-LUCINDA POV -
Flashback
I awoke with a fright. The nightmare that has haunted me for years was at its worst last night. I woke up multiple times with a wet face and tangled sheets. But today those nightmares become reality - It's the day of the choosing ceremony.
I already know Tobias will be leaving me with him. He puts on a strong face around our father but when we're alone the act crumbles. He hasn't been able to look me in the eyes for weeks now - always keeping conversation short and to the point.
Father hasn't been close to raising a hand to Tobias, maybe he thinks it will convince him to stay. I instead have been the punching bag for his anger. Also a good strategy to keep Tobias in Abnegation. I hate to say it, but even though father is a horrific man to the core, he is cunning - It's one of the few things that I inherited that may have helped me survive the many broken bones and bruises over the year. That and my will to survive.
But today is the day everything gets a lot shittier. 'OH GOODNESS' you must be thinking 'DID THAT SWEET ABNEGATION GIRL JUST SWEAR?'folks I hate to say it but I was never an abnegation. I never will be - and I will fight for the rest of my life to get out of this miserable grey box I'm trapped in.
After half-heartedly getting ready and forcing myself through breakfast - I was starving just letting you know, the problem was it was a bit hard to swallow through the bruising around my neck and most likely crushed windpipe; but i managed eventually - Tobias and I got ready to leave.
Father was already at the ceremony - preparing and what not, so Tobias and I were able to walk in peace. Not a word was said though. Not even a goodbye as he moved to sit to the front with the others who would be choosing their factions today. I loved my brother and would miss him greatly. But a goodbye wave would have been fucking appreciated. But no, he walked to the front and I sat with the rest of abnegation to watch the ceremony.
Most of it was a blur. I didn't recognise a lot of the people so I didn't bother paying attention. I mostly just sat in my imagination. But when Tobias' Name was called I shot my eyes from their resting place on the far wall behind the five bowls and focused in on Tobias. He walked slowly but with determination - like he had rehearsed it a thousand times in his head and refused to get the moment anything but perfect.
He took his place in front of the bowls and picked up the knife. He then gracefully sliced his hand and clenched it into a fist so the blood could well up into a large drop.
He moved his hand with great precision over to the abnegation grey stones. He stopped for a nano second and my stomach dropped. No I thought. Just as quickly he continued on and I could hear the faint sizzle as the blood splashed onto the dauntless coals. The far left side of the room erupted into applause and shouts as Tobias turned towards them and walked over.
Now while I was thrilled my brother had escaped my fathers tight claws, he also disappointed me. He didn't even glance my way. He knew I was on my own and he'd never have to look at our father again but he didn't even look at me. I hated him.
The next name was called and the ceremony continued. Only then did I realise most of abnegation was staring at either myself or my father. It dawned on me as I was walking home that It was just me and my father from now on. No Tobias to protect me from my father's endless rage. I had never felt so alone.