Russia is falling and America starts falling with him, can't resume sorry..
Warnings: none… just drama…
I will save you
They have been together for centuries, as countries, as friends, as enemies and now as lovers. They know well the fate that they share the pain it can bring but they share a bound so tight that is hard to ignore, attraction, tension, passion, love and it all can be ruined in a second, it's a thin layer that keeps them from falling but they hold on as much as they can, at least as much as they can, at least until one loose trust.
''Selfish bastards, we need to make them move into each other without them notice…'' England says barely whispering to the table trying to avoid the tension and glares between two very distracted nations.
''I can make it but you will help… bring him to the pub after the meeting...'' France smirks knowing that cliché for many centuries and Canada just worries ''You think it will work?''
''Oui… they were friends and those bonds can always come back…'' France replied cheerfully confident in his life experience.
It worked…
Two drunken nations ended up opening a bit to each other; released old grunge's and became friends again. With time they forgave, laughed together and for some reason both tried to avoid to admit that they ended up seeing each other more that they would like to think.
Some night they sealed the deal, sloppy kisses started to become deep and desperate, body's moved in synchrony while clothes become less and evident tents rubbed each other, sweet slide their messy hairs and fingers laced together in desperate moves and need to release the next thing both remembered was the bliss feeling and both bodies clinging in a desperate hug, a tight hug that told what no one dared to say. 'Just stay'
They never got 'the talk', they simply accommodate their lives to the other, trust and faith appeared from their long forsaken friendship. Not everything was roses and neither that they wanted but one guilt feeling was ever present haunting both, urging them to talk, urging them to put their prides away and open to the other and with slow moves they began to work on it and it was when everything started to fall.
''I fear attacks against innocent people… my people… all because of my foolish ideals Russia…''
''Do not blame yourself, we all have ideals just a few are brave enough to fight for them…'' He placed his arms around the other in a motherly hug feeling the other cling for comfort ''I am in constant fear…. It makes me paranoid…'' America confessed in a barely listening whisper.
''I know… that's our burden…Amerika…''
Was a good day, weeks passed since the last time they were with each other and now they were snuggling in pos coital bliss, feeling each other scent and skin, telling tiny sweet nothings, speaking about the past weeks and then both fell asleep in each other arms, holding to each other like it was the last time, always in fear of loosing the other.
America woke up feeling shivers and trembling and he promptly stood carefully, Russia was having another nightmare, all nations were haunted with them but Russia had too many and he had difficulty speaking about them, just recently he found about his childhood, hard and pitiful childhood, he gave his best to understand and not bring any harmful topics up but then Russia closed himself again. He feels like he is loosing the other and holds him tight in a desperate attempt to warm the other cold body, it never works, but even the other tells him his body is cold and he doesn't feels it he always wants to make him warm, to kiss it better, to hold him tight, to make him talk and share again about his dreams. He misses those talks; he knows the other also misses them but the other remains closed, afraid. He never cries for it, prays or even shows those deep emotions hided with that sickening smile; he has a beautiful smile when true, why did they have to break it? He longs to see that smile in the few moments of distracted happiness with him.
He wanted to go back and save him, kill anyone that did him arm… now all he can do is hold him tight while he shivers and murmurs desperate pleadings in Russian, one night he could almost swear he heard a pray. He feels so useless he feels like drowning with the other, he could go now, he could deny what was never said out loud but he is afraid too, he is afraid of leaving the other alone, he is afraid that he also fell to hard for him and he finds himself afraid that now he can't go back now.
''I will take your light Amerika… I will break you and putt you in misery… Go away…''
''I can't… please.. let me fix you.. I know I can…'' He looked to the other surrounded in bottles, broken furniture and red eyes, he fell again hiding from the world… and with threatening rash words and empty smiles he pretends nothing happened
''So silly… you think you can actually fix a lost soul?.. Foolish.. I know better… you should know better too..'' the voice was firm hiding cracks contrasting the other week pleadings, ''let me try… I can save you…'' he almost begged, he needed to help the other, he was a Hero, he IS a Hero! He must help the older nation even if he doesn't want… he's stubborn like that… and he needs him, it brakes his heart into pieces when the other is like this and he can not do nothing…
''I will brake you.. I will erase your light…don't let me take your bright light away moĭ podsolnechnika…''
Russia woke up, tired, cold sweat filling his face but panic started to fade away when he felt warm and arms holding him tight. He pulls himself in a better position never loosing the embrace and returning it shyly, he was crying, nightmares again, the hideous cruel and scaring nightmares that haunt him every single day. He looks up to his sunflower, his light, his sun and sees him asleep with a frown, it's the beginning, he is starting to crack he panics again deep inside. He feels himself drowning, darkness fills his vision, his beloved America his falling with him, he can't he won't let it happen.
He places his head onto his chest and hears his heartbeat, every pound, smells his scent, caresses his naked chest, kisses it and moves away from the embrace. He is broken but his light can not be erased, he can not let it happen.
Tears fall down on his pale cheeks, his lips tremble, he feels so cold, freezing, drowning in a ground of needles, and he can not move just stare the bed. It's his fault, he is fated to death and destruction, he will take every one with him, he can't do that to the only thing that holds him and gives him hope. He closes his eyes, the other is awake and talking to him, he can't hear him but he opens his mouth to speak, he tries to say it, to end it, just three words and it will end, it always does, his curse, his existence he is not made to be loved. Every time he said he loved someone the other left… he tries it… it will work… but the voices are back, he barely hears America, he barely feels that he his kneeling with his hands on his hears and the arms around him. Suddenly silence.
Cold empty silence. He hears his voice, his he talking? He doesn't know… he is so afraid, he will loose his light, he will break it and then he will loose his mind, the voices told him so. He can't do that to him, he need to go out, he need to go away but he still can't move away from the strange warm his around him and smoothing words that are being told to him, he does not deserve them, he regrets nothing, he would do everything again, everything except fall in love and take his light with him into the darkness…
He can't leave the other, he wants to but he can't now, he is not moving and he is saying something, what is he saying? Has he gone mad? He can't… he can't take America with him… he cries, he knows he is crying but he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know how to end his own pain and now it hurts more because he is hurting him. He wants to leave but he grabs him… he stares up… suddenly he is himself again, he locks eyes in deep blue worried pools, he was crying 'Do not cry moy lyubov.. please…' he begs on his mind… such hope, freedom and light… now silence.. everything stopped…
America holds Russia, he's crying, he says 'I love you so much' and then 'let me go', 'I can't do you this' and then 'ya tebya lyublyu 'he holds his arms roughly leaving red marks and begs, 'I… I can't take you with me… I can not brake moe solntse … ya tebya lyublyu…' he understands, he runs a hand to his hair in a failed attempt of making the other look at him 'moe solntse, moĭ svet' he feels tears rolling his own face too he can't stop them, he doesn't understand, they were so well, it was everything going well, why did he have to force him to speak… he looks down and Russia's face looks up he stops talking, silence and he stops crying but the cold tears still run on the Russian's face.
He pleads, his purple eyes so afraid, so scared, he wants to make it better so he smiles to him and does not say anything afraid to ruin the moment. Russia's mouth open, forced and almost choking ''don't go… hold me…'' he was not expecting but complies, he places his face on the other hair and closes his eyes. He will save him, if not they will both drown, it's too late to go back.
moy lyubov – my love
ya tebya lyublyu – I love you
moĭ podsolnechnika my sunflower
moe solntse my sun
moĭ svet my light