Author:Ozluv04
Title: Examining the Wreck
Disclaimer: Not mine. As always the Gilmore Girls belong to the Palledinos and the WB.
Warning: Mild season six spoilers. Only the aired episodes though.
A/N: This is a rather sad look at the Rory's life and what she's doing to the lives around her. I can't wait until Rory wakes up and finds her way back. I miss Rory. The title and the line are from an Adrienne Rich poem "Diving Into the Wreck"
"I came to see the damage that was done."
Rory
She remembers who she was, but it's cloaked in shadows. Like looking through a camera lense that's out of focus. No matter how hard she tries she can't clear the fog. Sometimes late at night, when the pool house is quiet, she tries to remember when she changed. She's sure it must of been one moment. She closes her eyes and remembers: the yacht, Mitchum, Logan, sleeping with Dean, Yale. But none of these moments seem right, she thinks maybe it was further back. Maybe it was graduation, or Jess, or Chilton. Maybe she was never who she thought she was. And her chest tightens, she's too close.
Paris
Paris loves college. She loves the classes and the debates. It's important to her. It's her whole life. She's working towards something, one day she will be great. She knows this. There is no doubt. Paris will be a success. The thought gives her satisfaction, not everyone knows with complete certainty that they will not fail. It's not failure Paris fears, it's loneliness. She knows loneliness. She remembers spending Friday nights alone in her room, studying for tests that hadn't been set. She remembers feeling so far away from the other students at Chilton. But she also knows what it's like to have a friend. She knows what it's like to have someone to play scrabble with at 3:00 in the morning. To have a shoulder to cry on. She knows. That's why it hurts a thousand times worse now that it's gone.
Luke
When Luke sees Rory, he sees her as she was. She's still the sweet, brilliant, funny little girl he baked a special coffee cake for. She's still this beautiful echo of Lorelai. She's still Rory. He sees the mess, he sees her pulling away, he sees her falling-but he knows she'll come back. Because she's Rory. And that still means something.
Lane
Lane didn't watch it happen. She wasn't there. And Rory didn't bother to share. But she sees the change, she feels it. Their not quite right. Something between them is broken. They're not what they were. Sitting with Rory makes her feel very old suddenly. And that scares her. She wants to fix them, to find what is lost between them. To know what has changed. But she can't. Rory's not the same. She's not the same. Their lives have pulled too far apart. She can't help Rory through whatever it is she's going through. A tiny little voice in the back of her head says it's not her job.
Richard
Richard Gilmore loves Rory more than he ever thought he could love another person. When she broke down in his arms, he felt his heart sag in his chest. His perfect Rory was falling and he did the only thing he could do. He caught her. He gave her support, he gave her a home, he kept her standing. He wants more for her. He wants her back in Yale. He wants her to have everything Lorelai never had. But he can't make that happen. He knows that must be her choice.
Logan
Sometimes he thinks it's his fault. When Logan met Rory he fell for her because she was like no other girl he had ever known. She was special. She read books, and loved class, she was close to her family. She was a good girl. But she started to change. He didn't have to drag her to parties. He didn't have to force her on the planes. He didn't make her steel the yacht. Now she's not at Yale anymore, or talking to her Mom. Her life is beginning to look much like his and he misses who she was. And he thinks maybe it's his fault.
Lorelai
She thinks about Rory every hour, of every day. She sees a movie, a carton of Ben and Jerry's, Moby Dick, a picture, a table, every inch of every place reminds her of the person who isn't there. And she didn't just leave a hole in Lorelai's life, she left a series of holes. Lorelai tries to fill them up with work and Paul Anka. She tries not to think about it, but the impossibility of that is infinite. She leans on Luke, and thanks God he's there. Mostly she just misses her daughter. She misses her friend. What terrifies her most of all is the thought of Rory never coming back. Of Rory being this person she doesn't recognize, this person she doesn't know. Sometimes she dreams of a future where Rory comes to her house for a Friday night dinner she doesn't want to be at. Of small talk over salads and forced goodbyes over dessert. She wakes up crying.
Rory
She's too close to the wreck. She's sees herself doing these things she never meant to do. She sees herself in places she never meant to be. Rory wonders if her life will always be like this? If her future is nothing more than DAR meetings and parties? Her life is not what she wanted. She admits this to herself, but to no one else. Even though they know. She examines the wreck, and hopes she hasn't gone too far to fix it.