AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I want to start off by saying that this is in no way serious. It's just a jokey little crack-ish fic. If I post anything else Supernatural, it will likely be Cannon compliant or slightly cannon divergent. This is not even remotely serious. I read a few Mpregs as a joke, because I get bored, and it gave me an idea. Imma be real, I made a bunch of crap up as I went, but it turned out alright. Very silly. No pairings, but I can't really stop you from reading it that way, now can I?
Disclaimer: Not mine show. Just fan.
Here we go!
"Would you get a move on!"Dean chided at Sam as they made their way into the bunker with their groceries for the month.
What? They have to go grocery shopping every once in awhile, it's not all monsters and research sessions, they have to eat.
"Maybe if you hadn't made me carry most of the bags myself, I wouldn't be moving to slow, jerk." Sam replied as he shuffled in, atleast twelve bags saddled on his arms.
"Bitch." Was only Dean's only response. As they entered the bunker and entered the main room, they stopped in their tracks at what could classify as a slightly... odd slight.
Castiel was sitting at the table in the middle of the room, feet propped up on the table, sucking down what appeared to be a bottle of honey, based on the other three empty bottles sitting on the table. As soon as they stopped, Castiel looked up at them and stood up.
"Dean, Sam! I have something to ask of you!" Castiel said before drinking some more honey without breaking eye contact.
"We might have somethings to ask you first." Sam blinked at their angel.
"Yeah, like why are you drinking honey? I thought you said that food tastes molecules or something like that, at least thats what Sammy told me you said." Dean's brows drew together and Castiel started to shift around and break eye contact, like he was trying to think of a good way to explain.
"Well, you see I was tracking down this rogue, and well, I have a lot in common with the rogues ideal wise, except I have loyalty that they don't, so..." Castiel started before stopping, looking at the ceiling before starting over again. "You see... When two angels love eachother very much... um... no, wait."
"Spit it out, Cas!" Dean groaned.
"I'm pregnant." Castiel said plainly, sipping some more honey.
"WHAT!?" The boys shouted in union.
"Dean, what did you do!?" Sam smacked his brother's chest, both the boys had dropped their bags at this point.
"Me!? I didn't do this to him, he's like a brother to me!" Dean's face scrunched up and Castiel rolled his eyes.
"It wasn't Dean, angels arent allowed to procreate with humans." Castiel sighed, shuffling his feet slightly. "You know how I was tracking down a rogue two weeks ago? He used to work in politics in heaven, refused to comeback, insisted he was finding himself, or something along those lines. I tracked him to a campsite in the next state over. We talked, I convinced him to return to heaven, he convinced me to do... other things." Castiel cleared his throat awkwardly. "He made a very convincing arguement, he was very... persuasive, I suppose thats why he worked in politics. Granted, it helped that he was very handsome, both his vessel and his true form, I must say, the eyes on the third head of his true form were particularly enchanting."
"Well, what can I say, Cas, I always tought you were a botto-" Dean started with a smirk before Sam elbowed him.
"You said you needed something from us?" Sam asked after he stoppedd glaring at his brother.
"Yes, I'll need to stay here during my pregnancy." Castiel let a huff out through his nose. "During the duration of the pregnancy I will be basicly human, with most of my grace focusing on growing the grace of a new angel. Plus, the other angels can't find me here, and I'd like more protection from angels outside of tattoo warding myself. I fear it might not apply to the grace growing inside me and this place is hard to find."
"Sure you can stay here... but I thought you were on good terms with Heaven now, helping them find rogues and all?" Dean asked, pointing his eyes up towards the ceiling in a vague motion towards the heavens.
"Only a small portion of heaven is friendly with me. Most of Metatron's followers would like to tear me, and I fear my child as well, to shreads... and I haven't really been very popular since the rebellion and my stretch of time as a deity. Besides, I would rather my child be raised on earth, and not be brainwashed like I was, along as all the other angels. Though I might arrange some secret visits with some of my allies, because no angel should grow up without seeing heaven." Castiel placed a hand on his stomach before his eyes landed on the bags of food at their feet. "You bring food?"
"Yeah, it was time to restock." Dean shrugged a shoulder, not really sure what to say or do in this situation. This was fucking weird, even for Cas.
"Would you like me to make you a sandwhich, PB&J, right?" Sam asked, slowly picking up his bags again. "Given the bottles of honey, I take it the baby needs food, or something?"
"I would like that very much, please." Castiel grinned up at him. "Add its more so that we both need food, the baby is feeding off my grace aswell as my vessel. The baby needs the energy from the food and so does my vessel."
"Right." Sam nodded like that actually made any sense at all.
"Yeah." Dean said as he picked up his bags and they made their way to the kitchen after the groceries were away, he walked back over to Cas, he needed more information. "So, do you know how this... pregnancy thing is going to work? Is your baby daddy going to help out or what?" Castiel rolled his eyes and gave Dean what he called his 'You are a stupid and ignorant human' face.
"Of course he won't be around." Castiel sighed. "Angels don't bond like people do, we don't have souls. If an angel falls pregnant, they raise it themselves intill they take their respect jobs in the Host. Which is another reason I will be raising the child on earth. You see, the only angels that were born and not created that are still alive are ones that went into the few non-warrior class jobs. Its a very small number. Most angel-borns that went into battle perished, because they weren't as knowledgable. I will not allow this to happen to my child." Castiel paused before looking like he didn't want to say what he was about to say. "As for the pregancy... The symtoms will mimic those of human pregnancy, on account of my using a human vessel. On top of the fact that I will exibit pregnancy symtoms, I will have to suffer through having human functions on account of so much of my grace being used to grow the baby. The only angelic abilities I will retain is a limited smiting capability and some strength, to protect the baby. Then there is the... length of the pregnancy."
"The length?" Dean raised a brow. He knew the answer was going to suck.
"Fourteen months." Castiel looked less then happy about that.
"FOURTEEN!?" Dean gapped at his angel friend, who just grew more agitated.
"The process of growing grace is a slow one. Angels are ancient beings of power, such power is difficult to form, and even then the baby will be very weak when its born, and will have to be protected and raised up like a child." Cas shifted back and forth. "You will still let me stay right?"
"Of course, Cas..." Dean had been to Hell a few times now, and he was pretty sure there was an extra special, extra torture-y place there for people who refuse shelter to pregnant angels. "This is going to suck, isn't it?"
"I'm the one who has to deal with human emotions and bodily functions and the growing of grace, not you, but yes... this will suck."
This was going to a long fourteen months.
Month One:
Dean and Sam were settling into a motel for the night, having just finished a werewolf case two states over. It was pretty open and shut, nothing really important happened. Then, Dean's phone rang and both boys groaned. They both knew who it was, this was the seventh time he had called.
"What do you want, Cas?" Dean breathed into the phone.
"When are you coming home?"
"We are settling down in a motel right now, we will be back at the bunker tomorrow." Dean answered, unaffected be Cas' pitiful puppy voice.
"Can't you just drive through the night and be here by morning?"
Dean let out a groan. He was used to this by now, but it was still annoying. Cas had become very... clingy and touchy in his pregnant state. According to Castiel, it was because normally when angels were pregnant they lived in nurseries and were constantly taken care of and cuddled, so it was his nature instinct to seek such comfort. Castiel informed them that even if he were able to go to heaven to a nursery, they no longer exsisted. They had all been destroyed. It was implied that he himself had destroyed them when he was all God crazy. They hadn't talked about it again.
"Yeah, we could, but we're pretty beat, Cas, we need sleep."
"You sure?"
It was the most pitiful voice Dean had ever heard, so sad and lonely. They had become well aquainted with this voice. They couldn't say no to it, no matter how hard they try.
"We leaving?" Sam asked, though he was already getting ready to leave.
"Alright, Cas, we'll be home by morning." Dean smiled nearly bitterly into the phone. "Want us to pick you up anything to eat?"
"Thank you, Dean! I would like some tacos, please. I eagerly await your return!"
"Lets get going. Momma Cas needs us." Dean grunted and Sam chuckled a little. Momma Cas.
Month Two:
Somewhere towards the tailend of Cas' first month of pregnancy the boys decided to bring Cas on most hunts. The only times Cas didn't go was when they deemed it too dangerous. The boys were slowly become more protective their angel friend and his unborn child. They only imagined this going to get worse with a year still left in the pregnancy. So here they were, on their way back from a ghost hunt in Nevada, a pregnant, dude angel stretched across their back seat, asking to stop to pee every two hours. Amongst other things.
"Dean, when are we going to stop for the night?" Cas complained from the backseat, hand rubbing over where his baby was despite the fact that he was yet to sprout a bump. Dean would never cease to be amazed how well the angel whined with that gravel-in-a-hubcap voice of his.
"There should be one on the exit, Cas, calm down." Dean said, focasing himself on the rode.
"Can we listen to a different song? The baby doesn't like this one. Can we listen to the one with the wayward son again? They like that one." Cas asked, tilted his head at the front seat.
"Uncultured swine." Dean mumbled under his breath as he rewond the tape to Carry on My Wayward Son.
"The baby really didn't like the song?" Sam asked and Dean gave a loud groan. Cas was going to rant again.
"No, I find they don't like ACDC very much at all." Castiel shrugged a shoulder. "I'm not sure why, I quite enjoy it."
"You can tell what the baby thinks?"
"Of course I can! They are only very small, but I can already sense it's emotions. It likes softer rock and pop music, as well as ballads. They are also very found of Dean, granted that might be because it senses Dean and I's profound bond." Cas grinned again. "Whenever Dean speaks, I can feel my little ounce glow with joy, same as when I speak."
"Awwwhhhh." Sam gave the most sarcastic cooe before raising a brow. "Little ounce?"
"Yes, at the current moment I have developed one ounce of baby grace." Castiel rubbed a hand over his belly again. "My little ounce. It's a nice nickname, don't you think?"
"It's perfect, Cas." Dean dismissed before Sam had the chance to say something stupid.
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Dean laid down in bed for the night and yanked his comforter upto his chin. He was more tired then he orginally thought. His eyes fluttered shut and tried to go to sleep, which was difficult with Sam making... Sam noises in the next bed over and Castiel retching in the bathroom with morning sickness. They had tried a few times in the past to help Castiel out when he would get sick, out of human decensy, but after Castiel broke a door pushing them away, they decided it was best to leave the angel alone. Evenually enough Dean slipped into a blank sleep.
...For thirty minutes. After thirty minutes of sleep, he felt what was by now a very familar set of arms wrap around him suddenly, making him rocket out of his slumber with a jump.
"Jesus fuck, Cas!" Dean groaned, trying to blink away his sleep and squirm away from the angel. "Not again!"
Dean seemed to be the biggest target of Castiel's clinging since the begining of his pregnancy. Dean had insisted that Sam would be better, because he was bigger and all, but Castiel never seemed to listen.
"The baby wants to near you." Castiel grumbled, shoving tummy, and indirectly his hips, into Dean's side. "Stop squirming, its distressing the baby."
"Cas, we talked about this! You can't keep crawling into bed, man!" Dean grumbled as he finally got free of the angel's grip. "It's creepy."
"But the baby-"
"No, no 'but the baby', you can stay in the bed, but don't touch me. No... snuggling, or whatever." Dean yanked the blankets over his head with a huff. As soon as Castiel was sure that Dean was in deep sleep he was plastered to his side.
Month Three:
The boys would think that they would get used Cas eating, let alone him eating a lot, but they were very wrong. Which is how they got to where they were now, sitting in an Italian place (At Castiel's insistance that he needed something with spagetti sauce.), sitting and staring at their angel, who was hovering over several plates of food including a small cheese pizza, baked spagetti, extra cheesy ravioli, and a few another assorted dishes. Plus bread sticks.
"Cas, you sure you can eat all that?" Dean already knew the answer by now, but he had to ask.
"Of course I can." Castiel dismissed him with the a wave of the hand that wasn't full of pizza. "Besides, the baby is enjoying this food greatly."
"Right... The baby." Sam nodded, still not blinking as he watched Cas basically inhale a slice of pizza. This would never not be weird as shit.
"Aren't you going to eat your food?" Cas asked them after swallowing. They had only been sitting here for fifthteen minutes and a third of Castiel's food was gone.
"Um, yeah, we are." Sam nodded before stuffing his ravoli in his mouth.
"So, Cas, have you actually thought about what you are going to do after the baby is born?" Dean asked. He wasn't sure why he asked for certian, he was just trying to stir up some sort of conversation.
"I will raise the child in the bunker. Now don't worry, I'll stay out of your way, I picked the bedrooms furthest from yours to set up base for the child and I. The only times you will see us is when we are in the kitchen when I feed them." Castiel waved a hand at them. "And that will only for the first few years of life. Granted when the child starts to fly you might run into him."
"Right... Okay, if you really going to raise a kid in the bunker, which I'm totally fine with, we need some ground rules. Rule One, we won't be changing any daipers. Rule Two, we are the kids honary uncles, we will take them to ball games and to the park, so the kid will can at least pretend to be normal. Rule Three, even if we are his uncles, no cute little nicknames, we are Uncles Sam and Dean. Got it?"
"Got it." Castiel confirmed with a nod. "You with to be the child's uncles? Why?"
"It's not like his real aunts and uncles give a damn about him, plus it's not looking like either of us is having a family anytime soon. Could be are only shot at the uncle game. Besides, you are practically our brother, so why the hell not?" Dean shrugged a shoulder.
"Your reasoning is sound." Cas gave another nod.
"So, how is the little squirt doing in there?" Sam asked, quirking a brow at their angel friend.
"They are progressing well, I have developed a whole nother ounce of grace, so that is two ounces now. Though, I will admit that the pressure from the baby's true form against my grace as well as my vessel's organs is uncomfortable. Very tight, compressed, not good." Castiel took a second to touch his belly.
"True form?"
"Yes, I am developing its true form as well, but its all rather compressed, not very important, though I do believe regardless that it won't be much longer before I start to, as the saying goes, 'show'. Right now the baby's true form is about the size of..." He stopped to think for a moment. "They are about the size of Sam. Still very small."
"Small?" Dean choked on his pasta, looking from his brother to his angel's torso then back again. "Are you kidding me?"
"By the time the child is fully gestated it will be the size of large elephant standing on its hindlegs, which is still very small for an angel, granted from what I can tell so far, the child is going to be a Seraph like me so it could be bigger. I'm actually the size of a skyscrapper, remember?" Castiel rolled his eyes. "And again, its all very compressed because the pregnancy is attached to my vessel. The child is compressed into a space a little bigger then a softball. It would be a much easier pregnancy if it weren't attached to this vessel, but it is too little to late for that."
"Since when do you know what a softball is?" Dean snorted, earning a build-leveling glare from the angel.
"Despite popular belief, I am not an imbicile." Castiel's tone was dangerous and told Dean that he needed to back up if he wanted to keep his eyebrows.
"Right, right... Sorry, calm down." Castiel didn't smile, but he calmed down considerably and had gone back to his food. Sam and Dean were just glad nothing got smited, they had earned their lesson two weeks ago when Cas got angry at Sam and smote a nearby object, bursting it into flames. They decided not to take many chances after that.
Month Four:
Dean Winchester hated everything. Especially his brother and Cas. They sucked.
Years of living on the road and generally in close quarters with his brother had made it so he adjusted to certian aspects of brother. One fact in particular being his gas. Sam ate a burrito and he could kill small animals yards away. He had always been that way, and Dean normally ingored it, unless if he was in a particularly childish at which point he'd laugh or mock him, or both. Dean got used to it over time.
Then there was Castiel... Angel of the Lord, Warrior of Heaven, Castiel, who had very limited experience in the matter of human digestion and gas, with the only real experience of his having prior to his pregnancy was being human for a few months a little over a year ago. But as Cas had said before, this pregnancy made him basicly human, and he also had human pregnancy symtoms because of his vessel, which meant gas. Normally Dean thought it was halarious, an angel with near uncontrollable gas? Comedy gold.
But not right now. On their back from a hunt, they had stopped at a gas station and got some burritos because they were all hungry, especially Cas, on account of his pregnancy. That had been his big mistake. Now here he was, in a cramped motel room with his brother and their angel friend crawled on the bed across from him, both absolutely toxic. The room was a cesspool. It smelled like death in here. He felt like he was going to retch. Dean let out a groan as he heard another squeak-like sound from the bed adjecent to him.
"Would you two cut it out!" He tossed a pillow from his bed over, smacking Sam in the face.
"But Dean." They both whined in unison.
"Come on, Dean, we can't help it." Sam sighed. "Besides, its all your fault anyway. You were the one who recomended the burritos in the first place. You know how I am by now and you know about Cas' pregnancy gas, you brought this on yourself."
"I'm inclined to agree with Sam." Castiel said as he rolled on his side. "Why did you let me eat so many?"
"As if either of us could stop you." Dean scoffed. "You eat enough to feed a small army, Cas."
"I'm pregnant!" Was Cas' only arguement.
"Either way, the next one of you that rips one is sleeping outside." Dean threatened, neither of them believe him.
"No you won't. Sam is your brother and I'm with child, you would never make us sleep outside." Castiel was quick to dismiss him. Fucking angel.
"Maybe I can go sleep in Baby." Dean grunted, staring at the ceiling. It'd be cramped, and he would be sore as hell but he could do it.
"There is no need to cause yourself such discomfort... This will be over with soon enough." Castiel said, rolling over on his other side, trying to get comfortable.
"Whatever, man, all I know is it stinks in here... You two are rank." He groaned, digging his face in his pillow to try to block out the smell. Even with window cracked open the smell seemed to be sticking to things. Everything was silent from several, precious minutes before a monsterous, continuous roar of a fart sounded through the room and both Sam and Dean looked to its source. A superemely embarrassed Cas.
"Pardon me." He squeaked when the event was over. He couldn't possibly get anymore red in the face then he was right now.
"SON OF A BITCH, CAS!" Dean screeched, hiding himself under the covers, while Sam laughed his ass off.
Fucking pregnant angel.
Month Five:
Castiel's fifth month of pregnancy was by far the most painfully akward of them all. Dean had heard that sometimes pregnant women could get really horny during the pregnancy, hormones and all. He had failed to realize this would apply to Cas intill it was too late. Or how that symtom would present itself. When women were turned on, you can't really tell visually if they don't want you to, dudes on the hand, have a much more visual reaction.
Cas had a boner all the time. It was so awkward.
Making coffee in the morning- boner.
Sees the color blue- boner.
Someone blinks at him wrong- boner.
They tried not to mention it, and Castiel ingored it entirely. But for all of them to do this was difficult, especially with how touchy-feely Cas was since he had become pregnant. Nothing worst then your friend hugging you and getting poked with his meat stick. Ick.
It was this morning, two and a half weeks into the fifth month of the pregnancy that Dean finally had enough. He walked into the kitchen to find Castiel already there, which was normal. Castiel had trouble resting because of the baby. According to Castiel, the baby was starting to move, and even though they would never be able to feel it from the outside, it was very disturbing to him. When Cas heard him enter the room he turned and low and behold, right below his baby bump, which was so small that you'd only notice it if you knew him well, a little tent had formed in his pants. It was hard to ingore, no matter how hard Dean wanted to.
"Hello, Dean." Cas nodded at him briefly.
"Hey, Cas..." Dean greeted back before clearing his throat. "How you... feeling?" Castiel looked less then impressed.
"If that is your subtle way of asking about my erection, it didn't work and it's not really any of your business." He glared at his friend, turning his attention to the coffee.
"Look, man, I really... REALLY don't want to, but this is getting too awkward man..." Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. "Don't you think you should go somewhere and... I dunno... take care of it?" That caught Castiel's attention. When he turned to face Dean he did not look happy.
"Are you actually suggesting that, I, an Angel of the Lord, masterbate!?" Castiel's glare was dangerious and Dean in that moment realized how massively he just fucked up. "Especially when an act of illegal fornication got me in this situation in the first place! Aside from that, I don't particularly that it makes you uncomfortable. I'm the one who's pregnant, my vessel's organ's are being squished, the baby's true form kicks me in my grace. Do you have any idea how painful that is? Plus all these human feelings and functions are annoying, discusting, and aggitating to deal with and I have to deal with them twice as often as I ever did the last time I was human."
"Right, right, I'm sor- wait... angels aren't allowed to bone?" Dean tilted his head in ammusement, all the terror suddenly gone.
"Of course not! We are supposed to be chaste being of celestial intent! And after the incident with angels breeding with humans... we were discouraged from breeding at all, granted... that's never really stopped anyone anyway."
"Really?" Dean laughed. "I knew you were a rebel and all... I mean you totally wrecked heaven for free will, but fact that you went against rules to get some ass..."
"It's not funny, Dean!" Castiel stomped a foot. "I deliberately went against rules and I'm suffering for it."
"Chill out, Cas, I understand." Dean said before noticing that despite all that had just happened, Castiel was still hard. "DUDE, after all that you still have a boner?"
Castiel's elegant response was to pick up a mug from the counter and hurl it at Dean, only for him to dodge it just in time for Sam to walk into the doorway, have the mug smash against the wall next to him, and walk right back out. He was positively, absolutely not dealing with whatever shit his brother and his angel were getting up to this early.
######################################################################
Castiel wasn't sure what was wrong with him. The last time he was human he didn't care all that much about his appearance. He didn't eat all that much during time, on account of him being homeless, but all and all the most he cared about his appearance was that his hair was brushed. Was this some strange new pregnancy symtom? He has to research human pregnancy more if his vessel was continue to cause him so much trouble. He had noticed how tight his clothes were getting, so why was this bothering him now?
When he had gotten out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist after he had driedhimself off, he had looked in the mirror and couldn't help but feel... selfconsious? Was that the term? Castiel wasn't sure. His brain started to spin and wriggle with thoughts. Did he look bad? Was he fat now? Was it just because he was pregnant?
Just at that moment Dean walked in before screeching to a halt.
"Son-of-a-bitch, Cas, I told you to lock the damn door when you shower!" Dean shouted as he turned to to leave.
"Wait, Dean! I have to ask you something!" Cas stopped Dean from leaving. He wasn't sure why Dean was so squimish around other naked men, he had been on sports teams, right? And besides, he on a towel... this time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact they were like brothers? Anyway... "Dean, do I look overweight to you?"
Dean froze over with horror. If was anything like when a girl asked this question, he could be in big trouble. He would have to go about this very carefully if he didn't want to get smited or end up having to deal with a weeping angel. No chick flick moments.
"Well, uh... You're pregnant, Cas, you knew were going to get bigger."
"Is that a yes?" He sounded like he was going to cry. Shit shit shit.
"What? No- um, no, you- ah... You look fine, Cas. Glowing, or whatever."
"You're just saying that to pacify me."
Well now he was just trying to make him feel bad.
"Yeah, I am. Cas, you look fine, your a third of the way through your pregnancy, thats what you look like. That's the truth. What do say to you getting dressed and me making some burgers?" Dean tried to change the subject towards the tail end of his statement. It worked. Cas lit up at the prospect of food. Sucker.
"I would very much like that. The baby is very hungry after the shower." Sure, the baby.
"Cheese, hotsauce, and chocolate sauce on the burger?" Dean asked, knowing by now one of Cas' main weird cravings. Some of them were really weird.
"Yes, please."
Month Six:
Sam and Cas were rounding around one corner of the Vamp nest, meeting eyes with Dean, who was on the other side of the small compound. Sam and Dean did some sort of weird, silent, eye talking that Castiel was sure he would never understand fully. Dean nodded his head towards the area were the vampires were and they all charged, weapons raised. The nest was a little bigger then origanally thought, but it wasn't as much of a difference. A few minutes in and they had their numbers down by half. But Castiel was also starting to tire, he tired so easily now a days. It took so much energy to grow an angel. They had been three-fourths through the numbers when a suprise attack flocked in from Sam and Castiel's side of the field. Sam was able to take care of the two that flanked him easily but the slightly winded Cas was only able to stake one of them in time the other grabbed him from behond and bared his teeth.
"Cas!" Dean and Sam gasped, only to find that Castiel's eyes were glowing blue so they covered their eyes and ducked. When they opened them all the vamps were dead and and Cas was on his knees, swaying slightly.
"Holy shit, Cas, what was that!?" Dean shouted as they rushed to their friend and honary brother's side and knelt by him.
"D-defense... mec-aaaahhh-nism..." Castiel slurred with droppy lids before passing out, toppling him and Dean to the ground.
"Shit- Ah- Sammy, help get him off me." Dean said as he tried to shove the suprisingly heavy angel off him. Sam complied, grabbing the angel under his pits and hoisting him up so his brother could get up.
"Man, he's heavy." Sam complained.
"Don't be a bitch, Sammy, he's pregnant." Dean reminded, rolling his eyes. And Sam was supposed to be the smart one.
"Jerk." Sam glared. "Help me get him to the car atleast."
It was halfway through the drive back to the bunker that Castiel finally came to with a grumble and shift before sitting up slowly.
"Morning, sleeping beauty." Dean mocked from the drivers seat.
"Are we almost home?" Cas asked, one hand on his small baby bump and the other rubbing his eye.
"Halfway..." Dean said, not taking his eyes off the road. "Look... Sam and have been talking and we were thinking... maybe it would be best if you didn't come on hunts anymore."
"But... I thought I was doing better. My people skills are getting better, I've even learned to lie better..." Neither Sam or Dean could look at him because they knew the sad kicked puppy face he was making would make them go back on their decision.
"Yeah, but, after what happened today we think it might be be too risky for you to go. It's dangerious. Plus if anything happened that made you lose the baby, you'd never forgive yourself. Besides that, it's starting to become... apparent, you know, externally... that your pregnant. It's starting to attract unwanted attention." Dean sighed.
"Oh... okay." He sounded so pitiful. Fuck.
"Look, it won't be that bad. We are still home alot... And we can put a TV in your room, and a DVD player in that entertainment room you dug up. So you can entertain yourself when you don't want to get out of bed, and if you feel like watching a movie you can go to the entertainment room. Plus, you are always saying you feel tired, you can rest more. Practice your cooking."
"Okay." That was better.
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Sam was walking towards his room, through a short cut he had discovered so he wasn't potientally punked by Dean when they entered little prank wars. This week was a prank week, something that was sprung into action when he had accidentally tripped Dean and pretended he did it on purpose. Dean tried to get Cas involved in all the fun, Cas called him an idiot. Two days later Cas set up a bucket of honey to dump on Dean when he walked into his bedroom. As it turned out Cas could be pretty brutal as a prankster, did he get lessons from Gabriel or something!? Granted, the boys shouldn't have put that fish under his bed, they knew Cas had pregnancy nose, but they did it anyway. It took them a long time to get the punk cleaned up, but Cas thought making them help with clean up wasn't enough punishment.
But just as Sam was passing by Cas' door he heard it. The sounds of small sobs. He really shouldn't intrude. It was probably just some stupid thing, like a dog food commercial. Cas cried at commercials all the time. Sam went into Cas' room anyway. Fuck.
"Cas... You okay in here?" Sam asked slowly as he looked over the room. Their was clothes strewn all over the normally tidey room. One pair was covered in puke, others were just wrinkled and some of the shirts are even torn at the back a little bit. Castiel wasn't in much better shape then his room. He was sitting on his bed, shirt only half buttoned, pants unbuttoned and half zipped up, tears were streaming down his face. This was defently going to be all kinds of uncomfortable, but if Dean found out he left a distressed Cas alone during prank week, he would shave his head bald in his sleep. He liked his hair, he'd like to keep it.
"D-Dean put... in my sandwich...I got sick... and then... and clothes... fit... rip." Cas was making sense at first but through the hyperventalation. Sam slide by his side and wrapped his arm around him.
"Alright, Cas, calm down... remember the breathing excersises I showed you... In and out, in and out, in and out." It took ten minutes of this for Cas to calm down. "What happened?"
"Dean put eggs on my balona sandwich and I vomited on my clothes... So I had to change, and... I can't get any of them on. I even ripped a few of the cheaper shirts Dean got me across the seams of the back." Cas wiped at his eyes. "I'm not sure why this upsets me so much. I know now that weight gain and body dismorphism are unaviodable, so one would think I wouldn't be as bothered... That I woud be more self aware."
"That's not how it works, Cas." Sam said before standing up. Castiel looked up at him.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't worry, I'm just going to get some things." Sam assured him before leaving, returning less then ten minutes later with a tshirt and a rubber band. "Here, put this on." Sam tossed him the shirt and Cas slid it on. It fit comfortably and Cas smiled.
"Thank you, is this yours?"
"Yeah, I figured it'd be big enough." Sam shrugged a shoulder before starting to wrap the rubber band around the buttons on Cas' pants, starting to pull them together.
"What are you doing?" Castiel blushed deep red.
"Don't get all bothered, Cas, it's just a little trick I picked up while you and Dean were in Purgatory. My girlfriend had some pregnant friends, said this trick saved their lives intill they were willing to wear pregnancy pants or sweats."
"Oh... Thank you!" Cas smiled, which made Sam smile. He was in the clear.
"Tell you what... We've all had a long day, how about I arrange a tempory truce with Dean and we go into the entertainment room, watch old Disney movies and make fun of them." Sam patted his shoulder and Cas looked to be considering this.
"Lion King?"
"Sure."
"Who Framed Rodger Rabit?"
"I don't think that is Disney movie, but sure."
"Little Mermaid?"
"Yes."
"Alright, lets do it... if you will help me prank Dean later."
"I think we can arrange that." Sam smirked.
Month Seven:
Castiel sighed through his nose in boredom as he took his tea into the study outside of the War Room. He was bored. Really bored. Dean and Sam were out on a hunt and had been gone three days. They texted some, but the boys were understandably busy. Cas had a lot of nothing to do, he'd finished watching all the series he had started on Netflix. Maybe he could pick up some more... He had been meaning to start watching Doctor Who... Yeah, that could work. He'd watch Doctor Who, right after he finished his tea and had a snack.
But his tea was interupted when he heard clattering at the front door of the War Room. Someone was trying to break into the bunker, and Sam and Dean were three states away hunting a werewolf. Cas stood up, drawing out his trusty angel blade. It was strange, though, he knew his baby could probably sense whoever was there, but it wasn't alarmed. Was this foe friendly? A few seconds later the door swung open and and a figure stepped through, a female, but Castiel recognized her immediately as an angel. Not just any angel, a seraph. But how...
"Who are you? How did you find me?" Castiel growled, raising his blade up. "What do you want?"
"Who I am isn't important, I'm just glad I found you, Castiel..." She breathed. "I see your pregnancy attached itself to your vessel by accidient instead of your grace... that's unforunate."
"It's very uncomfortable, yes... How did you find me? And for another thing, where did you and the other seraphim go after the Archangels were gone? When your people needed you!" He didn't lower the blade.
"We hid, we didn't know what to do with our commanders gone, and besides, Heaven had you, now of course that ended poorly but we couldn't have done any better." She shook her head.
"Are there more of you?"
"Four more, the rest of us have perished, in the fall. That is why I am here." She smiled, stepping closer slowly, carefully watching his blade. "One of my brothers spotted you a few months ago, saw you were pregnant, but he quickly lost track of you because you are warded. We had to find you, to make sure the baby is okay. It wasn't easy, would be impossible for anyone else. A lot of foot work was required."
"I won't let you take my baby." Castiel's eyes were glowing blue and the Seraph looked scared.
"No! No, no! We don't want your baby! We just want to make sure he is okay. He will be the first natural born Seraph. We don't even care if you raise him in Heaven or Earth. The Seraphim are a dying breed and enough blood has been shed, don't you think?" She had her arms up in surrender.
"Yes... You can tell my baby is male?" Castiel smiled a little bit, the hand he hadn't realized was over his stomach protectively and tightened his grip.
"I can feel his personality, it has many masculine traits. Can't you feel it?"
"Yes... He could still choose to be female. Angels don't have binary sexes." Cas was lowering his blade slightly.
"They could choose differently, but they never do... except that fellow in your old gerson... Balthazar?"
"No, he actually stayed with his provided gender, though there was some agruement over whether he was male or female, because as great of warrior as he was he could be a little... off sometimes." The angel blade was put away. "What do you want from me?"
"Nothing, we just wanted to make you an offer." She smiled, stepping forward. "One of the Seraph that is left had the power to warp reality to create things... an Archangel had taught him. And he is teaching us. We would like to make your child a vessel. Like the one natural borns would get in Heaven before. One that would grow with him into maturity."
"You can do that? You'd do that for me?" Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
"Castiel, why are you crying?" Damnit.
"Apologies, the baby being attached to my vessel causes human pregnancy symptoms... I'm very emotional." Cas wiped at his eyes. "I would love to accept your gift."
"Thank you, Castiel, it's our great joy to help you and your child."
"Your welcome... would you like something to drink?"
"No thank you, I need to get back to the others and get started on your childs vessel."
"Oh... Okay."
And then he was alone again.
############################################################################
"Hey, Cas!" Dean poked his head into Cas' room, which he hadn't seen in awhile. The angel had hardly left the room in two weeks. The room was dark, there was two empty jars of peanut butter on the night stand, and the angel was snuggled up in a blanket cacoon, his face and a small tuff of his hair poking out.
"Huh?" Cas blinked at him a full seven seconds after Dean addressed him.
"You... okay there, buddy?" Dean raised a brow.
"I'm fine, Dean, I just... this is a really good part. The Doctor is about to defeat the Master... somehow. The Master has him aged into this wrinkley raisin, but he's going to do it... so shhhhh." Cas eyes fasted back onto the screen.
"But Cas, we got-"
"SHHHHHH!"
"You SHHHHHH!" Dean said, rushing over, snapping up the remote and stopping the show. "Get up, Sam and I brought you a guest to help you with your clothes situation."
"But, Dean-"
"No, get off your ass. Come on." Dean stripped away the comforter only to immedaitely regret that decision when he discovered Cas was wearing absolutely no clothes underneath those covers. "FUCK, CAS, WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES!?" Dean spun around and covered his eyes while Castiel got up to go put some sweat pants on.
"All the clothes are getting too tight! And aside from that, I like to think I have a right to be naked in my own room." Cas said as he struggled to get his shirt to fit over his bump.
"Not when people are home, Cas." Dean groaned, uncovering his eyes and looking at Cas, unimpressed. "Aren't you a little big for only halfway through the pregnancy?"
"...No? I'm just as big as a women in her fifth month. Are you implying that I am fat?" Cas' glare could level whole buildings.
"What? No, no, no! Nevermind that, come on, I got you a surprise." Dean said before snatching Cas' wrist and dragging him towards the study. In there was Sam and a woman with short, dark hair. "Tada!"
"You brought me a woman? Dean, I told you, no matter how sexually frustated I can become, I don't want a hooker, I don't want a stripper, and I don't-"
"Okay! Hey, allow me to introduce myself." The woman smiled, extending a hand. "My name is Jody, Sam and Dean here tell me your having some trouble with your clothes? I'm here to help. Give you someone to talk to."
"Pleasure to meet you." Castiel shook the hand with a smile before glaring at the boys. "You two do realize I'm not a woman?"
"Hey, do easy on them, big guy, they are just trying to help. And from what they tell me the pregnancy has made you a little emotional. They are only but stupid human boys, they don't know what to do." Jody laughed before taking some large yoga pants. "So, why don't you take me to your room so we can start making you some pregnancy pants?"
"Alright." Cas said before leading her away from the study and back towards his room.
"So, your Cas? Dean has told me about you. You look really great for being halfway through your pregnancy." Jody said as they started down the hallway.
"Really? Thanks." Cas smiled, rubbing his little bump. "Have you ever had a child?"
"I did... but that was a long time ago."
"I'm sorry, by your tone I can assume something bad happened to them, probably something Supernatural in origin given that you know Sam and Dean." Cas gave her his most apologetic look before opening his door for her. She gave him a nod of thanks before entering. "Do you have any helpful advice for me?"
"Nice change of subject there." Jody chuckled. "I'm not sure what to tell you, you don't have to worry about stretch marks because you can just heal them, and by now I'm sure you have found a rythm with your hormones and cravings. I'm sure your biggest problems are with the boys teasing you, am I right?"
"They are childish, yes." Cas glared at his feet as he took a seat on the bed as Jody went and plucked a few pair of pants from his drawers. "The other day Dean made whale noises when I entered the kitchen. They have also come up with a rating system for my bodily gases based on length, smell, and loudness. It's embrassing." That made Jody snort with laughter.
"You gotten a ten yet?"
"It's not funny! And yes..." Cas crossed his arms across hs chest, causing his shirt to ride up over his bump.
"Right, sorry." She said before noticing his shirt. "I'll fix you some shirts to."
"Thank you."
"And as for the boys, either ingore them or just go with it. You guys are in a weird situation and they are just trying to make the best of it." Jody patted his shoulder. "I'd recemend just going with it, it'll be good practice for when your kid finally arrives. Dean said you are expecting a little boy? Have you thought of names?"
"I have. I originally concidered several angel names, there are a lot of free ones since the all the deaths, but since I'm raising him on earth, I figured an Earth name would work. I thought about several ancient names, but I don't think any of them would fit him. I was think of naming him after my vessel, after all it's my fault Jimmy is dead, I destroyed the life of him and his family, so it's only fair that I name my protege after him, right?" He was looking at his bump now. "And he seems to enjoy that name. If I didn't think it would get me killed I would break into Jimmy's heaven and ask him. Plus I really need to apologize to his wife for not being able to save her and I imagine they are sharing a heaven."
"People share a heaven?"
"Sometimes. Like, I imagine your husband and child are sharing a heaven that you will likely go to." Cas gave her an akward pat.
"Right, thanks." Jody shook her head. This guy was a trip. "And I think that is sweet, to name your kid after him."
"Really?" Cas looked as pitifully hopeful as he sounded. This dude was like a damn puppy.
"Really, really. Ever think of asking the boys about it?"
"No, they would make fun of me." Cas twiddled his thumbs, looking for all the world like a five yearold.
"No they wouldn't, they want to help you out, why do you think they called me here? So I can fix you some pants and we can have a little talk, for all your sanities. And don't worry, before I go I'm going to give the boys some tips to." Jody chuckled as she removed the waistband from the first pair of pants.
"Thank you."
Month Eight:
Dean and Sam made their way to the enterance of the bunker, Dean having a bag of tacos in his hand. For Cas, 'cause pregnancy made Cas crave mexican. It was funny how Cas being pregnant was becoming progressively less weird and more halarious. His bump was visable and his gait was slowly starting to gain a slight wobble. If Dean were pressed to say so, he'd think it was adorable. Especially because Cas looked like an angry kitten most of the time, and he was other wise like a happy puppy. The boys entered the bunker and they were suddenly swarmed by their pregnant angel, who smothered them in hugs, as per he normally did since falling pregnant.
"Sam and Dean, back home again!" Cas chirped, hugging onto Sam before looking at the bag in Dean's hand. "Tacos?"
"Extra cheese, extra sauce, just the way you like it. I even went to McDonalds and got some fries for you to put in there." Dean said, handing him the bag, at which point Cas hugged him and Dean noticed that Cas was covered in tiny paint splooshes. He then noticed the strong smell of paint. He looked down at the room and noticed half of if had been repainting. "You been busy, here, Cas?"
"Yes, I have. I get very bored here all alone. I also figured that if I was going to raise a child here, it needs to be more friendly colors. I just choose shades that are just barely lighter then the ones already here, so don't worry, I won't turn this place into a nursery." Cas smiled, peering into his bag of food.
"No, that's actually a good idea. We should also get started on turning the room next to yours into a kids room for when he gets here." Dean nodded. "Tell you what, why don't me and Sam work on this while you eat?"
"What?" Sam groaned but Dean sent him a glare that silenced him into submission. "Okay."
"Thank you very much." Cas said before half wobbling off, happy for his treat.
Month Nine:
Dean was sitting in the War room, next Cas, eating a burger that Cas made. It wasn't all that great but Cas had been practicing cooking because the squirt was going to have to eat to feed the growth of his grace for a few years. He was getting better, it wasn't burnt this time.
"How is it?" Cas asked with hopeful eyes.
"Better, you cooked it right this time, but there are still some egg shells in here. You gotta be more more careful when you break those things, Cas." Dean patted his buddy's shoulder and Cas smiled.
"At least I'm improving." He nodded when there was a knock at the door. Wait, a knock, at the Bunker?
"Don't move." Dean warned, drawing his silver knife out and bounding towards the door. He swung it open to find... Claire. Who didn't looked frightened or impressed. "Claire?"
"Yeah, I'm here to see Castiel, I got him a gift." Claire said sliding into the room. "This place is even nicer then he said."
"Hello, Claire!" Cas waved at her, standing up to greet her with some small amount of difficulty.
"Woah, you really are pregnant. Cool." Claire smirked before handing him a Walmart bag. "I was in the area, and I saw this, it was too much for me not to get it for you."
"You knew that Cas is pregnant? He told you were the Bunker was!?" Dean gapped at the pair.
"Of course she knows, Dean, I'm trying to build a relationship with her and honesty is the base for any good relationship." Cas shrigged. "And besides, I'm, as Claire put it, 'riding bitch in her dad's body' which, in some ways makes this her angelic little brother. Step-sibling, at least. She deserved to know."
"I'm still not happy about it." Claire said, crossing her arms. "I'm only here because I thought the outfit was cool and I wanted to make sure this is for real."
"Understable." Cas was getting used to Claire's... moodiness. Or maybe the pregnancy had scrambled his brains. Whichever. He looked into the bag and pulled out a little blue oncie, that had the word 'Angel' on it in a darker blue and white wings stitched onto it. "Awwwhhh, it's perfect."
"I know, right? Consider this my shower gift, or whatever." Claire rolled her eyes. "Well, I better get going."
"You could stay awhile if you want, I'd love to talk to you some." Code for, 'try again to establish a strong bond.'
"Nah, I'm fine, besides, if I'm gone much longer Jody will worry." Claire said before giving Cas' bump a tap. "Congrats, dude."
"Thank you." Cas waved at her as she made her way up the stairs and out the Bunker, just as quick as she had been there, she was gone. "I think I'm getting some where with her."
"Okay." Dean blinked, not sure what the fuck just happened.
Month Twelve:
"Cas, you gotta get off the table." Sam sighed, giving their angel friend a low-lidded look.
"No, I'm going to stay here, intill I give birth." Cas grunted,sprawled out on the War room table like he was dying.
"You know you can't do that, Cas." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. They had tried to ignore it. But it had been three hours.
"I don't want to move." It was another grunt. He had been getting like this the last few monthes. After month ten he had reached his maxium sive and he looked and felt like he was pregnant with some large twins. It was becoming more then a little painful. He wished this pregnancy could just be over with.
"You gotta move, Cas, eventually you have to eat."
"No."
"Tonight is taco night..."
"..."
"We have nine toppings."
"..."
"And guacamole."
"I hate you."
"You love us."
Month Fourteen- Birth:
Dean and Sam had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on. This morning Cas had hobbled into the main room, announced that he was in labour and suddenly there was a bunch of other people there, angels. They wouldn't let them see Cas, because according to them, witnessing the birth would burn out their eyes and kill them Cas hadn't told them much about angel birth, except that it was exceptionally painful. All they knew was that Cas had been screaming bloody murder for two hours and there was a glow coming from behind his door. And they were just sitting there, like they were his life partners or some shit. They didn't really know what to do. But just as suddenly as the whole ordeal had started it was over, the screaming stopped, the glow was gone and there was a slight comotion behind the door. Then crying. The cry of an infant. The angels stepped out of the room.
"You may see him now." The one Dean assumed was the leader said. "They are both in excellent health, though they are both tired, so be gentle with them." Before Dean or Sam could really respond, the angels were taking their leave. They blinked in the direction they left and then turned to the door before entering slowly.
Cas and the baby were resting, it looked like, the room was discheveled, but oddly peaceful. Sam and Dean creeped silently over to the bedside to get a closer look at the pair. They looked so... cute, and soft. Happy. It was awhile before either of them spoke.
"We are fucked, huh?" Dean snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Big time." Sam agreed, face unchanging. "They are going to domesticate us in a blink of an eye."
"Yeah... but is that really so bad?" Dean asked earning him a brow raise from his brother. "Hear me out. I mean... we aren't by any means old, but we are getting to the... settling down age and it has become really clear that doing so is pretty much impossible, because it follows us. I tried, you tried twice. But thing about Cas is, we aren't married to him, he doesn't care that we are hunters, hell, he's planning on training the kids because, lets face it, kid is never going to be normal. So we can go hunting, bang some hot chicks, and then come back, eat dinners, play with the little dude."
"The best of both worlds."
"The best of both worlds." Dean nodded. "Plus, once we die, they can take over the family business, literally for the rest of time."
"That sounds like a great idea." The exsausted voice of Cas from the bed. They looked and saw him smiling at him. "Though, if little Jimmy decides he wants to do something else like Sam did when he was in his teens, I'll let him."
"Of course you will, Cas." Dean chuckled, patting his shoulder. "How you feeling?"
"Tired, very tired, but happy."
"I figured." Dean admitted. "Hey, at least your angel buddies made you a cute kid."
"They did a good job." Cas smiled softly down at his sleepy offspring.
"Can we hold him?" Sam grinned and Dean elbowed him.
"Sam, he just got him."
"No, it's fine." Cas said, sitting up in bed. "You can hold him. He needs to get used to you after all."
"In that case, I call dibs, give him here." Dean said, reaching out and scooping up the little boy.
"Hey, I'm the one who suggested it, Jerk."
"Don't be a bitch, Sammy."
Yeah, this could work. For awhile.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading! If you made it all the way through this mess, good for you. Internet hugs for you. If you actually enjoyed this wreck, tell me what you like. Or what your favorite moment was.
I'm going to be honest, I'm pretty sure no body read this thing. I'm not even sure why I'm posting it. Maybe because it took forever to finish?
Review or something.