Title: What Big Brothers are Supposed to Do
Author: moonfairyhime
Rating: K
Disclaimer: I don't own the lovely Winchester boys.
Summary: Dean remembers his brother at various times in their lives.
Feedback: I'd really appreciate it since this is my first Supernatural fic.
Dean can remember when Sam's face was free of lines. He remembers a time when Sam would only answer to Sammy. He remembers pushing his little brother on an old tire swing in the middle of a Kansas summer and kissing Sam's hurts away whenever he fell. Dean remembers Sam being his shadow for many years of their childhood, only stopping this act after Sam realized exactly how book smart he was compared to Dean. But even after that, Sam still trusted Dean when it came to all their training. In a way, Sam's idolization of his older brother just switched to a different medium. Really, the only thing normal about their childhood was the fact that the brothers were as thick as thieves some days and on other days trying to kill each other. The only difference was that they tried to kill each other with ten inch knives while normal kids just threw baseballs at each other's heads.
Dean can also remember finding the acceptance letter to Stanford, well hidden in Sam's dresser when Dean was searching for an extra pair of socks. He remembers feeling betrayed that his baby brother would keep this big of a secret from him. He remembers Sam nearly ripping the letter out of his hands, asking Dean over and over again why he would invade his privacy like this and please, oh please, don't tell Dad about this. Dean remembers asking Sam why would he want to go to Stanford and give up hunting. The look that Dean received for asking this question nearly made him cry, except for the fact that Dean never cries. It was the forlorn look of a little boy who had to grow up far too quickly and who had to know far too much. It was the look of a little boy who had finally had a chance to do something normal, to finally have the life he had always dreamed about, and Sam looked ready to fight to the death for his one real chance at normalcy.
Dean always thought that normalcy was vastly overrated but, then again, Dean could remember a time when their family was normal. He could remember his father and his mother tucking him into bed after his mother read him a story. Sam never had any of that. Whenever Sam ran scared to their dad about something, their dad normally gave him some kind of knife or a firearm. Never the gentle reassurance that a little kid needs when he wakes up terrified from a nightmare or some other night terror.
So when Sam begged Dean not to tell Dad about the letter, Dean acquiesced. Dean figured that Sam was confused on what he wanted to do with his life and he'd eventually figure out that he didn't need college and he should keep hunting with his family, and besides big brothers are supposed to protect baby brothers from everything, even disappointed parents. Dean was surprised when he came home a week later to find Sam and their dad having the shouting match of the century. Dean will never forget when their dad told Sam not to come back if he chose to go to Stanford and the look that Sam gave his dad sent shivers down Dean's back.
When Dean looks over at Sam now, finally sleeping after weeks or little to no rest, he can still see his little brother under the lines that too many years of hunting and not enough years of relaxation and normalcy had set on his face. Dean wishes though that he could just kiss away Sam's hurts like he did as a child, but he knows that Sam's problems are far too big to be cured a simple kiss. Someday Dean hopes to have the Sammy he knew as a child back, full of laughter and trust and love, not the guarded Sam he knows today. Regardless, Dean knows that he will protect his baby brother until the end of time because that's what big brothers are supposed to do.