Hi there!
So, the most amazing thing about Asylum was the beautiful ending they gave Jude. I wept. A lot. My favourite characters nearly always die, but I just want to thank Ryan Murphy for ending Sister Jude's life so wonderfully. Thank you!
As I was doing some gardening a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't keep this plot out of my head. And so this story was born. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with gardening.
I hope you enjoy, and please, please leave me a review if you do! :)
The room was dark, she couldn't see her own hand when she pushed her hair out of her face. And it was cold. She knew it was summer and they always had heating at Briarcliff, but she was cold. She didn't know how long she'd been staring at what she thought must have been the ceiling in the darkness. A shiver ran through her body, and she turned onto her side, hoping a change of position might help her feel a little better. It didn't.
It was so quiet. All she could hear was her own wheezing breathing.
Jude didn't remember being taken to solitary. Of course, at Briarcliff the memories and hallucinations melded together so hopelessly that it was hard to distinguish the reality most of the time. She could have been here for days and she wouldn't know it.
Another shiver forced her to sit up abruptly, and she wrapped her arms around herself, clinging on to her lean body in an effort to feel warmer. It didn't help.
In the complete silence and darkness of the room, Jude tried to remember what year it was. She tried very hard, but failed. It could have been 1965 or it could have been ten years passed. Jude didn't have any idea. She wanted to ask someone—anyone. Timothy would know. But he was the cardinal of New York now. Frank would know. But they said she'd killed him. Sister Mary Eunice would know. No, she was possessed by the Devil. Pepper would know. She was dead. Mother Claudia would know. Where was she now?
Jude knew the door was locked. There was no escape from any room at Briarcliff. But hope dies last. "I need to see Mother Claudia," Jude told herself, her voice low, and rose from the bed with newfound eagerness. There hadn't been any beds in solitary when she'd been in charge. At least they had fixed this.
Jude had no idea where the door could be. Holding her hands out in front of her, she moved slowly until her fingers touched the wall. It wasn't the cold stone wall she'd been expecting to find, but Jude couldn't be bothered to think about it for long. Sliding her hands across the wall, she made her way along the wall, careful not to walk into anything. But there was no furniture in solitary.
When she reached the door, Jude found the handle and a short prayer escaped her lips. Even a confused and miserable soul longs for freedom. And so when she pushed and the door opened, Jude let out a happy sigh, followed by a girlish giggle. Those guards should thank the Lord she wasn't some dangerous criminal.
The hallway wasn't as wide as she'd remembered. There was little light peeking through the window at the end of the hall. Still holding her hands in front of her, Jude moved down the hall, only to stop and gasp when she hit a cupboard. The loud thump was every bit as startling as the collision with the object. Why was there a cupboard in the hall? Jude needed to see Mother Claudia and ask her. Shaking slightly from the cold, she stepped forward.
The noise from the corridor startled him awake, but it was the gasp that followed an instant later that made him reconsider taking a paper knife with him to go into the hall and investigate. He quickly got up from his warm bed, failing to notice that in his haste he threw the blanket on the floor. Stepping into the corridor, Kit Walker turned the lights on.
The woman in the middle of the corridor jumped, the lights blinding her for a moment. Kit noticed her hair was a mess and that she hadn't put on her robe, her nightgown reaching her ankles. Her eyes darted around desperately, looking for something or someone.
"Jude?" Kit said quietly, walking toward the older woman. His children were asleep, he knew he shouldn't make too much noise. "Why are you up?"
Jude's head snapped up and she stared at him for a long moment. Kit recognized the look in her eyes, he'd had to live with her for long enough to know when Jude was in her own world.
"Kit Walker?" she whispered, searching his face. "What are you doing here? They let you out."
"They did," Kit agreed calmly, stepping forward to touch Jude's arms. The woman took a step away, looking down at his hands mistrustfully.
"You must leave," she said breathlessly. "Go. Before they see you." Jude looked up at his face, the look in her eyes pleading for him to go. Kit realized she was trying to save him from something, or at least she thought she was. "Once you're committed to Briarcliff, you never get out." These words left her in a hoarse whisper. Her eyes were wide and fearful.
Kit understood fully now. He'd thought Jude had recovered by now. She'd been doing so well these last weeks. At daytime she was calm and happy, kind towards the children and smiling even when memories of the last years at Briarcliff made tears fall from her eyes. At night-time she was quiet. Kit had stopped checking on her at night last week. But the Jude that stood before him now, slightly trembling and anxious, that was not the woman Kit had known for the last few weeks. This was the confused one he'd brought out of Briarcliff with him two months ago.
"Look around you, Jude," Kit told her quietly. "We're not at Briarcliff."
As Jude looked around at the light walls and doors in the corridor of Kit's farmhouse, he gently took hold of her arms. And he felt her tremble slightly. When she finally looked up at him again, Jude's eyes were filled with even more confusion and fright than before.
"Where am I?" she inquired in a teary voice.
Kit felt a sharp pain in his chest at seeing Jude so frightened. She was like a child lost in a crowd, crying out for someone familiar, searching for safety. "You're home," Kit explained patiently, trying his best to refrain from scaring Jude any more. "Don't you remember? I brought you out of Briarcliff to live with me and my children. Do you remember Julia and Thomas?"
Jude tilted her head to the side, and Kit was positive she'd remember now. But the next moment Jude shook her head forcefully, muttering, "No. No, no, this is wrong." She tried weakly to break out of Kit's grasp, but the young man held onto her, hoping to keep her attached to reality. "This is wrong, this is wrong," she repeated frantically, her eyes cast down.
"Stop it, Jude!" Kit quietly told her.
"This is wrong, this is wrong," Jude said again, this time trying more forcefully to break free from Kit's hold on her.
In a desperate attempt to break Jude out of her nightmarish fantasy, Kit tightened his grip and shook her with force, yet careful not to hurt her. "Jude! Snap out of it!" he repeated.
Surprised by his sudden forcefulness, Jude quieted down and looked up at Kit. He noticed to his sorrow that the fright hadn't left Jude's eyes. What's worse, a tear now stole down her cheek.
"I want to speak to the Monsignor," she said, her voice barely audible. Feebly, she pushed her hands against Kit's chest, but he couldn't even think of letting her go now.
Kit knew little about Jude's friendship with the Monsignor, but what he did know was what the man had done to her. Betrayal and ingratitude were only the first words that Kit could think of. False hope was the cruellest thing of all. Kit didn't know if Jude remembered it at the moment, but the last thing he wanted to do was to cause this woman more pain.
"The Monsignor can't see you right now," he told her. "He's not here. Maybe tomorrow." With any luck Jude would have forgotten this by morning. "Let me take you back to your room," he offered. "You should be asleep."
"No!" Kit felt another strike at his heart when Jude started to shake her head desperately. "Don't take me back there! I'm not ready," she told him in a pleading tone. "She's there. I'm not ready for her yet."
Kit had no idea whom she was talking about. But the way she gripped at his arms and stared into his eyes desperately made him feel sorry beyond belief. "I'm coming with you," he promised in a kind tone. "You'll see, there's nothing to be scared of." He stepped closer to the woman and put one arm around her shoulders.
"No," Jude whispered to him. "Please!"
Kit felt her trembling as he started to lead her back towards her room. Jude leant heavily against him, muttering another, "Please." Kit lead her through the doorway, refraining from turning on the light. The lights in the corridor lit the way from the door to Jude's bed.
She stopped halfway into the room, looking around the room as if she'd never seen it before. After a few moments Kit felt something relax in Jude as the tension left her shoulders and she obediently let him lead her to the bed. Kit put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her to sit on the edge of the bed.
"See?" he said softly. "There's nothing to be afraid of. There's no one here but us." Jude turned to face him and smiled slightly. Kit couldn't be sure if she'd heard him, but he hoped so. The fear was gone from her eyes.
He gently pushed Jude down onto the bed, resting her head against the pillows and raising her feet onto the bed as well. When he pulled the covers over her, Kit noticed she was watching him. And the look in her eyes was clear. Kit bowed over her and held her hand for a long moment. "You'll be fine now," he said quietly and stood straight, ready to let go of her hand and leave.
But Jude latched on to his hand, making Kit turn back towards her. He looked at her with worry. "I'm cold," she whispered. And only now did Kit notice her form shaking under the covers.
It was the middle of May. Kit himself had been overly warm in his own bed. But the sight of Jude so small and helpless again hurt him more than he dared to admit to himself. And in an instant he knew how he could help her.
Kit let go of Jude's hand, turning when he saw the desperately pleading look she gave him. He stepped around the bed, feeling Jude's eyes on him, watching his every move. Raising the covers, Kit lay down next to her, retaining a small distance between them just in case Jude would object to his closeness.
Jude turned to look up into Kit's face. He hoped his eyes could tell her how much he wanted her to feel better, to feel warmer and to feel safe. A flicker of doubt had made its way into Jude's eyes, but a look into Kit's kind eyes dismissed the fear instantly.
Jude cuddled closer to him, her shivering form coming to contact with his warm one. Kit wrapped a protective arm around Jude in his attempt to shield her of all her fears and sorrows. She was still trembling as she rested her head against his chest and brought a hand up next to her head. Kit caressed her back soothingly, feeling Jude's body relax against him.
It didn't take her a minute to fall asleep. Kit heard her breathing slow and calm, the trembling ceased. Kit looked at the blonde hair spread over his chest for the last time, and closed his eyes.
To be continued...