The captains of each team-that's David and myself-will hide three flags on our respective sides. Once you capture a flag-bringing it back to your side-it's safe for good." There was a collective groan.
"Seriously, guys," Graham interjected, "last year's game went till midnight because people kept stealing flags back. We're not doing that again."
"Anyway, you need to capture all three flags to win and end the game," David said. "If you're tagged while trying to recover the flag, the other team gets to hide it again. Any questions before we split into teams?"
"Neutral zone?" Kristoff asked.
"Not this year," Liam said. "Not after certain things happened last time."
("Ruby and Belle were caught making out," Mary Margaret explained to Emma.
"Is it 'getting caught' if you weren't trying to hide?" Ruby asked with a grin.)
"All right, if there are no more questions, let's split into teams! Now, come on, you know you want to fight for the best military in the world," Liam said.
"Fight tyranny!" David shouted triumphantly, holding up one of the American flags.
"I don't know why they do this every year," Jefferson groaned. "We always pick the same teams."
"But I thought-" Emma began.
"Emma, come on!" David said, hopping off the stage as everyone began to divide into their teams. "You're joining us, right?"
"Of course not," Graham said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "She's law enforcement. She's got to help enforce the law."
"Oh great," she muttered.
"We have a problem," Ruby said, approaching them. "The teams are going to be uneven."
"What?" Graham's arm dropped from Emma's shoulders. "That's ridiculous. I know Anna's out of town, but where's Eric?"
"Also out of town," Ruby replied. "His girlfriend's family is having their own big beach blow-out or something."
"Do we want to have someone play supervisor?" David asked.
Liam shook his head. "No. We'll just play with uneven teams and see how it goes." And with that, both he and David stared at her, and she suddenly knew what it felt like to be the last donut at the station.
"Uh ... I could just sit this out," she said.
"No, come on!" Ruby said excitedly. "I got you so hyped up for it! You have to play!"
"Brits have the better ground this year," David said. "We should get Emma."
"Colonists have won three years in a row," Liam argued. "So we should get Emma."
"Oh my god, you guys." But they ignored her and continued arguing.
"I'm flipping a coin," Ruby finally said. "Heads, Emma's fighting for freedom, and tails, she's putting those ungrateful Colonists in their place."
It was heads. David whooped and opened up one of the two remaining bags so he could hand Emma a blue bandana. She groaned, but at least they weren't wearing pinnies.
As the game progressed, Emma learned three things:
First, that "competitive" didn't even begin to describe this game of capture the flag.
Second, that she was really good at capture the flag.
And third, that she loved this ridiculous game and was more competitive than she'd initially thought.
It was awesome.
So far, the teams were tied, one to one, and the only reason the Colonists weren't ahead one to nothing was that she'd been in the process of returning victoriously with the first British flag when Killian had been crossing the line with an American one. Fortunately, she'd easily dodged his prosthetic before crossing the line herself.
The nice thing was, the competition was fierce enough that it made her forget, just for a second, that she had a huge crush on him. Maybe she should play capture the flag more often.
Since then, she'd been on defensive duty, since clearly her team couldn't be trusted to protect the remaining flags. August was doing a good enough job guarding the jail (with Walsh on back-up in case the Red Coats staged a mass prison break), but she was getting irritated chasing after Red Coats as her own team members failed to bring back the two other flags.
"Come on, chief, we'll go till midnight again if we don't change up our methods," she whined to David. "And unlike you, I've got a kid at home."
"Hey, I have a kid at home."
"Leo is a dog. It's not illegal for him to be home alone right now."
"You do know that both members of law enforcement are currently here."
"Seriously?"
"All right, well, go free Mary Margaret and Lance from jail, I guess? I'll hold down the fort here."
"Not much of an issue, since we've got half their team in jail." And with that, she tightened her bandana around her head and began making her way to the other side.
She took a winding route to the jail, not wanting to be spotted. She knew there'd be at least one guard, so she'd be spotted eventually, but there was no reason to get sloppy right now. Not when she was obviously the star member of her team. They couldn't afford to lose her.
Even better, right as she was about to leave her cover and run for the jail, there was a commotion. Mulan had run up to the jail, too, and Will, who'd been guarding it, ran right after her. Emma chuckled; did David think she'd need a diversion to succeed? Either way, with Will sufficiently distracted, she bolted for the jail. By the time Will had returned, without Mulan in tow, the jail was empty.
Emma took a slightly different route back to the Colonists' side of town, reasoning that of course it would be such a nice coincidence if she'd been sent to free her teammates but also happened to capture a flag in the process.
As she approached the back of the library, she heard a couple voices; she promptly ducked behind a wall before peering around to spot Liam and Killian. Their backs were turned to her, and there was a British flag at their feet, hidden behind a pole.
"Liam, enough. Really, enough." He sounded really pissed.
"What? I was merely commenting."
"Aye, commenting. Everyone is always commenting. Well, perhaps I'm tired of all this random commenting. She doesn't like me."
"Oh, and has she said she doesn't like you?"
"The whole bloody town knows I fancy her, and yet she won't give me the time of day. I think that answers your question."
Well that was weird. Clearly the whole town didn't know because she had no idea who Killian had a crush on. Was it the new dating software mogul who'd moved to town last month? Oh, or maybe it was Elsa? Elsa'd been clear on never wanting to date anyone, but that hadn't stopped Killian from coming up the two of them while they were at Granny's or the Rabbit Hole so he could flirt for five minutes before going home with someone else.
"Well, your warm and fuzzy feelings for the Sheriff's deputy non-withstanding, I still think the Colonists have an unfair advantage. Next time we reconvene, I'm complaining to David and demanding she switch sides. No matchmaking intended."
"What makes you think Emma will even want to switch sides? She's clearly getting into the spirit of things on the other team. And besides, she went home with Jeff the other night. She's not going to want to be opposite him."
"That's irrelevant. What's relevant is that I am the captain, and I decide if we're going to negotiate or not. Oh, for heaven's sake-"
Emma could hear shouting up ahead; it sounded like a group of her teammates had all run over at once, and Liam and Killian bolted off to handle them. She didn't move at first, staring at the the wall in front of her.
They'd been talking about her? But that was ridiculous. She would have known if Killian liked her. Just like he had to know she liked him. They obviously knew she'd been hiding behind them, so they had that conversation to throw her off. Obviously!
Weird, though, because between the two of them, they could have easily tagged her. And she'd been staring right at one of their two remaining flags. Were they just going to let her take it?
Right, she was playing capture the flag. She dashed out of her hiding spot, grabbed the flag, and ran, ran, ran, past her whooping teammates, past a very irritated Liam, and past an entirely shocked Killian.
The conversation she'd overheard had affected her playing abilities slightly, even though she didn't want to admit it. She'd nearly gotten caught twice trying to find the third and final flag, only escaping the Red Coats as she flew across the dividing line. Meanwhile, Killian seemed to be actively avoiding her; she hadn't seen him in over a half hour.
What would she say to him anyway, though? Hey, I was eavesdropping by accident and heard you liked me? Ha, anyway, please don't tag me?
Yeah, right.
"Hey, Emma!" It was David. "Can you guard the jail? I want to try a new strategy." He sounded apologetic, like he was benching her, but she was all for helping the team win. And right now, she clearly wasn't succeeding by hunting for the last flag, so she might as well be useful in other ways.
"Sure."
She thought maybe there would be a few Red Coats in the jail, and at least one other Colonists guarding it. But to her dismay, she was alone, and the only Red Coat inside the circle was Killian. He turned bright red when he saw her. "Ah, hello, love."
"Hi."
She had to turn her back to him to guard the jail, but she could feel him staring at her back. They stood in silence for a few minutes. She broke first.
"I heard your conversation."
"Aye, I suspected, given what happened afterwards."
"Oh, yeah."
More silence.
"I'm sorry."
"For?"
"Making you uncomfortable. I know you're not interested."
She wasn't sure how to reply to that. Actually, I'm super interested?
"If you're interested," she asked, "what's with all the girls you go home with?"
He chuckled. "If you won't have me, no one can?" he asked bitterly. "Just trying to move on, is all. I admit, if I made you a bit jealous, I'm not terribly sorry, but that wasn't the intention."
She whirled around. "Wait, so you actually do like me?"
He looked almost adorably confused, especially with his red bandana slightly askew across his forehead. "Aye, I thought you knew. The whole town knows. It's not a secret."
"It was to me!" she said. "I thought you knew!"
"Knew what?"
"The whole town knows that I like you!"
He stared at her incredulously before scowling. "Well obviously the whole town didn't know because I didn't!"
"So this whole time, you've-"
"Those men, you were-"
"Hey!" It was Mary Margaret. "Arthur got one of our flags-time to reconvene!"
Emma was hoping that maybe Mary Margaret would go off and let them follow at a distance. She wasn't sure what to say, exactly, and her heart was pounding way too fast, even considering the cardio she'd been doing, running around town playing a kiddie game. But there would be no privacy; her friend stood and waited for both of them.
Although when Mary Margaret's back was turned, Emma felt the plastic of Killian's prosthetic brush against her hand, and she smiled giddily.
With both teams at the dividing line, Emma figured they'd just have a quick We're down to the last flag for each team, go get 'em! pep talk. But instead, Liam spoke up. "We think Emma should switch teams."
She wasn't surprised to see the Colonists crossing their arms and shaking their heads, but she was surprised to see a lack of enthusiasm from most of the Red Coats. Elsa looked a little curious, if not entirely interested in the swap, but everyone else seemed a little confused and disappointed. Meanwhile, David and Liam were arguing over it.
Emma looked over at Killian, who was staring at her a little bashfully. But then he grinned at her and licked his lips, and well then.
"I think it's only fair," Emma interrupted. "After all, you guys have had me for two thirds of the game, and I'm only on your team because of a coin toss."
Now there was a little more of an uproar from both sides, with the Colonists arguing that there was no advantage anymore because they were tied, and with the Red Coats arguing that they didn't need an unfair advantage to win.
But Emma simply walked over to the stage, where David had left the bandanas, shoved her very sweaty blue bandana into her back pocket, and grabbed a fresh red one. "All right, then," she said, returning to the very surprised group of players. "Stop whining. It's a kids' game. Let's play."
That seemed to work well enough; almost everyone looked sheepish as they dispersed. The only three people who didn't were Liam, Killian, and ... Isaac?
Liam looked very smug about the success of his plan (whether the plan was to get Emma on his team, or to get her and Killian in on the town's apparently best kept secrets, she wasn't sure). Killian looked incredibly pleased.
And Isaac, the worst reporter at the Mirror whose favorite pastime was writing negative articles about the Sheriff's department (especially the background of the new deputy) and whose least favorite person was her (since he'd obtained that background info illegally and she'd sued the pants off of him and the newspaper), was just plain pissed.
"No, this is stupid! We don't need her to win! She's been terrible the last hour and a half anyway!"
"That's no way to speak about the lady, mate," Killian said, a little angrily. Meanwhile, the rest of the Colonists and Red Coats stopped walking back to their respective sides and started to watch the evolving scene with interest.
"Oh, please, you're just defending her because you want to get in her pants," Isaac retorted. "She's totally ruining the game!"
"I feel like you're the one ruining it," Emma commented.
"Just shut up, you bitch."
She knew she shouldn't, especially with Graham and about twenty other witnesses staring at her, but then again, this asshole had just called her a bitch, entirely unprovoked.
So she punched him in the face.
And then he tried to punch her in the face, so then she pushed him over, and then he went for her legs, but she was ready and-
Killian had to pull her off of Isaac as Graham and Victor pulled a very bloodied and battered Isaac to his feet. The reporter was blathering on about pressing charges, but Emma couldn't really care because Killian was tightening his arms protectively around her. And now it was totally fine if she wanted to read a little more into the gesture.
In the end, nobody won the game, and Granny very reluctantly banned Emma and (less reluctantly) Isaac from playing capture the flag ever again. Emma also received a week-long paid suspension from Graham, who couldn't stop grinning proudly as he handed it down.
Mostly because he knew that Emma could probably find something to do during her unexpected paid vacation, given that Henry would be at camp all day and, like the rest of Storybrooke's teaching staff, Killian Jones was free as a bird.
I hope you enjoyed this story and I'd love to hear what you think!
I am no longer posting stories to FFnet. For new stories, check out my page on AO3 (same username, phiralovesloki; there's a link in my profile as well).