Author's note: I became addicted to IS fan fiction waiting for the fourth season to start. Now that I've been reading a while, I've decided to give it a shot. So here goes my first chapter. Jude's actions inspired by my life. The end of the second season and on. How Juderman/Jade becomes Jommy all the way. (Send any plot suggestions my way. I might run out of my own.)

Trial and Error

'Sorry Tommy!' I yell after my favorite producer, ' I've got plans tonight. Don't wait up.' I reluctantly give up my rights to a late night phone call yet again. I do have a boyfriend after all. He must feel neglected.

'Who says I was going to wait up?'

I can tell that Tommy is slightly offended, but he loves me anyway. I twirl around and run off towards my date.

I wish this twisted thing we had between us could stop. A couple of passionate kisses later, and I'm still here alone. I mean, I have Speiderman. I should be happy…but instead I can't shake this loneliness. I'm only a teenager, how can I figure out what I really want in life? I already have the job of my dreams, which I think is way ahead of all the other high schoolers out there. When I think of my future, all I can see is my albums. Do rock stars have great romances too? I don't think I can settle down. My parents certainly proved to me that getting married young is not the way to go.

I'm too young to know what I want I thought to myself as I stepped onto the tour bus. Speid was waiting for me, and boy was the bus pretty. The sexy lighting made me nervous. Speid looked at me, and I could tell what he wanted. It wasn't the same way that Tommy looked at me, but I could still read him like a book, and that was good enough for now.

'So, I thought we were going to prepare the bus for Mason…'

'We are…but we can do that later…Come on Jude, we were never a thing on tour. Let's have some fun for old time's sake.'

'Spied, I…why now? This is so rushed, I'm reeling from the latest demands of Darius and the whole studio is on my case and I am going to miss Mason so much this summer that I really ought to give him a proper send off…' I was babbling. What I do best. Speid knew this. He had to kiss me to shut me up. So he did.

It was a good kiss, it really was. So why did he stop thirty seconds later? I was as confused as ever.

'Jude, is everything all right?' I shrug. He needs space to say what he needs to say, so I let him. 'Tell me honestly. I know something is off. And I know that all those reasons before were all bull. I think I know what it is. I just never wanted to believe it.'

I shut him up by kissing him again, with more passion. I figured this was the only way to get him to stop. I don't want to have this conversation right now. I need to believe that everything is perfect. I need an uncomplicated boyfriend. Someone to laugh with, someone who calls me on my crap, someone who jams so well. Someone exactly like the goofy grin that is usually staring back at me. Kissing him is the only thing I know how to do well.

'Jude, stop! I know you. You're only trying to be what I want you to be, and you're wrong. I don't need you to be the best kisser in the universe. You're already the girl that fills my dreams. I need you to feel it too. Until you do, until you really do…we should stop.'

'But…I don't get it. First, you want to fool around and now you don't. Am I enough for you Vincent?'

'Admit it. You would rather be somewhere else.'

No, don't say it. I pleaded him with my eyes.

'You're always jumping at Tommy's calls. You fell asleep on him in the Chrome Cat. You always look at him a little too long. Don't think I haven't noticed. I have feelings too. And I can't believe I'm doing this, but my feelings are telling me to walk out right now.'

I'm so furious at this point that I'm speechless. The anger on my face shows, but Speiderman doesn't stop. He walks out and I'm left trying to understand what he wants me to do. I can't do this. I don't need this. Drama. Damn boys and their drama. I need to go home. I need to call…wait no, I can't. I need to be alone. He's right, I don't deserve such a sweet guy. Obviously, I like it when things are fucked up. At times like these, all I want is a kitty to cuddle, chocolate and my pillow. I start to run. The emotions within me are so confusing that the adrenaline rush is the only cure. I run to clear my head.

Panting for breath, I enter my home and see Sadie, looking at me quizzically.

'So, you had a really hot date tonight huh? Who knew that Speid had that in him…' she teases me, and I look at her really annoyed.

'Not now. Just don't. I can't deal with this right now.' I start to tear up and disappear up the stairs. Sadie waits a few minutes and decides to bring a peace offering. I hear the knocking and groan audibly.

'Jude, open up. I know you're a musician and you need to wallow to feel inspired…but I wouldn't be a good big sister if I didn't offer to listen.'

'There, you just offered. Happy now? Go away.'

'Jude please. I haven't seen you run home since your sixteenth birthday. Give me a little credit.'

At the words sixteenth birthday she managed to break down my defenses. I couldn't even think straight. I opened the door and sat on my bed, still miserable.

'Now wipe off the raccoon eyes and start from the beginning. Take a deep breath.' Sadie hands over a tissue.

'I'm so frustrated I don't know what I want Speid always wants something from me now he's upset and I can't fix it and all Tommy wants is to record this stupid song I wrote on tour called White Lines and Darius hates Speids song and I don't know what I'm doing in my own life… I have no control anymore Sadie and it scares me.' I manage to burst it all out before I can stop myself.

'Wow. Well I can see why you feel so frustrated. But sweetie it's normal to feel this way. Trust me. I still don't know what I want.'

'Thanks, but what am I supposed to do here? Anything I try I end up screwing someone over and hurting them even worse.'

'You can start by telling me what you would say to them all if you could. Then you can write it all down and go say it. Here, practice standing up for yourself. I've seen you do it to Shay, why are Speid and Darius and Liam and Tom…wait I know Tommy is different…let's just start with the easy parts. So I'm Darius and Liam and you say…, '

'I don't give a fuck if you hate Anyone but you, it's going on my album.'

'That's a good start…but somehow I don't think the abrasive approach is going to produce the results you want'

'Speid's song is perfect. Give me a chance to rerecord it and have it sound more like a ballad. I know I could fix it. I just need one more night. Please.'

'There, one down. So now, what about Spiederman?'

'It's not so simple Sadie. I really like him. I can't stand hurting him. Why can't I just be the best girlfriend and forget about everything else?'

She knew I meant everyone else, but she was kind enough to not say it.

After opening and closing her mouth a few times she hands me my trusty guitar. 'Here, I think this will help you find your answer. Good luck. Call if you need anything.'

I sit down and strum, waiting for the sad melody in my mind to take shape. Everything comes to me in flashes. The screaming fans. The looks. The kisses. My boys. My parents. The studio.

After a few hours, I give up and start to change into my pajamas. I glance over at my phone. 2 am. Probably too late to call him. I stare at his number and lay my head on my pillow.

Somewhere in the distance Tommy is staring at his phone wondering. So is Speiderman. So is Jamie. But luckily, Jude is already asleep and worry free.