The House That Built Me, a twilight fanfic

Chapter One

NPOV

I folded the letter I had wrote and set in an opening in the door. Taking a long look at the house, I backed away.

My life wasn't even comprehendible to me anymore. When Jacob died, my life practically ended. I couldn't breathe anymore; not without thinking that it was one breath without him by my side. We buried him next to the house, thinking we'd never leave it for someone else to buy.

We'd always planned on leaving; they'd planned it before I was born. I'd always planned on being able to come back and so did the rest of our family.

But something went wrong. After Jacob died, we decided to move within the next year. More like five months.

I came home from high-school one day and saw the 'For Sale' sign in the front yard. I don't think my life ever will re-build it's self. And I had to live it forever.

Mom and dad live in Northern Canada now, with Esme, Carlisle and the rest of the family. I snuck out to come here so that no one would see me cry.

The note I'd written was hand written and stained with tears. It went like this:

I know they say you can't go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn't know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

- Nessie Cullen

I figured that if I got an answer that would heal me a little, maybe not, but I had to see it again.

I sat in my car and sobbed as hard as I'd ever sobbed accept for the day Jacob died in order to protect me.

My life was a mess. As strong as Jacob was tied to me, I believe that I was tied to him twice as strong. I though about killing myself many times to be with him, but everyone talked me out of it or… tied me down and kept constant watch over me.

Now that I was alone, I could easily do something to kill myself with out any interference from my family, but I couldn't right now, not without saying goodbye.

Home-owner's POV

When I got home from a particularly rough day at work, I found a note in the door. Sighing, I picked it up and tossed it on the table, probably junk mail. I made dinner for my husband and I before I thought twice about it.

"Hey, babe, what's this?" He asked, picking up the letter during dinner.

"Oh, give it to me. I don't know." I said and I opened the letter. It read:

I know they say you can't go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn't know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

- Nessie Cullen

"Oh my gosh." I choked, tears in my eyes.

"What is it baby?" He crossed the table and put me in his arms.

"Poor girl." I handed him the letter and her read it.

"Is there a return address?" He asked hopefully. I shook my head.

"I found it in the door when I got home."

"Darn, I wish we could write back to her."

"I know. I'll put something on face-book about it just in case. I doubt that she'll answer back." I sighed.

NPOV

I finally got home about a day later.

"Renesmee!" Mom called. "My gosh! Where have you been?!" She threw her arms around me. I hugged her back.

"Away." I whispered.

"Call Carlisle and Rosalie, I'll call everyone else. They've been looking for you, I had to stay here to see if you'd come back."

"Okay." I dialed Carlisle's cell phone.

"Hello?" He answered anxiously.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry. I'm back at home now so you can come back."

"Nessie, are you okay?"

"Yes." I answered flatly. It didn't sound like the truth.

"Thank goodness. I'm coming home." He said.

"Thank you Carlisle. Good bye."

"Good bye." I hung up and called Rose.

"Did you find her?" She answered immediately, not even bothering to see who it was.

"It's me. Renesmee, I'm home now so you can stop looking for me."

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"Somewhere else." I said.

"Gosh, Nessie, you scarred my so bad."

"I'm so sorry, but I had to leave." I shrugged.

"I'll see you later." The phone went dead. Mom looked up at me.

"Did you call everyone?" I asked, blankly. She nodded and sat down on the cough. I sat with her.

"Seriously, where were you?" She asked.

"I…I went to…a place. A place that doesn't matter anymore." The words were a lie. My real home did matter to me. More than anything else, It was where Jacob was.

"I'm sure, if it meant leaving your family alone, in the dark, then it was important." She looked into my eyes.

"You don't care anymore." I snapped. "Not really."

"Renesmee, you are my life. I care about you with all my heart." She replied shocked. I didn't answer. Mostly because my entire family burst through the door at that exact moment.

"Nessie!" Alice said in relief at the same time Rosalie and Carlisle said:

"Renesmee!"

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" Dad said. "Never, do that again!"

"Sorry." I whispered. Esme, Jasper and Emmett stayed quiet.

"Where have you been?" Alice asked, sitting down by me and hugging me.

"I went to a place." I refused to think about where so that Dad wouldn't know.

"Really!?" Alice said sarcastically. "I didn't know!" She rolled her eyes.

"Why does it matter? As long as I came back?" I snapped.

"Because we don't want you getting in trouble, and to make sure of that, we need to know where you are." Dad said. I stood up.

"Well," My voice was quiet. "I'm an adult now, so I can make my own choices." I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. No one followed. Once I was in the woods, I just cried. I couldn't even think.

"What did I do?" I whispered to no one. "Is it so necessary to punish me for nothing?"

"No one is punishing you." Someone said. I screamed and spun around to face Jasper.

"Sorry." He hopped down from the rock he was perched on.

"Why did you follow me?" I asked, my adrenaline was still making me shake.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." He said. "And…I wanted to ask you something… away from your father."

"Okay, won't he still hear us?" I asked.

"No. We're pretty far out."

"Oh."

"Anyway, you went back to the old house, didn't you?" He asked. I froze. How did he know.

"Um, no?" I lied.

"Are you sure?" He pressed. I sighed.

"Promise not to tell?" I begged. He nodded.

"I have one more question."

"Okay."

"Why exactly did you go?" He asked.

"I had to. Jacob…." I couldn't finish, the tears took over.

"Shh, Nessie, Nessie, calm down." He hugged me. "It'll be okay."

"It's not that easy." I said. He sent the calm waves into me and I sighed.

"I think I might be able to help with that." He smiled.

"It'll go away though." I shook my head in disappointment.

"I know, but I'll try."

"Thanks, Jasper." We sat down and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I think your dad already knows." He said. "I think everyone knows, deep down."

"I know….hey, Jasper?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever think that I will die?" I asked. He froze.

"Um…I don't know." He choked. "Probably….someday."

"So…no then, not unless I'm murdered or commit suicide?"

"I'm….I'm sure that sometime you'll die naturally." He whispered/choked.

"No I won't." I shook my head. "Nahuel didn't die, I won't either." He didn't answer. I sighed.

"I'll go now then. To Italy and ask to die, like dad did." I stood up and ran. I got about one step before I was tackled to the ground.

"No." Jasper said, holding me down.

"Then you kill me. Now," I looked into his honey-golden eyes. They turned black with anger.

"We're going home." He stood me up and made me run to the house. Dad was furious when we got to the house. Jasper must have told him the whole story mentally.

"Get inside, now." He snarled.

"I don't want to."

"Too bad. We need to talk."

"Whatever." I walked in to the house. Jasper still had an iron tight grip on my wrist.

"Please Renesmee, don't do that." Alice begged me.

"We love you Renesmee, we could never loose you." Mom hugged me.

"I have nothing worth living for." I whispered.

"You have us." Rosalie said.

"Yes, but my meaning for life, what I was born for, is gone. There's not reason for me anymore. I need to go." It sounded more like a plead instead of an explanation.

"We won't let you go." Emmett said. "I love you Nessie and I won't let you die."

"I'm tired, please just let me sleep." I whispered. "I promise that I won't do anything tonight. I don't have enough energy."

"I'll help you get ready." Alice flitted to my side and took Jasper's place. Her hold wasn't as tight. She pulled me to my bedroom and helped me into my pajamas.

"I'm truly sorry Alice." I hugged her before I lied down. "I don't know what to do anymore, so I do what seems right." Alice sat down at the foot of the bed.

"It's alright." She smiled. "I understand, even though I've never dealt with this first person. You've lost everything that you knew from birth. You've lost your other half, your Jasper. I've though of what that would be like and I can't imagine it.

"I would probably do the same thing as you are doing…trying to die. I'm not saying that it is right, but I do understand." She hugged me and then kissed my forehead.

"Thanks Alice." I drifted into a sleep and dreamt that I was with Jacob in heaven. The best bream of my life.

Follow up: Renesmee never did get an answer to the note. After many, many years, she lost the urge to die and lived forever.

Thanks for reading. I love this song and couldn't help but make a song out of it.