This story is a follow up to "Only if For a NIght" and it will really help to go read that first. If you don't want to then here's a quick synopsis: Missing scene for "Probie" in which we have Tony comforting a pensive McGee at the request of Gibbbs whom he has an established relationship.
Enter this scene in which Gibbs, after making said request, realizes that his feelings for Tony are much stronger that he imagined. So we have an emotionally intense Gibbs confronting Tony as he comes home from spending the night with McGee.
This fic changes POV and these changes are indicated by lines and should be fairly obvious. I generally like to stick w/ one nominal POV but I felt we needed to see inside both of their heads for this one.
My first Tibbs fic.
Thank you to all who have been so wonderful and welcoming in thi fandom! You make my little fangirl heart happy!
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or its wonderful characters. I'm trying to work out an arrangement to rent MW for a weekend so if anyone knows a way to make that happen...
Gibbs stared absently down at the patch of floor he'd been treading, somewhat startled that he hadn't actually etched a path in the dark rich grain of the wood. The headlights pulling up to the curb outside had jolted him harshly from the dark thoughts that had been his solitary companions through the interminable night and he struggled to emerge back into the physical world.
He hadn't slept, and that was a problem for more than one reason.
In a few hours, a member of his team, of his family, was counting on him to save his career and perhaps even his life and the infamous gut which Gibbs relied on was so tied up he could barely breathe.
After an entire night of grinding his teeth and trying to sort out his head staring into the bottom of one too many glasses of Bourbon, he was absolutely convinced of only one thing: He shouldn't have sent him.
It had felt like the right thing, had been the right thing for McGee, he was entirely certain. What he hadn't counted on was exactly how he would feel, alone in a quiet house all night for the first time in many weeks, a quiet house where every long silent room now echoed with the newly treasured sounds of Tony's soft throaty laughter, his low moans, his tender whispers.
How could he have missed it?
In all his experience keeping a careful distance, keeping a part of himself removed from his lovers, even from his wives, he hadn't anticipated how deep the pain could reach when there was nothing but a sanding block and the vision of Tim and Tony deep in the throes to occupy his mind. He'd always thought he would freely give anything to save a member of his little family, up to and including his own life. Tonight's creeping minutes and endless hours had been a revelation he wasn't prepared for and he'd suddenly been saddled with the punch to the gut knowledge that this precious thing they'd started was the one thing he simply couldn't give.
Tony dropped his keys on the side table and quietly closed the door, kicking off his shoes and avoiding the squeakiest of the floorboards by sheer muscle memory.
The first thing that put him on alert was the fire burning low in the fireplace. He knew at the sight of those glowing embers that every worst case scenario he'd run through his mind on the short drive to Gibbs' home from McGee's apartment was a dim reflection of what he was actually about to face.
"Morning." A gruff voice greeted him from the shadows of the couch.
"Morning, Gibbs," he said cautiously.
"How's McGee?" It was an innocuous enough question. An appropriate one under the circumstances, and yet there was a hardened and bitter edge to the older man's voice that injected additional meaning to the simple query.
Tony ran a hand through his hair, choosing to stick to the surface question. "Our Probie is a mess as expected, but we had a little talk and I think maybe he got some perspective from my Senior Agent words of wisdom. Ran off early this morning to Abby's lab to test a theory that came to him."
He moved cautiously toward the sound of Gibbs' voice, every sense already on edge. The silence continued so he slowly crept closer. "You okay, Jethro?" He kept his tone even but gentle, intentionally using the familiar.
"You talked?"
Gibbs' voice was flat and edged with something Tony didn't immediately recognize. He wasn't entirely comfortable with where this was going, but doubted there was any way around it at this point. "Gibbs…"
"I can smell him on you."
The reply stopped him in his tracks and made his heart drop into his stomach. There was pain behind those words, pain like he had never heard from Gibbs.
Tony sighed deeply, heart fisting in his chest as he shook his head and resigned himself to whatever this was going to be. He knew he had nothing to be sorry for. He'd only done exactly what was asked of him, and yet that tiny pang of guilt that had been niggling intermittently at his conscience had suddenly returned with a vengeance. He didn't want to make things worse but he knew the best way to approach Gibbs was by being direct. "I don't know what you want me to say here, Jethro. You asked me to go to him and I went. He cried, we fucked, and I made it clear it wasn't going to happen again. End of story."
"Exactly how clear did you make it?"
"Crystal, Jethro," he replied firmly. "I won't give you details even if you ask, but I promise you that he knows. Listen, maybe I should have gone to my apartment this morning instead of coming here but I thought you might want to see me, maybe talk before we head into work? I'll leave if you really want me to, but it sounds like you've got a few things on your mind, and I know a certain probationary agent who's counting on us both to be at our very best today." He left it there, waiting for a reaction.
One of the deeper shadows on the couch unfolded and Gibbs stalked over to where Tony stood.
Unsure what to expect, Tony was utterly unprepared for the strong clutching arms that wrapped around him and knocked him off his feet, sending him pin wheeling until his back met the wall with a dull thud. Gibbs buried his face in Tony's neck and he could feel that the older man was actually shaking as hard muscle pressed against him and trembling hands moved up to grasp desperately at his collar.
"Never should have sent you. Couldn't stand to think of you and him…"
"Jethro," he murmured in astonishment a moment before Gibbs' usually gentle mouth assaulted his in a harsh and demanding kiss that was both undeniably possessive and frightening in its intensity. Tony tried to relax, tried to make himself pliant beneath the needy stroking of Gibbs' tongue as it plunged insistently between his lips again and again, seeking solace from something Tony couldn't begin to fathom. As quickly as it had begun, however, the heaviness against him eased and Gibbs pulled away with a retching half snarl, half groan.
"God, I can taste him on you," Gibbs spat. There was no anger in it, no accusation, just bitter self-loathing and anguish.
"Jethro, tell me what you need. Please," Tony begged, holding tight to the man wrapped around him, the man who was barely recognizable to him at the moment. Completely overwhelmed by the unexpected emotional reaction, he had no idea what to do for his usually stoic lover now that he had morphed into this raw bundle of nerves. He was surprised when Gibbs actually answered.
"Shower," Gibbs replied tersely.
Tony knew he was referring to him and he also knew the difference between a request and an order.
"Need to taste you," Gibbs choked out. "Just you."
Gibbs' breath was hot against his neck and Tony hissed as strong fingers fisted in his hair. He didn't know where this was going but he felt himself swelling in response to the quiet desperation in Gibbs' touch despite his trepidation. His body sagged in disappointment as the tight rigid warmth of his lover was withdrawn to allow him a path to the hallway.
Something flared in Gibbs' eyes that stopped Tony's breath. He reached a hand out to Jethro's face in awe of the raw emotion shining there but just as his fingertips brushed against a stubbled cheek, pressure closed around his wrist and forced his arm down.
"I'm sorry, Jethro," he said sadly, wishing he knew the right words. "I should have said no."
"Not your fault." Every word was forced and clipped as it emerged from Gibbs' tight jaw. "Shower. Now."
Tony nodded and quickly made his exit, stripping off his clothes layer by layer on the way to the bathroom they shared and struggling not to stumble as he contemplated exactly who it was he had come home to.
Gibbs sucked deep breaths of air between clenched teeth and tried to bring himself back under control as he waited for Tony to disappear into the bedroom. As soon as he rounded the corner, he slammed his flattened palm into the wall so hard that tiny fragments of plaster dust drifted down lazily from the ceiling.
He smiled ruefully as the shock of the blow reverberated through the bones of his arm and into the thick plate of his shoulder. The tingling pain in his nerves cleared some of the fog from his head and he slumped against the wall with a sigh, gently massaging feeling back into his stinging hand.
It wasn't Tony's fault, wasn't McGee's fault either and Gibbs knew it. The monster sitting on his chest was one of his own creation and he was the only one who could banish it, but at what cost?
For the last 15 years he had lived his life with very little to lose. He cared deeply for each member of the team he'd created but he'd also taken pains to make sure that they could always stand on their own, that they didn't grow so dependant his eventual loss would cut to the bone.
Tony was different and Gibbs now realized the fatal error he had made in breaking his own rules and thinking he could maintain control.
Tony had given himself freely, knowing what Gibbs was, knowing what he could give and what he couldn't. He'd never asked for anything, only wrapped a silent and broken man in those lovely strong arms that seemed so capable of bearing countless burdens without tire. Gibbs had let himself become so comfortable in that selfless embrace that he hadn't even seen it coming.
Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, he watched as tiny pinpricks of light began to dance in the darkness behind his lids. He was caught in a catch 22 of the very worst kind.
He knew his lover, knew that Tony would try to carry the weight of Gibbs' own pain endlessly if he didn't make this right and soon and that was something he could never forgive himself for. Giving in to that familiar tender ache that had bloomed just below his ribs, however, that was something else entirely.
But even as the alien and acrid taste of fear rose in his throat, he knew what he had to do, knew he owed it to Tony, that there was no way of shoving this feeling back down now that it had surfaced.
With trembling fingers, he began unbuttoning his shirt as he made his way toward the distant sound of the running shower.
Always anticipate.
The sound of his own voice echoed in his head as he pushed his boxers over his hips. How many times had he drilled that into his team again and again? How in the world could he have failed to anticipate just how deeply he would fall in love with his Senior Agent?
Cranking up the water as hot as he could stand it, Tony quickly brushed his teeth while the bathroom filled with steam. As he stepped beneath the near scalding water, he closed his eyes and was immediately assaulted with a barrage of unwelcome images. Two sets of eyes, one dazzling blue, one clear and flawless green filled his mind, both shining with pain he would do anything to ease but didn't seem to be able to touch. That pain branded itself on him, sank into his very bones until it became inseparable from his own.
As the all too familiar weight settled around his shoulders he became aware again of the steaming water striking his chest and he reached for his bottle of body wash. Spreading the thick, fragrant liquid across a nubby washcloth, he scrubbed his chest, hips, and stomach until the flesh was red and nearly raw, hell bent on removing all traces of Tim's scent from his body. He couldn't stand to be the cause of any more pain for Gibbs.
When he was finally satisfied that Giorgio Armani was the only aroma emanating from his skin, he quickly lathered his hair and stepped beneath the shower head, turning his face up to the steaming torrent and letting the water fill his mouth and flow out as it cleansed him from head to toe.
Tony tensed when a strong hand suddenly slid around his hip and pulled him back against firm, naked flesh.
"Gibbs," he moaned as a roughly calloused palm gently wrapped around and cupped him possessively. Relief flooded through him at the intimate touch.
"None of this was your fault Tony, do you hear me? You will not blame yourself."
Tony marveled at just how well Gibbs could read him and he relaxed back into the familiar comfort of his lover's arms as soft lips moved tenderly against his earlobe. This could be easy, Gibbs' embrace promised. Tony could let it go, they could move on as if nothing had happened, go back to the way things were.
But Tony couldn't deny, couldn't ignore what he had seen in those ice blue eyes, and now that he knew, he wasn't going back without a fight."I won't if you won't, Jethro," he asserted firmly. "I won't if you tell me why it hurt you so much. I need to hear you say it."
Gibbs stiffened at that and Tony turned carefully in the circle of his arms, using his slight superiority in height to its full benefit. Framing Gibbs' face with his hands, he forced him to meet his eyes. "I didn't know," he said sincerely.
Tony could see that Gibbs was fighting his current disadvantage, that it was taking every ounce of control not to push him away and reassert command. He wasn't just fighting Tony, he was fighting himself.
Leaning down, he pressed his mouth to Gibbs', slowly sliding his tongue across his lover's bottom lip and dragging it between his teeth before pulling back. He saw the same thing bloom in Gibbs' eyes he had seen only moments before in the living room, the thing that had rocked him to his very core, flooded him with warmth despite the ice cold fear that tainted it. It was the one thing neither of them had expected and it both thrilled and scared the hell out of him.
"Tell me, Jethro," he pressed, moving Gibbs backward until he was hard up against the slick tile.
Gibbs' eyes were wild, panicky, searching for any way out that was more comfortable than what Tony was forcing him to confront.
"Stop." It was definitely more of a plea than an order.
He moved his lips to the pounding pulse point just below Gibbs' jaw, trailed the tip of his tongue over warm, softly stubbled skin to the sensitive spot behind his ear. "I love you, Jethro," he whispered. "Tell me."
Finally at his limit, Gibbs pushed back with a muted roar, slamming Tony into the opposite wall, their meeting punctuated with a sharp smack of skin against tile. The hand cradling his head was the only thing that kept Tony's skull from ricocheting off the hard surface but Gibbs held him firmly and pressed into him, slipping a well muscled thigh between his.
"Love you, Tony. Love you so much." Gibbs' voice was thick as his mouth worked feverishly against Tony's throat, branding his words into the flesh beneath his lips.
Tony dug his fingers into the hard muscle of Gibbs' back, twisted his hips to rub his suddenly aching cock against his lover's own growing erection. He felt Gibbs swell and harden against him as he continued to lave Tony's neck with the flat of his tongue.
"Again," Tony moaned, moving his hands to Gibbs' ass and pulling him closer. He was momentarily disappointed when the warm caresses against throat ceased, disappointed only until the hand tangled in his hair shifted and Gibbs' hot breath ghosted over his mouth.
"Love you, Tony," he said slowly, sounding as if he was testing the weight of each one of those four tiny syllables as they slipped across his tongue.
The words filled Tony, raised the hair on the back of his neck as they sank in deep, ignited the nerves that swelled his chest and made his heart pound.
"Didn't know," Tony whispered against Gibbs' parted lips. He tried to focus on eyes that were too close as the steam continued to rise around them.
"Makes two of us."
Gibbs mouth descended on his with tender urgency and he opened to him eagerly, stroking the velvety tongue that slipped in and plundered him in the most delicious way. This kiss was so much more Gibbs, gentle yet determined, reverent yet insistent, and conveying every bit of the devotion Tony had always known his lover was capable of. Kissing Gibbs demanded the involvement of every single one of his senses and his whole body was immediately caught up in the intricate flowing dance of lips and teeth and tongues that communicated so much more than mere words ever could.
Tony's body thrummed with need as Gibbs' hands ran in frenzied patterns over the small of his back, the hard line of his hips, the gentle swelling of his buttocks, teasing and kneading but never touching him where he really needed it.
Gibbs' was generally a methodical and patient lover but something animal and needy had broken over him with the morning light and the sheer intensity of it was pushing Tony beyond the point of control. In desperation, he bucked his hips, begging for contact until one of Gibbs' hands snaked between their bodies and wrapped around his cock, wrapped around both of their cocks. Tony tore his mouth away with a harsh cry and sank his teeth into the smooth skin of Gibbs' shoulder as slick, tumescent flesh moved against his.
"Need you," Gibbs growled against his ear, sliding his fingers over the length of their shafts and trapping their sensitive heads in the circle of his fist so that velvet flesh stroked velvet flesh and their combined moisture coated his palm.
Gibbs lifted his hand to Tony's mouth. "This is the only thing I ever want to taste on your lips."
Startled by the intensity in his lover's voice, Tony stared at the glistening wetness on Gibb's palm with glazed eyes and slowly lowered his head, lapping greedily at the offering until their combined musky taste coated his tongue. He tasted Gibbs and he tasted himself but more importantly, he tasted them and it was heady and sinful and delicious.
With a needy moan, he pressed his mouth to Gibbs', transferring their mingled essence to his lover's lips.
Gibbs' reaction was instantaneous and before Tony was even aware of what was happening, he'd been spun around so that his chest pressed against the slick tile. Strong hands grasped his hips and he bit his lip as Gibbs slipped his cock into the crack of his ass and began thrusting in a quick tight rhythm.
Reaching out blindly, Tony's closed his fingers around the bar of mild soap he kept for washing his face and handed it backwards to Gibbs. "Inside. Need you inside," he panted.
Tony grasped his own cock as Gibbs stepped back and worked up a heavy lather on his hands. A moment later he gasped in surprise as he felt the cold bar of soap moving between his cheeks and sliding against his opening. "Shit," he muttered as he fisted himself harshly, enjoying the unexpected and slippery feel as Gibbs toyed with him.
Gibbs' throaty chuckle seemed incongruous with the intensity of the moment but Tony didn't have time to comment before a long finger was suddenly pressed very insistently inside of him. He felt a light and teasing stroke against his prostate, just enough to steal his breath, before another finger joined the first and began pumping in and out in short twisting strokes designed to open him fully.
A strong arm wrapped around his waist, held him steady as Gibbs' thick head replaced his fingers and pressed into him. Tony pushed back eagerly, trembled with delight at the indescribable sensation of being completely possessed. He arched his back and rested his head against his arm on the cool tile as Gibbs filled him inch by delightful inch.
Buried to the hilt and surrounded by Tony's tight moist heat, Gibbs still felt as if he needed to be closer. If he'd had any sense of self control he would have insisted on taking this to the bedroom where he could watch Tony's face as he filled him. As it was, he'd be damn lucky if he didn't come before he even had a chance to get his lover off.
Tony's tightness told him something he'd been desperately afraid to ask. He hadn't let McGee top him. Gibbs couldn't explain even to himself why this one tiny detail mattered so much but the fact that this one thing was still his and his alone flooded him with relief. Jethro knew he hadn't been Tony's first, but he had been his last and somehow it made all the difference.
He leaned forward, aligning their bodies as best he could. Wrapping an arm around Tony's chest, and twining his fingers in the thick hair there, he placed his other arm against the wall next to Tony's head for support and moved his hips back just slightly until his head brushed the tiny sensitive gland that would send his lover spiraling out of control.
With a series of short quick strokes against his Tony's sweet spot, Gibbs felt the pressure building and spiraling in his groin as Tony cried out in short staccato bursts, his fingers curling and clawing for purchase against the slippery tile.
"More!" Tony cried out wantonly, and Gibbs felt a rush of blood to his cock that almost sent him over the edge. He slid his hand over Tony's chest, found a tiny, peaked nipple and pinched it. Tony moaned and tightened around him. Gibbs pushed into him fully again and then set up a torturous rhythm of long hard thrusts interrupted intermittently with short teasing strokes that brought them both almost to the edge and then eased them back, over and over again.
Tony's cries grew more desperate as pleasure began to merge with pain. "Need to come Jehtro…please," he moaned, driving back against Gibb's shaft.
Gibbs slid his hand down and grasped Tony's erection. He was impossibly hard and his skin pulsed beneath Jethro's fingertips. He leaned forward, coming as close as he could to Tony's ear. "I love you," he panted breathlessly as he began to stroke the thick cock in his hand in rhythm with the quick pistoning of his hips.
"Gibbs!" Tony grunted harshly as his body stiffened and convulsed, painting the cream colored tile with thick rivulets of cum .
Dropping his cock and wrapping both arms around Tony's waist, Gibbs continued to thrust in an increasingly quick and disjointed rhythm while Tony's body tightened and pulsed around him. He didn't want the incredible sensations assaulting his senses to end, the snug embrace of tight heat, the indescribable feeling of being cradled and stroked by his lover's body, of being totally completely joined to him again after the endless loneliness of the night, but the tingling in his spine was quickly spreading around his hips and he got off one more deep thrust before his balls tightened and sent him spilling into the moist cavern that surrounded him. His knees threatened to buckle but he held on and let the contractions of his body empty him completely before he withdrew and turned Tony in the circle of his arms, seeking his mouth breathlessly.
Tony sagged against the tile feeling completely drained. He wasn't as young as he used to be and going three rounds in twelve hours was more than his body could take, especially when his last orgasm was so intense he'd felt as if his cock was actually splitting open with the force of it. His arms and legs felt impossibly heavy and if it weren't for Gibb's firm embrace he knew he would surely slide down the wall and become a puddle on the shower floor. Jethro's lips were soft against his, the desperate fiery passion of a few moments before having burned down to glowing embers. Tony concentrated on the incredible lightness of the feathery kisses being brushed across his mouth as he fought the strong urge to surrender to unconsciousness.
"Think you can make it to the bed?" Gibbs whispered, obviously sensing how spent he was.
"Mmmm?" Tony fought to open his eyes as Gibbs tugged him beneath the now tepid spray of the shower and quickly rinsed them both off. The cooler water helped him stay alert for the few moments it took to get clean but he was counting the steps back to the bedroom the entire time.
"Come on lover boy, I guess you deserve a little rest after that," Gibbs laughed lightly and Tony was relieved to hear the change in his tone.
They toweled off on the way to the bedroom and Tony threw himself into the warm embrace of the Queen sized mattress with a long groan. Gibbs slipped in beside him and Tony quickly snuggled up close and rested his head against the soft fur of Gibbs' chest, just beside his heart. One of Jethro's hands carded gently through his damp hair and Tony thought that if he was capable of purring like a kitten, he would most certainly be doing so. The long fingers sliding against his scalp coaxed him into a deeply relaxed state and he felt as though he was hovering on the paper thin edge between the waking world and dreams.
"So you love me," he murmured quietly, testing the thought out loud. "We're in love."
"Yup."
Gibbs seemed to be in a confessing state of mind so Tony pushed him a little while his guard was down. "Was it really so hard for you?"
"Harder than you know."
"You never told your ex wives you loved them?" There was a tiny hitch in Gibbs' caresses.
"I did."
Tony waited quietly to see if there was more and was rewarded for his patience with a deep sigh.
"I guess it always felt a bit like betrayal," Gibbs confessed.
"And telling me?" Tony pushed.
"Doesn't," he said quietly, curling slightly to press his lips against the damp and hopelessly messy tendrils of Tony's hair. "Why the hell do you think it scares me so much?"
"Someday I'm going to ask you to explain that, Jethro." Tony wisely sensed that confessional time was over.
"Someday I just might tell you."
Satisfied for the moment, Tony let himself tumble lazily into unconsciousness.
He was awoken a short time later when the soft fuzzy pillow that pulsed faintly with the lub-dub beat of his lover's heart shifted beneath him. Blinking blearily in the half light that filtered through the curtains, he raised his head reluctantly and allowed Gibbs to slide out from under him. "What time is it?" he yawned.
"Time for me to go rescue McGee. Time for you to sleep for another hour."
"If you're up, I'm up," he said, struggling to rise.
"Sleep. It's still early. I already set the alarm."
Tony wasn't about to argue this one. "You're the boss." He grabbed an armful of pillow and curled tightly around it. The mattress sagged as Gibbs leaned in.
"Love you," he whispered, teeth lightly grazing the stubble on Tony's jaw.
Tony opened his eyes in time to see the radiant smile that flashed across Gibbs' face as he uttered the words like a tiny prayer. "Love you, Jethro," he returned with a grin.
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Thanks for reading!
Kat